Mega Powers Running Wild!

The legendary 'Macho man' Randy Savage teams up with 'The Immortal' Hulk Hogan to take on Ted Dibiase and Andre The Giant in the first ever WWF Summerslam!

Shawn Micahels vs. Mankind

The Heartbreak Kid defends the WWF Championship against Mankind in a thrilling main event at WWF In Your House: Mind Games.

The Birth of the nWo

From Hulk Hogan's shocking turn at WCW Bash at the Beach 1996 to the addition of Ted Dibiase, THe Giant Syxx and more, relive the very beginning of the New World Order.

Austin 3:16 Says I Just Kicked Your Ass

It's one of the most famous promos of all time; Stone Cold Steve Austin wins the 1996 King of The Ring and serves notice on all the WWF superstars. Check it out in our complete review

Wrestlemania 12 Review

The boyhood dream comes true as Shawn Michaels battles champion Bret 'The Hitman' Hart in a classic 1-hour iron man match. Plus, Diesel vs. Undertaker and more.

WCW Fall Brawl 1996 Review

Was Sting in cahoots with the New World Order? Would Lex Luger be able to get along with the Four Horsemen as they faced the nWo in War Games? Find out in this review

Showing posts with label Cyndi Lauper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cyndi Lauper. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 December 2017

The Wrestling Album (1985) - A Track by Track Review

WWF - The Wrestling Album (1985) - A Track By Track Review

Today, I thought we'd take a detour from the usual reviews of WWF and WCW PPVs to go back -far back- in time to 1985 with the release of the World Wrestling Federation's first foray into the world of rock 'n' roll with 1985's The Wrestling Album. 

Unlike today's WWE Music releases, this wasn't simply a compilation of existing themes, mainly because themes, in the way that we know them today, didn't exist.

Instead, WWF's The Wrestling Album was a compilation of material that would go on to become an integral part of some wrestler's identity.

But more of that in a moment.

Before we get into today's track-by-track review, I need to state that I won't necessarily be reviewing this album the way I would a release from actual musicians.

That used to be what I did for a job before I switched to doing what I do now (including running this blog for fun), but today I'll leave my music snobbery at home and review this in terms of what it was always intended to be - a fun, inoffensive commercial tie-in.

Ready to dive in?






Let's do it.

1: 'The Wrestlers' - Land of a Thousand Dances


Here, 'The Wrestlers,' basically refers to everyone on the World Wrestling Federation roster in 1985, including managers and announcers, and also apparently Meatloaf as the drummer.

Can you imagine Vince McMahon allowing his roster to be called 'The Wrestlers' in this day and age?

Me neither, but that's beside the point.

Kicking things off, this motley crew of sports entertainers grunt, groan, warble and wail there way through a lairy rendition of rhythm & blues classic Land of a Thousand Dances.

If you've never heard this before, do yourself a favour and never EVER track it down.

Look:

I know I said I wasn't going to judge this by the same standards as a normal wrestling album, but honestly, you'd have to be as drunk as hell to find something good to say about 'Land of a Thousand Dances.'

Which is fitting really, since most of the guys on this track actually *sound* drunk as hell.

Sure, things start well enough, with the song's famous 'na-na na na naah,' refrain playing over a jovial bassline, but as soon as various wrestlers start spitting out the lyrics one after the other, it descends into a chaotic, cringe-worthy noise that is actually painful to listen to.

"I'm glad to get away from that," says Mean Gene Okerlund in the 'tween-song commentary that follows each track.

Right, Gene, I couldn't agree with you more.

2: Junkyard Dog - Grab Them Cakes


Thankfully, things pick up when Junkyard Dog takes to the microphone to give us the lead single to come from The Wrestling Album.

Yes, seriously, this thing had *singles*.

Grab Them Cakes, which apparently is some kind of dance, is a fun, funky track which puts an upbeat spin on an obscure little number released in 1981 by Captain chameleon.


I mean, just listen to that - it's suave, sexy, and oh-so-seductive.

JYD's version, however, is more Ghostbusters than pottery-scene-from-Ghost.

I mean seriously, there's something about the way Dog croons the first line "well I started this dance / in my neighbourhood," that makes you 100% certain he's going to shout "WHO YOU GONNA CALL?" as the next line.

He doesn't of course, but that would be awesome.


Interesting fact: The backing vocals here were provided by disco queen Vickie Sue Robinson, who had a big hit in the 70s called 'Turn The Beat Around.'

The post-song commentary sees Vince and Mean Gene raving about how good JYD is ('as good as he can wrestle!' according to Okerlund). Jesse Ventura, naturally, isn't impressed.

Nor was The Body particularly impressed with Derringer, who Vince McMahon told us was a new artist who had written a song dedicated to Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham.

That song was next.

3: Rick Derringer - Real American 


There can't be many themes more iconic than this one.

You hear that low, droning synth, you hear the words 'I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man...'

And you know what's about to go down.

Only, it isn't The US Express.

Of course, everybody knows the story by now, Derringer's Real American was intended for Barry Windham and Rotundo, but then Windham left (he was gone before this album even saw the light of day), and some guy called Hulk Hogan ended up using it instead.

Hogan would go on to become the biggest name in the industry, and this theme, all swaggering guitars, impassioned vocals and spirited synths, would go on to be synonymous with him, the Power of Hulkamania, and in some respects, pro wrestling itself.


Yet there's another reason beyond Hogan's popularity that Real American has stood the test of time - it's a damn good song.

OK, so it's certainly a product of time and would sound out of place if it was written today, but I dare anyone not to listen to it and feel good.

Interesting Fact: Backing vocals here come courtesy of a certain Mona Flambe who was, of course, the alter-ego of Queen of the Rock 'n' Wrestling connection, Cyndi Lauper.

Post-match commentary:

Jesse: "I can't believe that's for Windham and Rotundo. Derringer should have buried himself and stayed buried!"

Vince: "Aw, eat your heart out, Jess!"

Mean Gene: "Oh, speaking of 'eat your heart out,' that just so happens to be the title of our next cut, Jesse Ventura!" (what a remarkable coincidence!")


Jesse: "That's right, Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield by The Mouth of The South Jimmy Hart, now there is true talent!"

4: Jimmy Hart - Eat Your Heart Out, Rick Springfield 


So, here we have Jimmy Hart feeling pretty pissed off that his girlfriend had decided to go see a Rick Springfield concert rather than spend time with The Mouth of the South.

The best part?

Jimmy gives us a complete impression of how the conversation went down, which includes saying the words 'Ring ring," to pretend he's the actual telephone.

I'm not making this up. It goes like this:

Jimmy Hart: "Ring ring,"
Jimmy Hart Doing a Woman's voice: "Hello?"
Jimmy Hart: "Hello, hey! Is Cyndi in? (nervous laugh) ha!"
Jimmy Hart Doing a Woman's voice: "No, who is this?"
Jimmy Hart (irate): "What do you mean, who is this? This is Jimmy Hart, The Mouth of the South. Where is she?"
Jimmy Hart Doing a Woman's voice: "She's gone to the Rick Springfield concert!"
Jimmy Hart: "RICK SPRINGFIELD!?!?!"
Jimmy Hart: *makes a sound that I think is supposed to be the line going dead but sounds more like he's mimicking an earthquake or a thunderstorm.

OK, I get it. That could come across as cheesy, but there's something about the way Hart delivers the whole thing that not only works but works in a way that is absolutely hysterical.

Not once have I ever heard this song and not laughed my ass off when he yells "RICK SPRINGFIELD! crunchhhhhhmufflecrunchmufflechhhhh"

It's not all played for laughs though.

Once the song starts proper, The Mouth of the South delivers one of the best songs on the album, a lively pop-rock number that wouldn't sound out of place if it were covered by one of today's guitar pop bands.

The post-song commentary reveals that Jesse Ventura is a big fan of Eat Your Heart Out, Rick Springfield, even going so far as to call it the best song on the album up to this point.

Vince was -unsurprisingly- a little more reserved in his praise of Jimmy Hart, but did admit to looking forward to our next track from Captain Lou Albano.

"Captain Lou!" cries Jesse. "What's he gonna do? Strum the rubber bands on his face!?!"

Don't ask me why, but the first time I heard that, it was spit-your-drink-out funny.

5: Captain Lou Albano (ft. George 'The Animal' Steele) - Captain Lou's History of Music/Captain Lou


So, what we have here is...well, it's a disaster is what it is, but let's break this one down, shall we?

We start with George 'The Animal' Steele looking for Captain Lou as a piece of classical music that I recognise but can't identify plays int he background.

Lou responds, not by saying "Here I am, George," or anything like that, but by launching into a story that begins 'before the beginning of time.'

That's right, BEFORE the beginning of time itself.

Apparently, 'windy wind blew against the rocks,' and made a beat, which led to one of Albano's ancestors being inspired to invent the drums.

This leads us to a whole bunch of noise. I mean a seriously terrible noise that distracts from anything Lou has to say and, not unlike Land of a Thousand Dances, gives you a headache.

This leads us into Lou's version of a song written about him by a group called NRBQ, who apparently did some cross-promotion with the big guy long before The Wrestling Album ever came to be.

The song was produced by Cyndi Lauper, but it's fair to say she sucked at it because the mix is so poor that you can barely hear what Lou is saying over the deafening sound of dreadfulness.
Honestly, this was horrible.

I'd rather listen to 'Do The Mario' and over again for an hour than spend even another minute listening to this.


Jesse Ventura agrees, and in the next bout of commentary tells us that it sounds that Captain Lou was chewing on rubber bands rather than eating them.

As you might expect, Vince and Mean Gene love the song by the babyface, and are very excited about our next track by an unknown group of mysterious musicians known as the WWF All-Stars

6: WWF All-Stars - Hulk Hogan's Theme


Like something straight out of a Rocky movie, Hulk Hogan's theme is everything you could possibly want from a track intended for a larger-than-life good guy hero like the then-WWF Champion.

Pounding drums, intense synths, and a rousing chorus of "Hulk! Hulk! Hulk!" chants all come together in one fiery ball of awesome that really does have 'Hey! It's the '80s!' written all over it.

That's especially true when the dramatic guitar solos kick in, adding a sense of the epic to a track that already sounds as though it should be the soundtrack to some Hollywood montage of Hogan training, saying his prayers, and eating his vitamins.

A highlight of the album in all its chest-thumping, adrenalin-pumping glory, this was later used for the Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling cartoon - or so I'm told, I can't actually find a video to prove it and can't remember it from my childhood.

Vince McMahon liked it too, telling us afterwards that "everybody has to like that one!"

Jesse responds by barfing into the toilet, but quickly picks up when he realises that our next track is by his good friend, Rowdy Roddy Piper.

"Are you ready for this, Gene?" asks Vince, to which Okerlund can only reply by blowing a long, loud raspberry which is both absolutely ridiculous and ashamedly hysterical.

Interesting fact: Hulk Hogan's theme was written and produced by Jim Steinman, he who wrote hits for Meatloaf, Bonnie Tyler, and a bunch of others.

7: Rowdy Roddy Piper - For Everybody 


So, here's a little story:

In the early 1980s, a little-known group called Mike Angelo & The Idols released a song called 'The World May Not Like Me.'

The song became better known by the title 'Fuck Everybody,' thanks to a chorus which basically repeated those two words over and over again.

Whilst Mike Angelo & The Idols wouldn't make much of a mark in the musical world (some of its members had better success playing with former Lynyrd Skynrd guitarist Allen Collins), their profanity-laden ode to nihilism and anti-socialism was chosen to feature on a family-friendly album of songs by a bunch of pro wrestlers.

Of course, some of the lyrics were changed, and the song now became 'For Everybody,' but the song's F-U, 'I Don't Care What You Think of Me,' attitude was the perfect fit for Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Never one to shy away from controversy, the man whose character seemed to spend every day of his life living on the edge was well suited to tackle this number.


Not that the whole thing makes much sense when you think about it logically.

"The world may not like me, but that's OK," sings Piper. "There's only one thing, I've got to say...

For everybody."

Wait, what?

Of course, the way Hot Rod delivers that first 'For Everybody' makes it obvious he was trying to get as close to the original lyrics as he could without getting booted off the album, but it's still a baffling lyric no matter how you look at it."

Just as baffling is the fact that Piper was forced to substitute the word 'ass' for the word 'trash' (so at one point he invites us to 'kiss my trash,) but could mention suicide in a later verse without anyone blinking an eye.

Anyway, the song itself is pretty good, replacing the punky, Clash-lite guitar sound of the original with flamboyant saxophones and a sense of joviality which lies at odds with the lyrics.

Piper's got a hell of a set of vocals too. OK, so he may not be a classically good singer, but his voice certainly works here, as it probably could if Hot Rod had founded a punk band of his own.

Apparently, jazz-pop covers of obscure, profanity-filled songs aren't to Mean Gene's liking. He fell asleep during the song and has to be woken up at the end by Vince McMahon so that he can run down to the studio and give us our next song.

8: Mean Gene Okerlund - Tutti Frutti 


The one cover song on the album that stayed true to the original, Mean Gene Okerlund's version of the rock 'n' roll classic is a super-charged, sugar-coated romp that is both exciting and wildly entertaining.

Sounding for all the world like Little Richard on amphetamines, the song's rousing tsunami of sparkling keys and jubilant basslines serve as the blistering backdrop to a performance that Mean Gene truly throws his heart and soul into.

Not the longest song on the album by any stretch, but, compared to some of what we've heard so far, Tutti Frutti offers quality on an album where quality was never taken into consideration.


Afterwards, Vince and Jesse argued not only over Mean Gene's performance but over the validity of having Hillbilly Jim perform a country song on what was supposed to be a rock 'n' roll album.

9: Hillbilly Jim - Don't Go Messin' With A Country Boy 

We all know this one - it's the song used by both Jim himself and later by The Godwins when they were under his management.


It's everything you'd expect a song by a character called Hillbilly Jim to be - a good ol' rootin, tootin' stomp around the barn that takes every hillbilly, farmer, country music stereotype you can imagine and throws it all together into a track designed to make you clap your hands and stamp your feet.

For the perennial good guy that Hillbilly Jim was, it's the perfect theme tune, even if it does happen to be one of the cheesiest things on The Wrestling Album.

Naturally, Jesse Ventura hated it too, but was more eager to listen to our last track, one performed by a man that Mean Gene informs us 'is on a first name basis with Mikhail Gorbachev.

10: Nikolai Volkoff - Cara Mia 


If you were looking for The Wrestling Album to end on a high note, you'll be very disappointed with this one.

Sounding like Abba colliding with the annoying opera guy from those UK TV commercials from Go Compare, this terrible disco version of David Whitfield's 1954 hit was very much intentionally horrible.

Nikolai Volkoff was known for annoying audiences by singing the Russian national anthem before his matches, and this whole song simply takes that to the next level.

As a gimmick, it's genius, but it's nothing you'd ever, ever want to listen to.

Afterwards, Volkoff does indeed break out the Russian national anthem whilst Vince McMahon complains to Jesse Ventura about it ('this is an American album, Jess, you know what that means!).

Once Volkoff is done, our time with the WWF Superstars ends with The Body suggesting he, McMahon, and Mean Gene do a 'duet,' together.

The good guys make a hasty retreat, leaving Ventura whine like a baby that it's his turn to sing.







And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of The Wrestling Album.

There's some horrible stuff on here, sure, but there's also a surprising amount of good songs on here too. 

Sure, you'd never want to load this up on your iPod and listen to it at the gym, nor would there be any situation when you would invite non-wrestling fans to listen to it, but as a novelty pop record, The Wrestling Album works.

Not only does it work, but it perfectly encapsulates the wild and wacky brand of entertainment that the World Wrestling Federation did so well back in the mid-1980s. 


Thanks for reading. Next time I review anything music-related, it will be a track-by-track review of this album's follow-up, Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II. 

Don't miss this, or any other Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following @Retropwrestling on Twitter or liking the Facebook page

Saturday, 2 February 2013

EVENT REVIEW: WWF Wrestlemania I

WWE / WWF Wrestlemania 1 Review - event poster

Madison Square Garden, New York City

March 31, 1985

If somebody put a gun to your head and ordered you to name the most important pro wrestling event of all time...Well, it would be a bit absurd and overly harsh, wouldn't it? Though at least you could tell them with some certainty that such an honor can only go to the first ever World Wrestling Federation spectacular, Wrestlemania 1. 

Surely no other event quite changed the game like Vince McMahon's star-studded spectacular way back in 1985.

This was the event that created a legend still going strong over thirty years later. This was the event that ushered in a new era of professional wrestling, turning our beloved 'fake sport' into a multi-million dollar entertainment extravaganza, and this was the event, which, despite being historic, wasn't actually very good.

What did actually go down at WWE's first Wrestlemania? Let's find out, shall we?






WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura welcome us to 'The Wrestling Extravaganza of All Time!'

Following your typical cheesy-80s introduction, complete with aching synth rock and terrible pictures of tonight's competitors, Gorilla Monsoon welcomed us to 'The wrestling extravaganza of all time.

Sadly, this wasn't to be the last awkward turn-of-phase to be heard this evening.

Gorilla and broadcast partner Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, then handed over to Howard Finkle, who introduced the one and only Mean Gene Okerlund for his rendition of The Star Spangled Banner.

Interestingly, neither Gene nor the majority of the MSG crowd seemed to know the words.

From Okerlund via Monsoon/Ventura and a bumbling Lord Alfred Hayes (who for all the world looked like he had no idea how he'd ended up there), we were at last sent to pre-recorded comments from our opening combatants.

Tito Santana told Okerlund that he had 'some goals' and that nothing would get in the way of such goals, not even The Executioner. 

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: The Executioner gives his tactics away to Mean Gene Okerlund

Then, before we had a chance to find out exactly what Tito's goals were (I have to believe becoming a matador wasn't one of them) The Executioner himself (Buddy Rose in an awful mask) fumbled his way through a retort in which he gave away his match strategy of attacking Santana's leg.

Tito Santana vs. The Executioner

'I tell ya, Gino. Wrestlemania has lived up to everything I thought it would be,' quipped Jesse Ventura before either man had even locked up in the first-ever Wrestlemania match. 

Clearly, The Body hadn't given the event much of a change before it had even begun.

Anyway, down to the action as Chico and The Executioner went at it in a fairly decent opening match.

Modern-day fans may not find much to get excited about here, but it was at least an enjoyable, textbook encounter that ended with a crowd-popping win for Santana.
Your Winner: Tito Santana

Once again we had an awkward link-up with a clearly-nervous Alfred Hayes. Quite possibly reading from some sort of auto-cue (or, if not, looking for one), Hayes handed us back to Mean Gene with more pre-recorded interviews from who he called the "super wrestlers."

This time round, Special Delivery Jones promised to 'Get Down' for us, before his opponent, King Kong Bundy promised to squash S.D

S.D Jones vs. King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart)


WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: King Kong Bundy (w/ manager Jimmy Hart) literally squashed Special Delivery Jones

If you were looking for excitement, adventure, and really wild things here, you'd be sorely disappointed. Instead, what we got was a push, a splash, and a pinfall for a quick squash match.

According to the WWF, the match was a 'record-breaking nine seconds' long. 

In actual fact, nine seconds was simply the amount of time it took Bundy to get from one side of the ring to another. The actual time was closer to half a minute, but let's not squabble over twenty seconds of nothing, shall we?
Your Winner: King Kong Bundy

Out in the back, 'Maniac' Matt Bourne told Mean Gene Okerlund that Ricky Steamboat was too nice and that he would beat up Steamboat. In retort, Ricky bumbled something about Wrestlemania being an 'extravaganza across the nation' (told you there was plenty awkward-turns-of-phrase on this show) and that he would be the one to emerge victorious in the following contest.

Ricky Steamboat vs. 'Maniac' Matt Bourne
In the best match on the card so far, Matt 'One Day I'll be Doink' Bourne was thwarted in his attempts to beat up Ricky Steamboat by the superior wrestling skills of The Dragon.

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Ricky Steamboat vs. Maniac Matt Bourne


Moving at a decent pace, this was an enjoyable affair that stands out as one of the highlights of Wrestlemania 1. To be fair, this wasn't saying much given what else was on the card, but it did stand out in what was otherwise a card flooded with mediocrity.

Steamboat picked up the win thanks to a crossbody from the top rope.
Your Winner: Ricky Steamboat

Up next, Lord Alfred Hayes stumbled his way through another link, almost forgetting the name of Bruno Sammartino as Steamboat and Bourne tried to get around him to the locker room. 

It was unintentionally hilarious.

Cutting to more pre-recorded stuff, the retired Sammartino cut off his son, David Sammartino, by threatening to beat up Lucious Johnny Valiant. 

Offering a reply, Valiant claimed that his man, Brutus Beefcake would win the upcoming match and that Bruno Sammartino was a crazy person.

David Sammartino (w/ Bruno Sammartino) vs. Brutus Beefcake (w/ Johnny Valiant)

Stealing yet more thunder from his son, Bruno Sammartino was given an even greater introduction from Finkle for his role as a ringside manager than David Sammartino who was, you know, the one doing the wrestling.
WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: David Sammartino grapples Brutus Beefcake

With the pressure of being his father's son resting heavily on his shoulders, young David tried in vain to offer us something decent between the ropes. 

Alas, the best he and Beefcake could produce turned out to be a long, drawn-out yawn-fest which resulted in a double-disqualification after Big Bruno once again hogged the spotlight and joined David, Beefcake and Valiant in a big ol' brawl.
Double Disqualification

"Still to come, the confrontation of all time!" said Gorilla Monsoon. 

One can only assume he was talking about tonight's main event, but first, we had our first title match of the evening in the form of Greg Valentine defending the Intercontinental Championship against the Junkyard Dog. 

This time, Alfred Hayes fluffed his lines so badly that he was actually cut off, the cameras going to Valentine and manager Jimmy Hart. 

Naturally, the champion promised to beat his opponent, whilst the challenger muttered something about having a bone.

Inter-Continental Championship Match:
Inter-Continental Champion Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog


WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Inter-Continental Champion, Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine

Yep, back in those days, we still had the Inter-continental title as opposed to the Intercontinental title. Amazing how much difference a hyphen makes, isn't it?

That aside, this was a decent match which, like much of the card, has sadly aged badly.

The live Madison Square Garden crowd appeared to eat up every single blow here, but, watching this bout some 28 years later (as it was at the time of writing), it really isn't much to write home about.

After a seesaw battle, Valentine pounced on JYD and scored the three-count by resting his feet on the middle rope for leverage.

Enraged, The Hammer's arch-rival Tito Santana raced to the ring and informed the referee what had happened. Taking Chico's word for it, referee Dick Kroll continue the match, giving the victory to JYD via countout.
Your Winner: Junkyard Dog (Valentine retains the title)

'The title does not change hands on a countout,' said Monsoon for the thousandth time, 'So Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine is still the reigning Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship.' 

Yep, Greg Valentine was not only a wrestler, but a championship too.

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: The Iron Sheik provided the comedy

More mic-based hilarity came next, first from  

Alfred Hayes introduced the next segment with this incredible verbiage:

'Both these teams had pointed opinions, let's hear some more about those opinions they had to express.'

We then heard some opinions from the always-outlandish Iron Sheik, who, in preparation for his upcoming tag-team title match alongside partner Nikolai Volkoff insisted that 'this is my best time of life for sharp-situation.'

Or something like that. 

Shieky was amazing here.

Offering the obligatory comeback, the WWF Tag Team Champions Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham (better known, with manager Captain Lou Albano, as The US Express), claimed that they were on their way to the ring 'right now.' This despite both still clearly wearing street clothes.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match
Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik (w/ 'Classy' Freddy Blassie) vs. The US Express (Mike Rotundo & Barry Windham, w/ Captain Lou Albano)

Undoubtedly the highlight of this tag team title match was the opening exchange which saw Volkoff infuriate the live crowd with a rendition of the Russian national anthem. 

Drawing the kind of heat today's stars can only dream of, it was a simple-yet-effective move that gave the crowds even more reason to cheer when the good guy team of Windham and Rotundo finally made their presence felt.

As for the match itself, it was, like everything on the show, fun if hardly spectacular.

A somewhat short affair for a title match, the end came when Sheik & Volkoff's manager, Freddy Blassie blasted Windham with his cane. The bad guys scored the pin, and we had our first ever Wrestlemania title change.
Your Winners and NEW WWF Tag Team Champions: Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik

Post match, Blassie denied ever having a cane to Mean Gene Okerlund before the Sheik went off on another unintelligible, yet still highly comical, rant.

Prior to our upcoming $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge between Big John Studd and Andre The Giant, we were taken to some pre-recorded words from Studd and his manager Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan.

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Mean Gene Okerlund tries to steal Big John Studd's money

Holding a WWF-branded gym bag stuffed with crumpled one-dollar bills, John Studd promised that Andre (as per the match stipulation) would be retired when he failed to slam Studd. 

Heenan said some stuff too, but honestly the only interesting thing about this promo was Gene Okerlund's hilarious attempts to steal John Studd's money.

$15,000 Bodyslam Challenge
Big John Studd (w/ Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan) vs. Andre The Giant.

To clarify, the rules of this match were pretty simple: If Andre could slam Studd, he would win $15,000 dollars (or a gym bag stuffed with ones, as it were), if he couldn't, he would have to retire.

Nothing much happened, and though it was most likely a spectacle (or a 'spectacle of all time' if we're going by Gorilla's terms) at the time, there was nothing too exciting about watching Andre kick Big John around for a while and then bodyslam him.
Your Winner via bodyslam: Andre The Giant.

After the match, Andre gave some of his money away before Heenan stole the bag back and ran off. In post-match comments with Gene Okerlund, Andre insisted he didn't really care about the money anyway.

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Cyndi Lauper and Wendy Richter

From there, MTV star Cyndi Lauper told us how she'd been trained to manage by Lou Albano, and knew exactly what she was doing by backing Wendi Richter in the upcoming Women's Championship match. 

Richter, for her part, claimed that it had taken two people (Fabulous Moolah and Leilani Kai) to strip her of her title, but that she would reclaim the gold tonight.

In an era when female wrestlers weren't exactly known for their glamour, it has to be said that Richter was something of a hottie.

Anyway, that aside, Moolah and Kai gave their comments, saying nothing of note before it was down to ringside.

WWF Women's Championship:
WWF Women's Champion Leilani Kai (w/ The Fabulous Moolah) vs. Wendi Richter (w/ Cyndi Lauper) 

Making their way to the ring to the sound of Lauper's hit Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (no doubt an appropriate song to play before two women proceed to knock the crap out of each other), Richter and Lauper raced to the ring to a huge ovation from the New York crowd and wasted little time in locking up with the Hawaii-based champion.

Modern-day sports entertainment fans used to the Age of The Diva will likely have something of a culture shock on viewing this encounter; after all, it was an actual wrestling match.

Not the greatest wrestling match of all time, that's true, but it at least was entertaining enough to keep your interest from bell to bell. To the delight of the audience, Richter countered the champion's flying crossbody with a pinfall attempt to regain her gold.
Your Winner and NEW WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter

The new champion spent some time celebrating with Lauper and Lauper's manager David Wolf, complete with another beat down on the villainous Kai and Moolah.

WWF (WWE) WRESTLEMANIA 1: Lord Alfred Hayes was perpetually perplexed throughout the show

Backstage, the girls continued to celebrate and Lauper told Gene Okerlund that she'd 'brought her towel' in case Moolah attacked her because, you know, when somebody's going to beat you up, having a towel really helps.

Finally, it was time for our main event.

Give Vince McMahon his due, even three decades later, the shenanigans which preceded tonight's headline attraction still come across as a grand spectacle and added a certain sense of awesome which was otherwise lacking from tonight's show.

Perma-smiled baseball manager Billy Martin was introduced first, receiving a huge ovation from the MSG crowd as he made his way to the microphone as our guest ring announcer.

He was followed by guest time-keeper Liberace, who came to the ring wearing something akin to the kind of thing your grandad might have worn back in the day, and kicking his legs around the ring with The Rockettes. 

Finally, Muhammad Ali arrived to take up joint officiating duties with Pat Patterson and we were set for a match.

Led to the ring by a clan of pipers, the team of Rowdy Roddy Piper & Paul 'Mr. Wonderful' Orndorff was escorted to the ring by Cowboy Bob Orton.

They were followed, to the roar of the crowd, by WWF Champion Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, and their third, Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka. 

Rowdy Roddy Piper & 'Mr. Wonderful' Paul Orndorff (w/ Cowboy Bob Orton) vs. Hulk Hogan & Mr. T (w/ Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka)


It's one of the most memorable, talked about professional wrestling matches of all time. It's the main event of all main events, it's the encounter upon which the whole success of Wrestlemania I, and thus in turn all subsequent Wrestlemanias was based and it was, well...it wasn't bad I suppose.

The crowd were on their feet from the start of this chaotic main event to the very end. Purposefully overbooked, it was a fun, if hardly outstanding match which at least lived up to the big-match hype.

All four in-ring competitors played their parts perfectly whilst Snuka, Orton, and Ali all added to the spectacle.

The end came when Orton accidentally struck Orndorff with his cast, allowing Hogan to gain the three count.
Your Winners: Hulk Hogan & Mr. T

Afterward, just about everybody involved except for the losers celebrated in the ring and shook hands, before Hogan and Mr. T, surrounded by everybody in the world, gave a final backstage interview to Mean Gene Okerlund.






And so that was that then, the first ever Wrestlemania over and done with. Worthwhile checking out for historical purposes or simply to complete your collection, but from an in-ring standpoint, there's nothing here that is absolutely must-see stuff. 

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the awkward comments, teleprompter links, gaffs and general weirdness of the interviews and commentators were far more entertaining (albeit mostly unintentionally so than the matches themselves.

If we were talking about quality only, there's no chance in hell (pun intended) that Vince McMahon would've looked at Wrestlemania and said 'Hey! That was great! Let's do it again!'
Thankfully, he only looked at the bottom line, and some thirty years later, we still have 'the wrestling extravaganza of all time.' 

Retro Pro Wrestling

New reviews of classic WWF/WWE events recalling every moment from Wrestlemania 1 - 30. You'll also find reviews of WCW, ECW, TNA and the occasional indie event, along with a look at old school magazines, merchandise and more.