PPV REVIEW: WCW Mayhem 2000

November 26, 2000,
U.S. Cellular Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

In November 1999, World Championship Wrestling ditched their annual World War 3 PPV in favourite of a new event called Mayhem. 

Created to tie in with the launch of the WCW Mayhem video game, that show featured a tournament to crown a new world heavyweight champion after the previous champion, Sting, was stripped of the title due to stupid booking decisions.

12 months down the line, that stupidity was still very much evident in WCW.

Sure, the year 2000 had started optimistically for the Atalanta-based organisation, but by the fall, the company was in a bigger creative and financial mess than ever before.

Don't believe me?

Just check out Mayhem 2000 to see what an absolute disaster World Championship Wrestling was in its final months.

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Earlier today...

In a break from the norm, WCW Mayhem 2000 began not with the usual opening video, but with a flashback to earlier in the day when both WCW World Heavyweight champion Booker T and number one contender Scott Steiner had arrived at the arena in anticipation of their big showdown later on the evening.

Booker T was all smiles as a group of bad actors pretending to be fans surrounded him and begged for his autograph. Scott Steiner, however, was...well, he was Scott Steiner, which meant he was angry, unhinged and generally a law unto himself.

As he entered the arena, road agent Fit Finlay handed him a pen and asked him to sign in at security. Instead of doing that, Steiner produced a baseball bat from nowhere and smashed the security table -including two laptop computers- to pieces.

We then got a brief introduction from Tony Schiavone before the obligatory opening video finally arrived.

Mayhem /ˈmeɪhɛm/ (noun): violent or extreme disorder; chaos.

Said video interspersed variation definitions of the word 'mayhem' with a look at our key matches tonight - Goldberg vs. Lex Luger, Kevin Nash and Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Perfect Event, and, as we'd already seen, Booker T vs. Scott Steiner.

Returning to the arena, Schiavone greeted us once again with a Thanksgiving reference the likes of which you'd only ever hear on a professional wrestling show:

"You've seen the family, you've had the turkey, now get ready to bash some heads live.."

Right you are, Tony.

Nature Boy is in the House

In a storyline I've somehow completely forgotten about, a short-haired Ric Flair had become the World Championship Wrestling CEO.

Before any of the action, we were shown a pre-broadcast promo from the Nature Boy in which he addressed the crowd and promised and promised everyone lots of great matches.

World Championship Wrestling Cruiserweight Championship
WCW Cruiserweight Champion Mike Sanders vs. Kwee-Wee (w/ Paisley)

About twenty seconds later, Flair's promise was immediately broken.

I try not to use too many curse words in these reviews, but sometimes reviewing WCW makes me want to drop F-Bombs all over the place. that's how frustrating their booking decisions can be.

Back in the glory days of the cruiserweight division, you could always guarantee that, no matter how much crappy wrestling and ridiculous overbooking took place later in the card, the cruiserweights would always deliver a solid, no-nonsense opener.

Those days were long gone.

Kicking things off, Mike Sanders took to the microphone and called Kwee-Wee a biatch, earning himself a royal ass-kicking from the challenger.

Not long after, Sanders' allies, The Natural Born Thrillers all descended en masse and attacked Kwee-Wee. This prompted Paisley (who, for the record, looked stunning), to go backstage and bring out Meng of all people. The Tongan badass attacked the Thrillers, which brought out Ric Flair and a bunch of security guards. This whole chaotic scene -mayhem for sure- completely distracted from whatever was going on in the ring.

Like seriously...why not just let the two men have a f***ing wrestling match?

When all the carnage had dissipated, they did at least try to do that, but it was too little, too late. Sanders vs. kwee-Wee had started off pretty good, but, post-fracas, it was dull and uninteresting.

Sanders won. Whatever.
Your Winner and Still WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Mike Sanders

Backstage, Ric Flair told Mean Gene Okerlund that unless a wrestler or manager was directly involved in a match on tonight's show then they wouldn't be allowed "on the floor." In other words, there'd be no interference for the rest of the show.

I'm willing to bet this doesn't last long.

Backstage Shennanigans

Across the hall, Alex Wright and Disco Inferno paid Kronik for precisely seven and a half minutes o their time to help them win a match against Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio Jr.

We then cut to another pre-recorded promo in which Okerlund interviewed Jamie Noble and Evan Karagious. Okerlund told us that the two men had formed a team out of necessity, but Karagagious was more interested in saying "North Cackalacky" a lot and dry humping thin air, pretending to be some kind of playboy. It was cringe of the highest order.

The joke here was that he and Noble came from the same place and Karagious once dumped Noble's sister or something. I don't know, the whole thing was too horrible for words.

Elsewhere in the arena, Hardcore Champion Crowbar had a new pimp daddy gimmick and was seen strutting backstage with two honeys and a cane.

My goodness, reviewing this show is going to be hard work.

Three-Way Tag Team Match
3-Count (Sugar Shane Helms & Shannon Moore) vs. The Jung Dragons (Yang and Kaz Hayashi w/ Leia Meow) vs. Jamie Noble and Evan Karagious

We hadn't seen Leia Meow on PPV since Starrcade 1999 when she accompanied the reunited Varsity Club as their cheerleader, but man, did she look good here.

Fortunately, she wasn't the only good part of this match.

3-Count (now technically 2-count) started the match by cutting a promo about Evan Karagious having a small penis. That was embarrassing, but the rest of the match was nothing but a pure thrill-ride from start to finish.

If you want expert psychology, old-school logic and a Triple H-styled epic, this isn't the match for you. If you like watching a bunch of dudes flying about the place and dolling out the creative offence by the truckload, you might love this.

Sure, it was essentially an eleven-minute spot fest, but it sure was fun.

3-Count won the match, but that wasn't as important as WCW proving that they were capable of giving us a straight-up wrestling match with no stupid and unnecessary extras.
Your Winners: 3-Count

Sadly, WCW wasn't capable of giving their 'tween-match segments any time to breathe.

Within the space about 90 seconds, we got no less than four segments, all of which came across as meaningless.

• In the back, Bam Bam Bigelow had put That 70's Guy Mike Awesome through a table - Sergeant AWOL came to his rescue but then just stood over a prone Awesome
• Pamela Paulshock interviewed Boogie Knights and Kronik. Kronik reiterated that they would only help Alex Wright fight Rey and Billy for seven and a half minutes, a fact we'd just established ten minutes ago and had no reason to repeat.
• Backstage, The Natural Born Thrillers discussed something and Reno agreed to do something. This whole thing was moving so fast that I didn't even note what that something was, nor do I care at this stage.
• Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed Jimmy Hart about his upcoming match with Mancow. God, not this again. Hart had a cast on and was claiming to be injured. Okerlund quipped that Hart's cast was as real as Major Gunns...I'm guessing he meant her hair colour.

Jimmy Hart vs. Mancow (w/ his entourage)

They did this back at Spring Stampede 2000 and it was awful, so why they felt the need to do it again is beyond me.

Things started with a rambling, nonsense promo from the Mancow thing. At one point, he started talking about interviewing Goldberg then trailed off mid-sentence and called Mark Madden a fat piece of s**t instead.

Jimmy Hart then came down, still feigning injury.

Not surprisingly, the whole thing was a set-up. Hart blasted Mancow with his crutch and got beat down by the radio personality's henchmen.

This brought out 3-Count because f**k the 'no interference rule' that had just been established 30 MINUTES AGO.

Mancow ended up winning. Everybody who had to sit through this atrocity lost big time.
Your Winner: Mancow

More rapid-fire backstage stuff:

• Mike Awesome got put on a stretcher. Pimp Daddy Crowbar checked on him
• Lance Storm was talking to Bam Bam Bigelow but we couldn't hear what they were saying
• The Misfits in Action were backstage, bemoaning the no interference thing which clearly didn't matter anyway. Ric Flair came in and asked for a private word with Sgt. AWOL
• Pamela Paulshock interviewed The Filthy Animals who noted that Konnan wasn't with them because he'd scored with two women the night before. They didn't need him anyway for their match against Alex Wright and Kronik.

I'm honestly starting to think WCW 2000 is bad for my mental health.

Three the Hard Way for the World Championship Wrestling Hardcore Championship
WCW Hardcore Champion Crowbar vs. Big Vito vs Reno

At Souled Out 2000, WCW had promoted a four-way hardcore match which they dubbed 'four the hard way.'

It was kind of dumb, but at least the play on words made sense.

Now, many months later, they were running a three-way match which Mark Madden told us was called a a "three the hard way" match. Honestly, even the Yapapi Indian Strap Match laughed it's ass off at what a stupid name "three the hard way" was.

Hardcore matches were usually highlights of the WCW undercard.

Though they were never going to set the world on fire, you could normally rely on this division to deliver some wacky, over-the-top fun.

That wasn’t the case here.

Instead, what we got was a mess of a bout in which all three men took turns hit to me each other with random objects.

At one point, Crowbar and Reno decided to team up on Vito but either forgot the spot they were supposed to do or...well, I have no idea what they were supposed to be doing, but it looked as though they just stood in the middle of the ring holding hands with him for a while.

It was really weird.

The non-action eventually spilt backstage where some girl called Marie begged Reno not to hit Vito. This allowed Crowbar to smash Reno with a chair and retain his title.
Your Winner and still WCW hardcore champions: Crowbar

Backstage:

Buff Bagwell went looking for something. He laughed his ass off the whole time but the audio was terrible so who knows -or cares- what that was about?

Kevin Nash was so concerned about his upcoming match that he sat around casually reading GQ magazine. As he did so, his partner, DDP mumbled something about somebody being ‘s**t outa luck’ and gurned at the camera as if he were Jim Halpert.

Dirty Old Man Mean Gene Okerlund tried to get into Ms Jones’ pants and claimed she needed a shot of ‘Vitamin Gene.’ Okerlund was there to interview The Cat, who promised that if he lost to Shane Douglas, he would kiss The Franchise’s feet and leave the country for seven days.

Handicap Match
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clarke) and Alex Wright (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. The Filthy Animals (Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio Jr. w/ Tygress)

This was dumb.

If you paid Kronik for seven and a half minutes of their time, wouldn’t you have them work the whole seven and a half minutes to destroy your opponents and then pick at the scraps once the damage was done?

Not Alex Wright. The dancing buffoon kept tagging in so that he and Disco were paying Adams and Clarke to do nothing.

Eventually, time ran out and the former Crush and Adam Bomb left, leaving Wright to get his ass beat.

The match itself wasn’t bad,  but that was some strange booking.

The sole highlight for this writer was Tygress. The former Nitro Girl joined the commentary team and proved -as she had done on many a PPV around this time- that she was one of the few female performers in the company with any personality.
Your Winners: The Filthy Animals

Backstage, we got another completely unnecessary segment with the Natural Born Thrillers. Mike Sanders promised his men that he would ‘set it off,’ whatever that meant.

Elsewhere, Mean Gene interviewed Scott Steiner with Midajah’s enormous breasts in the background.

Okerlund told us that a straight jacket would be hanging above the ring in tonight’s main event while Steiner boasted that he performed best when out of his mind and that most people couldn’t function at his level of insanity.

Steiner was off his nut and was all the better for it.

Shane Douglas (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Ernest ‘The Cat’ Miller (w/ Miss Jones)

Douglas had cost Miller his WCW Commissionership back at WCW Halloween Havoc 2000 and thus they had a match tonight.

Though it wasn’t terrible or anything, it just felt like mid-card filler.

The best part about it was getting to see Torrie Wilson and Ms Jones, both of whom looked stunning.

If you don’t remember Ms Jones, she was the former Nitro Girl who hit headlines earlier this year for plagiarising a teacher’s masters’ project.

The Cat won. It was ok but also kind of blah.
Your Winner: The Cat

Backstage, Jeff Jarrett found his guitars smashed to pieces on the floor and asked two members of the production crew who had done it.

The two men first said that they didn’t know, but then in the very next breath said it had been Buff Bagwell.

Elsewhere, Pamela Paulshock interviewee General Rection and The Misfits In Action about their rivalry with Lance Storm and Team Canada.

Rection was fired up for his final match with Storm, but the biggest pop went to Corporal Cajun for calling Major Gunns a bitch.

Apparently, after being forced to accompany Team Canada to the ring for a while, Gunns had developed Stockholm Syndrome and joined their cause, even after Rection had set her free back at Halloween Havoc.

Also, there was a promo for the return of Glacier which Mark Madden laughed at and basically told us was stupid.

Speaking of stupid...

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sgt. AWOL

This had originally been scheduled to be Bam Bam vs. Mike Awesome, but as everybody not named Ric Flair knew, Awesome had been taken out by Bigelow earlier in the show.

Before the bell, the Beast From The East announced that since Awesome couldn’t compete, he was declaring himself the winner via forfeit.

Flair, however, had other ideas. The CEO came out and said he had a ‘suspicion’ that Bam Bam had something to do with Mike Awesome being taken out.

I mean, we only saw it live on the show Ric, how much more proof do you need?

That stupidity aside,  Flair then revealed AWOL as a replacement for That 70’s Guy.

What followed was a dull, lifeless match in which nothing much happened.

At one point, they brought out a table, but the match was so boring they didn’t even bother to use it.

Bammer won with Greetings From Asbury Park.
Your Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow

Post-match, Bam Bam acted seriously hurt. Officials and EMTs spent several millennia tending to him and putting him on a stretcher.

Cervical D*cks

Backstage, Buff Bagwell wielded a broken piece of a Jeff Jarrett guitar and bragged to Mean Gene Okerlund that he had foiled Jarrett’s plan to beat him.

Gene, meanwhile, was more interested in likening Bam Bam’s kayfabe neck injury to the very real one Buff had suffered back in 1998.

Buff talked about this but goofed up, intending to say ‘cervical disk’ but instead saying ‘cervical d*cks’ and making the crowd laugh at him.

A promo video for Storm vs. Rection followed. That match was next.

World Championship Wrestling United States  Canadian Championship
WCW Canadian Champion Lance Storm (w/ Major Gunns) vs. General Rection

These two had met at the previous month’s Halloween Havoc, with Rection finally beating Storm for the title and bringing the ever-gorgeous Major Gunns back to the MIA camp.

That had been a perfect and logical way to end that story, but this was WCW, where perfection and logic didn’t exist, and so we had to have one more match between the two.

As Lance Storm did his usual pre-match heel promo, the EMTs continued to wheel Bigelow out on a stretcher. This proved to be nothing more than a cheap way to keep Bam Bam at ringside so that he could get around Flair’s rule that you were only allowed ringside if you were competing in a match.

Bigelow lept from the stretcher and attacked Rection on his way to the ring, a move that didn’t go down too well with the audience.

The rest of the match was fine, but, like many others on this card, there wasn’t much to get excited about unless you count Major Gunns.

Rection won thanks to the big moonsault, but it was a really anticlimactic way to end both the match and the feud.
Your Winner and NEW WCW US Champion: General Rection

Backstage, Mike Sanders tried to convince Doug Dillinger to send the security team home. Dillinger didn’t seem too interested in doing so.

A promo then followed for what would prove to be the final ever WCW Starrcade.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

Jarrett cut a pre-match promo in which he claimed not to care about Buff smashing up his guitars because he always came prepared with a backup plan, essentially giving away the ending of the match.

He also tried to call himself a ‘superstar’ but flubbed his line and called himself a ‘stupid star’ instead. The crowd crapped on him so badly for the gaffe that you could tell it completely threw him off and he ended up cutting the promo short.

The resulting match was OK, but for two men of Bagwell and Jarrett’s calibre, it should have been much better.

Things went back and forth several times getting predictably better until Double J predictably pulled a guitar from under the ring and smashed it over Bagwell’s head for the win.
Your Winner: Jeff Jarret

There was also a David Flair run-in during that match, but it was so uninteresting that I forgot to mention it.

A promo video for the tag title match followed. That was next.

World Championship Wrestling World Tag Team Championship
WCW World Tag Team Champions The Perfect Event (‘Perfectshawn’ Shawn Stasiak & Chuck Palumbo w/ The Natural Born Thrillers) vs. Kevin Nash & Diamond Dallas

Mike Sanders revealed that he’d gotten himself and the Natural Born Thrillers jobs as WCW security to get them out to ringside but this didn’t last long.

A few minutes into the match (which started with a loud ‘WE WANT HALL!’ chant from the crowd) Flair came down and sent the NBT packing. Sanders was allowed to stay because he had a manager’s license.

I say license. It was a cheap bit of paper that said ‘WCW: OFFICIAL MANAGER’ on it and looked like the sort of thing you might find in a child’s ‘Let’s Play Wrestling’ playset.

The match itself proved to be the best thing on the show so far, not amazing by any stretch, but a really good effort that blew everything else on the card (with the possible exception of the three-team spot fest) completely out of the water.

Nash and Page won, but it was Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo who worked the hardest.
Your Winners and NEW WCW Tag Team Champions: Kevin Nash & Diamond Dallas Page

Backstage, Pamela Paulshock interviewed Lex Luger. If I’ve learned anything recently, it’s that it was WCW law that if Paulshock interviewed you, you had to insult her.

Honestly, I feel bad for the girl.

Sticking to the rules, Luger called her a crap interviewer but then stumbled over his words and looked like an idiot.

The Total Package was angry that Goldberg had cost the pair of them an opportunity to compete for the world title and vowed to kick some Goldbutt.

Lex Luger vs. Goldberg

I hate to sound repetitive, but this was OK and nothing more.

Not a bad match as such, but they did nothing interesting and the crowd didn’t care at all.

Honestly, when you’ve got Goldberg in a match and the crowd are silent, you know you’re in trouble.

Near the finish, Goldberg went for a spear but Luger pulled referee Mickey Jay into harm’s way.

Rather than any shenanigans going down, however, Goldberg immediately planted Luger with the jackhammer. Another referee came out and this one was over, making the ref bump totally pointless.
Your Winner: Goldberg

After a brief video, it was onto our main event.

Straight Jacket Cage Match for the World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight champion Booker T vs. Scott Steiner (w/ Midajah)

This was undoubtedly the best match of the night, though let's face it, there wasn't much competition for that honour.

Both men went all out to deliver the best performance they were capable of, even if the addition of the straight jacket did slow things down a lot.

Steiner recovered the straight jacket -which had been hanging from the cage roof- but Booker threw him to the mat and murdered him. Steiner was completely out of it. So out of it that he could have easily have been pinned. So out of it that Stevie Ray on commentary was practically screaming at his brother to make the pin. Booker, however, decided to use the straight jacket instead and spent about half an hour trying to put it on, Steiner.

He eventually did so, but didn't strap the arms together or anything, so he might as well have put a T-shirt on Steiner for all the good it did him.

The battle continued and Steiner found a way to fight back, eventually locking Booker in the Steiner Recliner.

Instead of doing the spot where the man having the move applied to him struggles to hold on for dear life but eventually passes out, Booker's selling let him down and he immediately passed out the second the hold was applied.
Your Winner and NEW WCW Champion: Scott Steiner

Post-match, Steiner took Booker out with a chair then blasted the referee too.

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If you value your sanity, don't watch WCW Mayhem. World Championship Wrestling had produced some hot garbage in their time, but this show was right up with the very worst of the very worst.

The three-team spotfest was fun, the tag team title match was decent, and the main event was as good as you were going to get from WCW in this time period but still, do yourself a favour and avoid this one like the plague.

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For other year 2000 pro wrestling reviews see:

• WWF Royal Rumble 2000
• WCW Souled Out 2000
• WCW Superbrawl 2000
• WWF No Way Out 2000
• WCW Uncensored 2000
• WWF Wrestlemania 2000
• WCW Spring Stampede 2000
• WWF Backlash 2000
• WWF Insurrexion 2000
• WCW Slamboree 2000
• WWF Judgement Day 2000
• WCW The Great American Bash 2000
• WWF King of the Ring 2000
• WCW Bash at the Beach 2000
• WWF Fully Loaded 2000
• WCW New Blood Rising 2000
• WWF Summerslam 2000
• WCW Fall Brawl 2000
• WWF Unforgiven 2000
• WCW Halloween Havoc 2000
• WWF No Mercy 2000

Other WCW Mayhem reviews:

• WCW Mayhem 1999 PPV
• WCW Mayhem - The Video game
• WCW Mayhem - The Album 

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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PPV REVIEW: The Great American Bash 2000

June 11, 2000
Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland

Say what you will about Vince Russo's reputation as a booker, with the oft-reviled writer at the helm, World Championship Wrestling spent the first half of 2000 enjoying their best run of PPV shows in years.

Sure, the horrible finishes and blatant disregard for standard pro wrestling tropes had made the previous month's Slamboree 2000  a frustrating and perplexing experience, but much of the in-ring action had been solid and the show as a whole left you with the smallest amount of hope that the company might yet be able to turn things around.

Of course, it speaks volumes about the state of WCW at the time that the show -featuring WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette in the main event- had so many things wrong with and yet was still better than a lot of the company's recent output, but honestly, at this stage in the game, being able to say anything positive at all about the company was nothing short of a miracle.

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Would Russo and WCW be able to continue their hot streak, or would it be back to nonsensical, frustrating, terrible business as usual?

Let's head to the Baltimore Arena to find out as World Championship Wrestling presents The Great American Bash 2000.

Goldberg is Back...But Also Not Booked

What do you do if you're WCW and you have your hottest homegrown star, Bill Goldberg, returning to action after an injury?

Book him in a high-profile PPV match in order to generate interest and PPV buys?

Of course not, that would be logical and sensible.

If you're WCW, you have him return to much fanfare and save former rival Kevin Nash from a Rick Steiner/Tank Abbot beatdown. You then book Nash in the PPV main event for the world title and run an angle where Goldberg, the red hot star, is not only not booked in a match but is banned from the arena.

#BecauseWCW.

Tony Schiavone reminded us of all this nonsense before we cut live to the arena, where wimpy-looking policemen stood by, ready to arrest Big Bill if he dared show up.

This segued into our opening video package which told us about tonight's matches. Besides the Nash/Jeff Jarrett world title fight, we'd also see Ric Flair promising to retire forever (lol) if he lost against son David Flair, and Vampiro taking on Sting in a 'Human Torch' match in which the only way to win was to set your opponent on fire.

Pyro and crowd shots followed, accompanied by our official greeting from Schiavone and fellow announcers Scott Hudson and Mark Madden.

With that, it was right onto our opening contest.

World Championship Wrestling Cruiserweight Championship
WCW Cruiserweight Champion Leuitenant Loco (w/ General Rection, Major Stash, Corporal Cajun, and Major Gunns) vs. Disco Inferno (w/ Konnan, Rey Mysterio Jr., Juventud Guerrera, and Tygress)

This was about as chaotic a mess as you could possibly get in four short minutes.

Prior to the bell, General Hugh G. Rection (Hugh Morrus), had his men Major Stash (Van Hammer), Corporal Cajun (Lash LeRoux), Major Gunns, and Cruiserweight Champion Leitenant Loco (Chavo Guerrero) fall in line. Chavo took to the microphone and pulled out a toy grenade that he threatened to use in his match.

Geddit? Cos he was loco!

Sigh.

Disco Inferno then came out wearing an LA Lakers uniform and accompanied by The Filthy Animals, who had taken in Disco Inferno for reasons which weren't really made clear.

The resulting match could have been a good one but with eight people at ringside, there was too much going on to really tell.

At one point, some crazy old man in an old-school military uniform came down to the ring and "had a heart attack" when Konnan yelled at him.

Back in the ring, Juvi -now doing his impersonation of The Rock- got up in the ring and tried to hit Loco with a People's Elbow. He missed, giving Corporal Cajun to get in the ring, blast Disco and drape Chavo's arm over Disco in full view of the referee.

The referee didn't care and counted the fall anyway.
Your Winner and Still WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Leutnenant Loco

Yuck. The only good thing about that match was Major Gunn's ass.

Speaking of whom, the Misfits in Action beauty stripped down to her bikini top in the post-match so that she could give the crazy old man mouth-to-mouth and revive him from his heart attack. As a thank you, the geriatric lunatic got up and sexually molested her.

Meanwhile, out in the back, policemen assured Eric Bischoff that the area was secure and everything was going according to plan. Ernest Miller was also there but did nothing of note.

Mean Gene Annoys the Mamalukes

Backstage, the s**t-stirring Mean Gene Okerlund caused trouble among Big Vito and Johnny The Bull.

First, he offended them by calling them The Mamalukes (they wanted to be known as the Paisans), then, after giving the two a brief moment to talk about their upcoming tag match against Kronik, he caused trouble by questioning which one of them was really the WCW Hardcore Champion.

Big Vito wore the belt, but Okerlund wondered whether it was really Johnny The Bull who should be recognised as the champion.

This was entertaining enough, though didn't really add much to the show.

The Mamalukes (Big Vito & Johnny The Bull) vs. Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)

This one started off as a reasonable effort match but soon disintegrated into a mess.

Despite Big Vito caring more about the hardcore title (which he refused to take off), he and Johnny The Bull held their own against the veteran team of Bryan Clark and Brian Adams until Clark tossed Vito's title out of the ring.

The big man left the ring to get it, leaving Johnny The Bull to botch his way through a sloppy closing segment in which he looked completely lost and messed up a top rope moonsault.

Not that it mattered. Kronik soon planted him with their High Times finisher (a double chokeslam) and this one was done.
Your Winners: Kronik

This meant that Adams & Clark were now the number one contenders to the tag team titles currently held by Shawn Stasiak & Chuck Palumbo.

Page Has Something Special for Mike Awesome

Backstage, Diamond Dallas Page spoke to Pamela Paulshock's boobs about his upcoming Ambulance Match with Mike Awesome.

DDP, who I think was supposed to be the babyface here, called Paulshock a bimbo before disputing her claim that Awesome was a career-killer. Tonight, the Master of the Self High-Five promised that he had something special in store for Awesome.

Ambulance Match
Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Yes, this was in retribution for Awesome throwing Chris Kanyon off the top of the cage back at last month's Slamboree 2000. Yep, Awesome had 'killed' Kanyon's career.

Naturally then, Page's "something special," was Kanyon himself, who wore a halo and had to be pushed out onto the stage in a wheelchair. He stayed there while Dallas went to war with Awesome in what was a decent but by no means spectacular brawl.

At one point, Page's ex, Kimberley came to the ring and bashed Dallas across the back with a lead pipe, but she was dragged to the back by Miss Hancock for reasons which were never explained.

DDP made a comeback, giving us the highlight of the match when he hit the Diamond Cutter on Awesome from the top rope. The former ECW star was placed on a stretcher and wheeled up the ramp, but before he could be put in the ambulance, Eric Bischoff's music hit and he levelled DDP with a chair. While all this was going on, Kanyon made a miraculous recovery, standing out of his wheelchair, throwing off his halo and hitting DDP with a better-looking Diamond Cutter off the stage than the one Page himself had just used.

The #BecauseWCW of it all the continued when Kanyon helped the man who had 'killed' his career win the match by loading Page onto the stretcher.

Awesome and Kanyon had a great match back at Slamboree, and Page could turn it up a notch when he wanted to. Taking those two factors into consideration, this could have been a great match, but it sadly was not to be.
Your Winner: Mike Awesome

After Page was driven out of the arena in the ambulance, the announcers talked over what we'd seen so far, killing time until Booker T could zip line his way to the ring. I guess WCW were really going all out with this f**k you Owen Hart stuff, weren't they?

Boot Camp Match
G.I Bro vs. WCW Tag Team Champion 'PerfectShawn' Shawn Stasiak

I should mention here that Booker was working as G.I Bro, the gimmick he'd used when he first broke into professional wrestling and had revived here so that he could for some reason be part of the Misfits in Action stable.

Meanwhile, Shawn Stasiak was the WCW tag team champion but was fighting Booker T here for reasons which were never explained. Not content with stealing Curt Hennig's gimmick, 'PerfectShawn' dressed up in camo -face paint and all- for this boot camp match.

In case you were wondering, Boot Camp is basically Last Man Standing, beat-the-ten-count rules.

At first, the whole thing started as one of the better matches on the card but soon turned into one, long, sleeper-hold-filled snooze fest that elicited a loud "boring" chant from the Baltimore faithful.

Towards the end, Stasiak's tag team partner, Chuck Palumbo, came out with a flex bar he'd stolen from Lex Luger. The duo used it to beat up G.I Bro and got a nine-count, but apparently, the WCW tag team scene was so poor that its champions could be single-handily beaten up by one dude.

That dude was Booker T, and he won the match.
Your Winner: G.I Bro.

Out in the back, Kanyon was seen rummaging through some clothes. I'm not sure if they were his, or if his recent injury meant that he'd fallen on such hard times he had to steal them from somebody else's suitcase.

Either way, we'd never find out for sure because he was accosted by Mean Gene, who wanted to know one thing:

Why?

Because Eric Bischoff visited Kanyon in the hospital more than anyone else and told him that all he had to do to get DDP's spot was to take him out. Gleefully, Kanyon gloated about doing just that, but Okerlund wasn't so sure the former Mortis had achieved his goal. After all, we were shown Page breaking out of the ambulance, punching a defenceless EMT (remember: DDP = babyface), and going off.

As he wandered into the parking lot, Goldberg made a subtle and discreet entrance in a huge monster truck with his name branded on it.

Back in the arena, Kanyon didn't seem too bothered by any of this, and declared himself to be "Positively Kanyon."

Hmm, doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Tables Match
The Franchise Shane Douglas vs. The Wall

You want a straight-forward wrestling match with no gimmicks? Well, this WCW, so f*** you.

And f***  you, Baltimore, because The Franchise Shane Douglas is a heel who hates you...

...or maybe he isn't.

Before the match, Douglas cut a confusing promo in which he started off by calling the crowd 'Baltimore pieces of s**t'.

Years later, the WWE Network would leave that line intact in all its uncensored glory. Douglas then took a moment to take shots at Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan, because he was physically incapable of opening his mouth without the Nature Boy's name coming out of it.

That, however, wasn't the confusing part.

The confusing part was that Douglas then decided that this was going to be a "Best of Five" tables match, and then appealed to the audience, turning to them and asking "Would Baltimore like to see that?" with all the enthusiasm and excitement of a babyface.

Then again, this was WCW, so I don't know why I'm surprised by such nonsense, or why I'm surprised that the announcers couldn't figure out that a "best of five" match meant that the first man to put his opponent through three tables won the whole thing.

Once the match got started, Douglas mostly got his ass kicked by The Wall and was chokeslamed through two tables in a matter of minutes. Whenever he did get in some offence, Douglas played to the crowd and received the obligatory EC-DUB! chant in response. I guess the Baltimore crowd really didn't mind being called pieces of s**t.

To be fair, the spirit of ECW was strong in its former champion tonight. Having gone through two tables, The Franchise made a miraculous and almost instantaneous recovery, luring The Wall out of the ring to a spot by the entranceway where two tables had been set up with a ladder placed in front of them. It was as though it was purposefully set up so that somebody could be pushed off the ladder and crash through the two tables or something.

Did I mention there were TWO tables? Of course, I did, because this was important, and also very obvious. There were two tables. Predictably, Douglas climbed to the top of the ladder. The wall chased after him with his back to the TWO tables and choked him out. As he did this, the announcers pointed out -several times- that there were only TWO tables.

Shane then produced some brass knuckles from his tights and punched The Wall with them. This caused The Wall to blatantly jump backwards and crash through the TWO tables.

That would even the score, right? Two tables a piece? Next man to put his opponent through a table wins?

Nope.

This was WCW, so f**k you, we're now going to say that The Wall went through three tables and Shane Douglas is the winner.
Your Winner: Shane Douglas

Afterwards, the people Shane Douglas had called pieces of s**t applauded him. The Wall then grabbed referee Slick Johnson by the throat and chokeslammed him through a table.

We then got a replay of the finish, with the announcers blatantly ignoring the fact that there were only two tables set up and pretending it was three.

This company, honestly.

Out in the back, Hulk Hogan pulled up in his car and headed to the arena. The Hulkster was adorned in full 'Hollywood' regalia, complete with massive black and white boas.

World Championship Wrestling United States Championship 'Asylum' Match
WCW United States Champion Scott Steiner (w/ Shakira & Midajah) vs. Tank Abbot & Rick Steiner

By this point, I'm starting to think that WCW could have cancelled this whole show, put up a screen that just said "F-U" for three hours, and it would have still been somehow more entertaining than the show Great American Bash 2000 was turning out to be.

To begin with, I'm not even sure if this was actually for the US title. I'll go ahead and say that it was, because why not? It's not like anything actually mattered here.

Then, we were told that the 'Asylum' match was Scott Steiner's signature bout so, to make things fair, Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff had made it a handicap match, with Rick Steiner joining Scott's original opponent, Tank Abbot.

A UFC-style circular cage then descended into -not around, but into- the ring, as Tank and The Dog Faced Gremlin beat up on Big Poppa Pump.

It was tedious, but it did at least get a little interesting when Tank Abbot pulled out a chain, only for Rick to urge him not to use it. The former UFC fighter seemed to oblige but then destroyed Rick with the chain.

Scotty made a miracle comeback, blasted Abbot with the chain and locked on the Steiner Recliner for a win inside about three minutes.

This was some piece of garbage.
Your Winner and Still WCW US Champion: Scott Steiner

Out in the back, Ric Flair turned up in a limousine with his whole family (including a young Charlotte Flair) in tow. In a case of terrible continuity, Goldberg's monster truck pulled up in the background and the announcers acted like it was the first time we'd seen it.

Blood is Thicker Than New Blood, Dude

After a promo recapping the intense rivalry between Hulk Hogan and Billy Kidman, Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed The Hulkster about his upcoming match. Addressing the stipulation that he would have to retire if he lost (yes, just like Flair), Hogan dismissed it and claimed that he and Mean Gene would last forever.

On the subject of his nephew, Horace Hogan, being the special guest referee, Hogan insisted that blood was thicker than New Blood, dude.

Finally, Hogan addressed his wearing of the Hollywood attire, claiming that he had to change with the times. Changing the times for Hogan meant going back to something that had worked for him four years previously.

This was pretty good, old-school stuff from Hogan, and certainly one of his better promos.

Billy Kidman vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Special Guest Referee: Horace Hogan

Hogan even came out to the classic nWo theme, which was pretty cool.

Meanwhile, special guest referee Horace Hogan was now friends with Kidman, despite being on Uncle Hulk's side only four weeks earlier at Slamboree.

That aside, this was a better match than a lot of people give it credit for. Yes, it was mostly just Hogan destroying 'flea market champion' Kidman for the better part of ten minutes, but compared to the utter abomination that the rest of the show had been, it was a refreshingly straight-forward and enjoyable contest.

Throughout the match, Kidman spent half the time growing increasingly frustrated at his 'friend' Horace's commitment to calling the match down the middle and the other half getting his ass kicked. Sure, at one point he gained a brief bit of offence and even went to DDT Hogan onto a chair, but Hogan's head stopped about two feet away from the chair, making the whole thing look stupid.

In the closing stretch, Hogan hiptossed Kidman through the announce table in what was the best move in the match. That brought out Torrie Wilson, who had been having her troubles with Kidman and decided to settle their domestic dispute by handing Hogan a pair of brass knuckles.

Hopefully, they weren't the same pair that had been down Shane Douglas' tights earlier in the evening.

Kidman got hold of the International Object and took out Horace, but got a low-blow from Torrie. That allowed Hogan to put on the knucks, blast his opponent and win the match.
Your Winner: Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Post-match, Hulk and Horace reunited as the announcers reminded us that Hogan's win meant he earned a title shot at Bash at the Beach. That, my friends, would only spell trouble.

Speaking of trouble, back in the dressing room, Eric Bischoff was seen yelling at a policeman for not keeping the arena secure enough from Goldberg.

A Word With The Flairs

Elsewhere in the arena, Pamela Paulshock got in an unexpected burn on David Flair.

"David, good luck in retiring your father Ric Flair tonight, because you're gonna need it," said the backstage interviewer, drawing the ire of both Flair and his manager/surrogate father, Vince Russo.

Doing all the talking for David, Russo ranted and raved about how badly David was gonna hurt his dad in what turned out to actually be a pretty decent promo.

Not that it was anywhere near the level of the Nature Boy's promo. Speaking live to Mean Gene  Meeeeeeean WOOOO! GENE, The Nature Boy promised to style, profile, and walk that ilse en route to destroying his eldest son.

David Flair (w/ Vince Russo) vs. Nature Boy Ric Flair

It says a lot about this show that a David Flair match was the best thing on it, at least up to this point anyway.

Obviously, the quality was all down to Ric walking his eldest son through the whole thing as David himself was barely competent.

The two put on a decent couple of minutes that got a little weird when Russo handcuffed Ric Flair's hands together. Referee Charles Robinson allowed that but had a problem with David using the ropes for leverage in a figure four.

At that point, Reid and Ashley (Charlotte) made their PPV debuts by getting involved. Reid hit Russo with a low blow and stole the keys so that Robinson could set Nature Boy free, after which Ashley used those same keys to handcuff Russo's arms together.

Back in the ring, Ric slapped the figure four on David and this one was over.
Your Winner: Ric Flair

Afterwards, Flair chopped the bejeebus out of Russo, prompting to Russo to call Ric's kids 'bitches' and promise to end Flair's career himself on the following evening's Nitro broadcast.

A quick video recapping the Sting vs. Vampiro rivalry followed, then it was time for the two to lock horns.

Human Torch Match
Vampiro vs. Sting

Sting started the match stood atop the 'Nitrovision' (titantron) and lit a torch, telling Vampiro that if he wanted to fight him, he'd have to follow him up there.

Vamp initially refused and looked horrified at even the mere suggestion of climbing up there. Sure, setting people on fire he had no problem with, but climbing a 45ft platform?

That was too much for Vampiro.

At least it was for the first three minutes, after which he willingly climbed up there anyway once The Stinger abseiled down and got in the ring for a quick brawl.

Once both men were safely back on top of the platform, we got thunder and lightning sound effects as the arena lights flashed on and off. Seriously, you thought The Fiend's red light was distracting in 2019?

Those matches are the picture of clarity compared to this.

After a few minutes of hardly anything happening, the lights went completely dark so that Sting could trade places with a stuntman. I think that's what happened anyway. I mean, there's always the possibility that in the few seconds of absolute darkness, Sting gained about 50 lbs and had a haircut. Fake Sting got set on fire, then stood at the edge of the tron, took a deep breath, then took the fakest 'professional stuntman' dive down onto a concealed inflatable mattress below.

As I write this, I've been watching professional wrestling for 28 years and that was easily the fakest thing I've ever seen.
Your Winner: Sting

Afterward, the announce team acted as though the terrible fall by 'Sting' had all but killed him. Again, F-U, Owen Hart.

"This is not wrestling anymore," said Scott Hudson.

He wasn't wrong.

There is No Surprise

Is it just me, or does Eric Bischoff look a little like his former opponent, Jay Leno in this picture?

Here, we saw him confronted by Pamela Paulshock, who interrupted Bischoff's phone call by sticking her boobs in his face and demanding to know what the mystery surprise was that he'd been promising throughout the show.

Furious, Bischoff claimed there was no surprise after all and send Paulshock packing.

World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

As I write this, there are about 25 minutes left on this show. Look, I like Kevin Nash, and I don't mind the odd Jeff Jarrett match, but do I want to see them wrestling each other for 25 minutes?

Heck no.

Thankfully, I wouldn't have to. Some of that time was wasted by WCW Commissioner Ernest 'The Cat' Miller coming out and announcing that some 'celebrities' would be involved in the match.

Those 'celebrities' were basically The Filthy Animals, who were filling in such roles as guest 'bell-ringer' and 'timekeeper' while Miller declared himself to be the 'special ring enforcer and referee.'

Yawn.

Still 20 minutes to go.

The action got underway with Jeff Jarrett taking an approach that no wrestler before him had ever thought of:

Attacking Kevin Nash's legs.

He worked over Big Sexy's giant pins for a good few minutes. Not a single person cared. This wasn't just because it was incredibly boring, but because everybody was waiting for the inevitable Goldberg appearance and spent most of the match looking out to the entrance for him.

Eventually, the combatants managed to capture the audience's attention when referee Micky Jay took a ref bump, giving us the only enjoyable part of the match with the Filthy Animals running interference and The Cat playing 'Evil Referee,' only for Nash to defy the odds and beat the hell out of them all.

Predictably, Goldberg did show up.

He hit the ring, sized up Jarrett, and then SWERVE! He hit Kevin Nash with the spear. This was also very predictable when you consider WCW's recent track record of doing the STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE at every opportunity.

Goldberg's involvement allowed Jarrett to cover Nash. Big Bill revived Micky Jay long enough to make the count, and this was done.
Your Winner and Still WCW Champion: Jeff Jarrett

Post-match, Bill Goldberg posed with Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo to close the show.

---

---

Throughout all the years that I've been writing these reviews, I've found that the best way to approach a bad show is with humour. Mock it a little, have fun with it, make a joke about all the weird, ridiculous and awful things that happen in the name of pro wrestling.

Yet, as I've learned the hard way today, there's only so long you can do this before it stops being funny.

By the summer of 2000, World Championship Wrestling had stopped being funny.

At Slamboree, I mentioned how there had at least been some decent wrestling, even if it was overshadowed by lousy creative decision making.

However, Great American Bash 2000 didn't even have decent wrestling to save it from being one of the worst shows of all time. I don't say that lightly, either.

Since I started Retro Pro Wrestling, I've reviewed every WWF PPV from Wrestlemania 1 up to Judgement Day 2000. I've reviewed every WCW show from Superbrawl 1996 onwards, and I've even reviewed the terrible disaster that was Heroes of Wrestling 1999. Out of all those shows, I can't think of many -if any- that have infuriated me, disappointed me, and made me want to quit this whole thing any more so than this one.

Honestly, the only reason I would advise you to go anywhere near this mess is to see Charlotte Flair before she was Charlotte Flair.

Everything else was basically just "because we're WCW, so f**k you.'

---

For other year 2000 pro wrestling reviews see:

• WWF Royal Rumble 2000
• WCW Souled Out 2000
• WCW Superbrawl 2000
• WWF No Way Out 2000
• WCW Uncensored 2000
• WWF Wrestlemania 2000
• WCW Spring Stampede 2000
• WWF Backlash 2000
• WWF Insurrexion 2000
• WCW Slamboree 2000
• WWF Judgement Day 2000

Other WCW Great American Bash reviews: 

• Great American Bash 1992
• Great American Bash 1996
• Great American Bash 1997
• Great American Bash 1998
• Great American Bash 1999

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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PPV REVIEW: WWA The Inception 2001

Sydney Super Dome, Sydney, Australia,
October 26, 2001.

When Vince McMahon bought out World Championship Wrestling in March 2001, he effectively created a monopoly of the pro wrestling industry that other companies have been trying to break ever since. 

Almost immediately, one of the first companies to take a shot at filling the WCW-shaped hole in the wrestling landscape was Andrew McManus' World Wrestling All-Stars, and by all accounts, it looked to have a pretty good shot.

With a roster made up of ex WCW and WWF wrestlers, the company certainly had plenty of star power and enough guys capable of putting on decent matches.

With that in mind, The Inception seemed to have everything it needed to be a very good show.

But was it enough to position the company as a viable contender to the World Wrestling Federation's throne?

Let's head Down Under to the Sydney Super Dome in Sydney, Australia to find out.

---

---

Please Stand for the Australian National Anthem

Hoping to lend the event an air of gravitas, Jeramy Borash introduced little-known Australian quartet Ajaqua, who were on hand to sing the Australian National Anthem.

A short opening video package followed, after which it was on with the show.

The Hitman Has Never Been Beaten

"...Scheduled for one fall!" came the voice of Jeramy Borash through the PA system. Borash clearly realized he had the running order wrong and quickly shut up, allowing Bret 'The Hitman' Hart to make his way out.

Brandishing the WWA championship (which looked like a relic from the 70s), The Excellence of Execution started off with a dull, lifeless speech about how much he loved Australia and was grateful to them for looking after him when he got stuck there in the aftermath of 9/11.

Things got more interesting when Bret turned his attentions to tonight, somehow making the tournament for the WWA title all about himself.

First, he took a moment to trash both WCW and the WWF which was surprising. After all, it's not like Hart has a reputation for being bitter or anything.

Next, he claimed that nobody had ever beaten him in either company.

"Not Goldberg, not The Rock, not Stone Cold Steve Austin, Chris Benoit, or even that piece of sh*t Vince McMahon," had even defeated him, at least according to the Hitman.

Of course, Yokozuna beat him at Wrestlemania 9, Shawn Michaels beat him at Wrestlemania 12 and even Bob Backlund beat him at Survivor Series '94. So, even if you strike Montreal from the record, that's still a bunch of people who definitely beat The Hitman for the gold.

Anyway, Bret claimed that as a result of this undefeated streak, he was basically giving his world title to the winner of tonight's tournament.

Look:

I'm a big Bret Hart fan.

I've loved watching and reviewing his matches here on Retro Pro Wrestling, but my goodness that promo was dull.

It lasted about three minutes but felt like it went on for 30 years.

If You Like Stipulations, You'll Love This Show

It was at this point that things started to get really weird.

With Bret gone, we went to our announce team of Jerry 'The King' Lawler and Jeramy Borash.

Sticking with tonight's theme, the two rambled on a bit about being in Australia and how every match in the 'Seven Deadly Sins' tournament was a gimmick match of some kind.

As they ran through the card, it quickly became apparent that most of the time, that gimmick would be "hardcore match."

Borash and Lawler also told us about other matches not included in the tournament, such as Devon Storm vs. Norman Smiley and a 'Black Wedding Gown' match between husband and wife duo Luna Vachon and Vampire Warrior.

According to Lawler, Vachon and Warrior were due to celebrate their first wedding anniversary on Halloween but were now getting divorced instead and had, like many a married couple, chosen to settle their differences not in a courtroom but in a pro wrestling ring.

Of course, this being the inaugural WWA show, we had no idea why the pair had broken up. We just had to take WWA's word for it that they had.

However, that wasn't the weirdest part.

No Sir, that honor went to the way WWA decided to pump Borash and Lawler's commentary through the arena PA system so that everyone in the audience could hear it.

It was strange, and, even watching it at home, would detract from the in-ring action for the rest of the show.

Speaking of which, let's get down to our opening match.

Seven Deadly Sins Tournament Match 1:
Ladder Match for the Vacant WWA International Cruiserweight Champion

Psicosis had originally won the company's cruiserweight title at a house show event but had been stripped of the gold on the rather unfair grounds that his victory got in the way of tonight's booking plans.

His opponent, Juventud Guerrera came to the ring to a knock-off of The Macarena while Borash referred to the time he (Juvi) got kicked out of Australia a year earlier for going on a drug-fuelled rampage.

Speaking of Borash, he was also tonight's ring announcer, so he just introduced the wrestlers from the announce desk and then went back to having his conversation with Lawler broadcast across the entire arena.

"Finally...The Juice...Has come back, to Australia!" declared Juvi in a brief pre-match promo which was pretty terrible.

Fortunately, he made up for a bad promo with a fun opening contest against long-time rival Psicosis.

The last time we saw them competing against each other on PPV was in a four-way match which also included Rey Mysterio Jr and Billy Kidman at WCW Souled Out 1999.

Now it was just the two of them, and they did a great job in putting on a fun spot fest with a couple of jaw-dropping moves.

Not that this was a perfect match.

At one point, Juvi had a ladder the corner and stood on it, ready to jump off onto Psicosis.

However, he took so long to get up there and pose for the crowd that Psicosis had to stand around gormlessly, just waiting to take the move.

Talk about killing suspension of disbelief.

As if it wasn't bad enough that, after all that, Juvi didn't even land the move properly, the ladder fell down and cracked both the combatants and the referee.

While it was enough to keep Juvi and Psicosis out of action for a few moments, the referee decided to no-sell it completely, making him look like the toughest dude in the right.

Despite that, this was a very enjoyable opener that ended when Juvi scaled the ladder and grabbed the gold.
Your Winner and NEW WWA International Cruiserweight Champion: Juventud Guerrera (advances in the world title tournament)

In his post-match celebration, Juvi suddenly started selling a rib injury that he hadn't bothered with at all during the match.

Horny Old Men Lech After Some Women

With Juvi gone, Borash introduced us to The Starettes, the WWA's answer to The Nitro Girls.

Just like The Nitro Girls, the Starettes came out on stage and busted out a dance routine while flashing some big smiles. Unlike The Nitro Girls, however, the Starettes had the commentary team leching after them over the PA.

Lawler and Borash came across like a randy, old version of Beavis & Butthead as they oggled the dancing women and picked out their favorites.

I mean, seriously, can you imagine if the WCW Nitro camera panned onto a shot of Spice or Skye and Mike Tenay suddenly blurted out "I'll take her!" over the PA?

Because that's what Borash did. To be fair to the future TNA announcer, he wasn't as bad as the horny old King, but this was still pretty terrible.

Backstage Shennanigans

Out in the back, an Australian comedian called Rove McManus arrived in a limousine with Nathan Jones in tow.

The two stepped out of their limo, took one look at Lodi & Lenny Lane (back doing their gay gimmick), and left.

Meanwhile, Disco Inferno arrived, complaining about the lack of security. He then handed his credit card to a crew member and sent the guy off to get him two suits.

Quite how a shirt and tie were going to provide him with adequate security is anyone's guess.

Seven Deadly Sins Tournament Match 2: Dog Collar Match
Konan vs. Road Dog Jesse James

If there was ever going to be such thing as a WWF vs. WCW dream card at the height of the Monday Night Wars, this is probably one of the matches we would have had on the undercard.

Two guys who, at the time, were better known for their pre-match banter with the crowd than for their in-ring prowess, finally locking up after being on opposite sides of the aforementioned war.

Proving that little had changed since those days, Konnan rapped his way to the ringside and got all bowdy-bowdy with the audience.

Road Dog too brought a microphone with him, doing his whole 'Oh, you didn't know' routine to a knock off of the familiar New Age Outlaws routine. Yet when he tried to go through his usual Michael Buffer impersonation, K-Dog cut him off and attacked.

Pulling a 'Mexican Heavyweight Championship' belt from out of nowhere (it looked suspiciously like the same belt as the company's world title), Konan lifted it in the air and attempted his own version of Roadie's pre-match promo, but managed to flub it up.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he began. "The WWA boys and girls, children of all ages, the WWA proudly presents your Mexican Heavyweight Champion of the World!"

We weren't done there.

With Road Dog lying in the corner, Konan took the time to mock him for being the only member of D-Generation-X not gainfully employed. I'm not sure if, by this, K-Dog was insinuating that WWA wrestlers didn't get paid, or whether he was insulting his employers by suggesting that wrestling for them wasn't a real job.

Finally, Konan, who hadn't worked for the World Wrestling Federation since 1992, told his opponent that the WWF had two words for him.

The match eventually got underway and was, to be perfectly honest, a bit of a mess.

Dog collar match rules were the same as your average strap match in that you had to touch all four corners consecutively to win. Jerry Lawler revealed that Bret Hart had also decreed that the match could end by pinfall, but neither man so much as attempted a cover, so why this was even brought up is beyond me.

The two got the crowd involved with some interesting spots, but it was all very sloppy and uncoordinated. The action had to be paused on at least three separate occasions as Konan's dog collar kept falling off.

After a few short and uninspired minutes, Road Dog tied up Konan using the chain, bent him over, pretended to have anal sex with him, then casually walked to all four corners of the ring while K-Dog just lay there, looking like an idiot.

Yes, this was probably the first 'touch all four corners' match in wrestling history not to use the Stone Cold/Savio finish from In Your House: Beware of Dog.
Your Winner: Road Dog

Before the next contest, Lawler and Borash took the time to tell us all about the upcoming 'Skin to Win' match featuring a bunch of scantily-clad 'Penthouse Pets.'

Once again, the duo gave us their horny Beavis & Butthead impressions as they lusted after a group of moderately attractive models.

The joke here was that both King and Borash both had the hots for one 'girl' with a nice ass who turned out to be a dude.

Yuck.

Hardcore Match
Devon Storm vs. "Screamin'" Norman Smiley'

Devon Storm was billed as hailing from "the other side of sanity," because he was crazy.

Here, he locked up with Screamin' Norman Smiley in a bout akin to the kind of thing we saw Smiley do all the time in WCW.

The big difference was that Norman was far less camp and comedic than we'd previously seen him be in matches such as his Starrcade 1999 effort against Meng.

I mean, sure, he did the Big Wiggle on storm twice, giving us no less than three simulated sex acts in the space of twenty minutes,  but other than this, Smiley came across as a competent performer in what was a riotously entertaining hardcore bout.

If you like the CZW -or even ECW- brand of ultraviolence, you might not enjoy this one, but if, like me, you liked the kind of over-the-top hardcore bouts that were commonplace during the latter half of the Monday Night Wars, you'll likely find a lot to enjoy here.

The two battered each other with kendo sticks, threw chairs and trash cans at one another, and even took us for a little walk backstage, inadvertently revealing plenty of empty seats in the process and showing us how poorly this show had drawn.

The end came after Storm took half a lifetime to stack two tables on top of one another on the stage, a process which, as in the earlier cruiserweight match, made the suspension of disbelief rather difficult.

When he finally had the props in place, Storm lifted Smiley on top of the top table and climbed the scaffolding surrounding the WWA tron.

After throwing a trash can onto his opponent, the former Crowbar dove off, sending both himself and Smiley crashing through both tables to the floor.

It was an awesome spot that looked a lot better than I've described it here.

It also ended the match, though not in the way that you might imagine.

Storm had practically destroyed himself with that move and was unable to make the cover. His rival, however, was. Despite being just as broken as Storm, Smiley learned over, draped an arm over his chest and scored the pinfall.
Your Winner: Norman Smiley

Out in the back, Disco Inferno walked down a corridor, fresh from a brief cameo during the backstage portion of the previous match.

Disco approached the crew member he spoke to earlier, who was standing by with two guys in badly-done Bananas in Pyjamas outfits.

"What the hell is this?" asked Disco.
"It's exactly what you asked for," replied the stagehand. "Two fruits!"

Irate, the former WCW TV Champion knocked down the bananas and stormed off-camera yelling "TWO FRUITS? I SAID TWO SUITS!"

Sadly, this would not be the last time the terrible 'two fruits' joke would rear its ugly and unfunny head tonight.

Out in the arena, Borash and Lawler ran through the seven Deadly Sins tournament brackets as they stood so far.

Juvi's ribs had been so badly injured in the first match that he was no longer able to compete. His replacement wasn't announced.

Meanwhile, the winner of an upcoming battle royal would face the winner of Jeff Jarrett vs. The Front Row...

Yeah...That's what I thought.

Apparently, 'Front Row' was the nickname of Nathan Jones and not the actual front row.

Anyone Can Enter the Battle Royal

Backstage, WWA reporter Stevie Ray asked Commissioner Hart about the upcoming battle royal.

The Hitman made the big reveal that the battle royal was open to absolutely anybody that worked for WWA, including cameramen, the t-shirt seller, even the bus driver and yes, to answer Big Stevie's inquiry, even him.

Seven Deadly Sins Match 3:
Battle Royal featuring Buff Bagwell, Disco Inferno, Stevie Ray, Jerry 'The King' Lawler, Jeramy Borash, Norman Smiley, Devon Storm, Some Referees, a Cameraman, a Random Woman, and The Fruits in Suits

Yep, this happened.

Things started normally enough, at least as normal as it gets in pro wrestling.

Disco Inferno started the match with Disco Inferno, Stevie ray got involved, then Norman Smiley, then Devon Storm.

Jerry Lawler also decided that both he and Borash should enter the fray.

At one point, Lawler held Stevie in place while Borash drilled a bunch of weak-looking fists into the WCW legend's mid-section. It looked so ridiculous it was laughable, especially when Stevie simply picked Borash up and dumped him outside.

As Borash died for a while, Devon Storm -fresh from being eliminated- decided that he was going to do commentary, talking about how he was 'sporting the proverbial crimson mask' after his match with Smiley.

Then things got even sillier.

A cameraman and two referees got involved, followed by a random woman in a gold dress.

The poor woman didn't last long and actually eliminated herself from the competition after deciding that this was preferable to getting sexually molested by Jerry Lawler.

Yes, that happened.

Undeterred, Lawler took out his sexual frustrations on Norman Smiley by doing the Big Wiggle on him for Pretend Anal Sex Situation Number Four.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any more ridiculous, 'The Fruits in Suits' turned up.

Yes, that's what Borash called the 'two fruits' from our last segment, presumedly to avoid a copyright claim from the Bananas in Pyjamas.

The duo eliminated Disco, but only after he hit the most bizarre finishing move of all time:

The Village People's Elbow.

Yes, that's exactly what it sounds like.

He hit the move, the bananas dumped him outside of the ring, then got dumped by Buff, and this one was over.
Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

Battle Royals are normally not that interesting, but at least that one was kind of funny.

Out in the back, the girl in the gold dress had recovered from getting dry-humped by Jerry Lawler and was now interviewing Rove McManus and Nathan Jones.

I feel bad calling this woman 'the girl in the gold dress.' I honestly did Google around to try and find her name, but it seems that the only mentions of her on the Internet are as "some girl" or "Interviewer chick."

Sorry lady, I tried.

Anyway, the nameless interviewer held the microphone while McManus talked about how Nathan Jones's opponent, Jeff Jarrett, would end up masturbating alone in his hotel room after the sow.

Again, that's not a lie. That's genuinely what he said.

Seven Deadly Sins Tournament Match 4: Guitar on a Pole Match
Jeff Jarrett vs. Nathan Jones (w/ Rove McManus)

According to the laws of pro wrestling, I'm not allowed to review an 'Object on a Pole' match without referencing Vince Russo, even though his only contribution to this show was recommending Jeramy Borash as booker.

Still, the outcome of this one was so ridiculous that it was clear Borash had been to the Vinny Ru School of Pro Wrestling Booking.

Things started out well enough.

Jeff Jarrett came to the ring and got heat by cutting his usual promo about being the chosen one and his love of slap nuts.

Jones and McManus then came down and got the big pop the WWA were hoping for.

As an Australian, Nathan Jones was presented as the proverbial home town hero, the one wrestler the crowds could call their own.

He was huge. He looked like a monster. He even had a famous Australian celebrity cutting a pre-match promo for him.

In short, he had it all.

And then he was beaten in about five minutes by Jeff Jarrett.

To be fair, Double J carried the inexperienced star to a decent little match. Unfortunately, he then ruined the whole thing with a stupid ending.

Nathan Jones went to get the guitar from the pole by climbing up to the ropes even though he was tall enough that he could have just reached up and grabbed it.

This would have proved to be a better option. As it was, the seven-foot star was so bad at climbing the ropes that his opponent was able to just saunter over and throw him off.

Jarrett grabbed the guitar for himself, but before he could blast Jones with it, Rove McManus rushed into the ring. The Chosen One blasted the comedian with the guitar in what was genuinely a sweet looking spot before Jones kind of walked into Jeff Jarrett's stroke.

One three count later, and WWA had disposed of their most popular babyface in about five minutes.
Your Winner: Jeff Jarrett

In the ring, Jerry 'The King' Lawler called out The Bananas in Pyjamas  Fruits in Suits so that he could find out whey they eliminated his friend, The Disco Inferno, from the earlier battle royal.

The duo came to the ring but basically just stood there while Lawler made jokes about how 'fruits' was a derogatory term for homosexuals.

Speaking of whom...

The West Hollywood Blondes came out to interrupt the promo, with Lawler pronounce the name of Lenny Lane's partner as "Low Dye."

Seriously.

Their arrival allowed Jerry Lawler to make the one joke this whole thing had been leading to:

"Hey, now we've got four fruits!"

Because, you know, ripping on homosexuals is funny.

Rounding out the party, Bret Hart returned to the scene to demand that the two fruits leave the ring.

"Which two?" asked Lawler, making the usually super-serious Bret Hart laugh out loud for the first time in his career, if not in his entire life.

"The fruits...the bananas" laughed The Hitman, before announcing that Lodi and "Lonny" would replace the injured Juventud Guerrera in a three-way dance against Road Dog.

Yes, it's weird that the babyface Commissioner decided to stick it to fellow babyface Road Dog by placing him in what was a handicap match against two heels, but heck, it's not like anything else on this show made any sense either.

Seven Deadly Sins Semi-Final 1: Three-Way Dance
Road Dog vs. Lenny Lane vs. Lodi

Despite being nothing more than a four-minute gay sex joke, this wasn't too terrible.

The West Hollywood Blondes naturally double-teamed the former DX member. Early on, Road Dog moved out of harm's way when his rivals tried to trap him in the corner. This caused Lenny to fall onto all fours and Lodi to fall onto his knees behind him, making it look like he was doing him up the bum.

Simulated sex count: Five

Lenny and Lodi continued to dominate (Road Dog, not each other), but couldn't agree on who would get the pinfall and ended up coming to blows.

Eventually, Lenny hit a sweet moonsault onto Lodi, pinning him in a 69 position. Roadie recovered from an earlier beating dropped a knee onto Lenny's head and pinned the pair of them in a 69, making for six occasions of simulated sex on a pro wrestling show.

Apart from all the sex stuff, this wasn't the worst match ever, but it only lasted four minutes which is too short to really count for anything.
Your Winner: Road Dog

Post-match, Lenny and Lodi made up with a hi-five, hip bump, and a hug. Jerry Lawler reacted to the two men hugging as though he'd just seen them fellate one another in the middle of the ring because homophobia = lol apparently.

T*ts, Whips, and Buff

Backstage, Stevie Ray stood by for an interview with Buff Bagwell.

Before they got started, however, Stevie made Buff hold his microphone so that he could put his hat and glasses back on.

"Let me do this, I don't wanna look like a fruit booty," said the former WCW tag team champion.

That's exactly what I always think of when I see a hat-less Stevie Ray. There goes Stevie without his hat again. Man, what a fruit booty!

Anyway, as if this show couldn't get any weirder or more sexual, Buff announced that his upcoming match with Jeff Jarrett would be -and I quote- "a T*ts, Whips, and Buff match."

Unfortunately, neither Bagwell nor anybody else bothered to explain exactly what that meant.

Seven Deadly Sins Tournament Semi-Final 2: T*ts, Whips, and Buff Match
Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

As the two combatants made their way to the ring, it became obvious what the stipulation was all about.

Buff brought a bevy of unknown beautiful women to ringside with him. The women all had whips, and if either man went outside, the beauties were supposed to whip him.

Yes, it was essentially a lumberjack/jill match with a BDSM theme.

Though it was silly, it would have been fine if they'd just worked the gimmick and given us a decent finish. However, like everything on this card that wasn't the opening ladder match, Bagwell/Jarrett had to take ridiculous booking to a whole new level.

For the most part, it was fine, or at least as fine as a five-minute Buff Bagwell/Jeff Jarrett match was ever going to be, ie: nothing spectacular but nothing terrible either. The two men worked a bit in the ring, Jarrett got whipped on the outside then, when Bagwell got hurled to the outside, his women protected him and gave him a neck massage.

So far, so predictable but inoffensive.

Then, the finish came.

Bagwell hit the Blockbuster, but Slick Johnson had his hands full with one of the girls, so one of the other girls counted the fall. Naturally, Johnson declared that it didn't count, but Buff was so busy celebrating that he didn't notice. Instead, he walked into a Stroke from Jeff Jarrett and lost the match.

Ugh.
Your Winner: Jeff Jarrett

As we approach the last forty-five minutes of WWA The Inception, it occurs to me that this would have actually been a really enjoyable show if they'd kept things simple.

Cut out the ridiculous finishes, ease off on the comedy and just let these guys wrestle, and you'd have a good show on your hands.

Luna is Mad

Out in the back, the interviewer lady in the golden dress asked Luna Vachon why she wanted to fight her husband.

Hilariously, Luna declared that she and Vampire Warrior had originally come out to celebrate their anniversary, but the former Gangrel kept complaining about losing every wrestling matches he competed in so she had no choice but to kick his ass.

Black Wedding Match
Vampire Warrior vs. Luna Vachon

Well, this was terrible.

Another throw-away, five-minute match saw Vampire Warrior trying his best not to hit his wife even after she trapped his grapefruits in a pair of kitchen tongues and smashed a pumpkin into his groin.

Yet it seemed that even a vampire could only resist a spot of domestic abuse for so long. After an irate Luna spat at her husband and threw her wedding ring at him, Vamp impaled her.

Sorry, I should say, he hit her with the impaler. That's what'll happen if you watch a show that has more sexual references than actual wrestling in it.

One three count later, this god awful gimmick was over.
Your Winner: Vampire Warrior

Remember earlier, when Lawler and Borash were shocked to discover that one of the girls in the upcoming Skin to Win match had a penis?

Well, up next Stevie Ray tried to find out who this man/woman/transvestite was because, obviously, suckas got to know.

At one point, Stevie lifted up the person's dress and said "look at that ass," then acted all shocked when they ran away.

I mean, wouldn't you?

Skin to Win Match
Queen Bea vs. Violet Terossi vs. Adara James vs. Sharon A. Wad

This was probably the worst thing I've ever seen in professional wrestling, and I've seen the Heroes of Wrestling PPV.

Queen Bea and Violet Terossi are, or were, nude models. Adara James was an indie worker who, according to Cagematch.net, wrestled about six matches in her career, and Sharon A. Wad was the transvestite, played by Danny Dominion who was nobody.

To her credit, James had the makings of a good wrestler and probably could have gone on to better things had she stuck with it.

Instead, it's her fate to be best remembered as the only good thing in what was otherwise an absolute piece of garbage.

Danny Dominion dominated the whole thing, going around and beating up the other three women in what made for genuinely uncomfortable viewing.

Eventually, he threw Queen Bea and Violet to the mat and removed their tops. The crowd booed loudly, not because they hated Dominion, but because the girls were wearing pasties that concealed their breasts.

Then Stevie Ray came down, punched Dominion a couple of times, and allowed Adara James to pick up the victory by leaping off the top and planting the dude with a frankensteiner.
Your Winner: Adara James

Afterward, Borash began telling us about the WWA's upcoming shows in the UK, only to be interrupted by the promoter, Andrew McManus.

McManus handed Borash a letter and told him to read it.

It was from former WCW star Midajah, who promised to "be there" with her man.

It was never actually explained where "there" was. Presumedly the UK shows.

Disco Faces The Fruits

Killing time before the main event (because heaven forbid a match on this show go longer than ten minutes), Disco Inferno came out to interrupt a routine by the Starrettes.

Unlike Jerry 'The Perv' Lawler, Disco was sick of seeing attractive women shaking their ass and sent them packing before storming to the ring where a cage had been set up for Road Dog/Jarrett.

Ticked off about being eliminated from the battle royal, Disco called out the two fruits, who came out and attacked him.

Disco fought back and ended the segment by throwing one of the bananas off the top of the cage to the outside. As dumb as it was to have Disco Inferno vs. The Bananas in Pyjamas, this was admittedly pretty impressive.

It would have been even more impressive if the cameras hadn't shown us the giant safety crash mat which had been strategically placed at the foot of the entrance to protect the flying banana.

Seven Deadly Sins Tournament Final
World Wrestling All-Stars World Championship
Road Dog vs. Jeff Jarrett

At no point in tonight's show had World Wrestling All-Stars shied away from referencing the WCW and WWF careers of their roster.

While that occasionally came off as cheesy, such a strategy should have worked in their favor for this main event cage match between two guys with a long history together, shouldn't it?

Yes, here we had Road Dog, who had once been called The Roadie and served as Jeff Jarrett's lackey before it was revealed that it was he all along who sang Double J's big hit, With My Baby Tonight.

From there, Road Dog had scaled new heights of popularity, becoming one of the biggest stars of the Attitude Era and arguably even surpassing his former charge's success.

So tonight, live and for the first time ever, we'd finally get to settle the score:

Was Double J Jeff Jarrett the bigger, better wrestler? Or was it Double J Jesse James?

It would take thirty seconds to tell this story, but nobody bothered. Instead, we were told that Jarrett had won multiple WCW tag team titles and Roadie had won multiple WWF tag team titles.

of course, this was entirely true, but it was nowhere near as compelling as the actual relationship between the two men.

Not that it seemed to make much a difference.

For the first time since the Juvi/Psicosis match, the competitors in the ring looked to be trying their hardest, busting out a good main event match which was probably the best singles match involving The Road Dog since he faced 123 Kid at In Your House 2: The Lumberjacks.

For those paying attention, that was the same show Jarrett 'sang' With My Baby Tonight.

Things were going well, but then this being the WWA, they had to turn all bulls**tty and ridiculous.

According to Commissioner Hart -who had joined the commentary team- the match could be won by pinfall or submission only, so Jarrett and Road Dogg climbed out of the cage for a brawl around the ringside.

OK, so the brawl itself was pretty fun, but what the heck was the point of the cage?

Back in the ring, Slick Johnson took a tumble, so Jeff Jarett grabbed his guitar and murdered Jesse James with it. He then applied a sharpshooter.

Roadie tapped, but Bret Hart refused to let the match be over. His reasons weren't exactly clear, but it came across as though Hitman simply didn't want anybody else winning with his finishing move.

This idea was further cemented with Road Dog got up, hit a pump handle slam on Jarrett and then applied a sharpshooter of his own.

Proving that he was non-discriminating in his bitterness, Hart refused to let Road Dog win that way either, and decided instead to just walk off with the title.

The New Age Outlaw gave chase, stealing the belt and bringing it back to the cage where Jarrett kicked it out of his hands, dropped him face-first with a Stroke onto the title belt and won the match.
Your Winner and NEW WWA World Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Jarrett

It had been yet another stupid finish, but at least it gave us a credible champion, right?

Not exactly.

Standing battered, bloody and yet triumphant, Jarrett confronted Bret Hart, only to drop to his knees and beg off. Not that this stopped The Hitman.

He grabbed Jeff by the legs and locked him in the sharpshooter for no real reason, ending WWA The Inception by looking like a bitter old man.

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I said it earlier and I'll say it again, The Inception could have been a good show.

OK, so Road Dog and a bunch of WCW leftovers were never going to give us five-star classics, but they were all competent performers capable of delivering a decent show had they been allowed to.

Instead, they were all dumped in a bunch of really short nothing matches in which bad comedy, bad finishes, and bad sexual references took precedence over any actual pro wrestling.

Get rid of the bananas, let the guys actually have a wrestling match, and WWA could have been onto something.

Given that this was their first real event, I'm willing to give WWA the benefit of the doubt and check out some of their other shows, but honestly, there's not much to see here outside of an admittedly wonderful opening ladder match between cruiserweight stalwarts Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera.

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