TV REVIEW: WWE RAW - October 5th, 2009

Wachovia Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania

On the back of an impressive Hell in a Cell pay per view, Raw returns with a new WWE champion in Randy Orton, a beaten-up yet victorious DX and some football player called Ben as your guest host of the evening.

Introducing your guest host

Football star Ben Roethlisberger (yeah right, like I’m gonna type that out all night) is tonight’s guest host and despite the mixed reaction from the crowd looks to be in a great mood.

Wasting no time in getting down to business, Ben announces that tonight’s first match will be a Diva Bowl. Strange coincidence, as your writer sat down to watch Raw this morning, he ate porridge from a diva bowl; it had a picture of Beth Phoenix on it and everything.

Ahem…no more bad jokes, I promise.

Diva Bowl: WWE Divas Champion Mickie James, The Bella Twins, Melina, Maria, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Women’s champion Michelle McCool, Rosa Mendes, Beth Phoenix, Layla, Jillian, Alicia Fox & Natalya

Calling it a Diva Bowl, dressing all the girls up in American Football gear and getting Gail Kim out as the referee does little to disguise the fact that, when all is said and done, this is just your typical Raw diva match, albeit one that starts with what can only be described as the wrestling equivalent of a multi-car pile-up.

As Diva matches go, this one isn’t to bad, nor is it anything particularly special, and after just three short minutes, Mickie James rolls up Alicia Fox to bag the win for her team.
Your Winners: Mickie James, The Bella Twins, Melina, Maria, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres

As the divas celebrate in the ring, Randy Orton’s music hits as the new WWE Champion slowly makes his way to the ring.

Let’s go round again

Picking up a microphone, Randy Orton talks about his win at Hell in a Cell; reminding us all that he didn’t need to cheat or take shortcuts to get the job done. Furthermore, says the champion, he won’t be giving John Cena, the man he beat for the title. a rematch tonight.

Naturally, Cena himself has something to say on the matter and, after reminiscing on their memorable performance from twenty four hours ago, challenges Orton to face him one more time.

Both champion and challenger debate the terms and conditions on such a match, and finally agree to face each other in a sixty-minute, no holds barred Iron Man match with both Orton’s title, and Cena’s status as a Raw superstar, on the line.

A tense handshake seals the deal.

Swagger Speaks

Prior to taking on Primo, Jack Swagger reminds the Raw audience that he wasn’t pinned in last night’s Triple Threat match against The Miz and United States Champion Kofi Kingston. With that in mind, The All-American American vows to remain undefeated for the remainder of the year.

Jack Swagger vs. Primo Colon

Due to their short nature, it’s very rare that a squash match is able to be boring, but somehow this one manages to be just that.

Swagger looks impressive, if not particularly exciting, as he kicks off his undefeated streak with a four-minute pasting of poor primo.
Your Winner: Jack Swagger

In the back, Santino Marella finds himself caught up in the midst of a heated argument between the divas. Marella, dressed in referee’s attire, urges them to break it up and implores Mickie James and Alicia Fox to quite literally kiss and make up. Fox slaps the Italian in the chops and he scurries off down the hall as the girls continue to scrap.

Bragging Rights

Raw commentators Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole announce that the aforementioned Iron Man Match between Randy Orton and John Cena will take place at the next pay per view, Bragging Rights. Not only that, but the event will see the winners of all the Smackdown matches team up to take on all the winners of the Raw matches 'for,' announces Cole with a huge smile on his face like he just got the punchline, “bragging rights.”

He’s The Miz and he is…awful?

Backstage, The Miz implores tonight’s host ‘Big Ben’ to give him another shot at Kofi Kingston’s United States championship. Ben complies with the request, but adds the stipulation that, should The Miz loose, he must take to the microphone and announce the world that he is awful.

MVP & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters

It takes less than three minutes for MVP and Mark Henry to roll over their opponents in a reasonably entertaining fashion, thanks in large part to some miscommunication on the part of Guerrero and Masters.
Your Winners: Mark Henry and Chavo Guerrero

In the post match, Masters, unhappy with the loss, lays into Chavo and applies the Master Lock. Repaying the favour from last week, Hornswoggle runs out, making the save by biting Masters on the leg.

Chavo and Hornswoggle see to it that Masters leaves the ring, only for the little leprechaun to taunt Guerrero with some DX-like chops leaving Chavo, this writer, and everybody else, utterly confused.

Big Ben’s back, and this time, he’s got company 

Tonight’s host returns to the ring, yet before he an utter a word, Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho and The Big Show arrive on the scene.

With Jericho displaying his always-brilliant comic timing, Big Show plays the straight man as he mocks Big Ben’s size and insists that Ben’s offensive line can’t possibly be as big as The World’s Largest Athlete.

Hoping to find out for sure, the host calls out his buddies. They’re not as big as ‘Show, but come to the ring anyway and threaten to charge into the champions.

Smarter than your average couple of bears, Jerishow bail, only to be confronted by DX, who waste no time in challenging the champs to match.

Ben makes it official and celebrates with Michaels and Triple H, as his teammates bounce around the ring like little kids on Christmas morning.

WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston defends against The Miz

In a very enjoyable contest packed with near-falls, Kingston and Miz display great chemistry together as they compete for the US title.

Kingston takes it to his opponent, seemingly knocking him out cold with a huge kick that sends the challenger flailing to the outside. Unwilling to take the count-out victory, the champion rolls his opponent back inside the ring where, after several more explosive near-falls, this thrilling match culminates with The Miz rolling up Kingston for the three count.
Your Winner and new United States Championship: The Miz

Revelling in his victory, Miz takes to the microphone with a reminder that he is The Miz and he is awesome. This writer is inclined to agree.

Rottenburger

Cameras head to the back, where Hornswoggle is excited to meet Big Ben, and seems to be suggesting that the host pick him up and hurl him like a football (or something). Santino Marella interrupts, urging Ben to do something about the earlier fracas amongst the divas which resulted in the Italian taking a slap to the chops.

Since no Santino segment would be complete without a bit of comedy, he then proceeds to mispronounce Ben Surf ‘n’ Turf/Rottenburger/Rock ‘n’ Roller’s last name several times, followed by an apology that his Italian accent makes it difficult to pronounce names.

Some how, all it takes is a swift slap to the chops from Hornswoggle, for Marella to get it right and promptly wonder off.

“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” cries Michael Cole, apparently forgetting all about his embarrassing show at Friday’s Smackdown party.

Next week’s hosts

Will be Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell and Maria Menounos.

Non-title match: Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H)

Showing little sign of the beating they took twenty four hours ago at the hands of Legacy, Triple H and Shawn Michaels enter into a spirited performance against the tag team champions in an exciting main event.

Both teams work well together to create a fun, nineteen minute bout which comes to an end when HBK hits the Sweet Chin Music on Jericho for the win, no doubt setting up a title match come Bragging Rights.
Your Winners: DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H)

Afterwards, Big Ben and his buddies head to the ring to celebrate as Raw draws to a close.

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Final Thoughts:

Despite the less-than-stellar start, this week’s edition of WWE Raw gradually evolved into a good show.

Miz taking the title from Kofi in an a great bout and DX picking up the win over Jerishow in an enthralling main event more than made up for weaker moments such as the Diva Bowl and the Swagger/Primo snorefest.

Yet the big news coming from tonight’s show was the announcement of a sixty man Iron Man match at upcoming pay per view, Bragging Rights. For new fans not familiar with the concept, an Iron Man match sees two men compete for a set period of time (in this case, an hour) and whoever picks up the most falls wins the bout. Cena and Orton have battled each other on three consecutive pay per views over the last several months, and whilst a fourth, hour-long, bout could be seen as overkill, it does seem that Bragging Rights will finally put an end to their rivalry once and for all. What’s more, providing Triple H stays tied up with the DX thing until at least Christmas time, it will be interesting to see who steps up to the plate in the weeks leading up to Survivor Series to challenge the winner of Orton/Cena for the title.

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TV REVIEW: WWE Raw - October 19th, 2009

Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville, Florida

Snoop Dog hosts the final Raw before Bragging Rights as Team Raw fall into disarray, Legacy fall apart and Triple H falls to John Cena in what might just be Cena's last night on WWE Raw. 

Dissension in the ranks. 

Snoop Dog rolls rides into town in a pink limo with Raw's newest Divas, Eve and The Bella Twins, in tow. After working up the crowd and announcing a couple of tonight's matches (as well as Cena/Triple H, we also get Orton/Dibiase and HBK/Jericho), tonight's guest host introduces your regular opening act, D-Generation-X.

Forgoing their usual 'Are you ready?' routine, Hunter and Shawn begin the final push towards Bragging Rights by taking a look at their opponents on Team Smackdown and mocking them one by one in a routine which only really becomes funny by the time they get to newcomers Drew McIntyre and Eric Escobar.

With the opposing team verbally dissected, the rest of Team Raw make their way to ringside and almost immediately start to argue amongst themselves; Cody Rhodes threatens to defeat Team Smackdown all by himself, Big Show threatens Cody, Mark Henry faces up to Show and Jack Swagger chimes in as well until Kofi Kingston, now completely devoid of his Jamaican accent, reminds everyone that they need to work together.

DX agree, though admit that they did see this coming and thus set up a test; a five-on-five tag team match in which, should any member of Team Raw eat the pin, they'll be replaced. MVP's music hits, he leads the Raw Job Squad to ringside, and Team Raw breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Five-on-five tag match: Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Big Show, Jack Swagger & Kofi Kingston vs. MVP, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters, Evan Bourne and Primo Colon 

Following a match so short and forgettable your reporter couldn't remember who was on MVP's team, Cody Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Primo only for Jack Swagger to tag himself in and take the pin.
Your Winners: Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Big Show, Jack Swagger & Kofi Kingston 

Rather than being united in victory, the win only seems to divide Team Raw further, as they spend the next few moments taking turns in throwing each other out of the ring.

If I were you... 

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews Ted Dibiase about his victory over Randy Orton the previous week. Dibiase tells Matthews that he only did what Randy Orton himself would have done in the same situation. Orton, however, disagrees. "If I were you, I would listen carefully," he says, before telling Ted not to fight back when they compete next.

Non-title match: WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase 

Less of an actual match, more of a well played-out angle, no matter what you call it this is fantastic stuff. With anger rising within, Ted Dibiase looks tormented and conflicted as he stands face-to-face with the Legacy leader, doing his best to show restraint as Orton continues to push and provoke him. Finally, Dibiase stands up for himself and pushes the WWE Champion to the mat. Yet this doesn't seem to go far in resolving his torment, as the former tag team champion simply stares and seethes even more, only for Orton to attack with the RKO and pick up the win.

A brilliant segment in which the crowds really got behind Ted Dibiase; surely a turn to the side of the good guys can't be far off?
Your Winner: Randy Orton 

A Tribute to Captain Lou 

Legendary WWE Hall of Famer Captain Lou Albano sadly passed away last week aged 76. Known for his interesting attire, which often consisted of a rubber band hanging from his cheek, his famed talent as a ringside manager and, of course, for playing such a major part in the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection of the late 1980s which helped catapult the then-WWF into the global household name that it is day, Captain Lou was a truly beloved superstar. Taking a moment to remember him, WWE plays us a fitting tribute video.

The Obligatory Comedy Spot 

You know how, every week, we get three obligatory comedy spots with the guest host? Well thankfully, the 'E decide to spare us, and squash all three into one.

Cameras find Snoop Dog chilling out backstage with Eve and The Bella Twins when Hornswoggle, back in his usual garb yet still sporting a DX shirt, shows up for no real reason. Naturally, wherever Hornswoggle goes, Chavo goes too. Guerrero complains about being constantly overlooked by the guest hosts, only to be interrupted by Jillian Hall, who demands a rematch for the Divas Championship before singing a song (assume it's one of Snoop Dog's. You'll have to forgive me, I might actually know who this week's guest host is, but I still don't know his work at all).

Finally, it wouldn't be the Raw comedy moment without Santino Marella, dressed as Charlie 'the' Brown. Santino declares that he wants to make amends for the last time the two met. Snoop Dog sends them all out, and we're lead to believe that he's lighting up some marijuana as a 'technical difficulties' graphic featuring Michael Cole with his arm around Hornswoggle appears on screen. Of course, this being a family-friendly show and all, it's revealed he was actually lighting some scented candles.

Returning back to the arena, Michael Cole sits with his arm around Jerry Lawler and an enormous grin on his mush. "We're actually live now," he laughs, "no more technical difficulties". Because apparently, Michael Cole can't tell the difference between the man he announces Raw with every week, and a leprechaun.

Triple H vs. John Cena 

In what is build as potentially his last match ever on Raw, John Cena displays a valiant effort in a lengthy, dramatic bout with Triple H.

Building up slowly and working towards an exciting finale, both men work hard to deliver a very good television match which, to drag up an old cliché, has the fans on the edge of their seats as Cena and Hunter both kick out of one another's finishing manoeuvres. Unfortunately for the number one contender to the WWE title, the third pedigree proves to be too much, and Triple H walks away with the win.
Your Winner: Triple H 

Up next, The Miz heads out to face some jobber who doesn't even get his name announced. Luckily for the Jobber with No Name, he's saved from a beat down by something altogether wonderful.

Marty Jannetty Returns

Just typing that line above made this reporter very happy indeed. Before The Miz can lock up with his hapless opponent, Snoop Dog appears on screen, flanked by Eve and The Bellas, who pout and pose as Mr. Dog announces that he was unhappy with comments The Miz made about Marty Jannetty on Smackdown. As such, Miz will now face Jannetty in a match.

Non-title match: United States Champion The Miz vs. Marty Jannetty 

Though an enjoyable, basic little bout in its own right, this short affair is made all the more brilliant just for the sheer joy of seeing Marty Jannetty, even if he does appear to have aged pretty badly recently. Jannetty gets in some offence against the champion, including his trademark Flying Fist Drop, before The Miz finally puts the old-timer out of his misery thanks to the Skull Crushing Finale.
Your Winner: The Miz 

Backstage, Chavo Guerrero has words with Jillian as the show heads to commercial.

Divas Championship match: Melina defends against Jillian (with Chavo Guerrero in her corner) 

Melina defends her title in a short nothing match which serves no other purpose than to set up the next angle. The two girls battle for about a minute, with Chavo Guerrero running interference on the challenger's behalf until Hornswoggle, dressed in hip-hop attire, cuts him off, allowing Melina to take the win.
Your Winner and still Divas Champion: Melina 

Afterwards, Chavo goes after Hornswoggle, only to be stopped in his tracks by Snoop Dog. The two circle, looking for a fight, and Snoop takes down Chavo with a spear before celebrating with Hornswoggle and several divas in a dance routine that goes on far too long.

Next Week's Guest Hosts 

Are two NASCAR racers called Kyle Busch and Joey Logano. Again, never heard of 'em.

Main Event: Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels 

All night long, fans have been anticipating another sure-fire classic between The Heartbreak Kid and The Artist Formerly Known as Y2J. Instead, what we get is an all out war between Team Raw and Team Smackdown.
With both men in the ring, Jericho dishes out some verbal abuse to Michaels before the rest of the Smackdown camp arrive on the scene and outnumber The Showstopper. Luckily for Shawn, back up isn't far behind as Team Raw head to ringside to level the playing field.

Triple H derides Jericho before a familiar cry of "excuse me!" interrupts proceedings. Yes folks it's Vickie Guerrero, who announces that as the official consultant to Team Smackdown, she won't allow anything to happen until Sunday, and that her boys will take their leave.

Hunter, however, has other ideas, and after declaring that the Raw boys don't work for Vickie, they lay into Jericho and his men as Raw closes with a wild brawl between the two teams.
No Contest 

Final Thoughts: 

Though Smackdown still remains far ahead of it's Monday night counterpart in terms of action and entertainment, Raw finally seems to be catching up, and tonight fought back with a very entertaining show. HHH and Cena delivered in the ring, the Cena/Dibiase showdown was intense and as for the appearance of Marty Jannetty, well, that just made me smile. There is little doubt in this writer's mind that Smackdown will counter with a show that is at least equally entertaining on Friday, but even if they don't, the winner in a war over the most entertaining show will pale in comparison to what is likely to be a very enjoyable battle for brand supremacy this Sunday at Bragging Rights.

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TV REVIEW: WWE Raw - October 26th, 2009

Buffalo, New York 

In the wake of WWE Bragging Rights, John Cena is your new WWE Champion whilst The Big Show, fresh from turning his back on his Raw team-mates, is the most reviled man on the roster. 

With NASCAR’s Joey Logano and Kyle Busch hosting, new number one contenders to Cena’s title are announced and the Raw roster looks for revenge against The World’s Largest Athlete.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show discuss Bragging Rights 

Proudly clutching the Bragging Rights trophy he and Team Smackdown won the night before, Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring with The Big Show. Teasing the inevitable fall-out between them, Big Show declares that he turned his back on Raw not out of loyalty to Jericho, but because Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long promised him a shot at The Undertaker's World Heavyweight Championship if he did.

Cue the arrival of tonight's hosts, NASCAR drivers Joey Logano and Kyle Busch, who fumble through their lines en route to booking Big Show vs. Triple H and Jericho vs. Kofi Johnson Kingston. 

Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston 

If you want to get your wrestling show underway in fine fashion, book Chris Jericho in your opening contest. Working with the ever-popular Kingston, the Unified Tag Team Champion puts on a good show in this enjoyable opener. So too does Kingston himself; overcoming the dominating Jericho to finally pick up the win thanks to Trouble in Paradise.
Your Winner: Kofi Kingston 

As Kingston celebrates in the post-match, Randy Orton arrives on the scene and hurls the popular star off the stage. Nobody knows why, so after the commercial break, he explains; Kofi Kingston interfered in Orton's match last night, Orton is no longer champion, ergo, it's all Kofi's fault.

Hoping to cheer their leader up, Rhodes and Dibiase present him with a racing car adorned with his likeness. They also promise to get the WWE title back in the legacy camp.

The Miz & Jack Swagger exchange words

Back in the guest-hosts’ office, Logano and Busch are discussing some race with Eve when Jack Swaggers strolls into the picture and demands a title shot against John Cena.

Before long, The Miz joins the party and insists that he should be the one who challenges Cena for the WWE title. After all, he was the only Raw superstar to win any of the inter-brand matches at Bragging Rights. The two squabble over the affections of Eve as the NASCAR blokes announce that they’ll be picking Cena’s next opponent later tonight.

Mixed Tag Team Match: Santino Marella & Divas Champion Melina vs. Chavo Guerrero & Jillian

Marella and Melina get the better of their opponents in an utterly pointless, yet still mildly entertaining bout, complete with obligatory Hornswoggle cameo.

The little leprechaun does absolutely nothing of note, but his mere presence is enough to distract Jillian and Chavo and ultimately leads to their downfall.
Your Winners: Santino Marella & Melina 

After the match, Hornswoggle is served with a Cease and Desist Order from D-Generation-X.

Legacy Challenge John Cena

Hijacking Cena’s microphone time, Legacy members Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes issue a challenge to the new champion. Cena, however, insists that if the "Baby Oil Boys’ Club" want a title match, they’ll have to earn it, starting with a match against MVP and Mark Henry.

Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes vs. M.V.P & Mark Henry

In a short, forgettable encounter, Rhodes and Dibiase look to prove themselves as worthy contenders to the WWE thrown with a win over the popular MVP and Mark Henry.

Yet their opponents have no intentions of rolling over and handing them the win, and after a valiant struggle, MVP scores the pinfall over Dibiase.
Your Winners: M.V.P & Mark Henry 

Randy Orton arrives in the post-match to complain about his lack of a rematch against Cena. The Viper is interrupted by Kofi Kingston, still angry at Orton for attacking him earlier in the show.

What follows is a brilliant promo from Kingston as he destroys Orton’s new racing car.

Non-Title match: United States Champion The Miz vs. Evan Bourne 

For reasons that will only make sense at the outcome of this contest, Eve is your special guest ring announcer.

After special guest ring announcing, the lovely Diva takes a seat at ringside to watch a short-but-fun bout with lots of back-and-forth action between the high-flying Bourne and the ever-cocky Miz.

The ending sees Jack Swagger arrive on the scene to announce that nobody cares about the match taking place in the ring (he has a point) and that everybody is instead watching Swagger and Eve.

Upset at this interruption, Miz heads outside to confront The All-American American, and consequently loses the match via count-out.
Your Winner via Count-out: Evan Bourne 

For those of you wondering, next week’s guest hosts are none other than The Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osborne and his wife, the incredibly annoying Sharon.

Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble

Last week, your writer read an interview in Power Slam magazine with none other than Triple H in which The Game had nothing but high praise for The Celtic Warrior.

This week, Sheamus turns up on the same show as Vince McMahon’s son-in-law. Funny that, isn’t it?
At least Sheamus looks good in his debut, squashing poor Jamie Noble in short time.
Your Winner: Sheamus 

Main event: Unified Tag Team Champion The Big Show vs. Triple H

Before this one gets properly underway, Triple H has a surprise in store for his opponent; they’re now about to compete in a lumberjack match, with a Raw roster, angry at Big Show for the Bragging Rights double-cross, serving as the lumberjacks.

(Blatant continuity error: how come Kofi Kingston was wearing a tracksuit when he destroyed Orton’s car, and yet he’s now back in the same wrestling attire he wore in his match earlier?)

Out-numbered and wanting no part of what’s about to go down, Big Show’s partner, Chris Jericho, takes his titles and the Bragging Rights trophy and hilariously makes his exit.

Shawn Michaels then introduces our special guest referee, WWE Champion John Cena, and what follows is a fairly entertaining match in which, despite the odds stacked heavily against him, Big Show manages to dominate his foe.

As The World’s Largest Athlete attempts a cover, referee Cena conveniently gets a sore arm and is unable to finish the count. An angry Big Show is then attacked by half the roster, superkicked by HBK and pedigreed by Hunter to lose the match around the fifteen-minute mark.
Your Winner: Triple H

Afterwards, hosts Logano and Busch announce the Survivor Series main event: John Cena will defend the WWE Championship in a Triple Threat match against Shawn Michaels and Triple H.

Final Thoughts:

The fallout from Bragging Rights gave WWE the opportunity to freshen up the Raw hierarchy; introducing new storylines, elevating new stars and generally taking the show in a new direction.

You could argue that they failed to do that, since we’ve still got Cena once again holding the gold and Triple H back in the world title picture.

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Forgetting about that for a moment, things at least seem to be moving in the right direction, with Miz and Swagger generating a lot of interest in their recent rivalry, Legacy slowly edging their way to the main event and, of course, Kofi Kingston’s new-found feud with Randy Orton.

Make no mistake about it, Kingston’s exchange with Orton was the highlight of an otherwise mediocre show and, providing he doesn’t get mercilessly destroyed each time, his upcoming series of matches with The Legend Killer should prove to be the making of a new star performer on Monday nights.

And that’s certainly something worth looking forward to.

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TV REVIEW: WWE RAW - July 13th, 2009

Amway Arena, Orlando, Florida

Celebrities equal ratings, apparently. That’s why Seth Green (you know, does the voice of Chris in Family Guy, was in Austin Powers and Buffy) is tonight’s special guest host of World Wrestling Entertainment’s flagship programme, Raw.

Was he any good? Meh..See for yourself.

A Joke with the Robot Chicken Bloke

Triple H begins tonight show in a jovial mood, bringing us up to speed with the whole Trump/McMahon saga and the addition of weekly guest hosts. Cue Seth Green, who immediately makes his mark by booking a Six Diva Swimsuit Summer Spectacular for tonight’s show.

Together, Green and Trippers proceed to promote Green’s new Robot Chicken show (never seen Robot Chicken? Don’t bother, it’s not as good as it thinks it is) then turn their attention to calling Randy Orton a big girl’s blouse. Of course, this upsets Randy Orton and the WWE Champion comes out for all the usual banter.

The point of all this, apparently, is to set up tonight’s main event.

It’s going to be Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase taking on the team of Triple H, John Cena and…Seth Green.

Kill me now.

Six Diva Swimsuit Summer Spectacular: Mickie James, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez & Maryse

Swimsuit Summer Spectacular? Yeah, it’s just a tag match in swimming costumes And not a terrific match at that. Then again, diva bouts are rarely show-stealing stuff and this in that respect this one is reasonably acceptable.

Divas champion Maryse planted Mickie James with a DDT to win the match for her team in under four minutes.
Your Winners: Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez & Maryse

In the back, Chris Jericho pays a visit to Seth Green. The Ayatollah of Rock ‘n’ Rolla chastises tonight’s host for that Robot Chicken Star Wars thing and warns Green to stay out of his way. Utterly pointless, but the Big ‘E probably paid big bucks for Seth and want to get their money’s worth by giving him as much screen time as possible I reckon.

Primo vs. The Miz

You remember reading in my report from last week how Carlito attacked his brother and turned heel on him? Of course you don’t, because that report went missing and never found its way onto the website.

Anyway yeah, so to establish himself as a solo star, Primo got himself some new threads and new theme music. He calls out his brother but gets The Miz instead.

Miz taunts Primo then proceeds to kick his bum all over the ring. Primo fights back, Carlito pops up to cause the distraction and the Slammy award-winning Miz wins this one.
Your Winner: The Miz 

Afterwards, Carlito beats on his brother a little bit.

Edge is Injured

Yes folks, if you haven’t been keeping up with all the Internet goss this week you probably won’t have heard that one half of unified tag team champions, The Rated R Superstar Edge, got himself injured at a recent live event. According to Cole and Lawler, we’ll have an update on that situation later in the show.

A Match for the Ages

For now though, we’ve got more Seth Shenanigans as he books an epic rematch...Hogan/Savage? Nope. Flair/Steamboat? Nope. 123 Kid/Razor Ramon? Wrong again.

We’re getting Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle. But not yet.

Hornswoggle leaves and Big Show arrives. Apparently, Green wanted some advice from Show on how to survive in his tag match alter tonight (why he didn’t ask the two guys he’s tagging with is beyond me, but what the hey; since when did pro wrestling ever make sense?). Show says to watch his match against Evan Bourne, then wraps things up with an utterly cringe-worthy Dr. Evil impression.

MVP VS. Jack Swagger

In what is easily the best wrestling match on the card so far, Swagger and Porter put on a good effort before the All American American wins with a gutwrench powerbomb on eight minutes.
Your Winner: Jack Swagger

Hey, did you know that WWE Universe, the company’s social networking site received more visits than Facebook, Myspace and Twitter?

Nope, me neither, because it’s so clearly not true. In fact, I’m almost embarrassed that WWE could be so bold as to make such a ridiculous claim.

Anyway, out next comes Chris Jericho. He belittles his partner, Edge, for getting injured and claims to have a clause in his contract which would allow him to pick a new partner of his choosing.

Mark Henry comes out, and it appears Jericho chose him, but no, Henry just wants to beat up Chris Jericho. Jerry Lawler tells us that Seth Green just booked an impromptu match, a ref comes out and yeah, we got ourselves a match!

Mark Henry vs. Chris Jericho

Henry rattles Jericho, Jericho decides he can’t be bothered and walks off. Henry wins another match by count out. How long do you reckon it will be before Henry gets someone in a cage so that they can’t wander off?
Your Winner via Count Out: Mark Henry

And now folks, the match absolutely nobody was waiting for:

Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero

By the way, there’s an added stipulation to this match; Chavito has to wrestle with one hand behind his back. What’s worse, he loses the match in two minutes.

Poor Chavo.
Your Winner: Chavo Guerrero

In the back, Ted Dibiase and Randy Orton are having words when Cody Rhodes shows up. He says he’s heard rumours that Dusty will be here next week, which must be a good thing, right?

Orton reminds his minions that their job tonight is to take care of HHH and Cena, leaving Seth Green for The Legend Killer.

---

The Big Show vs. Evan Bourne

Uh oh. Bourne in trouble!

With United States Champion, Kofi Kingston doing a decent job on commentary, ‘Air’ Bourne gets flattened by the humongous big show and taps out in less than three minutes.
Your Winner: The Big Show

After the match, Show refuses to release the hold, prompting Kofi to make the save.

Let’s sell some Toys

In the back, Santino is playing around with some wrestling figures for no apparent reason other than to subtly hint that you can spend money on such things. Seth Green shows up and talks to Santino, who leaves when Cena and Trippers arrive.

They talk about their match a little, and then something stupid stupid happens.

Something Stupid

Lawler and Cole announce that our special guest hosts for next week will be…ZZ Top. Oh come on, like anyone under the age of a million will care about ZZ Top. And this is supposed to be the show aimed at the young ‘uns.

Anyway folks, it’s main event time.

Six Man Match: WWE Champion Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase vs. Triple H, John Cena and Seth Green.

OK, here goes.

This…Well, this was a weird one. In parts, it was actually an exciting little match, in others, it was a tale of Seth Green getting into scrapes before Cena and HHH bailed him out. A fun main event for sure, but hardly all that memorable.

In the end, all hell breaks loose and the ref scraps the whole idea.
No Contest.

Final Thoughts: 

Despite ragging on this week’s show throughout most of my review, I actually watched it again before sitting down to do my final thoughts and have decided that, you know what, it was actually quite fun.

Nonsensical in parts, embarrassing in others and with more time dedicated to Seth Green than any of the actual wrestlers, sure, but nonetheless fun.

For what it’s worth, MVP and Jack Swagger had the match of the night, whilst the ‘Who Will be Jericho’s Partner’ saga is actually a hell of a lot more interesting than the main event picture right now. Which is probably not the best thing for WWE.

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TV REVIEW: WWE Raw - July 20th, 2009

North Carolina State University, Raleigh, North Carolina

John Cena stupidly reminds everyone that we’ve already seen the Night of Champions main event over a year ago, Jerry Lawler wrestles for no good reason and we get Guerrero/Hornswaggle III as some old men called ZZ Top host the worst WWE Raw in history.

Here’s what stank up the place.

***NOTE: This review was written live as Raw happened in 2009.***

Cen(a) it all before

John Cena is out to start tonight’s show and he’s excited. He thinks we’re all excited too, excited about the main event at Night of Champions in which he’ll compete against Triple H and Randy Orton for the WWE title. This is big, he says, this was the main event of Wrestlemania 24.

Yes, very clever, remind everyone that Raw has been running the exact same feud for over a year.

Randy Orton shows up and wonders aloud why Cena is so excited about getting his backside handed to him at the pay per view.

He’s followed by Legacy, and eventually Triple H, leading to tonight’s never-before-seen main event of Triple H & John Cena vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase.

Wow, can’t wait.

Zzzzz Top

ZZ Top is here.

Nobody cares, except for Santino, who claims to be such a big fan yet gets all their names wrong. Not that it seems to bother these old men much, they just dress him up like one of them and sing a bit.

Poor Santino, so much potential wasted in naff segments like this.

Six Man Tag Team Match: United States Champion Kofi Kingston, Primo & MVP vs. Jack Swagger, Carlito & The Big Show

Things finally start to suggest that we might have a good show on our hands as five of WWE’s brightest stars, and The Big Show, put on a really enjoyable ten-minute match.

The only purpose it serves is to promote a six pack challenge match for the US title at night of champions which will see Kofi defend against MVP, Swagger, Carlito, Miz and Big Show, but hey, that’s good enough reason for me.

After all the fun and games are over, Primo knocks out his brother with a diving headbutt and picks up the win for his squad.
Your Winners: Kofi Kingston, Primo & MVP

In the back, ZZ Top are none-too-discretely plugging their upcoming tour. Chris Jericho shows up and admits to being a big fan. He’s certain they must have heard of his band, Fozzy, but apparently, they haven’t (it’s OK Chris, I’m sure a large portion of the WWE Universe have never heard of ZZ Top).

Regardless, Jericho asks to jam with them but instead gets booked in a match with Mark Henry. This could have been awful, but Jericho was in it, so it wasn’t too bad.

This next bit however…

Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler vs. The Brian Kendrick

We return from the adverts to find Brian Kendrick down at the announce table, shouting at King and Cole. Kendrick hilariously boasts that he’s a former tag team champion, which is one more belt than Lawler has ever won (so obviously we’re not counting those five million USWA Championships Lawler held) and for that reason alone we have to have a wrestling match.

Or at least, something vaguely resembling a wrestling match, which ends in less than two and a half minutes when Lawler hits the young whippersnapper with, of all things, a flying fist drop.

Was there any point?
Your Winner: Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler

Next, we go to Josh Matthews who is standing by with Mickie James to promote her match against Maryse at the pay per view. Before this really gets anywhere, Miz shows up and says that whilst Maryse walks, talks and acts like a champion, Mickie James will end up working as a waitress in ten years’ time.

Mickie claims that Miz is just bitter since she scored a victory over Maryse, whilst Miz can’t seem to score at all. Burn. This brings out the divas champion, who sprays hairspray in the eyes of her upcoming opponent.

It’s not bad, but it’s not that good either.

Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry

This, however, is.

OK, so it only goes five minutes long and has a rubbish finish where Jericho gets frustrated and levels Henry with a chair for the DQ, but when they’re actually wrestling, Jericho makes Henry look like a star.

Which is probably the idea.
Your Winner: Mark Henry

In the back, Santino and ZZ Top discuss beard-care products when Chavo Guerrero arrives. He’s disgusted about having to wrestle a leprechaun, but instead of showing much sympathy, these ZZ top chaps book him against Finlay’s kid in a Sharp Dressed Man Match.

Sharp Dressed Man Match: Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero

As every wrestling fan the world over goes for a toilet break, Hornswoggle and Chavo Guerrero ‘compete’ in a terrible tuxedo match in which Guerrero has his legs bound.

For those not familiar, the object is to strip another man of his tuxedo, which Hornswoggle does.
Your Winner: Hornswoggle

Please, please WWE, please let me be able to stop writing that!

On the Same Page

Out back, HHH and Cena discuss tonight’s main event. They’re on the same page tonight, but won’t be this Sunday.

They’ve Got Legs

Santino is still hanging out with those old men.

They’re joined by Gail Kim, Alicia Fox, Rosa and Kelly Kelly, and they dance to ZZ Top’s song ‘She’s Got Legs’. However, Santino gets carried away and strips down to his pants, which frightens everybody off.

Hilarious? Not really.

Oh yeah, don’t we have a match?

With Legacy caught up in the main event feud and Jericho caught up in embarrassing everybody with his brilliance, you might have forgotten that the three of them are due to compete in a match for Jericho’s tag team titles at Night of Champions.

So they have a bit of an argument backstage and vow to beat each other up at the pay per view. Which is interesting enough.

Next Week’s Guest Host:

Shaquille O'Neal. 

Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox & Rosa Mendez

This isn’t a very entertaining match, but I do like how they’re putting Gail Kim in with some of the lesser-talented female workers, hoping some of her skills rub off on the likes of the hopelessly bland Kelly Kelly and the pointless Alicia Fox.

It’s the latter who picks up the win in this match.
Your Winners: Alicia Fox & Rosa Mendez

Before the main event, those old guys with the beards from ZZ Top come out to meet the crowd, but it looks like they just hired some look-alikes to do this bit and pre-recorded all the other segments.

Handicap Match: Triple H & John Cena vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase

Legacy dominate the bulk of this tedious main event before Triple H and Cena make the inevitable comeback, Cena’s attempts to wrap things up are thwarted and Triple H finally chips in to allow Cena to get the win by rolling up Randy Orton.
Your Winners: Triple H & John Cena

After the match, HHH and Cena show some respect with a handshake.

---

Final Thoughts: 

This show was terrible. The six man match and the Jericho/Henry clash were decent for what they were, but they just became lost in all the horrible ZZ Top stuff.

Speaking of which, having those old men host this show made absolutely no sense. As most people know by now, WWE is trying to appeal to a younger audience, so why on earth they’d have ZZ Top, who are about as relevant to today’s young people as penny farthings is beyond me.

All that said, aside from the HHH/Cena/Orton match, Night of Champions is shaping up to be an interesting card and should be one worth watching. Well, it certainly can’t get any worse than this.

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TV REVIEW: WWE RAW - September 28th, 2009

WWE RAW: 28/09/09
Albany New York

With the Hell in a Cell pay per view just days away, WWE Champion John Cena has a tough challenge on his hands as he's forced to take on his upcoming opponent Randy Orton, as well as Chris Jericho and Big Show in a gauntlet match. The Unified Tag Team Champions have enough on their hands as they're forced to compete against MVP and Mark Henry by this week's guest host, some guy called Al.

The V.I.P Lounge

Dressed in matching ring attire, MVP and his partner, Mark Henry host The V.I.P Lounge. Following a brief introduction from MVP, Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho and The Big Show crash the party. In a truly bizarre segment, Porter and Jericho take turns in heaping praise on tonight's guest host, The Reverend Al Sharpton, topping each other with each compliment before Sharpton makes his way to the ring to a loud chorus of boos (apparently he isn't well liked in the US. Personally, your writer has never heard of him and couldn't care less).

To end an awkward segment in which everybody misses their cue and talks over the top of each other, Sharpton books a tag team title match between the two teams.

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Match: Chris Jericho and The Big Show defend against MVP and Mark Henry

In a rematch from their recent encounter at Breaking Point, MVP and Mark Henry look to dethrone the dominating champions in arguably the best opening match Raw has seen all year.

Though it's slow to start with, this tight, action-packed contest gradually escalates into a thrilling tag team match, with the challengers coming closer than ever to capturing the gold. Unfortunately, it isn't to be and as the show reaches the half-hour mark, Big Show and Jericho steal a win from the jaws of defeat.
Your Winners and Still WWE Unified Tag Team Champions: Chris Jericho and The Big Show

In the back, Primo Colon sucks up to Al Sharpton. This being Raw, where no segment is allowed to go uninterrupted, Hornswoggle soon shows up with Chavo Guerrero giving chase. Before long, Santino Marella -who's obligatory comedy routine sadly falls short tonight - and Chris Masters arrive on the scene. Wouldn't you know it, we have ourselves another tag team match.

An Interview with Orton

Watching a Randy Orton interview is like being in double-science at high school; you know something important is probably being said, but it's so dull it's difficult to pay attention. The Legend Killer almost sends your reporter to sleep with a boring, monotonous promo in which he claims he won't be responsible for his actions come Hell in a Cell.

Non-Title Match: Divas Champion Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendes (with Alicia Fox) 

In what resembles a bad training match between two rookies gone awry, Mickie James and Rosa Mendes struggle to find any sort of chemistry. The result is an awkward performance in which every other spot seems to go wrong.

Thankfully, the Divas Champion finally puts Rosa, and us fans, out of our collective misery with a kick to the head.
Your Winner: Mickie James

Returning from commercial, we get a good look at the Hell in a Cell structure, which hangs ominously above the ring.

Nobody expects us to win.

Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes make their way to the ring to promote their upcoming cell match with D-Generation-X this Sunday. Rather than talking about how good they are, or how they're going to annihilate their opponents, Dibiase seems to believe that the best way to make his team look strong is by claiming that nobody expects them to win.

Before long, the Legacy boys are interrupted by a playful DX, and a war of words ensues and results in Rhodes and Dibiase high tailing it through the crowd.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

With the United States championship wrapped around his waist, Jack Swagger makes his way to the ring as Michael Cole explains that Swagger isn't actually the champion; he stole the belt from Kofi Kingston.

With that little bit of confusion out of the way (and it was confusing for this reporter, who missed the last two weeks of the show), Swagger enters into an enjoyable performance with the always entertaining Evan Bourne.

Despite all his high-flying, show-stealing offence, the diminutive Bourne is no match for his larger, stronger opponent, and eventually succumbs to Swagger.
Your Winner: Jack Swagger

In the post-match, The All American American gets on the microphone, only to be interrupted by The Miz, who claims that he will capture the US title on Sunday because he's The Miz and, yes, he is awesome.

The two brawl and, seizing the opportunity, Kofi Kingston strolls to ringside to take his title belt back. It's a fun segment, but it does strike this reporter as odd that, in promoting a three-way match for the title, the champion himself receives hardly any attention.

Hornswoggle & Santino Marella  vs. Chavo Guerrero and 'The Masterpiece' Chris Masters

Making up for his earlier comic failings, Santino Marella is hilarious in this short bout, doing the bulk of the work for his team and outshining both his opponents and partner. That is until Masters locks in The Masterlock, and this one comes to an end.
Your Winners: Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters

Yet it's in the post-match where things really get interesting; Big Chris puts the Masterlock on Hornswoggle, only for Guerrero to shock everybody by coming to the aid of his arch-rival.

Next Week's Host:

Is Ben Roethlisberger. For those wondering, he's an American Football player. Exciting, huh?

The Reverend Busts a Move

In the back, Reverend Al Sharpton starts to bid farewell to the Raw audience when, wouldn't you know it, somebody interrupts him. This time, it's Jillian Hall, who serenades the Guest Host with a cringe-worthy rendition of Living in America. Sharpton sends her packing, only for The Bella Twins to show up. The Reverend busts a move and sings a few lines from I Feel Good as the gorgeous Bella Twins dance in the background.

Non-Title Gauntlet Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Chris Jericho, The Big Show and Randy Orton

There are a lot of people who don't like John 'Super' Cena, and this match is a perfect example of why.

First up, the WWE Champion is forced to take on Chris Jericho. Despite fairing pretty well in the early going, the champ is quickly overthrown by Jericho, who locks in the Walls of Jericho only for Cena to grab the ropes. Refusing to break the hold, Jericho ultimately winds up disqualified, yet continues to hurt Cena with the Walls' until his tag team partner arrives on the scene for match number two.
Match 1 Winner: John Cena via disqualification

The Big Show picks up were his partner left off, destroying Cena and applying a Colossal Clutch. Jericho gets involved again, and Big Show is also disqualified, but the Unified Tag Team Champions appear to have done their job well; Cena is out of it. Beaten to a pulp and unable to stand, the champion is easy pickings for opponent number three, Randy Orton.
Match 2 Winner: John Cena via disqualification

Yet by the time Orton approaches the ring (and to be fair, he does give The Undertaker a run for his money in the 'longest entrance' stakes) the champion has made a full recovery. It's either a miracle, or bad booking. What's even more amazing is that Cena now possesses Undertaker-like magic powers and is able to summon the cell down from the rafters. Orton legs it out of the open door and climbs atop the cell with Cena in hot pursuit. The two trade blows, Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster, and we're done.
Match 3 Winner: No Contest

---

Final Thoughts:
Less of a match and more of an elaborate angle, the finale of tonight's show was still nonetheless pretty ridiculous. Cena making a comeback I can live with; he's the champion and therefore is supposed to be stronger, tougher and generally better than all of his opponents. However, a comeback is one thing, making a full recovery without showing any effects whatsoever of the horrific beating he received  only a minute earlier is an insult to the intelligence. As I've mentioned before in these 'final thoughts' pieces, wrestling is supposed to make you suspend your disbelief, and this segment completely failed to do that.

It wasn't just Cena's miracle recovery that ensured nobody could believe what was happening, Orton's performance was equally confusing. Why was he so scared of the cell being lowered when he knows full well he'll have to compete in one on Sunday? Why did he take several millennia to reach the ring, when it would have been so easy to walk at normal pace and quickly beat his prone opponent, and why on earth did he go to all the effort of legging it on top of the cage when he could have run up the isle and out of harms way? He is supposed to be the heel after all.

Yet whilst the show ended on a down note, at least it opened on a high one with that tremendous tag team match between Jerishow and the team of MVP and Mark Henry. All four men worked hard to deliver a solid, enjoyable performance and I, for one, would love to see more.

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TV REVIEW: WWE SMACKDOWN 18/06/10

June 18th, 2010
RALEIGH, North Carolina


Just two days before they compete for the World Heavyweight Championship at Fatal 4-Way, champion Jack Swagger,  CM Punk, Rey Mysterio and The Big Show meet each other in tag team action, though not before settling some scores with the monster that is Kane.

Here's what went down

*Note: This is a WWE SMackdown review from my archives, written live at the time back in 2010.*

The Undertaker returns...or does he?

CM Punk began tonight's show with an entertaining promo in which he claimed that,though he wasn't responsible for the downfall of The Undertaker, he wished he was, adding that he would be the first in line to shake the hand of whoever actually was responsible.

Punk continued to deride the Deadman, insisting that the entire WWE Universe was now much better without him, until the lights in the arena went out. When they came back on, The Undertaker himself appeared to be standing  in the centre of the ring, staring down a nervous CM Punk. Yet it wasn't The Phenom at all, rather Luke Gallows in a fake wig and a trench coat.

Unsurprisingly, this mockery of The Undertaker brought Kane charging to the ring, only for Jack Swagger to follow him and and help the Straight Edge Society ambush The Big Red Machine.

Eventually, The Big Show and Rey Mysterio ran to Kane's aid and saw off the villains, only to attack Kane as well, extracting revenge for the attack he carried out on last week's show.

MVP & Christian vs. Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins

MVP and Christian looked to extract some revenge from Hawkins and Archer (who, according to Matt Striker, had been given a 30 day contract extension) after The Gatecrashers beat them both down on last week's show.

The match was decent, though hardly spectacular, and saw a solid victory for Vance Archer and  Curt Hawkins.
Your winners: Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins 

Backstage, Rosa Mendes approached Laycool with the idea of joining forces to become Laycoolrosa. The co-women's champions were unimpressed with the idea, and instead reduced Rosa to tears by ridiculing her loosing streak, her outfit and her make up. Well, that was a bit mean.

Moving on to Vickie Guerrero's office, the Smackdown Consultant first informed her nephew, Chavo Guerrero, that he had a match, before Dolph Ziggler arrived on the scene wearing a pair of very short, very tight shorts. Guerrero then had Ziggler put up a picture of the two of them so that she could admire his body as he did so. It was all a bit weird, and disturbing.

Chavo Guerrero vs. JTG 

With no time to prepare, Chavo Guerrero made his way to the ring still applying his wrist tape and with his boots untied. Still, it didn't stop him attacking his opponent from the outset. JTG finally gained some momentum and quickly put Chavo away with the Shoutout.

No idea what the point in that was, hopefully it may lead to something involving Chavo, who really is quite underutilised as a wrestler.
Your winner: JTG

After the match, JTG celebrated with three young kids, who looked totally confused as to why they were there.

Josh Matthews interviews Kofi Kingston

The Intercontinental Champion expressed his his disgust at the upcoming match between his rival, Drew McIntyre and Smackdown General Manager, Teddy Long, and vowed to beat McIntyre when the two meet at Fatal 4-Way.

Drew McIntyre vs. Teddy Long 

(Stipulation: If Teddy Long doesn't compete, he'll  be fired)

As per Vince McMahon's orders, the Smackdown General Manager was forced to the ring to square off against Drew McIntyre.

What transpired was less a match and more an exercise in ritual humiliation as McIntyre forced Long to get on his knees and admit that McIntyre was indeed, The Chosen One, then made the ageing GM lie on his back.

The bell rang, McIntyre put his foot on Long's chest, and the three count was made.
Your, erm, winner: Drew McIntyre

Afterwards, McIntyre set Long up for the Double-arm DDT, only to be distracted by the arrival of Kofi Kingston. Unfortunately for Kingston, he was unable to do much as an army of security guards McIntyre had placed at ringside cut off the Intercontinental Champion. With his enemy in the hands of the security mob, McIntyre was able to lay the blows into Kingston until Matt Hardy arrived from nowhere and attacked his Scottish rival. Security eventually took care of Hardy too, before Drew wrapped things up by hitting the Double-arm DDT on both Kingston and Hardy in the middle of the ring.

Well, talk about an effective way to get someone over as a heel, McIntyre looked strong as the ultimate bully.

Non-title match:  WWE Women's Champion Layla (with Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (with Tiffany) 

As McCool and Tiffany watched on from ringside, Layla and Kelly put on a complete mess of a show between the ropes. This writer usually tries not to be too harsh against the  WWE Divas, but honestly, this was pretty awful.

After some  shenanigans involving Michelle McCool and Tiffany, Kelly Kelly won the match. Nobody cared.
Your winner: Kelly Kelly

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Jack Swagger about this Sunday's Fatal  4-Way event. The World Heavyweight Champion was reminded of an event in his childhood when his father had told him that nobody remembers second place. Because of this, and because Fatal 4-Way will take place on Father's Day, Swagger dedicated his match to his Dad.

Dolph Ziggler vs.  Chris Masters

Introduced by Vickie Guerrero, Ziggler looked to use his speed against the strength of Chris Masters, who was about as over as a piece of cheese. Following a back and forth tussle which was actually pretty entertaining, Ziggler hit the Zig-Zag to earn the  victory.
Your winner: Dolph Ziggler

After a bit of hype for the Fatal 4-Way  pay per view, it was down to tonight's main event.

World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger and CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio and The Big Show

Following their confrontation earlier in the show, The Big Show and Mysterio took on Swagger and Punk in tonight's main event.  The action was solid throughout, with both teams trading the advantage before Rey Mysterio picked up the win for his team by pinning the World Heavyweight Champion.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio and The Big Show

Afterwards, Kane came to the ring and destroyed everyone again, before performing The Undertaker's salute towards an empty casket which sat ominously on the stage surrounded by shooting flames as Smackdown faded to black.

---

Final thoughts: 

Though most of tonight's matches were fairly short compared to your average Smackdown episode, this was still a reasonably enjoyable show on its own merit without being anything especially amazing.

The only problem we have now is what's likely to happen come Fatal 4-Way. I'm expecting NXT to interfere in the Raw 4-way match, whilst Kane has pretty much made it known that he'll be involved in the Smackdown match. How the two matches are going to be different from one another is anyone's guess, and it's only really the interference that's going to make both bouts interesting.

Speaking of Fatal 4-Way, I'm holding out hope that Kofi Kingston walks away with the win in  his title match with Drew McIntyre. Both men are solid in their roles, but after McIntyre's utter destruction of Kingston, Hardy and Teddy Long, common sense says that the evil villain deserves his comeuppance sooner rather than later.

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TV REVIEW: WWE SMACKDOWN 18/06/10

June 18th, 2010
RALEIGH, North Carolina


Just two days before they compete for the World Heavyweight Championship at Fatal 4-Way, champion Jack Swagger,  CM Punk, Rey Mysterio and The Big Show meet each other in tag team action, though not before settling some scores with the monster that is Kane.

Here's what went down

*Note: This is a WWE SMackdown review from my archives, written live at the time back in 2010.*

The Undertaker returns...or does he?

CM Punk began tonight's show with an entertaining promo in which he claimed that,though he wasn't responsible for the downfall of The Undertaker, he wished he was, adding that he would be the first in line to shake the hand of whoever actually was responsible.

Punk continued to deride the Deadman, insisting that the entire WWE Universe was now much better without him, until the lights in the arena went out. When they came back on, The Undertaker himself appeared to be standing  in the centre of the ring, staring down a nervous CM Punk. Yet it wasn't The Phenom at all, rather Luke Gallows in a fake wig and a trench coat.

Unsurprisingly, this mockery of The Undertaker brought Kane charging to the ring, only for Jack Swagger to follow him and and help the Straight Edge Society ambush The Big Red Machine.

Eventually, The Big Show and Rey Mysterio ran to Kane's aid and saw off the villains, only to attack Kane as well, extracting revenge for the attack he carried out on last week's show.

MVP & Christian vs. Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins

MVP and Christian looked to extract some revenge from Hawkins and Archer (who, according to Matt Striker, had been given a 30 day contract extension) after The Gatecrashers beat them both down on last week's show.

The match was decent, though hardly spectacular, and saw a solid victory for Vance Archer and  Curt Hawkins.
Your winners: Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins 

Backstage, Rosa Mendes approached Laycool with the idea of joining forces to become Laycoolrosa. The co-women's champions were unimpressed with the idea, and instead reduced Rosa to tears by ridiculing her loosing streak, her outfit and her make up. Well, that was a bit mean.

Moving on to Vickie Guerrero's office, the Smackdown Consultant first informed her nephew, Chavo Guerrero, that he had a match, before Dolph Ziggler arrived on the scene wearing a pair of very short, very tight shorts. Guerrero then had Ziggler put up a picture of the two of them so that she could admire his body as he did so. It was all a bit weird, and disturbing.

Chavo Guerrero vs. JTG 

With no time to prepare, Chavo Guerrero made his way to the ring still applying his wrist tape and with his boots untied. Still, it didn't stop him attacking his opponent from the outset. JTG finally gained some momentum and quickly put Chavo away with the Shoutout.

No idea what the point in that was, hopefully it may lead to something involving Chavo, who really is quite underutilised as a wrestler.
Your winner: JTG

After the match, JTG celebrated with three young kids, who looked totally confused as to why they were there.

Josh Matthews interviews Kofi Kingston

The Intercontinental Champion expressed his his disgust at the upcoming match between his rival, Drew McIntyre and Smackdown General Manager, Teddy Long, and vowed to beat McIntyre when the two meet at Fatal 4-Way.

Drew McIntyre vs. Teddy Long 

(Stipulation: If Teddy Long doesn't compete, he'll  be fired)

As per Vince McMahon's orders, the Smackdown General Manager was forced to the ring to square off against Drew McIntyre.

What transpired was less a match and more an exercise in ritual humiliation as McIntyre forced Long to get on his knees and admit that McIntyre was indeed, The Chosen One, then made the ageing GM lie on his back.

The bell rang, McIntyre put his foot on Long's chest, and the three count was made.
Your, erm, winner: Drew McIntyre

Afterwards, McIntyre set Long up for the Double-arm DDT, only to be distracted by the arrival of Kofi Kingston. Unfortunately for Kingston, he was unable to do much as an army of security guards McIntyre had placed at ringside cut off the Intercontinental Champion. With his enemy in the hands of the security mob, McIntyre was able to lay the blows into Kingston until Matt Hardy arrived from nowhere and attacked his Scottish rival. Security eventually took care of Hardy too, before Drew wrapped things up by hitting the Double-arm DDT on both Kingston and Hardy in the middle of the ring.

Well, talk about an effective way to get someone over as a heel, McIntyre looked strong as the ultimate bully.

Non-title match:  WWE Women's Champion Layla (with Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (with Tiffany) 

As McCool and Tiffany watched on from ringside, Layla and Kelly put on a complete mess of a show between the ropes. This writer usually tries not to be too harsh against the  WWE Divas, but honestly, this was pretty awful.

After some  shenanigans involving Michelle McCool and Tiffany, Kelly Kelly won the match. Nobody cared.
Your winner: Kelly Kelly

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Jack Swagger about this Sunday's Fatal  4-Way event. The World Heavyweight Champion was reminded of an event in his childhood when his father had told him that nobody remembers second place. Because of this, and because Fatal 4-Way will take place on Father's Day, Swagger dedicated his match to his Dad.

Dolph Ziggler vs.  Chris Masters

Introduced by Vickie Guerrero, Ziggler looked to use his speed against the strength of Chris Masters, who was about as over as a piece of cheese. Following a back and forth tussle which was actually pretty entertaining, Ziggler hit the Zig-Zag to earn the  victory.
Your winner: Dolph Ziggler

After a bit of hype for the Fatal 4-Way  pay per view, it was down to tonight's main event.

World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger and CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio and The Big Show

Following their confrontation earlier in the show, The Big Show and Mysterio took on Swagger and Punk in tonight's main event.  The action was solid throughout, with both teams trading the advantage before Rey Mysterio picked up the win for his team by pinning the World Heavyweight Champion.
Your winners: Rey Mysterio and The Big Show

Afterwards, Kane came to the ring and destroyed everyone again, before performing The Undertaker's salute towards an empty casket which sat ominously on the stage surrounded by shooting flames as Smackdown faded to black.

---

Final thoughts: 

Though most of tonight's matches were fairly short compared to your average Smackdown episode, this was still a reasonably enjoyable show on its own merit without being anything especially amazing.

The only problem we have now is what's likely to happen come Fatal 4-Way. I'm expecting NXT to interfere in the Raw 4-way match, whilst Kane has pretty much made it known that he'll be involved in the Smackdown match. How the two matches are going to be different from one another is anyone's guess, and it's only really the interference that's going to make both bouts interesting.

Speaking of Fatal 4-Way, I'm holding out hope that Kofi Kingston walks away with the win in  his title match with Drew McIntyre. Both men are solid in their roles, but after McIntyre's utter destruction of Kingston, Hardy and Teddy Long, common sense says that the evil villain deserves his comeuppance sooner rather than later.

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TV SHOW REVIEW: WWE SMACKDOWN - December 11th 2009

WWE Smackdown: 11/12/09

Houston, Texas

**NOTE: This review was written live at the time in December 2009. I recently found it in my writing archives and decided to post here**

With just two days to go before he locks up with World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker at TLC, Batista takes on a returning Rey Mysterio in a street fight whilst Luke Gallows makes his in-ring debut and Intercontinental Champion John Morrison indulges in a bit of racial stereotyping.

Such fun.

Batista Speaks

As he prepared to challenge The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship in a chairs match at TLC, Batista made his way to the ring to speak his mind, and he had a lot to say.

Hyping up his forthcoming battle with The Phenom, Big Dave also took the time to play down his street fight later on in the show with Rey Mysterio, insisting that the masked superstar did not deserve to be in the same ring with him. Furthermore, The Animal insisted that not only did he not need Rey, he didn't need the fans either.

CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. Matt Hardy & R-Truth

After assisting CM Punk, in demolishing both Hardy and Truth over the past two weeks, Luke Gallows made his official in-ring debut as he teamed with the Straightedge Saviour to take on a team looking for revenge.

Before the match began, Hardy gave out copies of his brother Jeff's new DVD, much to the chagrin of Punk, who urged the audience not to accept what he called 'poison'.

It was a fun way to kick things off and was followed by some equally fun action between the ropes. A decent opening contest saw both teams trade the advantage before Gallows picked up the win with his 12 Steps finisher.

Your Winners: CM Punk & Luke Gallows

Backstage in Teddy Long's office, the Smackdown General Manager was joined by bitter ex-lovers Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar.

Escobar laid into his former girlfriend in Spanish before helpfully translating for Teddy to reveal that he was basically insulting her. Not surprisingly, this resulted in Guerrero urging Long to book Escobar in a match against Chris Jericho.

From the Vault: Kane defeated US Champion MVP in a non-title match (June 2007)

Remember when MVP was one of the hottest new superstars on the Smackdown brand? When he was a larger-than-life, egomaniac heel and was thus entertaining as hell?

If not, this match showed the man also known as Montel Vontavious Porter in a better light than his usual three-minute appearances on Raw usually do as he battled Kane in a decent contest. The Big Red Machine won after a chokeslam. Yep, that happened.

Mike Knox vs. Kane

As Kane walked backstage with his music blaring (I wonder if he has his theme tune randomly playing wherever he goes, like in the Supermarket or at the hairdressers), he was stopped in his tracks by Mike Knox.

Knox insisted that he and The Big Red Machine were a lot alike, and claimed that he enjoyed fighting him on last week's show. Kane denied being anything like Knox, but admitted that he enjoyed their match too. Because of this, the two behemoths agreed to fight again later on in tonight's show.

Eric Escobar vs. Chris Jericho

Following a short exchange of offence between the two combatants, Vickie Guerrero interupted to change this into a handicap match, with Jericho's partner The Big Show joining the fray.

What followed was a mildly entertaining destruction of Escobar by the Unified Tag Team Champions, resulting in a win for the pair with the Walls of Jericho.

Your Winners: Chris Jericho & The Big Show

Afterwards, the champs took the microphone to hype their upcoming Tables, Ladders & Chairs match against Shawn Michaels and Triple H, vowing to end DX once and for all.

Drew McIntyre & John Morrison face off

In a final confrontation before they meet for Morrison's Intercontinental Championship at TLC, the champion and his challenger, Drew McIntyre, faced off in the ring.

McIntyre began by bemoaning the lack of attention afforded to him by WWE Magazine (his opponent features on the cover of the latest edition) and liking the chances of Morrison retaining at the PPV to a Scottish fable like the Loch Ness Monster.

This brought out Morrison himself, decked in full Braveheart attire as he claimed to be William Wallace (ask your history teacher) and addressed his rival in a faux Scottish accent.

The Shaman of Sexy verbally put down McIntyre, made fun of Scottish background for a while then beat him up.

Racial stereotyping aside, this was actually pretty fun.

Kane vs. Mike Knox

Smackdown's resident giants collided in a decent rematch from last week's show and faired slightly better than they did in their previous encounter.

The two behemoths battled back and forth, yet even Knox's ever-impressive flying cross-body block was not enough to secure victory as Kane planted his foe with a chokeslam to earn the three count.

Your Winner: Kane

Please let this go somewhere. As much as your reporter has always been unimpressed by Kane, Mike Knox does appear to have a lot of potential and it would be great to see him fulfil it.

Maria & Mickie James vs. WWE Women's Champion Michelle McCool & Layla

In what was probably the best match she's had at least since moving to the Friday night show, Mickie James looked good as she teamed with a returning Maria to take it to the woman she'll face for the Divas title at TLC, Michelle McCool, and her best friend, Layla El.

As short as most Divas matches usually are, this was nonetheless a good show from all four women, resulting in a win for the Number One Contender as James pinned Layla.

Your Winners: Maria & Mickie James.

After Todd Grisham and Matt Striker ran down the final card for Sunday night's TLC pay per view, it was on to the main event.

Street Fight: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

Making his return following a knee injury, Rey Mysterio looked to extract some revenge from his friend-turned-foe, Batista in a good main event.

Batista looked better than he has in a while thanks to the efforts of his diminutive opponent as Mysterio flew around the ring in the early going before The Animal took it to the outside and proceeded to demolish his foe with a series of heavy blows involving the ringside furniture.

Not surprisingly, Big Dave maintained his momentum as he headed into a World Heavyweight Championship fight with The Undertaker by pinning Mysterio following a brutal chairshot.

Your Winner: Batista

In the post-match, The Animal continued to assault Mysterio before the lights dimmed and The Undertaker arrived on the scene, sending his upcoming opponent packing as Smackdown came to a close.

Final Thoughts: With TLC just two days away, tonight's edition of WWE Smackdown did everything it was supposed to do. Hype for three of the pay per view bouts (the TLC tag match, Batista/Undertaker's chairs clash and the Morrison/McIntyre bout) was played well and generated interest in the matches, whilst the in-ring action ranged from decent to good.

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Certain parts of the opening to the Punk/Gallows vs. Hardy/Truth bout where edited out of the UK broadcast (all we missed was Punk badmouthing Jeff Hardy and his DVD again), but I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the intro to that match, with Hardy giving out the DVDs and Punk doing his best to be heard over R-Truth's rapping, simply because it was something different.

And with that, I'm out of here and off to look forward to this Sunday night and WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs.

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TV SHOW REVIEW: WWE SUPERSTARS - December 10th 2009

WWE Superstars: 10/12/09

(UK Broadcast – 11/12/09)

**NOTE - This review was written live at the time in 2009. I recently found it in my writing acrhives and uploaded it here**

The newest addition to the WWE Universe finally débuts in the UK with two matches from Smackdown and a Raw main event between long-time rivals MVP and Jack Swagger.

Here's what happened on our first glimpse at WWE Superstars.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Finlay

As Smackdown kicked off tonight's show, the Belfast Brawler looked to give the cocky Ziggler a lesson in respect in a tough contest.

With some hard-hitting action flowing back and forth between the grizzled veteran and the rising star, the two delivered a decent opening contest which saw Ziggler pick up another win thanks to the Zig Zag.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed MVP. Porter recapped his rivalrly with Jack Swagger before making fun of his opponent's lisp.

The Hart Dynasty vs. Slam Master J & Jimmy Wang Yang

In a short -but fairly entertaining- contest, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd made short work of their seldom-seen opponents. Even Natalya got involved, bodyslamming Yang on the outside in a move which the announcers insisted had 'changed the world'. A slight exaggeration perhaps?

Your Winners: The Hart Dynasty

Prior to tonight's main event, Jack Swagger took to the microphone to rile up the crowd and talk down his forthcoming opponent, MVP.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

Afforded much more time than any number of their three-minute Raw outings, Swagger and Porter were free to really showcase their talents in a fine main event by TV standards.

MVP looked to be in control for the bulk of the contest, with both men impressing with some solid action in a well-paced, enjoyable affair.

Yet despite Porter's best efforts to finally overthrow his arch-rival, he eventually found himself eating the pin when The All American American landed his patented Gutwrench Powerbomb.

Your Winner: Jack Swagger

And that just about does it for tonight's show.

Final Thoughts: Whilst fans in the US are well accustomed to this show, for us Brits, this was our first chance to take a look at it on TV, and I have to say, WWE Superstars made a strong first impression.

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Whilst the two undercard matches were decent enough, the MVP/Swagger match was a joy to watch, and you only wish they'd be allowed to do more of this stuff in front of a bigger audience on Raw.

Away from the ring, your reviewer was surprisingly impressed by the look and feel of the show. Far from feeling like some third-rate B show (think Heat in its dying days or Velocity), Superstars felt like something special, and I for one look forward to more shows.

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