There's only one thing anybody remembers about WCW Capital Combat 1990:
The appearance of Robocop.
Widely hailed as one of the most ridiculous things the company ever presented (which, for WCW, is saying something!), Robocop's much-maligned involvement at the event was done to tie in with the release of the Robocop 2 movie and pretty much overshadowed everything else that went down on the card.
To be honest, that's a shame, because even though Capital Combat was never destined to go down in history as an all-time classic event, it certainly had more to offer than a goofy publicity stunt.
Don't believe me?
Here's what went down when World Championship Wrestling came to Washington D.C.
Capital Combat 1990 - The Return of Robocop
After zooming into an also-animated shot of the Capitol building, we went live to the arena where a fresh-faced Tony Schiavone put in his first NWA/WCW appearance since -I think- Starrcade 1988.
Schiavone got things underway by hyping up tonight’s three title matches before sending it to a brass band for a rendition of the Star Spangled Banner in commemoration of Armed Forces Day.
Next, Big Tony introduced us to our play-by-play team of Jim Ross and Bob Caudle who also decided to tell us about the title matches while we waited for the matches to begin.
Kevin Sullivan, Bam Bam Bigelow, and Cactus Jack (w/ Sir Oliver Humperdink) vs. Norman The Lunatic and The Road Warriors (Hawk & Animal)
Honestly, this writer laughed way too hard at that.
In terms of stature, this seemed like a demotion for Hawk and Animal, but they made the most of it and so too did everyone else involved.
Moving at a much faster pace than you’d imagine given the participants, it was a fun, solid 10-or-so minute match with a lot of good action.
Not too surprisingly, the good guys won after Hawk nailed Kevin Sullivan with a top rope clothesline. Your Winners: Norman & The Road Warriors
The losers of the match hadn’t even left the ring when Johnny Ace’s music hit ready for the next match.
Johnny Ace vs. Mean Mark (w/ Theodore Long)
“He bites the heads off bats, you know,” said Ross, almost proudly.
There was no biting in this one, but there was some fairly decent action.
Though the match probably went about five minutes longer than necessary and wasn’t very inspiring in places, it was nonetheless a good effort that saw Ozzy’s number one fan pick up the win thanks to a heart punch and an elbow from the middle of the top rope.
Your Winner: Mean Mark
Post-match, Ross and Caudle showed us that Mark’s impressive top rope elbow had scored an 8.2 on the Slam-O-Meter, which really was as cheesy as it sounds: an honest-to-goodness scale rating the impact of certain moves that looked like it came right from a Nickelodeon game show.
Sting is Concerned for the Little Stingers
Sollie basically recapped the story of Sting’s feud with The Four Horsemen, how he got kicked out of the group at Clash of the Champions X: Texas Shoot-Out and was subsequently injured.
This somehow led to Sting now being friends with fricken Robocop of all people and to Sollie telling us over and over again how concerned Sting was for his little Stingers.
Back in the arena, The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express ranted and raved about how good the NWA was and how they were going to quite literally whip some ass in the upcoming Corporal Punishment match.
While Ricky Morton tried to break Hulk Hogan’s record for the most uses of the word ‘brother,’ in a single promo, Robert Gibson made hand signals at the camera.
I've since been informed in the comments that this was Gibson speaking in sign language to his brother who was deaf, but I still like to think that what he was saying was “I’m stuck on a Robocop-themed PPV, send help.”
The Samoan Swat Team (Fatu & Tama) vs. Captain Mike Rotunda & ‘Wildfire’ Tommy Rich
Speaking of Rotunda, did you know that he was a finalist in a punt-pass-kick competition when he was 9 years-old?
If you watched any NWA/early WCW you certainly did because Jim Ross mentioned it EVERY. SINGLE.TIME that Rotunda wrestled.
I’m telling you all this because it was far more interesting than anything that actually happened in the match.
The Samoans stalled for literally about three minutes as they kept trying to do their pre-match ritual only to be interrupted by Tommy Rich’s incessant whistling.
Honestly, I know he was the babyface but it made me really f**ng hate Wildfire. Just let them get the damn thing done so that the match could start!
Not that much of anything happened once it did.
Though it was competently performed, the match was bland, boring, in exciting and went on for far too long.
The SST won with a flash pin. Your Winners: The Samoan Swat Team
Scott Steiner was either meeting Schiavone for the first time since the announcer had returned from the WWF or he just being Scott Steiner as he referred to him by the name “Tommy...Tony Savvany.”
He then proceeded to rant about how very few people were lining up to face The Steiners because of how tough they were.
For his part, Rick was still playing the ‘frustrated simpleton’ gimmick (at least I think it was a gimmick) as he spluttered his way through a few lines about how good of a team Doom were.
Sweepstakes Winners
Prior to the next match, Garry Michael Capetta introduced us to the winners of the Capital Combat sweepstakes contest.
He’d actually tried to do this earlier but got drowned out by theme music and we never actually got to see the winners on camera.
This time, we saw that the two winners were an older couple who were clearly a bit bemused about being pointed out and did their best to wave to the audience.
Bless ‘em, it was adorably cute.
Hair vs. Hair Match Precious Paul Ellering vs. Teddy ‘Sugar Ray’ Long
Sure, she was competent, but she was also kind of shrill.
Anyway, Teddy Long came down wearing boxing gloves, one of which was loaded.
After getting attacked from behind, Paul Ellering made a comeback, stripped Long of his gloves and whacked him around the noggin with the loaded one to win this short nothing match. Your Winner: Paul Ellering
Afterwards, they had a moustachioed gentleman in a sequin jacket named Jay Tapper out to do the haircutting.
JR had told us that Tapper was a ‘stylist to the stars’ and implied that he was famous, however a Google search for ‘Jay Tapper stylist’ only brings up his name in relation to this event, so he can’t have been all that famous.
With Long out cold, Tapper shaved like three little tufts off hair from the back of Long’s head so that it was visibily clear that ol’ Sugar Ray still had plenty left on his head.
This, therefore, wasn’t so much ‘Loser Loses Their Hair’ as it was ‘Loser Gets a Half-Hearted Trim.
The Four Horsemen are Fired Up
Ole Anderson started by shouting about how the Horsemen would never let Ric Flair lose the title and the fact that Lex Luger fighting hurt was not as courageous as it was being made out to be.
Ric Flair promised that Luger would be a one-legged athlete for the rest of his life. At one point, Flair even insisted that Luger was half the man Nature Boy was, and you could almost see the cog’s working in Sid’s brain as he stored that line for a later date.
National Wrestling Alliance United States Tag Team Championship
NWA Tag Team Champions Flyin’ Brian & Z-Man vs. The Midnight Express (Sweet Stan Lane & Beautiful Bobby Eaton w/ Jim Cornette)
Jim Cornette must be locked in a cage. 
With Jim Cornette locked in a cage at ringside, Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton locked horns went up against Flyin’ Brian and The Z-Man in about that was fast-paced (for the time) exciting and with nary a dull moment in sight.
It was one of those wonderful old-school matches where arm drags and dropkicks were to the audience what a 450 plancha is to today’s audience and it was all the more enjoyable for it.
After an adrenaline-charged match with lots of entertaining action, Sweet Stan kicked Z-Man in the back of the head, Beautiful Bobby rolled him up and new champions were crowned. Your Winners and New US Tag Team Champions: The Midnight Express
Afterwards, the camera lingered ominously on the empty cage before Jim Ross plugged July’s Great American Bash.
Robocop is Here
A bunch of official-looking Men in Black types rushed out of a room wearing suits and holding a finger to their ear the way official-looking Men in Black types usually do in films, all before the robotic police officer stepped out of the smoke and began walking forward.
At that point, however, there was chaos and confusion.
The screen turned to static and that was all we saw of Robocop....
...Except it wasn’t, because up next, Sting came out to much fanfare only to be slammed into the cage by Sid and The Anderson’s.
Coming to the rescue, Robocop spent eight years walking down the aisle and ripped the door off they cage.
The three Horsemen fled, Sting and his mechanical pal went backstage and that was it for Robocop’s big return.
Yo Mama
JYD told us that he’d been all over the world competing in places like Japan and was now back home in the NWA.
Jim Cornette then arrived on the scene to brag about the Midnight Express’s big win.
“Where have you been while we were here winning titles?” asked Cornette, who clearly hadn’t heard anything JYD had just said.
In a brilliant response, Dog gave Cornette the exact address where he’d been, and, of course, Cornette recognised that address as his mother’s house.
Corporal Punishment Match
The Rock & Roll Express (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson) vs. The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael ‘P.S’ Hayes & Jimmy Jam Garvin
This one started with Ricky and Robert being pushed to the ring on a platform with a retro jukebox on it.
It was meant to say “LOOK! THEY’RE ROCK & ROLL!” but this was 1990, so what it really said was “LOOK! THESE GUYS ARE OLD!”
Even Jim Ross called the jukebox an antique which wasn’t exactly great for R&R’s image.
Meanwhile, Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin were supposed to be the heels but came to the ring and shot fireworks from their wrists which seemed like a very babyface thing to do.
The match got underway with a little confusion.
GMC and the announcers all seemed to think that this was a strap match, but really it was just that each time had a whip and could use it whenever they wanted.
I’ll say that again:
Whenever they wanted.
This would have been fine had the whips played a prominent role in the match but they got used about three times for all of 30 seconds at a time.
The match itself was fine, but it seemed really weird to have such a hyped-up stipulation attached to it and then barely use it.
The good guys won after a fairly standard battle. Your Winners: The Rock & Roll Express
Rather than asking Furnas anything about himself, Savanny only wanted to know about Lex Luger.
Happy to oblige, Furnas said that Luger looked to be in great shape for someone who had spent two weeks in hospital and that the Total Package was ready to go.
Hyping the main event even further, Sting came out to tell Schiavone that he supported Luger’s decision to get back in the ring despite being hurt.
“If I was in Luger’s position I’d do the exact same thing,” Sting lied, ignoring the fact that he’d been hurt two months ago and was wandering around with nothing to do ever since.
National Wrestling Alliance World Tag Team Championship
NWA World Tag Team Champions The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. Doom (Butch Reed & Ron Simmons w/ Teddy Long)
Before the action got underway, Rick Steiner ripped off Teddy Long’s bandana.
We were all supposed to laugh at him for getting his head shaved earlier but even though he had a visibly bald spot that had been there before anyway, he still clearly had plenty of hair left on his head.
This was another decent match - not as decent as the US tag team title match, I’ll give you that- but it was a commendable effort from both teams nonetheless.
If you like watching guys just knock the hell out of each other for a while, you’ll like this match.
After a solid effort, Butch Reed and Ron Simmons double-teamed Rick Steiner off the top rope and scored a surprising yet well-earned victory. Your Winners and New Tag Team Champions: Doom
Out in the entrance way, Doom gave a post-match celebratory promo to Tony Schiavone.
The actual content of said promo was fairly standard stuff, but it was the energy and enthusiasm which really made this such a good segment.
Reed, Simmons, and Long were ECSTATIC about winning the titles and it made it seem like a HUGE deal - something you just don’t see any more.
Steel Cage Match for the National Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight Championship
NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair (w/ Woman) vs. NWA United States Champion Lex Luger
The match was as solid as it always whenever Flair and Luger locked up, and it also ended with the same kind of screwy BS finish that occurred in just about all of their high-profile matches.
After a great match, Sid and The Andersons made their way to the ring but Sting came down to fight them off.
He wasn’t alone.
Backing him up, El Gigante made his WCW debut by waddling down to ringside and doing very little.
All the while, the cage had been lifted so Barry Windham snuck in and attacked Luger, resulting in a DQ.
Your Winner via BS DQ: Lex Luger
Post match, Arn Anderson got in the ring and helped Flair and Windham attack Luger until Sting could make the save.
As he did so, El Gigante stood on the outside, doing nothing.
Eventually, Flair and his Horsemen fled and were stopped by Tony Schiavone for an interview.
Dripping with blood, his eyes and wide, Flair went absolutely demented as he continually screamed ‘WE’RE THE HORSEMEN!’
It was glorious, in a completely bat-sh*t-crazy insane way, but it was all over once Sting chased Flair down and beat him up to end the show.
Capital Combat 1990 may only be remembered for the Robocop stuff and that’s perfectly understandable given how much it was hyped up... and how much it failed to deliver, but there was so much more going on that.
While this writer would have liked to have seen one less tag team match, it has to be said that the US tag team title match was excellent.
The opening six-man and the world tag team title matches were also decent and the main event was great up until the finish.
Not a must-see by any stretch then, but certainly not as bad as you may have heard.
3 Comments
A cage match ended in a dq on a PPV? The fuck?
ReplyDeleteRobert Gibson had a brother that was deaf so he was talking to him.
ReplyDeleteWell now I feel like a dick for posting that!
ReplyDelete