PPV REVIEW: TNA Slammiversary 2005

June 19, 2005 
TNA Impact! Zone, Orlando, Florida

Three years after they sprang into existence and set about looking to fill the void in the pro wrestling landscape left behind by WCW's demise, TNA presented their first Slammiversary pay per view. 

Designed as a celebration of the company's short-lived past, it's exciting present, and what they were surely hoping was a prosperous future, the first Slammiversary would become the start of a TNA/Impact Wrestling tradition, one which would last for the next 16 years.

Yes, despite countless rumours that they too would eventually go the way of WCW, the company are still alive and kicking today, and to celebrate that fact, they uploaded the first Slammiversary to their YouTube in its entirety.

Does that make it worth your time?

Let's click the play button and find out together.

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Remember when...

After a quick signature which told us that TNA was "the new face of pro wrestling," we got a nostalgic look back at the first ever TNA show from 2002, weirdly interspersed with clips of children running through fields and playing in parks.

We also got clips of some of the biggest stars to come through TNA over the past few years, including Randy Savage, Kevin Nash, Sting, and Raven.

We also took a look at one time Jeff Jarrett did an angle with Hulk Hogan, years before Hogan would actually join the company properly, followed by highlights of the X-Division and a welcome to the company's third anniversary.

Out in the arena, pyro exploded around the entrance as Mike Tenay welcomed us to the show.

Jeff Jarrett Has Been Arrested

Together with co-announcer Don West, Tenay told us that Jeff Jarrett had been arrested and taken out of the Impact Zone for attacking a "fan."

That meant he would be out of tonight's 'King of the Mountain' match and would be replaced by his arch-rival, Raven.

With that out of the way, it was onto our first match.

Six-Way X-Division Match
Zack Gowan vs. Delirious vs. Jerelle Clark vs. Amazing Red vs. Prime Time Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy

This one started with the set up of two men in the ring with everyone else needing to tag in before quickly -perhaps inevitably- descending into a six-way free-for-all with bodies flying everywhere.

Though there were some entertaining spots (a nice Infrared by Amazing Red onto the outside for one), the whole thing felt very rushed. It just wasn't given enough time for anything to mean anything, so you just got one spot after another with very little rhyme or reason.

What made this worse was the commentary from Tenay and West.

I've always loved Mike Tenay's commentary and never thought I'd have reason to criticise him, but here, he and West oversold everything. At one point, we had the usual "everyone takes turns diving to the outside" spot, and the announcers sold it like we'd just seen Undertaker throw Mankind from the top of Hell in a Cell.

It kind of took you out of the moment and made you think - if they're getting this excited over some -admittedly cool- X-Division spots, how are we supposed to take them seriously if something really huge happens like a world title change?

It's as if every spot was treated as the most amazing thing ever which, in a sense, made nothing the most amazing thing ever.

Anyway, after a short and disappointing match, Shark Boy hit Delirious with a Deep Sea Drop to pick up the three count.
Your Winner: Shark Boy 

Out in the back, Abyss hung around in the dark with some big steel chains, getting himself more and angrier and eventually punching his hand through a mirror while Tenay told us that The Monster would be in tonight's main event.

Alex Shelley Confronts The Shocker

Out in the back, Shane Douglas was happy to have found gainful employment as TNA's backstage correspondent. Here, he interviewed The Shocker, who in terribly bad English, told us that he was the best cruiserweight in the world.

His opponent for tonight, Alex Shelley, strongly disputed this. Shelley arrived on the scene to interrupt the promo and tell Shocker that he wasn't the only hybrid wrestler in the company.

"I can do your lucha libre, your catch-as-catch-can, your American pro wrestling, your Japanese strong-style, even MMA" said Shelley, after which he stormed off, leaving Shocker to rant at him in Spanish.

The whole thing was cringe-worthily awful. Shocker lacked the confidence to cut a compelling promo in English, and, even though he didn't have a language barrier to deal with, Shelley wasn't much better.

Alex Shelley vs. Shocker 

Thankfully, both men were better wrestlers than they were talkers, which I suppose is all that really matters.

Given plenty of time to play with, the two put on a good match that may have been better if they'd manage to get more than four guys on the front row interested in what they were doing.

Despite the lack of crowd reaction, the two worked very well together, blending lucha libre with European submission style to create something that was enjoyable from start to finish.

Despite dominating for a bulk of the match, Shelley fell prey to a roll-up and lost the match to his Mexican opponent.
Your Winner: Shocker 

Next, Tenay took us to a look at the fifth most memorable moment in TNA's short, three-year history, as voted for by the fans on the company's website.

That moment happened to be the time AJ Styles beat Jeff Jarett to win his first NWA World Championship.

Trouble with the 3 Live Kru

Out in the back, Shane Douglas asked 3 Live Kru about their recent issues.

BG James took the mic and told Ron Killings and Konnan that despite whatever issues they might have had, he was 3 Live Kru through and through and could absolutely be trusted.

Though K-Dog and Truth were sceptical, they eventually agreed to bump fists with the former Road Dogg.

Confusingly, it was only after this promo that we were shown what the issue actually was:

The Outlaw (Billy Gunn) had come into the promotion and James' current partners suspected that his loyalties lay more with his former New Age Outlaws teammate than with them.

I know I'm nitpicking, but it would have made much more sense to tell us what the issue was before going to the promo.

The Outlaw vs.  Ron 'The Truth' Killings

Looking to settle things once and for all, Ron Killings represented his team in a fairly average match against the Outlaw which could have been better had Killings been given more time to show off his offence.

While most of us today think of R-Truth as little more than WWE's resident comedian, there were times in this match when he showed us that he's more than capable of doing some really impressive stuff between the ropes.

Not that it was any of that offence which actually won him the match. After taking a beating at the hands of his opponent, Killing's reversed Outlaw's finisher (cobra clutch slam) and got a roll-up for the win.
Your Winner: Ron Killings

Post-match, Outlaw continued to beat down on Killings until BG James ran out and took the chair from him. Outlaw offered his former partner a free shot, but James was hesitant to strike.

Eventually, Konnan ran in and saw off Outlaw, arguing with James as he and Truth left the ring.

TNA's Greatest Moment Number 4

Continuing our fan-voted look at the company's best bits, we went to January 2003 and the debut of Raven.

Team Canada are Pumped Up

Backstage, Shane Douglas interviewed Team Canada about their ongoing rivalry with Lance Hoyt and The Naturals. Bobby Roode was particularly impressive on the microphone, as was Scott D'Moore, at first.

Indeed, the whole thing was shaping up to be the best segment on the show so far (including matches) until D'Moore likened himself to Hitler and Mussolini and tried to make it sound like a good thing.

This led us to a video package highlighting Team Canada and their rivalry with The Naturals.

Again, it probably would have been better to show us all of this *before* getting the wrestlers' comments on it.

NWA World Tag Team Championship
NWA World Tag Team Champions The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) vs. Team Canada (Eric Young & Petey Williams w/ Scott D'Moore and Alistair 'A-1' Ralphs)

By far the best match on the card so far, this one saw all four men deliver a compelling performance way beyond their relatively limited experience.

This one had it all: Exciting action in the early going leading to the drama and agony of seeing Chase Stevens isolated from his partner and outnumbered by Team Canada and, of course, a dramatic finish.

Throughout this whole tag-team title section of the show, the announcers had been speculating on a mystery mentor and "spiritual advisor" that The Naturals had mentioned.

At the culmination of this brilliant match, that mentor revealed himself to be none other than Jimmy Hart, who tossed Andy Douglas his famous mega phone to use as the match-winning weapon.
Your Winners and still NWA tag team champions: The Naturals. 

man, that was fun.

Up next, we were told that the fans had voted for that 2005's Lock Down cage match as the third greatest moment in TNA history.

Sean Waltman is Ready for the Main Event

Drug addiction isn't funny, so I'm just going to pretend that Sean Waltman had just woken up from a nap as that's about the best way to describe his dopey manner and appearance in this backstage segment.

Interviewed by Shane Douglas, Waltman sort of drowsily fumbled his way through a bland promo in which he said that despite being a good backstage politician, the real reason he was in the title match tonight was that he deserved it.

I'm a big fan of Waltman's, but he did not look good here.

Sonjay Dutt vs. Samoa Joe 

Making his TNA debut, it would have been easy for Samoa Joe to simply toss Sonjay Dutt around like a ragdoll and be done with him.

It would have made sense too. Joe was built by the announcers as a really, really big deal, so having him simply squash his opponent wouldn't have been out of place.

Instead, while The Samoan Submission Machine certainly dominated, this was more of a competitive match than an outright squash, with Dutt looking pretty impressive in his own right.

Still, the outcome was a foregone conclusion.

After a couple of minutes full of enjoyable action, Joe hit the Muscle Buster, applied a Rear Naked Choke and made Sonjay tap.
Your Winner: Samoa Joe

Cutting to the announce table, Tenay and West told us about some of TNA's upcoming PPVs, including the big Bound For Glory in October which West likened to the Super Bowl.

Quote the Raven, NWA-TNA Champion...

Somewhere in the bowels of the building, Raven cut a mesmerising promo in which he described himself as a "human cancer" and declared that he'd rather hug a suicide bomber than be in his opponents' shoes tonight.

Why? Because tonight, said Raven, he was going to fulfil his destiny of becoming the NWA Kingpin. Quote the raven...NWA-TNA Champion...Never More

Bobby Roode (w/ Scott D'More) vs. Lance Hoyt 

I'm a big fan of Bobby Roode and honestly think he could be used better in WWE, but even I have to admit that this wasn't his finest moment.

Though there was nothing particularly terrible about his short match with Lance Hoyt, there was something off about it which made it almost a chore to watch.

Towards the finish, Hoyt looked to have things under control and set up Roode for a big boot. However, the two spent so long in the set-up that it was blatantly obvious the move wouldn't pay off. Predictably, D'More grabbed Hoyt's foot, Roode attacked and got the three count.
Your Winner: Bobby Roode

Afterwards, Roode continued to attack while D'More cheered him on, yet when D'More took his shirt off and went for a top-rope moonsault, Hoyt moved out of the way and mounted a comeback, hitting D'More with a moonsault of his own.

Team Canada ran out along with some EMTs who stretchered D'More to the back while the crowd sang 'na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye."

The whole post-match stuff was more interesting than anything in the actual match.

TNA's Greatest Moments: Number 2 

The TNA debut of Jeff Hardy in 2004.

America's Most Wanted Can't Get Along

Up next, we were shown a video package which highlighted the ongoing arguments between America's Most Wanted partners Cowboy James Storm and Wildcat Chris Harris. The two had been squabbling among themselves while simultaneously feuding with 3 Live Kru who also couldn't get along because of the whole Outlaw/BG James stuff.

America's Most Wanted (Wildcat Chris Harris & Cowboy James Storm) vs. 3 Live Kru (Konnan & BG James)

Despite some early miscues, Harris and Storm were able to get on the same page as they took the fight to their more experienced opponents in a decent, though unremarkable, match.

After a fairly average back-and-forth between both teams, The Outlaw ran in and immediately got into it with Konnan. That left James at the mercy of AMW, who quickly put him away for the pin.
Your Winners: America's Most Wanted

Afterwards, BG refused to accept Konnan's apology for leaving him high and dry, and simply stormed off through the crowd.

TNA's Greatest Moment Ever

As voted for by the fans, TNA's greatest moment was shown to be the time Elix Skipper walked across the top of the cage back in 2004. Deservedly so too, that was insane.

This quick clip was followed by a look at the rivalry between X-Division Champion Christopher Daniels, Michael Shane, and Chris Sabin. The three would meet next.

X-Division Championship
TNA X-Division 'The Fallen Angel' Champion Christopher Daniels vs. Michael Shane (w/ Traci Brooks) vs. Chris Sabin (w/ Trinity) 

Fought under elimination rules, this triple threat match was every bit as good as you might expect it to be.

Though not exactly a classic for the ages, it was certainly a very, very good X-Division match.

Towards the half-way point, Shelley had the choice to either finish off Michael Shane or rescue Trinity from the evil clutches of Christopher Daniels. He chose to eliminate Shane from the competition, prompting Daniels to hit Trinity with Angels Wings.

Poor Trinity was then helped backstage and that was the last we'd see of her on tonight's show which was a shame because, well, she looked smoking hot.

Anyway, that left it down to just Sabin and Daniels, both of whom gave us a very solid effort before The Fallen Angel picked up the three count.
Your Winner and Still X-Division Champion: Christopher Daniels 

Out in the back, Shane Douglas interviewed The Alpha Male Monty Brown about his participation in the upcoming King of the Mountain match.

Weirdly charismatic, Monty called all of his opponents 'Omega males' and promised to demolish them in our main event.

Speaking of which...

NWA World Heavyweight Championship King of the Moutain Match
NWA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles vs. Abyss vs. The Alpha Male Monty Brown vs. Raven vs. Sean Waltman 

If you've never seen a King of the Mountain match before, it's essentially a reverse-ladder match in that, instead of using the ladder to retrieve the title belt, you use it to go hang the belt up.

Oh, but in order to be eligible to hang the belt, you first have to pin somebody or make them submit, and the person you pin or submit then has to go spend two minutes in a "penalty  box."

Though it sounds like a silly idea that is way more complicated than it needs to be, this actually turned into a very fun main event.

A wild, out of control brawl in the best possible sense of the word, this one just had all five men destroying each other.

Highlights included Waltman hitting the X-Factor on Style from atop the ladder, and Styles himself hitting a top-rope Spiral Tap to Abyss, who was lying prone on a table outside of the ring.

Still, despite such big-time offence, this wasn't to be the champion's night.

Battered and bloodied, Raven eventually scaled the ladder, hung the title, and became our new champion.
Your Winner and NEW NWA Champion: Raven

Post-match, Raven basically meandered around the ringside area with his new title belt, looking genuinely moved to have won.

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And so that was that. 

While TNA Slammiversary 2005 wasn't the worse show ever, it was far from the best either. 

If you're a fan of the company's X-Division style then you'll find a lot to like here. Between the X-Division title match, the tag team title match and the Shelley/Shocker outing, TNA gave us lots of quality action. 

Not that the main event was a letdown. Despite being more of a hardcore-style match (at one point, Waltman went around stapling people's balls) than a cruiserweight or technical wrestling classic, it was a fun match and the perfect way to end the show. 

For as long as TNA have this on YouTube it's worth watching, just don't expect the greatest show of all time or anything. 

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PPV REVIEW: TNA No Surrender 2009

Sunday, September 20th 2009,
Orlando, Florida

With backstage issues surrounding Kurt Angle's real-life drama with Jeff Jarrett, Angelina Love's visa issues, and even Christopher Daniels' recent arrest, all threatening to overshadow their in-ring efforts, Total NonStop Action wrestling recently returned home to the Impact Zone for their latest pay per view offering, No Surrender.

(NOTE: This review was written at the time of TNA No Surrender's broadcast in September 2009. I found this along with other TNA reviews in my archive recently and decide to report them to RPW) 

Titles were defended, new champions were crowned, and bums were flashed, but here's what else went down.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship - Tournament final to Determine new champions: The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde and Sarita. 

This is what happens when you don't watch TNA Impact every week and rely on the Internet instead; you end up watching a pay per view without any idea what's going on.

Of course, your reporter is well aware that Angelina Love is no longer with the company due to issues with her work visa (it was the biggest story in the Internet Wrestling Community recently), but what doesn't make any sense is why Madison Rayne is now suddenly in Love's place. The last time I say Impact, Velvet Sky and her erstwhile partner were beating up Rayne every which way, so how they've ended up as best chums again is anyone's guess.

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Confusing partnerships aside, the four ladies turned out a short and sweet opening contest that was too short to really be either good or bad. Velvet Sky looked stronger than she ever has done, but sadly it wasn't enough to help her capture the gold as Madison Rayne lost the bout for her team after getting caught in a bridging German suplex by Wilde and drop kicked by Sarita.
Your Winners and new TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions: Taylor Wilde and Sarita

After the bout, the new champions were interviewed by Lauren and vowed to hold on to the belts for a very long time in a very awkward looking promo.

Eric Young vs. Hernandez

Prior to this contest Eric Young, dressed in a suit and flanked by members of his World Elite faction, announced that he would not fight Hernandez. Instead, he was holding out hope that Super Mex would join him in the 'Elite team.

Hernandez however, had other plans, and quickly disposed of his Canadian rival. Several clotheslines and a Border Toss were all it took for the big man to win a very confusing match; why should anyone cheer for Hernandez when all he did was beat up someone who refused to fight back?
Your Winner: Hernandez

Heading to the back, Jeremy Borash interviewed Matt Morgan. The 'DNA of TNA' cut one of his finest promos to date, declaring that the main event would be all about him and Kurt Angle. He says that 'the future is now', and the future, not surprisingly, is Matt Morgan.

TNA X-Division Championship Match: Samoa Joe defends against Daniels

Daniels and Samoa Joe have had many incredible matches during their history together, and whilst their No Surrender effort didn't quite live up to any of those, it was still nonetheless a good, enjoyable match.

The two former friends turned bitter rivals battled back and forth in an early contender for match of the night which was only let down by the knowledge that they could have done even better. Following a hard-fought contest, 'The Fallen Angel' finally succumbed to the Kokina Clutch, allowing Joe to retain.
Your Winner and Still TNA X-Division Champion: Samoa Joe.

Heading to the back once more, cameras caught up with Jeremy Borash and Mick Foley.
The 'Hardcore Legend' was furious that somebody had ripped up a caricature painting of himself and Borash.

Apparently he was very serious, but it came across as little more than a joke. Heading back to the arena, Tazz summed up what most of us were probably thinking about the whole thing, "it's just a cartoon."

Next, D’Angelo Dinero was interviewed by Lauren. After cutting an entertaining promo, 'The Pope' was interrupted by Suicide and their 'Falls Count Anywhere Match', a bonus addition to the pay per view, was underway.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: 'The Pope' D'Angelo Dinero vs. Suicide

The two battled backstage and strung together a series of interesting spots with some good brawling. Part way through the match, Suicide pulled down his opponent's trunks, leaving Dinero to wrestle half the match with his backside showing.

It was a decent match between the two which was only ruined by Mike Tenay and Tazz using the time to joke amongst themselves rather than calling the action. That aside, this was pretty fun to watch until Suicide fell through a table and killed himself, allowing Dinero to pick up the pinfall.
Your Winner: D'Angelo Dinero 

Following a quick video package to hype it, we moved on to the battle of the sexes.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Cody Deaner vs. ODB for the vacant title

Heading into this pay per view, your writer was all ready to slate this as a terrible match, but it was surprisingly a lot of fun.

Played mostly for comic effect, with referee Andrew Thomas even getting involved and siding with ODB, this was the best match you could have hoped for between the two. Before too long, ODB got the better of the self-proclaimed 'King of the Knockouts' and captured the vacant title thanks to a fireman's carry cutter.
Your Winner and NEW TNA Women's Knockout Championship: ODB 

After the match, ODB celebrated her win during a quick interview with Lauren in which she gave thanks to 'All [her] fans in prison'.

Cameras then moved to Jeremy Borash standing by with Kurt Angle.

The TNA World Heavyweight Champion told Borash that Matt Morgan would never live up to his potential and that AJ Styles' fairytale ending would not take place tonight.

$50,000 Bounty / TNA Legend Championship Match: Kevin Nash defends against Abyss

With Mick Foley joining Tazz and Tenay on commentary, 'The Monster' Abyss looked to capture the TNA Legends championship whilst Nash hoped to claim the $50,000 bounty placed on the head of his opponent by Dr Stevie.

The result was a good, hard-hitting brawl between the two behemoths that got off to a slow start before rattling towards an exciting finale which saw Stevie, Dafney and a taser getting involved. To wrap things up, Nash zapped Abyss in the goolies with the taser to win the match.
Your Winner and still TNA Legends Champion: Kevin Nash 

Afterwards, Dr. Stevie climbed into the ring to get his bag of cash back. Not surprisingly, Nash was none too thrilled about this and delivered a powerbomb before leaving with the money.

Lethal Lockdown Match: Beer Money (Robert Roode & James Storm) vs. The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus & Doug Williams) vs. Team 3D vs. Scott Steiner & Booker T

Before this match, Jeremy Borash interviewed Booker T and Scott Steiner.

In the biggest display of hypocrisy ever displayed on a wrestling show, Scott Steiner cut a barely coherent promo on the British Invasion, even going so far as to say "If you don't speak our language, get the hell out of our country." Whether or not that was supposed to be so hilarious was never quite made clear.

Yet what Steiner and Booker T lacked in delivering a sensible promo, they more than made up for in the ring as the Lethal Lockdown contest barely scraped past the earlier X-Division bout to claim match of the night honours.

Everyone worked hard to deliver a great match, but it was Beer Money who were particularly outstanding and rightfully earned their victory following a tremendous showing.
Your Winners: Beer Money 

Going backstage, Lauren interviewed a seriously angry Rhino. 'The War Machine' gave a strong, intense performance on the microphone and promised to destroy MMA 'star' Bobby Lashley in their upcoming match.

Rhino vs. Bobby Lashley 

Despite their best efforts, this came across as one of the weakest matches on the card. Both men tried hard, but with no real story behind them, it was hard for anyone to care.

After Rhino hit a gore and the ref took a bump, Lashley ripped off Big Show's Big Fist of Doom to win the match. Now, if Lashley was just going to use that as his finisher, why didn't he just come straight out and punch Rhino right off the opening bell instead of mucking about first? It's the same criticism your writer has of The Big Show; having a punch as a finishing move is just silly.
Your Winner: Bobby Lashley

Backstage once more, Jeremy Borash interviewed AJ Styles and Sting about their role in tonight's main event.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle defends against Matt Morgan, Sting, AJ Styles and Hernandez

As the four advertised competitors (Angle, Morgan, Sting and AJ Styles) were being introduced by Borash, Hernandez' music hit and he made his way to the ring looking to cash in his Feast or Fired briefcase.

Thus, the four-way battle for the biggest prize in the company turned into a five way, though Super Mex really seemed surplus to requirements and was quickly taken out by Eric Young.

That left the original four to carry the bulk of this good main event. The tensions between Angle and Morgan finally exploded whilst Sting and Styles played up their current storyline and finally got the better of the other two combatants.

The end came when Styles and Sting stood over a prone Kurt Angle in the middle of the ring. Sting left to take care of Morgan on the outside, allowing AJ to hit an impressive 450 splash from the middle of the ropes, landing squarely on Angle and pinning him for the one, two, three.
Your Winner and NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion: AJ Styles

As confetti flooded the Impact Zone, fans flocked to the ring to celebrate with the new champion and his old friend, Christopher Daniels.

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From an in-ring standpoint, TNA Wrestling's No Surrender pay per view was a good show. Even though not every match was first class, none were particularly dreadful and certainly made for an enjoyable event. Yet what really hampered this from being anything more than 'good' were the usual strange and illogical plot points and strange booking decisions.

AJ Styles as the new champion was the right move in this writer's mind and should go a long way to appeasing those fans who complain that the company never gives the younger stars a chance to shine. Hopefully, 'The Phenomenal' one will keep hold of the belt for some time, possibly even bringing the Main Event Mafia to an end during that time.

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I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:

PPVS: 

• TNA Turning Point 2008 
• TNA Final Resolution 2008 
• TNA Genesis 2009 
• TNA Destination-X 2009 
• TNA Slammiversary 7 
• TNA Hard Justice 2009 

TNA Impact: 

• TNA Impact: January 15th, 2009 
• TNA Impact: January 22nd, 2009 
• TNA Impact: January 29th, 2009 

For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

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PPV REVIEW: TNA Hard Justice 2009

Sunday, August 16th, 2009
Orlando, Florida

With the Main Event Mafia’s stranglehold on the company still as strong as ever, Eric Young’s World Elite faction adding further dissension amongst the roster and The Blueprint Matt Morgan heading to the main event, the stars of TNA look to settle scores and end wars as Hard Justice comes live from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida.

(NOTE: This review was originally written at the time that TNA: Hard Justice originally aired in August, 2009. I found a bunch of my old TNA reviews in my archives recently and wanted to share them on RPW, so here we are.) 

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Here’s how this one went down:

X-Division #1 Contender's Steel Asylum Match: Suicide vs. Chris Sabin vs. Amazing Red vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Daniels vs. Consequences Creed vs. Dinero

The good thing about these multi-man X-Division matches is that you always know more or less what to expect; a bunch of crazy spots strung together some exciting aerial action all set to the usual soundtrack of ‘This is Awesome!’ chants.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that; there are very few better ways to get a crowd pumped up and ready for the show by throwing together your most innovative-yet-underutilized wrestlers into a thrilling spotfest.

And that’s exactly what this is; a fun and exciting spotfest which comes to a close when Daniels escapes the confines of the cage to win the contest.

Oh, and for those of you paying attention at home, Dinero is none other than former WWE could-have-been, Elijah Burke.
Your Winner: Daniels

In the post-match, Daniels gives a strong performance on the microphone as he makes his intentions clear; he’s coming after that X belt.

Cameras then head backstage, where Matt Morgan vows to capture the TNA World Heavyweight Title in his triple threat match against Sting and reigning champion Kurt Angle.

Bounty Match: Jethro Holiday vs. Abyss

Jethro ‘Remember when I used to be called Trevor Murdoch in WWE’ Holiday looks to claim the big reward offered by Dr. Stevie for the total annihilation of The Monster Abyss in a mediocre match.

Not surprisingly, he fails.

After several minutes of average action which really struggles to really crank it up a gear, Abyss lands the Black Hole Slam for the one, two and three.
Your Winner: Abyss

After the match, Holiday receives a telling off from Dr. Stevie, and responds in kind by decking him.

Battle for the Feast or Fired Brief Case: Rob Terry vs. Hernandez

Britain’s own Rob Terry puts the Feast or Fired briefcase containing a World Heavyweight Title shot on the line against crowd favourite Hernandez in a short and sweet squash match.

Prior to the opening bell, Hernandez takes to the mic to remind everyone of his Latin American heritage. Then, he takes out Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams and pins Big Rob in about two seconds.
Your Winner: Hernandez

Backstage, Lauren interviews Beer Money Inc. James Storm and Bobby Roode promise to halt the British Invasion.

IWGP Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money Inc. vs. British Invasion (champions)

It’s always a pleasure to watch Robert Roode and James Storm compete, and tonight is no different as they challenge the team of Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams for New Japan Pro Wrestling’s version of the tag team titles.

With World Elite leader, Eric Young, on commentary and a brilliant chant from the crowd aimed at the Brits (which sadly can’t be printed!), the four men enter into a spirited performance before Young assists his stablemates in picking up the win.
Your Winners and Still IWGP Tag Team Champions: British Invasion

Feeling somewhat annoyed by all this, Beer Money beat everyone up in the post-match.

Backstage, Cody Deaner and ODB hype the next contest with a forgettable turn on the microphone.

TNA Knockouts Championship: ODB w/ Cody Deaner vs. Angelina Love (champion) w/ Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne

There probably isn’t a wrestling fan in the world who doesn’t enjoy watching the TNA Knockouts going at it in the six-sided ring.

Since the formation of the division, the likes of ODB, Awesome Kong and, of course, The Beautiful People have proven to be a breath of fresh air when it comes to women’s wrestling in the states; providing a viable alternative to the ‘smart, sexy and powerful’ (similarly, there probably isn’t a wrestling fan in the world who thinks that is a good strap-line) Divas of World Wrestling Entertainment.

Yet your writer is fairly confident that people would like them even more if they were just allowed to go at it in straight, no-nonsense wrestling matches without any complications or confusions.

As it is, this match is full of both, and it really detracts from an otherwise enjoyable spot of wrestling.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been paying much attention to Impact lately and have lost some of the story along the way, but it never seems to be made clear whether this is actually supposed to be a tag match, or whether it just happens to descend into one by way default.

Either way, some bodged interference from Madison Rayne allows Cody Deaner to get the roll up on Velvet Sky and we have a new Knockouts champion. Is it Deaner? Is it ODB? I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Your Winner and New TNA Knockouts Champion: Either Cody Deaner or ODB

Afterwards, the Beautiful People argue about who’s to blame for the loss. Love and Sky apparently decide it’s all Rayne’s fault.

X-Division Championship Match: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide (champion) 

These two have had some tremendous battles back in their Ring of Honor days, and not surprisingly they put on one of the best matches of the card thus far.

That’s not to say this a classic by any means, but it’s certainly an engrossing contest in which the smaller champion does his best to avoid being destroyed by his much larger challenger.

He doesn’t succeed, however, and Samoa Joe leaves the Impact Zone as your new TNA X-Division Champion.

Your Winner and New X-Division Champion: Samoa Joe.

Backstage, Kurt Angle invites himself into Matt Morgan’s dressing room. The Blueprint is less than thrilled about this, though when Angle promises him a spot in the Main Event Mafia on the provision that one of the two of them leaves with the strap, he seems happy enough.

TNA Tag Team Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match: Team 3D vs. Scott Steiner & Booker T

On paper, this match has everything you could ask for; four of the most celebrated tag team wrestlers going at it in a wild, arena-wild brawl for the gold.

In practice, however, it sadly fails to live up to expectations.

Sure, things start off strong, and it looks to be an exciting contest, but it just seems as though they were given too much time to kill and, as such, it’s very easy to lose interest about halfway through.

Things pick up towards the finish though, and following a double-pin, a look the video footage gives the nod to the Main Event Mafia boys.

Your Winners and Still TNA Tag Team Champions: Scott Steiner and Booker T. 

Backstage, TNA Legends Champion, Mick Foley, runs down the differences between himself and challenger, Kevin Nash.

TNA Legends Championship: Kevin Nash vs. Mick Foley (champion)

Given the advancing years of a champion and challenger who are both more or less past their prime, it’s surprising that this hard-hitting contest is much better than expected.

In a brutal bout with blood, barbed wire and chair-bashing galore, the two veterans battle back and forth before interference from Main Event Mafia girl, Traci Brooks helps Kevin Nash regain the gold.

Your Winner and New TNA Legends Champion: Kevin Nash 

In the post-match, the new champion continues his assault on Foley until, in a bizarre twist, Abyss runs out for the save.

Afterwards, in the back, Lauren interviews Sting, who hypes tonight’s main event.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match: Matt Morgan vs. Sting vs. Kurt Angle

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the main event of the evening as young up-and-comer, Matt Morgan tries to overthrow the two veterans en route to being crowned new TNA World Heavyweight Champion.

Yet after battling his way through a good, but not great, match and working hard to prove that he deserves to be on the same level as Angle and Sting, The Blueprint, unfortunately, comes a cropper on the wrong side of a Kurt Angle chair shot and takes the pin from the Olympic Gold Medallist.

Your Winner and Still TNA World Heavyweight Champion:  Kurt Angle

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Despite all the criticisms levelled at TNA’s product, you have to give the group credit for knowing how to present a pay per view. 

A stacked card with a solid match-promo-match structure helps TNA’s PPV offerings to come across as big events which are above and beyond merely an extended edition of their Impact TV show. 

Yet all the wonderful presentation in the world can’t distract from the fairly lacklustre action.

None of the matches on tonight’s show were particularly bad, and even the confuddling Knockouts Championship match was saved by the fact that, well, it’s the Knockouts (seriously, devote the first hour of Impact to the Beautiful People playing chess, and your reporter would be just as happy), but almost all of them seemed to be lacking that certain special something you’d expect from a pay per view event. 

Which is a shame, because TNA really are not quite as bad as everyone makes out. Then again, they could be so much better. 

---

I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:

• TNA Turning Point 2008 
• TNA Final Resolution 2008 
• TNA Genesis 2009 
• TNA Destination-X 2009 
• TNA Slammiversary 7 

For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

Read More

PPV REVIEW: TNA Slammiversary 7 2009

June 21st, 2009
Detroit, Michigan

The good thing about TNA Wrestling’s seventh annual Slammiversary pay per view being shown three days later on Bravo TV is that, before making the commitment to watch it, your reporter got the chance to ask other people whether they thought it was actually worth watching. 

(NOTE: This is a review I originally wrote live at the time Slammiversary 7 took place back in 2009. I recently discovered a bunch of my old TNA reviews and wanted to add them to RPW, so here we are.) 

The bad thing about TNA Wrestling’s seventh annual Slammiversary being shown on Bravo TV at all is that, when those you ask tell you that it's a very good show, you're then committed to staying up past 1AM just to finish watching it and pull together a few comments.

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And so it is that with weary eyes and a big jug of coffee, your favourite pro wrestling reviewer sits down to review all the action.

Here’s what went down:

King of the Mountain X-Division Title Match: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. Jay Lethal vs. Suicide (champion)

I’ve got to admit, the King of the Mountain match always confuses me a little, but for those even more confused than I am, here’s the gist:

King of the Mountain kind of works like a multi-man, reverse-ladder match in that rather than climbing up the ladder to try and retrieve the title and bring it back down, competitors take the title up the ladder and win the match by hanging it up. But there’s a further twist, in that in order to be ‘eligible’ to hang the title, you first have to gain a pinfall or submission, and whoever you pin or make submit has to spend time in a penalty box.

That any clearer? No, thought not. Don’t worry about the rules though, just sit down and watch this one in all it’s lightning quick, high flying glory. You want insane spots? You want Chris Sabin taking an epic leap off the penalty box into the middle of the aisle and nearly killing everybody?

You want action, excitement, a bit of drama and even a spot of comedy (Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences indulging in a group hug of sorts in the middle of the ring is damn funny!)? Well, you got all that, and a lot more.

Man, this is a fun match, but ultimately it has to come to an end and does so when Suicide hangs the belt to retain his title.
Your Winner: Suicide

In the back, Shane Douglas talks up his match against ‘Don’t Call me Christopher’ Daniels.

Daniels vs. Shane Douglas

The stipulation for this one is that if Douglas wins, he gets Daniels’ spot on the TNA roster. Or something.

Anyway, this is the one match on the card that really could be terrible but actually isn’t too bad. It’s a well-paced, old school affair and though it won’t be winning any match of the year (it won’t even come close to being the match of the night), it’s decent all the same.

Daniels picks up the win with Best Moonsault Ever.
Your Winner: Daniels

In the back, Jeremy Borash tells TNA World Champion, Mick Foley, that he doesn’t like his odds in the second King of the Mountain match tonight. Foley replies by singing ‘He’s Got the Whole World in his Hands’ (update in 2017 - I wonder if Bray Wyatt was watching), but replacing ‘Whole World’ with ‘World Title’.

Ahem. Yes. Anyway.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara vs. Angelina Love (champion)

For those of you new to TNA, you might recognise Tara.

Remember Victoria? ‘Retired’ from WWE?

Yeah, well now she’s in TNA looking fit and healthy and kicking bum. Your Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love, comes to the ring with Velvet Sky and that other woman in tow, and when your reporter stops drooling over the stunning women, it's on.

This is another decent match, not the best either woman has had separately, but still pretty decent and almost immediately it's clear to tell that Tara is much better suited to TNA’s women’s division.

Why? Because these girls actually wrestle, and wrestle well.

I’d hazard a guess that Tara will eventually win the title, but tonight’s not her night as Madison Rayne blinds the former Diva with some hairspray, allowing Angelina to pick up the win.
Your Winner and Still TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love

In the back, Stevie Richards (or rather, Dr. Stevie), Raven, and Daffney are backstage with Lauren.

Raven does his best to creep out Lauren whilst Richards puts over the Monsters Ball match. Lauren runs off and the three weirdos have a group hug. It’s very weird, but then, that’s what they’re going for.

Inter-Gender Monsters’ Ball Match: Raven and Daffney vs. Abyss and Taylor Wilde.

Monsters Ball = Generic Hardcore Match.

And by God what a sick hardcore match this one is!

At times it’s a bit slow and stodgy, especially when Abyss and Raven take centre stage, but whilst both do manage to get some decent spots in, it’s the girls who really impress here.

Taylor is fearless, Daffney is a freaking lunatic, and between them, they steal this one.

A trip through the crowd by both boys and girls is especially fun, particularly when Taylor launches herself off the top of the set and crashes down on her rival. As is Daffney getting hurled out of the ring and squashing Raven and Richards.

But that’s not the best bit.

The best bit comes at the end, when, with the obligatory thumb-tacks spread all over the ring, Taylor Wilde spinebusters Daffney into the tacks with a sickening thud.

Now, there are some people who’ve criticised TNA for allowing a girl to be involved in such violence, but hey, Daffney’s a grown women, and all kudos to her for taking such a sick bump.

Oh, and as for the end? Raven goes for an Even Flow DDT, Abyss counters with a Black Hole Slam into the tacks, and this one is over.
Your Winners: Abyss and Taylor Wilde.

Holy moly, that was intense. Let’s calm things down a bit shall we?

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

If you didn’t know, every match in TNA has to have some sort of stipulation. For this one, if Matt Morgan wins, he’s in the Main Event Mafia.

After Morgan, Sting makes his way to the ring. He’s tremendously popular tonight, but that doesn’t stop him having a really boring match with Morgan.

It lasts all of ten minutes, if that, and apart from Sting hitting a missile dropkick, nothing even remotely interesting happens.

The Stinger hits the Scorpion Death Drop, and we’re done.
Your Winner: Sting 

After teasing all night that Team 3D may not show up (they were in Japan defending their IWGP tag titles just last night), it turns out Ray and Devon are here after all, and they’re set to defend their TNA belts against your writer’s favourite tag team following the demise of Miz & Morrison; Beer Money Incorporated.

TNA World Tag Team Title Match: Beer Money Incorporated vs. Team 3D (champions)

There’s a reason why Robert Roode and James Storm are my favourite tag team; they consistently put on good matches, even against a team like ‘3D, who despite being legends in their own right, are starting to slow down.

The match kicks off and as Don West and Mike Tenay spend the first couple of minutes arguing amongst themselves, they miss out on some really good opening action, including a sweet head scissors from Storm on Devon.

Things progress, and this really does feel like a ‘big time’ pay per view tag team title match. You can fault TNA for many things, but when it comes to running a tag team division, the company are a million miles better than World Wrestling Entertainment.

Part way through, The British Invasion come down to join West and Tenay (who sounds like such a whiny little girl these days) and are brilliant on commentary as Team 3D and Beer Money remain brilliant in the ring.

Not surprisingly, Magnus, Terry and Williams get involved in the finish of this one, causing the distraction to Devon, who gets rocked with the DWI and loses the match.
Your Winner and New Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Incorporated. 

It should be noted that earlier on in the show (I think it was just before the tag bout, but I’m growing tired now), there’s an interview backstage with AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.

After AJ’s done with his piece, Samoa Joe addresses Kurt Angle and says something along the lines of:

“Kurt, I have taken out the rest of the Main Event Mafia, tonight, it’s about you, tonight, we become the most powerful force in pro wrestling.”

Now, when he says “we” is he talking about himself and the man standing next to him, AJ Styles, or is he talking about himself and Kurt Angle?

Hmm, let’s find out shall we?

King of the Mountain World Heavyweight Championship Match: Aj Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle vs. Mick Foley

Leading into this match, everything in the world said it should fail.

Yes, Angle, Styles and even Jeff Jarrett can put on some good stuff, but nowhere near to the level of the X-Division guys in the opener.

Samoa Joe is what he is at this point, which is not bad but barely motivated, but Mick Foley?

Huge fan of the guy but he’s far too broken down to be taken seriously as a world champion and competitor at this stage of his game.

Still, this one actually transpired into a very good match complete with some wicked spots from Foley himself, who surprises the hell out of just about everybody by digging down deep and pulling out some Hell in the Cell ’98 style action.

But that’s not the biggest surprise, folks. Oh no, that comes at the end, when Samoa Joe reveals that the ‘we’ he referred to earlier really was Joe and Angle. The Nation of Violence resident climbs the ladder, hands Kurt Freakin’ Angle the title, and the match is over!
Your Winner and New TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle

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Well, it seems that popular opinion was right, this was a very good show. 

The X-Division opener stole it from the get-go, the tag title match really had a ‘big time’ feel to it, and the main event surpassed any and all expectations. Add in Daffney’s insane bump on the tacks and a fair effort in the girls’ title match, and you’ve got a solid card. Sting/Morgan was easily the worst match of the night, followed by Daniels/Douglas, but TNA Slammiversary 2009 was a good show and one that you should certainly check out if you get the chance.

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I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:

• TNA Turning Point 2008 
• TNA Final Resolution 2008 
• TNA Genesis 2009 
• TNA Destination-X 2009 

For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

Thanks for reading.

Read More

PPV REVIEW: TNA Destination-X 2009

Sunday March 15th, 2009
Orlando, Florida.

This TNA review is from my archives. I'd found a bunch of old posts recently and decided to share them here on Retro Pro wrestling. 

By 2009, I had largely abandoned writing about TNA because their weekly Impact shows were becoming so infuriatingly awful.

Yet where the company did usually come into their own was on PPV. As such, I decided to give them one more shot with Destination-X.

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Man, was that ever a mistake.

Here’s what happened.

Six Woman Tag Match: Madison Rayne, Angelina Love & Velvet Sky vs. Roxxi, Taylor Wilde and The Governor.

The girls go at it in your straightforward women’s match which doesn’t take too long to get started, nor to finish.

Before your writer has time to stop wondering if there could possibly be a worse name for a female wrestler than The Governor, Taylor Wilde has a bridging German suplex on Madison Rayne and ultimately gets the win.
Your Winners: Roxxi, Taylor Wilde & The Governor.

There may be a lot wrong with TNA’s Knockouts division right now but, thankfully, that match isn’t one of them.

There is, however, a lot wrong with this next unsanctioned match.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young

Young answers and does his best to save a pretty sloppy match against that bloke off Gladiators.

Unfortunately for all of us, EY ain’t no miracle worker, and despite his best efforts, he still can’t help Magnus looking as though he’s completely lost out there.

In the end, Bruti hits Tormentum (which is still the worst-looking finisher in all of pro wrestling in this writer’s opinion!) for the three count.
Your Winner: Brutus Magnus

As we set up for the upcoming Match of 10,000 tags, Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out to provide a bit of a distraction.

To wrap up a segment which achieves absolute zilch, Jim Cornette appears, tells Bashir that nobody likes him and we’re done.

Match of 10,000 Tacks: ‘The Monster’ Abyss vs. ‘The Blueprint’ Matt Morgan

Despite the terrible moniker, this could have been a very good, brutal and bloody brawl. Instead, it was a standard big-man bout with the added ‘on a pole’ stipulation and some drawing pins.

Not surprisingly, Abyss absorbs the inevitable tack-bump and thus loses the bout.
Your Winner: ‘The Blueprint’ Matt Morgan

As a fan, no matter how much you defend pro wrestling, you’ll always have moments when pro wrestling will repay you by providing something so bad that you’re embarrassed to sit and watch it. And if you haven’t had one yet, you sure will if you watch this next segment.

One night With ODB Finals

It’s hard to explain this one properly without an abundance of cursing, but let’s try. Basically, ODB has been holding a contest in which one lucky-fan gets to spend the night with her.

The three finalists are TNA wrestler, Shark Boy (and yes, watching somebody called Shark Boy is usually embarrassing enough!), some old bloke and Cody Deaner, who’s actually signed a contract with TNA, so you know who’s won this one.

Jeremy Borash hams it up as a host of a ‘Blind Date’ like segment. In the end, the whole thing is decided by the most cringe-worthy dance contest ever. Deaner wins. End of.

And yeah, that was bad, but things don’t get any better just yet.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (champion) vs. Sojourner Bolt.

This is a disaster. OK, there have been worse matches, but it’s still pretty bad. Sojo comes across like she hasn’t a clue what she’s supposed to be doing when going on the offence, and even Kong isn’t all that on form.

Kong kills Sojo. Kong wins.
Your Winner and Still TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong. 

Hopefully, the in-ring return of Samoa Joe can pick things up a bit next.

Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner

Nope, it can’t.

Good Lord, Joe looks like some fat extra from a cruddy straight-to-DVD film about cannibals.

 It’s a far cry from the days when Joe was going to Kill you. Though, to be fair, in his new ‘look at me, I’m crazy violent’ gimmick, he is actually more likely to, you know, literally kill you.

For all intents and purposes, Scott Steiner is pretty much an after-thought in this match. He gets busted open in the early going then cracked with a lead pipe to win via disqualification.
Your Winner by disqualification: Scott Steiner.

In the post-match, Samoa Joe beats on Scott Steiner some more as they go into the crowd to finish a pretty naff match.

Then, after a quick promo from ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles, it’s on with his match.

TNA Legends Championship: Booker T (champion) vs. AJ Styles

Hurrah! Finally, we get a quality match! Booker T stops being a lazy so-and-so and actually puts some effort in here, though it’s still AJ Styles who really makes this one stand out.

After all the pap on this card, Styles and Booker deliver the goods, and this one wraps up with a great finish culminating in AJ hitting the Styles Clash for the pin.
Your Winner and new TNA Legends Champion: AJ Styles

Before we get to the next match, we get the most ridiculous thing ever.

Backstage, Samoa Joe has gone banana. He’s got his big knife, and it’s got Scott Steiner’s blood on it. Next, he says, he’s going to go slice and dice the rest of the Main Event Mafia.

There’s so many things wrong with this that it would take an age to talk about, so let’s just shake our heads in disapproval and move on, shall we?

TNA Tag Team Title Off The Wagon Challenge Match: Beer Money Inc. (champions) vs. Team 3D

This could be a very good match were it not for the silly ‘Off the Wagon’ stipulation (which essentially means that should the challengers lose cleanly, they’re out of a job) and pointless, over-complicated booking.

All four men do what they do and do it well. The cowardly James Storm gets his team disqualified but Jim Cornette re-starts it, only for Beer Money Inc. to then get counted out.

Why bother?
Your Winners by Count-Out: Team 3D (Beer Money retain the titles)

If you were thinking of tuning out and this point and doing something productive instead, nobody could blame you.

That said, you would be missing out on one cracking match that comes next.

TNA X-Division Ultimate X Match: Alex Shelley (champion) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Suicide vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed

Now, this is what it’s all about! This is by far the best match of the night; a supreme spot-fest of the finest calibre.

It matches like these for which the chant That was Awesome! was coined.

If you want to see a match steeped in storytelling and that all-important ring psychology, there are better matches out there for you, but if you want to see a bunch of talented chaps doing some pretty cool stuff, check this one out.

This isn’t the best X-Division match ever, and there’s certainly room for improvement, but after such a shoddy show so far, it’s a much welcome relief.

In the end, Suicide performs a mad leap off the scaffold, grabs the X belt and is your new champ’.
Your Winner and New X-Division Champion: Suicide

That match was a lot of fun. Shame it resulted in a guy who looks like a wanker bagging the X strap.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (champion) vs. Kurt Angle

This being TNA, we, of course, can’t have a straightforward singles match. Instead, we’ve got Jeff Jarrett as your Special Guest Referee and Mick Foley assuming his usual Special Guest Enforcer role (which means he’ll basically hang around until the ref’ gets taken out then make the final three count).

All the same, this transpires into a decent, if not superb, match with the usual shenanigans in the finish leading to Sting retaining.
Your Winner and Still TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Sting

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No! No! No! Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling’s 2009 Destination X pay per view was bad. It was wrong, it was rubbish and, if I dare say it, it was crap.

The bulk of the undercard was littered with subpar performances made all the more unwatchable thanks to illogical booking and nonsensical gimmicks. When you’ve got a guy running around with a knife and expect people to cheer for him, you know you’ve got problems.

And trust me, TNA have got a lot of problems.

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I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:

• TNA Turning Point 2008 
• TNA Final Resolution 2008 
• TNA Genesis 2009 

For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

Thanks for reading.

Read More

TV REVIEW: TNA Impact - January 29th, 2009

Orlando, Florida

Making good on the promise they made on the last show, the Main Event Mafia are taking over Impact this week.

(NOTE: This review was originally written at the time that The January, 29th 2009 episode of Impact actually aired. I found a bunch of my old TNA reviews in my archives recently and wanted to share them on RPW, so here we are.) 

Despite protests from Jim 'I Have No Authority' Cornette, Kurt Angle takes his station in Jeff Jarrett's office, Booker T and Kevin Nash assume announcing duties, Sharmell is the new backstage announcer and Scott Steiner takes on the role of ring announcer.

It's part funny, part confusing, part incentive to turn the channel. But hey, let's see how it goes.

Knockouts Handicap Match: ODB vs. Sojo Bolt, Rhaka Khan, Raisha Saeed and TNA Women's Knockout Champion, Awesome Kong.

Sadly for the girls, their decent effort in the ring is overshadowed by the broadcasting efforts of Booker T and Kevin Nash, who assume alter-egos (Booker becomes the rambling ‘Black Snow’ whilst Nash adopts the name ‘Chet Lemon’...or something) as they take over the announce table.

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner is, intentionally or not, hilarious in his role as ring announcer. Though it isn’t clear whether we’re supposed to think Steiner can’t read, or whether he actually, legitimately can’t read the notes properly, the number of gaffs he makes whilst trying to introduce The Kongtourage (or ‘Kong-Fucious’ as Steiner puts it), are pure comedy.

Worryingly though, if this wasn’t intentional, shouldn’t Steiner really know the names of the stars on a programme in which he is a central character?

As for the action, which largely plays second-fiddle to everything else, ODB gets beaten up and planted with an Implant Buster for a loss.
Your Winners: The Kongtourage

Backstage, Kurt Angle is loving his moment of power and sends Jeremy Borash off to sell some Main Event Mafia T-shirts as we head back to the ring for one of the oddest matches we've heard of in ages.

Handicap Match: Booker T vs. The Referees (Rudy Charles & Andrew Thomas)

Before we get to the action, Sharmell goads the two zebras out from backstage. Trying to draw some humour out of the occasion, we get Thomas practically wetting himself whilst Charles elicits a sense of ill-fated self-confidence from his amateur wrestling background.

Not that it helps him much.
As you might expect, the TNA Legends Champion mauls the striped-shirts in one of the most pointless matches there’s ever been. Yeah, Booker, everyone’s really scared of a wrestler who can beat up two scrawny, largely defenceless referees.
Your Winner: Booker T

In the post-match, Shane ‘Silly Beard’ Sewell legs it ring-wards and rocks Booker with some heavy fists before he’s finally nailed with a scissor kick.

Sting Stung by Angle

Back in the boss’s office, Sting confronts his Main Event Mafia brother and Against All Odds opponent, Kurt Angle. As he makes it known that he’s less than thrilled about taking on Team 3D in a handicap match tonight, Sting teases a turn back to the good-guy squad; not that his ‘heel turn’ has ever really come off. The fans still love The Stinger, and likely always will.

Sharmell with Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan cuts a decent promo here, and is certainly better on the stick than this writer would’ve imagined. It’s just a shame, then, that he’s out to hype a match against a one-armed man.

Matt Morgan vs. Petey Williams

Yes, I know ‘Maple Leaf Muscle’ has both his upper limbs, but since the Main Event Mafia are running the show tonight, he’s only allowed to use one of them.

Despite the daft setup, this is actually pretty entertaining as Morgan spends the early part of the match swatting Petey Williams away like a well-jacked fly, before finally finding a way to dominate.

The twist comes when the referee sneakily frees Petey’s redundant arm, allowing the little whippersnapper to fly about the place with aplomb before finally tasting the sole of one of Morgan’s giant boots and ultimately losing the match.
Your Winner: Matt Morgan

Afterwards, Morgan and Petey-hater-cum-ring-announcer, Scott Steiner, do a number on the Canadian. Frontline jobbers Eric Young, Consequences Creed and Black Machismo Jay Lethal do their best to rescue their comrade but are eventually overthrown by the ‘Mafia clan in another long and tedious beatdown.

Team 3D Speak

With the IWJP tag titles in tow, Brother Ray & Brother Devon come out to address Sting, Kurt Angle and the Main Event Mafia, admitting that they actually feel sorry for The Stinger and thus don’t want to fight him tonight. They’re still going to though, and that match comes right after another entertaining speech from the former Dudleys.

Handicap Match: Sting vs. Team 3D

Midway through what turns out to be an above-average encounter, Scott Steiner turns the tables in his stable-mate’s favour by getting involved in the match. As does Kurt Angle, who plays his part with a nasty low blow and eventually costs Sting the match by disqualification.

Yet whilst the action in the ring is pretty enjoyable, the maniacal play-by-play efforts of Booker ‘Black Snow’ T stop being funny and are just pretty damn annoying in this match.
Your Winners by Disqualification: Team 3D.

The post-match sees another prolonged Main Event Mafia attack, this one finally is  brought to a halt by the arrival of Abyss, LAX and TNA Shareholder, Mick Foley.

After helping clear the ring of the Mafia boys, Foley goes on to put an end to their ‘experiment in booking’ (which, truth be told, is it exactly what Impact seems to be half the time!).

Further more, the Hardcore Legend gives Hernandez another shot at Sting’s World Title (to be used at some point down the line), puts Scott Steiner in a weapons match against The Monster Abyss and throws Angle in a handicap match against LAX later on tonight.

By now, order has been restored, with TNA’s usual clan of announcers, interviewers and whatever Lauren is supposed to be, assuming their usual positions.

This is when TNA Management’s Jim Cornette joins West and Tenay to drop the bombshell of the century. Only joking, he announces that Booker T will fight Shane Sewell at Against All Odds. Wow, can’t wait for that one.

Weapons Match: The Monster Abyss vs. Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner

With Foley stacking the odds against the Main Event Mafia, this is a weapons match with a twist; weapons are legal for Abyss, but not Steiner.

As matches featuring Scott Steiner go, this isn’t a bad one and ends in another DQ finish when, predictably, Steiner can’t resist the urge to plant Abyss with a leadpipe.
Your Winner by Disqualification: Abyss

Afterwards, Steiner continues the beatdown on his opponent before Suicide returns to the fold, swooping down on a zip-line and rescuing the Monster.

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle vs. LAX

With Angle outnumbered, he nonetheless enters into another solid match against Homicide and Hernandez, finally planting Super Mex with an Angle Slam for the win.
Your Winner: Kurt Angle

You’ve got to admit, this episode of TNA Impact was very much like every other. Some decent action (both in the ring and on the microphone) totally destroyed by a complete lack of logic and an overabundance of really stupid ideas.

The whole ‘Main Event Mafia Takes over Impact’ angle was a direct rip-off of World Championship Wrestling’s ill-fated idea to have the New World Order do the same to Nitro, and it bombed just as badly. So much so, in fact, that you have to wonder whether Foley’s intervention was actually planned or if someone in the back suddenly thought ‘God, this is horrible, get it stopped!’

If you ask me (which, I’ll admit, nobody ever does), TNA needs to find a pay-off to this whole Main Event Mafia programme, and soon. The company’s babyfaces are getting their backsides handed to them week in, week out (heck, even the poor refs aren’t immune from the Mafia) and I’m sure I can’t be the only one growing ever-more bored with this total dominance of the Main Event Mafia. Hopefully, the return of Samoa Joe will help not only put an end to this nonsense, but also make Joe an even bigger star. Here’s praying!

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I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:

PPVS: 

• TNA Turning Point 2008 
• TNA Final Resolution 2008 
• TNA Genesis 2009 
• TNA Destination-X 2009 
• TNA Slammiversary 7 
• TNA Hard Justice 2009 

TNA Impact: 

• TNA Impact: January 15th, 2009 
• TNA Impact: January 22nd, 2009 

For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

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