PPV REVIEW: WWF The Wrestling Classic (1985)

November 7, 1985

Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, Illinois

Regular Retro Pro Wrestling readers may have seen me mention in the past that my main motivation behind starting this blog was to review every single WWE PPV from Wrestlemania 1 to Wrestlemania 30.

Though I’ve since expanded that goal to include every WCW and ECW PPV too, I remain nonetheless committed to covering all of WWE’s “Premium Live Events” from the first three decades following the first ‘Mania.

Doing so means I occasionally have to go back and review stuff I’ve missed like the 1985 PPV, The Wrestling Classic.

Honestly, I’m not looking forward to it:

The World Wrestling Federation were not exactly known for producing a wealth of five-star bangers during the mid-1980s, and that’s before I mention the fact that this show features a 16-man tournament.

Every time I think of one-night tournaments I get flashbacks to the horrendous nightmare that was Wrestlemania IV and I can barely face it.

Still, face it I must, and I shall.

Besides, maybe The Wrestling Classic will be better than anticipated.

There’s only one way to find out, right?

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Let’s get to it.

The World Wrestling Federation Presents Wrestlevision

 

Tonight’s show began with an introduction In which a Howard Finkle voice-over told us that the WWF presented Wrestlevision, without actually telling us what that was or what it meant.

Honestly, I’ve Googled this and I’m still none the wiser.

Perhaps it was an early name the company gave to their PPV specials or something.

Who knows?

If any of you do, please let me know in the comments below.

Anyway, Fink then proceeded to run down all the participants in the dreaded 16-man “Wrestling Classic Tournament” as well as telling us that we’d also hear who had won a Rolls-Royce the WWF were giving away and see Hulk Hogan defending the title against Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Fink then sent it down to Vince McMahon.

The boss welcomed us to The Rosemont Horizon before repeating what Howard had just told us.

Vince then introduced us to Lord Alfred Hayes  and a lady whose name was apparently Susan Waitkis.

I thought she might be a celebrity I’ve never heard of, but another Google search reveals no information about her outside the context of his event.

The legendary Lord Alfred put over tonight’s tournament as the ultimate test of endurance, insisting that it was going to be more taxing than a decathlon and a marathon rolled into one. 

The mysterious lady (are you out there, Susan? Who are you?) Then used a pointer to show us the tournament brackets for tonight as Vince McMahon named the competitors.

The Luck of the Draw

Vince then sent us to highlights from earlier in the day where Mean Gene Okerlund and two random dudes in suits presided over the tournament drawing.

Ricky Steamboat drew Davey Boy Smith’s name out of a bowl and that should be a good match.

Elsewhere, Elizabeth picked Macho Man Randy Savage’s opponent, and Mr. Fuji drew on behalf of The Magnificent Muraco.

A Word With The President

From there, Vince and Hayes sent us back to Mean Gene who this time was standing by with WWF President Jack Tunney and his massive chin.

Big Jack expressed his excitement for tonight’s event and told us that the WWF had “outdone themselves,” probably forgetting that he was supposed to be the head of the company and thus should have said “ourselves.”

The President then told us that the only rule for tonight was that you had to win your match to proceed which was both obvious and untrue.

Surely rules like don’t hit your opponent with a weapon and don’t stay outside of the ring for more than 10 seconds still applied?

With all that preamble out of the way, Vince then sent us to our announce team for the evening, the classic pairing of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

Wow: we’re five and a half minutes into this and not only have we not heard the opening bell yet, but I feel like I’ve already been writing this review for an hour.

Still, I’m not complaining.

Although nothing up to this point was particularly entertaining, it was cool to see all these old-school stars, and it’s been so long since I reviewed a show featuring either Gorilla or Jesse that I’m genuinely excited to hear them again.

The duo were as excited to be there as I was to hear from them, and the two eventually helped us get the show on the road by sending to The Fink for the introductions to our opening match.

Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Corporal Kirschner

As Gorilla Monsoon made reference to Adrian Adonis’ former tag team with Jesse Ventura, the big man from New York locked up with Corporal Kirschner in a very short match that was no different than the kind of thing you’d see on TV back in this era.

Though it was inoffensive, there was really nothing to make this one stand out, and Adonis picked up the win in about three minutes.

Your Winner: Adrian Adonis

After a quick recap, we went backstage where Mean Gene interviewed Adonis and his manager, Jimmy Hart.

The Mouth of the South called his man a superstar before Adrian cut a crazy promo about rewriting the wrestling rule book.

The promo was far more fun than anything Adonis had just done in the ring.

Dynamite Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Back in the arena, both competitors were already in the ring.

Nikolai Volkoff busted out his usual rendition of the Soviet National Anthem while Dynamite Kid stood by patiently.

His patience wore out, however, when Volkoff finished his ditty and began berating the live crowd.

At that point, Dynamite scaled the top rope and let rip with a sweet drop kick, putting the evil Russian away in less than 10 seconds and eliciting two “holy mackerel!”s from Monsoon.

Your Winner: Dynamite Kid

Backstage, Okerlund interviewed Macho Man Randy Savage.

With Miss Elizabeth standing by, Macho Man claimed that despite feeling nervous, he was hyper and ready to go for his match with Ivan Putski.

Something tells me I’m going to enjoy the promos on this show far more than the matches.

Ivan Putski vs. Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth)

Making his way out to the familiar sounds of Pomp and Circumstance, Macho Man entered into an entertaining performance against Putski.

This was another very short match, and it certainly wasn’t one for the ages or anything, but both men tried hard to make the best of what they’d been given and the crowds were into it.

A few short minutes of enjoyable action, Savage got the pin with his feet on the ropes.

Your Winner: Macho Man Randy Savage

Prior to the next match, the mysterious Susan updated the tournament brackets while McMahon and Hayes talked about them.

The duo were interrupted by an enraged Nikolai Volkoff, who ranted to the pair about being robbed in his earlier match.

Not-so-fun fact:

We’re still less than 25 minutes into this. Man, this review is going to take forever.

Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. Davey Boy Smith

It’s a little weird to me that Dynamite Kid had earlier been billed as coming from Manchester but now Davey Boy Smith was supposedly from Leeds when both were in fact from a tiny town called Golborne in Wigan.

That aside, this was the best match on the show so far and could have been something special had the tournament not forces all the matches to remain short.

Just as the match was gathering some real momentum, Smith charged at Ricky Steamboat but crashed into the ring ropes in a move that didn’t look all that painful but was apparently enough to render the future Hall of Famer unable to continue.

Your Winner via Referee’s Decision: Ricky Steamboat

In a display of class and sportsmanship, The Dragon came to his fallen opponent’s aid after the match was over.

Backstage, Junkyard Dog mumbled his way through an awkward interview with Mean Gene in which he called his upcoming opponent The Iron Sheik a “Dubba Dubba Champion” and then said he wanted to congratulate Chicago.

For what, exactly, I have no idea. 

Given Okerlund’s response, it seemed like JYD meant to congratulate one of the city’s sports teams for something specific but had forgotten the name of the team and what they’d achieved. As such, it came across as Dog was simply congratulating the city for existing.

That was an uncomfortable watch.

The Iron Sheik vs. The Junkyard Dog

This wasn’t a great match from a technical standpoint, but JYD was over like rover and The Iron Sheik was a tremendous villain, so it worked in terms of pure crowd-popping entertainment.

After a match that was weirdly allowed to go almost twice as long as the Steamboat/Smith match, JYD head butted the former Dubba Dubba Champion for the win.

Your Winner: Junkyard Dog

Backstage, Mean Gene interviewed Terry Funk and his manager, Jimmy Hart.

Ignoring Okerlund’s question about tonight’s tournament, The Funker first said that he wanted a shot at the WWF title and then in the same breath also said that he wanted Paul Orndorff which made it sound like he thought Mr. Wonderful was the champion.

Clearing things up, Funk explained that he was out to claim the bounty placed on Orndorff’s head by his (Orndorff’s) former manager, Bobby Heenan.

The plan, you see, was to use the bounty money to buy himself a title shot against the man he claimed would be the next world champion, Roddy Piper.

Finally, Hart promised a big surprise as Funk spat tobacco all over the camera lens.

That was crazy, but in a good way.

Moondog Spot vs. Terry Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart)

Prior to the bell, Terry Funk took to the microphone and claimed that he no more wanted to wrestle Moondog Spot than Spot wanted to wrestle him.

He then suggested both men leave the ring and call it a draw.

Moondog agreed and the two began heading up the entrance, only for Funk to reveal his plan and attack his opponent.

The plan backfired, however, when the two made it to the side of the ring where Funk actually threw Spot back into the ring and then immediately got counted out by Earl Hebner.

I can understand people being angry at that non-match, but honestly, it was so ridiculous that I found it absolutely hilarious.

Your Winner via Countout; Moondog Spot

Prior to the next contest, Mr Fuji claimed that Tito Santana had met his match in Magnificent Don Murraco, while Murraco himself insisted that he was glad to be getting in the ring with one of the best.

Non-Title Match
WWF Intercontinental Champion Tito Santana vs. Magnificent Don Murraco (w/ Mr Fuji)

Like the Smith/Steamboat bout from earlier, this was shaping up to be a good match until the dumb finish.

Santana and Murraco worked well together, delivering an engaging contest until the former IC champion dove onto the current title-holder for the three count.

Apparently, however, Tito had his foot on the ropes. You wouldn’t have known this though because the cameraman completely missed it, so when Santana popped back up and caught his opponent off guard with a surprise roll-up that the official delivered a fast count for, it came off as very confusing.

Your Winner: Tito Santana

As Mr Fuji protested the decision, a small but audible “bullsh*t!” chant came from the crowd.

I don’t blame them either, that was such a heel move for a babyface to commit.

Out in the back, Bobby Heenan told Mean Gene that despite not having any men in tonight’s competition, he was here actively scouting for new talent.

Cowboy Bob Orton vs. Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff

This was the longest and most enjoyable match on the card so far.

Though it may not stand up against the balls-to-the-wall bangers we see in the modern age, it was still very good for the time period and looked like Taker/Michaels from Wrestlemania compared to some of the absolute dross we’d seen on The Wrestling Classic so far.

After a very good battle, Bob Orton blasted Mr. Wonderful with his trademark cast and made the cover, but referee Earl Hebner had seen the whole thing and disqualified the Ace Cowboy.

Your Winner via DQ: Paul Orndorff

Next, cameras cut to Lord Alfred Hayes sexually molesting a visibly uncomfortable Susan Waitkis while Vince McMahon watched.

Seriously, that was almost Jimmy Saville-level behaviour right there.

McMahon eventually prized Lord Alfred’s filthy hands off the distressed woman and asked him to tell us about what we’d seen in the first round.

Hayes only had two things to say about each match. Either it was great or a surprise, or in some cases a great surprise (yes, I know, that’s three things).

In a repeat of the last McMahon/Hayes segment, Terry Funk then burst onto the scene and complained about being robbed in his match before threatening to slap Alfred.

Whether the slap was because Terry was angry at his match or Lord Alfred was a blatant sex pest is something we may never know.

Quarter Final 1
Dynamite Kid vs. Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart)

As Jesse Ventura abandoned the commentary table to apparently go and talk to The Macho Man, Dynamite and Adonis gave us a good match.

After the absolute dross of the first 45-50 minutes of this show, it was good to see the quality finally picking up from the Orndorff/Orton match onwards.

This wasn’t spectacular or anything, but it was certainly a solid effort that ended with a win for the British Bulldog member thanks to a flash pin.

Your Winner: Dynamite Kid

Post match, Adonis threw a temper tantrum.

Meanwhile, out in the back, Mean Gene accused Jesse Ventura of being a biased commentator.

The Body refuted such claims, but did declare that he’d been scouting on behalf of Randy Savage and had informed Macho of the best way to beat his upcoming opponent.

Quarter Final 2
Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Macho Man Randy Savage

A precursor to their legendary battle at Wrestlemania 3, this was a brilliant little match that proved that just because a bout only runs to two or three minutes, it doesn’t have to suck.

After a tremendous effort from both men, Savage pulled an international object from his trunks and used it to steal a victory from The Dragon.

Your Winner: Macho Man Randy Savage

Out in the back, Okerlund tried to interview Moondog Spot, but Spot could only grunt and beat himself in the head with a bone, so Gene cut it short and we went back to the ring.

Quarter Final 3
Moondog Spot vs. The Junkyard Dog

JYD came out to “Grab Them Cakes” from The Wrestling Album and then entered into a weird bit of nothing with Moondog Spot.

For reasons that were never explained, there was no official for this match, so Junkyard simply hit his opponent with a couple of headbutts, pinned him, and made his own three count before leaving the ring, calling it a day in bout 40 seconds.

“I don’t think that’s going to be official,” said Monsoon, but apparently it was.

Your Winner: The Junkyard Dog

In our second Bobby Heenan interview of the night, The Brain insisted that he wasn’t worried that nobody had claimed the $50,000 bounty on Mr. Wonderful’s head yet because his time would definitely come.

Heenan was also eager to see Roddy Piper best Hulk Hogan for the title.

Quarter Final 4
WWF Intercontinental Champion Tito Santana vs. Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff

This could have been a great match, but instead the two babyfaces decided to keep things clean and focus on holds.

Santana held Orndorff in a headlock for a bit, then transitioned to a head scissors before slapping on an Armbar.

Mr. Wonderful then recovered and worked on his opponent’s leg for a bit and nothing much happened.

It was rather boring until the finish when the two threw the babyface rule book out of the window and brawled on the outside until they were both counted out.

Double Countout

Elsewhere the arena, Lord Alfred Sexpest continued to grope and fondle Susan, who at least pretended to enjoy it more than she had the last time.

Alfred and Vince ran down the updated tournament brackets, which now gave Junkyard Dog a by into the final as a result of the previous match’s double Countout finish.

So yes, JYD got through to the final by virtue of winning a 30-second match in which he counted his own pinfall.

World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper

Piper came out first with a full entourage of bagpipe players, after which we cut backstage for a Hulk Hogan promo.

Having still not fully embraced the trademark red and yellow attire that he’d become synonymous with later in his career, The Hulkster cut claimed that Hot Rod had backed himself into a corner by running his mouth about being the next champion.

Cutting a charismatic figure, Hogan naturally insisted that he would topple his opponent before heading to the ring for a hot match with a lively crowd.

Though it was never going to be a technical masterpiece, the two were excellent at captivating an audience and played their roles well here, putting on a match that was a lot of fun to watch.

In the end, the referee got destroyed so Piper brought in a chair but Hogan snatched it and whacked Piper with it.

Roddy’s buddy Bob Orton then ran out, but by this time the official had risen from his nap and called for the disqualification.

Your Winner via DQ and Still WWF Champion: Hulk Hogan

Backstage, JYD gave another interview to Mean Gene.

This time, he spoke at 5,000 miles an hour but somehow still mumbled his way through it.

The funniest part was that Junkyard talked about how great it was to be in Chicago while looking absolutely miserable about being there.

Semi-Final
Dynamite Kid vs. Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth)

Dynamite and Savage took a few moments to click, but when they did, it was a thing of beauty.

Unable to get the better of his opponent in the early going, Savage took a breather on the outside but returned to deliver an excellent match that could have (perhaps should have) gone an extra ten minutes without any problems.

At the finish, Savage scaled the ropes, but Kid drop kicked him then took him down with an impressive superplex that was genuinely a major deal back in 1985.

As the crowd went crazy and Gorilla gushed over how they’d never seen such a move before, Dynamite got a roll-up but Savage reversed it and pinned his way into the final.

Your Winner: Macho Man Randy Savage

Giving Savage a break before the main event, we next went to Vince and Susan, the latter of whom looked relived to be away from Lord Alfred but still incredibly uncomfortable to be there.

The duo showed us a clip of the Rolls-Royce that was being given away in a sweepstake before sending it down to the ring to reveal the winner.

In order to do that, Howard Finkle first had to introduce us to WWF President Jack Tunney.

Tunney announced that they’d received thousands upon thousands of entries to the sweepstakes and thanked the fans for their response.

Next, Fink introduced us to WWF promotions manager Basil DeVito who also told us that they’d had lots of entries to the competition but added nothing else.

Then, as it this wasn’t long enough, Fink introduced us to some dude from the marketing company that managed the contest.

You know what he said?

Yep, that they’d had lots of entries.

By this point, the restless crowd were loudly booing, and even though Marketing Dude’s comments were unnecessary, I couldn’t help feel bad for him as nerves were clearly starting to get the better of him.

Finally, Lord Alfred Hayes also told us about how many entries they’d received before revealing that some dude called Mark Hanley (Mark Hamley?) from Illinois had won.

The crowd booed poor Mark like he was the biggest heel in the building, and when Lord Sexpest asked them to cheer for him, they booed even louder which for some reason made Big Bad Al’ laugh his ass off.

As Alfred was talking, you could clearly hear Gorilla Monsoon taking to somebody on the headset, and it was to him and Jesse that we went next.

Monsoon found the fact that Michael had won the Roller to be quite humorous and chuckled about it before sending it backstage to Mean Gene.

Hanging in the locker room, Okerlund interviewed Hogan, who was eventually joined by Paul Orndorff.

The champ insisted that he and Mr. Wonderful watched each other’s backs and claimed that they’d be ready any time

piper and Orton wanted to face them in a match.

Tournament Final
Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Junkyard Dog

Savage hobbled to the ring looking tired and hurt after wrestling three hard-fought contests while JYD sauntered out looking fresh as a daisy after wrestling for 40 seconds in the past hour and a half and getting a bye into the final.

There’s nothing wrong with doing the weary warrior vs. The fresh-faced opponent, but isn’t it usually the face who comes out battle-worn and ready to overcome the odds?

Anyway, this was a fine main event that was given enough time and was legitimately enjoyable until JYD tossed Savage to the outside and won by Countout.

Again, shouldn’t it be the heel doing this?

Your Winner: Junkyard Dog

Post-match, Mean Gene tried to interview the Wrestling Classic tournament winner but they were interrupted by Jesse The Body.

Ventura protested that Savage had wrestled three times while Junkyard Dog had an easy night.

He had a point too, I was honestly rooting for Macho Man because Junkyard seemed like such an unworthy winner.

Deciding not to finish his promo after Jesse pointed out how hollow his victory was, a folorn-looking JYD simply chatted off-mic to Mean Gene before Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura signed off and the credits rolled.

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So, was The Wrestling Classic tournament better than the never-ending nightmare that was Wrestlemania 4?

Well, yes and no.

On the one hand, there was some genuinely enjoyable wrestling here.

Savage/Dynamite was the best thing on the card while Orndorff/Orton delivered and Steamboat/Savage was also a gem.

On the other hand, I think we had like 3 clean finishes in the whole tournament and a lot of dumb booking, especially when it came to Junkyard Dog.

The guy had one three minute match against Iron Sheik, wrestled (and I use that term very loosely here) for about 40 seconds against Moondog Spot and didn’t even get a three-count from a verified official, and then sat around for an hour enjoying a bye to the final.

Then, he took on a Macho Man who had been working his ass of all night and could only beat him by Countout.

All this, and we’re supposed to think JYD has truly earned his tournament win?

It was incredibly stupid, but a good bit of nostalgia with a smattering of good wrestling to boot.

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Other 1985 pro wrestling reviews:

• Wrestlemania 1
• NWA Starrcade '85 - The Gathering

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EVENT REVIEW: NWA Starrcade 1985 - The Gathering

November 28, 1985 
Greensboro Coliseum Complex, Greensboro, North Carolina 
Omni Coliseum, Atlanta, Georgia. 

It's often said that Vince McMahon is a genius, but when you think about it, how many of his ideas were truly original?

Sure, he gave us the game-changing Attitude Era, but wasn't that merely an inevitable evolution from the kind of content surveyed by Extreme Championship Wrestling?

Sure, he gave us memorable angles like D-Generation-X, but wasn't that just in response to the unprecedented popularity of the New World Order?

And sure, he gave us Wrestlemania, an event which today holds its own among the likes of the Superbowl as a veritable institution, but before there was 'Mania, it was NWA Starrcade which held the crown of pro wrestling's premier event.

Now in its third year, Starrcade 1985 was the first version of the National Wrestling Alliance's marquee event to take place after the success of Wrestlemania 1.  In an attempt to prove that theirs was still the biggest and best, Jim Crockett Promotions upped the ante, running The Gathering from two separate venues and once again beating McMahon to the punch before he had the chance to put Wrestlemania 2 in three venues simultaneously.

Would JCP have better luck with this multi-venue format than the WWF would have months later?

Let's head down to both Greensboro and Atlanta to find out.

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Welcome To The Gathering

After a rather spiffy intro that was about a thousand times better than the kind of lame intros WCW would start its PPVs with in the nineties, we got a welcome from our Atlanta-based announcers Bob Caudle and Tony 'The Mustache' Schiavone.

The two hyped tonight's big matches before sending it over to Johnny Weaver, who was handling backstage interviews over at the other Starrcade site, the Greensboro coliseum.

With that, it was onto our opening match.

Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship
Krusher Khrushchev vs. Sam Houston

There will be modern fans who hate this match for its reliance on long-periods of 'rest holds,' but personally, this writer found it to be a decent opening match.

The crowd adored babyface Sam Houston and that made everything he and Krusher Khrushchev did seem like a big deal.

OK, so this kind of match was very much of its time, but if you can watch it in context rather than through the filter of modern pro wrestling, there was a lot to like here.

After a solid effort, Khrushchev demolished his opponent, smashing his way to victory and repossessing the vacant Mid-Atlantic title.
Your Winner: Krusher Khrushchev

Moving swiftly on...

Mexican Death Match
Abdullah The Butcher (w/ Paul Jones) vs. The Ragin' Bull Manny Fernandez

Well, this was a strange one.

It was billed as a 'Mexican death match' but was basically a 'sombrero on a pole match' with the obligatory Abdullah The Butcher bloodshedding.

It was OK for what it was, but I can't help but feel like a Mexican death match should have delivered a lot more.

After a few minutes of Basic Blood Spilling 101, Manny Fernandez hit a move called Flying Burrito because that was the sort of thing that was totally acceptable in the 1980s.

In case you're wondering, it was a flying forearm. It allowed Ragin' Bull to knock Abby on his flabby ass, climb the pole, retrieve the sombrero and win the contest.
Your Winner: Manny Fernandez

Backstage, Krusher Khrushchev was interviewed by Johnny Weaver.

Russian sympathizer Khrushchev thanked The Kollofs for helping prepare him for tonight’s match before claiming that his victory proved that Russia had the world's most superior athletes.

This was a decent enough promo from Mr. Darsow, even if the crappy audio did mean that you could hear his every word echoing around the arena.

Texas Bullrope Match
Cowboy Ron Bass vs. Blacktop Bully (w/ James J. Dillon)

If Ron Bass wins, he gets a five-minute bullrope match with JJ Dillon

Two-thirds of this match involved Ron Bass hitting his former Long Riders partner in the face repeatedly with a cowbell.

Christopher Walkden would have loved it.

Blacktop Bart occasionally fought back, but this was all about him getting his comeuppance in his heated rivalry with Bass and bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig.

The match was pretty decent, though again I can see why some people wouldn’t like it when viewed through the filter of modern wrestling.

After a few minutes of fairly slow action, Bass lept off the top rope with a death-defying Flying Super Cowbell Shot to the Head of Doom and won the match.
Your Winner: Ron Bass

Wasting no time, James J. Dillon immediately got to the ring and started attacking Bass.

Texas Bullrope Match
James J. Dillon vs. Ron Bass

Bass fought back quickly and this one quickly developed into another one-sided ass-kicking until the referee took a tumble.

That allowed Blacktop Bart to hit a piledriver and dump Dillon on top of his opponent.

One three count later and we were done here.
Your Winner: James J. Dillon

Arm Wrestling Match
The Barbarian (w/ Paul Jones) vs. Superstar Billy Graham

Man, they were really going all out with the gimmick matches on this show, weren’t they?

Back at Starrcade ‘84, Superstar Billy Graham had turned up looking like crap and doing a silly karate gimmick for a horrible match with Wahoo McDaniel.

Tonight, he arrived looking more like the Billy Graham for an arm-wrestling match with The Barbarian.

Fun flashback: remember when Dusty Rhodes was doing commentary for WCW and it always sounded like he called Barbarian ‘The Ball Bearing?’

I mention that because its easier than trying to review a worked arm-wrestling match.

Credit where it’s due, Graham and Ball Bearing really did sell this like they were arm-wrestling as though their lives depended on it and were pretty convincing, but it was still just arm-wrestling.

Billy Graham won and I don’t know what else to say about that.
Your Winner: Superstar Billy Graham

Paul Jones immediately attacked Billy Graham and that apparently led us right into a match.

Superstar Billy Graham vs. The Barbarian (w/ Paul Jones)

The actual wrestling match was OK, but again it wasn’t particularly special.

For the third match in a row, we got plenty of blood because this was the 80s and it was the law.

As the end came, Graham locked on a bear hug, Jones then hit him with his cane and that was that.
Your Winner via Disqualification: Billy Graham

Post-match, the two brawled out in the crowd.

National Wrestling Alliance National Championship
NWA National Champion Terry Taylor vs. Buddy Landel (w/ James J. Dillon)

Buddy Landel was claiming to be ‘The Real Nature Boy’ and did his best Ric Flair impression for this singles contest against future Red Rooster, Terry Taylor.

This was another competent match,  albeit one that never really kicked up into the kind of high gear you’d probably hope for.

That seemed to be the big issue with almost everything on this show so far. Most of it was fine, but for the NWA’s biggest show of the year you’d probably expect more.

The end came with a win for Nature Boy thanks to Dillon’s interference.
Your Winner and NEW National Champion: Buddy Landell

No time to waste, the NWA were cramming as much into this show as possible.

National Wrestling Alliance National Tag Team Champions
NWA National Tag Team Champions The Minnesota Wrecking Crew (Ole & Arn Anderson) vs. NWA US Tag Team Champions Wahoo McDaniel & Billy Jack Haynes

So, here we have the Starrcade debuts of Arn Anderson and Billy Jack Haynes while Ole Anderson puts in his second appearance and Wahoo McDaniel continues his run of appearing in every Starrcade so far.

One thing I will point out is the randomness of the theme music on this show. McDaniel and Haynes came out to a very obvious rip off of 1999 by Prince. It was so weird, so unsuitable, and yet so perfectly 80s.

The other weird thing about this show was the commentary. Not just in this match but throughout the entire event, there were entire minutes were neither Caudle nor Schiavone said a word.

Occasionally, they’d chip in with a remark or two but then it was right back to radio silence from our announcers, making for a very odd viewing experience indeed.

Anyway, neither the Ill-fitting entrance music nor the lack of commentary could take away from what was otherwise a very solid match that could have benefited from having a few more minutes tacked onto it.

Otherwise, this was one of the better matches on the card, coming to a close with a win for the Andersons thanks to some shady heel shenanigans.
Your Winners and Still National Tag Team Champions: The Minnesota Wrecking Crew

Backstage, Johnny Weaver interviewed James J. Dillon and Nature Boy Buddy Landell.

In one of the better interview segments from the last three Starrcades, Dillon bragged about being the ‘Bullrope’ champion and about how he knew all along that Landell was championship material.

For his part, Nature Boy insisted that he’d modelled his life after Tully Blanchard, The Andersons, and Ric Flair. He also called himself the ‘world’s national champion’ which I’m not sure is accurate.

Anyway, this was pretty decent stuff from a confident and cocksure Landell.

Steel Cage ‘I Quit’ Match for the National Wrestling Alliance United States Championship
NWA United States Champion Tully Blanchard (w/ Baby Doll) vs. Magnum T.A

My goodness, this was insanely good. Brilliantly brutal and brutally brilliant, it was an intense, impassioned bloodbath for the ages.

At no point did this ever feel like a choreographed wrestling match. It felt like a straight-up fight to the death between two men who legitimately wanted to kill each other.

The blood let cane thick and fast and would have added even more to what was already an incredible performance had so many other wrestlers not bled unnecessarily later on in the show.

Not that it mattered.

The violence was off the charts, the intensity and emotion was something else, and the whole thing was awesome from start to finish.

Speaking of the finish...

Tully Blanchard got a wooden chair into the ring somehow but then smashed it up rather than using it on his opponent. It looked like an odd move at first but then he took a spiked piece of the broken chair and tried to stab Magnum T.A in the eye with it.

Magnum fought back, took control of the spike and jammed it into his rival’s head until the champion surrendered.

Amazing.
Your Winner and NEW US Champion: Magnum T.A

Before the next match, Jim Cornette made his Starrcade debut to introduce his boys, The Midnight Express.

The Midnight Express (Beautiful Bobby Eaton & Loverboy Dennis Condrey w/Jim Cornette) vs. Jimmy Valiant & Miss Atlanta Lively (w/Big Mama)

OK, so, The Midnight Express we’re wearing tuxedos for some unknown reason and Miss Atlanta Lively was Ronnie Garvin in drag, also for unknown reasons.

Together with Jimmy Valliant (making his third Starrcade appearance), they all created a chaotic mess with almost no redeeming qualities.

Sure, this was a straight-up comedy match and that would have been fine if, you know, it had actually been funny.

There weren’t many laughs, but there was a lot of mess.

Thankfully, it was kept quite short and ended when Miss Atlanta Lively kind of just lied down on top of Dennis Condrey for the win.
Your Winners: Miss Atlanta Lively and Jimmy Valiant

Afterward, the good guys stripped Jim Cornette down to his knickers.

Our New US Champion

Backstage, Johnny Weaver interviewed Magnum T.A.

The new US Champion cut a compelling promo, declaring that he’d be ready to defend “the fighting champion’s belt” against anyone on the roster.

Between that match and this promo, it was easy to see why people had such high hopes on Magnum becoming The Next Big Thing.

Steel Cage Match for the National Wrestling Alliance World Tag Team Championship
NWA World Tag Team Champions Ivan & Nikita Koloff (w/ Krusher Khrushchev) vs. The Rock 'n' Roll Express

This was a quality match but it really didn’t need the cage match stipulation, especially since we’d already had an all-time classic less than thirty minutes earlier, and especially since referee Earl Hebner enforced traditional tag rules throughout.

Even despite all that, this was a great effort from everyone involved and the crowd absolutely ate it up.

A Ricky Morton roll-up sealed the deal for him and Robert Gibson earning them the titles.

On another note, Don Kernodle was at ringside for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express. So far, he’d appeared at all three Starrcade shows and yet never once wrestled a match. As far as I know, he was still an active competitor at this stage of his career.
Your Winners and New World Tag Team Champions: The Rock n Roll Express

Post-match, the Russians got their revenge by beating the Rock ‘n’ Roll express to a pulp and taking out anyone who tried to help the. We champions.

Finally, it was onto our main event of the evening.

National Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight Championship
NWA World Heavyweight Champion Nature Boy Ric Flair vs. The American Dream Dusty Rhodes

This match was a perfect reflection of Starrcade ‘85 as a whole.

It was far superior to the 1984 effort but there was still something about it that didn’t quite meet the expectations might have for it.

I mean, don’t get me wrong:

It was Dusty Rhodes and Ric Flair, so it was always going to be very enjoyable. What’s more, it didn’t suffer from the same terrible Smokin’ Joe Frazier ending that Rhodes/Flair ‘84 did, but it just didn’t quite feel like the all-time Classic that it perhaps could have been.

Towards the end, referee Tommy Young got bumped, prompting a run in from the Minnesota Wrecking Crew to attack Dusty. Flair capitalized by making the cover as a new referee ran in, but alas he only got a two count.

Dusty then rolled up his opponent, and one three count later we had a new champion.
Your Winner and New World Heavyweight Champion: Dusty Rhodes

Afterward, a bunch of babyfaces ran in to congratulate the new champion and douse him in champagne.

Dusty Did it For the Blue Collar Workers

The champagne continued to flow backstage as Tong Schiavone got an interview with the new champion.

The American Dream dedicated his match to the textile workers as well as ‘the auto workers and the car workers,’ who were apparently two different sets of people.

He then vowed to remain champion for a long time, bringing this ace promo, and this show, to an end.

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All in all, Starrcade 85: The Gathering wasn’t a bad show. Only the weirdness with Miss Atlanta Lively and Jimmy Valiant was outright poor, but with very few exceptions almost everything else settled around a level of mediocrity.

Man though, what exceptions they were.

Tully Blanchard vs. Magnum T.A. deserves all the credit it gets and is genuinely one of the best matches this fan has seen in years.

Elsewhere, the world tag team title match was exhilarating stuff, and though Rhodes and Flair’s second Starrcade main event wasn’t a classic, it was still very entertaining.

Watch for those matches but don’t feel bad about skipping everything else.

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Other WCW Starrcade reviews:

• NWA Starrcade 1983
• NWA Starrcade 1984
• WCW Starrcade 1996
• WCW Starrcade 1997
• WCW Starrcade 1998
• WCW Starrcade 1999
• WCW Starrcade 2000

Other 1985 pro wrestling reviews:

• Wrestlemania 1

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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Event Review: Saturday Night's Main Event 2 (1985)

October 3, 1985 (aired October 5th)
Brendan Byrne Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey

Following the success of the first Saturday Night's Main Event show five months earlier, the World Wrestling Federation returned to prime time television in October 1985 with a show that proved more than ever that Vince McMahon was always more interested in the entertainment aspect of his beloved sports entertainment.

Sure, tonight's show featured some wrestling, and we even sewed the seeds for the inevitable build to Wrestlemania 2, but for the most part, Saturday Night's Main Event 2 was focussed on a hillbilly wedding and George Steele hiding in a zoo.

Here's what went down:

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Nikolai Volkoff Will Take the Title Back to the Soviet Union

We began tonight's show with Mean Gene Okerlund interviewing Nikolai Volkoff and his manager, Classie Freddie Blassie.

Volkoff had a WWF Championship flag match against Hulk Hogan tonight so, naturally, he promised to win the title and take it back to his homeland.

Blassie warned us that Volkoff always meant what he said, which was supposed to be scary.

Offering a retort, his opponent, Hulk Hogan promised to stay true and defend the red, white, and blue tonight, because whatcha gonna do, when Hulkamania and the US of A run wild on you, brother?

Welcome to Saturday Night's Main Event

Our commentators for tonight's show were none other than Vince McMahon and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura. We got the usual opening words from them, but not before Mean Gene gave us another pre-recorded interview.

This one was with Uncle Elmer, who would get legitimately married later on in the show, and his best man, Hillbilly Jim. The two were excited for tonight, so naturally, that evil villain Rowdy Roddy Piper had to interrupt their promo and rain on their parade.

Ventura was equally as unimpressed with the wedding, telling Vince that all he cared about was the wrestling.

Please Rise and Respect the Singing of the Soviet National Anthem

Nobody rose, of course, and nobody respected it, but Nikolai Volkoff sang anyway after which Hogan told Mean Gene how infuriated he was with Volkoff carrying "our enemy's flag" to the ring.

With all of that out of the way, it was finally down to ringside for our opening contest.

Flag Match for the World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie)

This was billed as a 'flag match,' but that didn't mean it was 'capture the flag' rules or anything like that. It was literally just a normal singles match which each man's flag propped up in the corner.

The match was a good effort by mid-1980s WWF standards, and that's what's important to remember here. Trying to watch these kinds of matches through the filter of modern pro wrestling is always going to make pretty much everything look crappy, so I'm trying not to do that as best I can.

Sure, there'll still be bad matches on these shows. Sometimes things just suck no matter how you look at it, but Hogan vs. Volkoff didn't.

It was a product of its time and it delighted the live audience. At one point, Hogan reversed a piledriver attempt with a simple back-body-drop, and the crowd exploded in a way that modern audiences don't when watching even the most intricate of high spots.

Predictably, Hogan put his opponent away after a few minutes of decent-for-the-time action.
Your Winner and still WWF Champion: Hulk Hogan

Afterward, Hogan tore up the Soviet flag and used it to shine his boots just to ensure that there was some element of the flags being involved in this loosely-defined 'flag match.'

As Hogan celebrated, Vince McMahon encouraged us to stay tuned from more of the best in "wrestling and romance." Somewhere in Japan, Genichiro Tenryu suddenly had an idea.

Whatcha Gonna Do, Brother?

If you were a Hulkamaniac, this was the show for you.

Cutting his third promo of the show (and we were only fifteen minutes in), The Hulkster was stoked about his big victory and delivered a basic "I told you so," message to Nikolai. Hogan was also excited about the upcoming wedding because "it prove[d] wrestlers can be nice people."

You tell 'em, Hulk.

Uncle Elmer Ain't Worried

Backstage, we saw Uncle Elmer's fiance, Joyce, getting ready for her wedding.

Out on the arena floor, Mean Gene asked Elmer himself whether he was more worried about his upcoming match with Gerry valiant or his impending nuptials.

Being a babyface and all, he wasn't worried about either, and when it came to the match, it would soon turn out he had no reason to be worried, either.

Uncle Elmer (w/ Hillbilly Jim & Cousin Junior) vs. Gerry Valiant

About six months after this, Uncle Elmer would compete in what was literally the worst professional wrestling match this writer has ever seen - an absolute farce of a performance against Adrian Adonis at Wrestlemania 2.

That was the bad match against which all other bad matches are judged on this blog. No matter how much a bout sucks, as long as it doesn't suck as much as Elmer/Adonis, that's fine with me.

Anyway, Elmer didn't have the chance to suck tonight. As soon as the bell rang, Valiant ran at him, but got slammed and pinned in six seconds flat.

That was it.
Your Winner: Uncle Elmer

Post-match, Howard Finkle announced that the six-second victory was a new WWF record, beating out the previous record set by King Kong Bundy in his win over S.D Jones at the first Wrestlemania.

Mean Gene then interviewed Elmer, who chuckled at his own quip that Valiant shouldn't have bothered taking his jacket off if he wasn't planning on staying. Haha.

The Bounty is Set

On an in-ring edition of The Body Shop (think Piper's Pit but with dumbells on the floor instead of a tartan rug), Jesse Ventura welcomed his guest, Paul Orndorff's former manager, Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan.

Heenan declared that even though he had previously put a $25,000 bounty on the head of Mr. Wonderful, he was now upping that to $50,000 and would happily pay it to Roddy Piper if the Rowdy One could take out Orndorff in their upcoming match.

Out on the arena floor, the talking continued with Piper telling Mean Gene that he would gladly take out Orndorff, and would happily rip Heenan's head off if he refused to pay up.

Finally, we got some more wrestling.

Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper 

This was the best match out of both Saturday Night's Main Event shows so far, and it wasn't even much of a match. Instead, Orndorff beat Piper senseless around the ring and on the arena floor until the referee threw the whole thing out as a double count-out in under five minutes.

Though that result may have put a dampener on things for some people, it was such a spirited brawl with such a hot crowd that it proved very enjoyable indeed.
Double-Count.

Post-match, the two brawled all the way to the backstage area where Piper locked himself in a dressing room to escape the wrath of Mr. Wonderful.

Uncle Elmer Gets Married

Despite being referred to as "Uncle Elmer" throughout the ceremony, this was apparently a legitimate wedding between Stan Frazier and Joyce Stazko. Unlike normal wrestling weddings that end in some kind of shenanigans, this one was relatively smooth except for the interruption of Roddy Piper.

Hot Rod had spent most of the show being very vocal about his disdain for these nuptials, so it was no surprise when he turned up during the whole "does anybody have any reason why these two should not be married?" deal. Piper had a reason, and that reason was that everybody stunk.

Wedding guest Hulk Hogan saw Piper off, leaving the rest of the ceremony to go unplanned.

As segments go, there's not much else to tell you about it other than the fact that Vince and Jesse talked over the whole thing and then repeatedly asked each other what was being said by the officiant. You know guys, if you just shut up and listen, you'd be able to hear it.

We're The Real Giants

After all that, we went to Mean Gene Okerlund who was standing by for an interview with Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan and his men, Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy.

The two wrestlers were mad about Andre The Giant calling himself a giant because, according to them, they were the real giants.

This was actually a fun 1980s heel promo in all its "We're very angry and shouty" glory.

Battle of the Giants
Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy vs. Andre The Giant & Tony Atlas

Here, the two teams attempted to set a new world record for the least amount of wrestling in a wrestling match. They would have set the record too if Tony Atlas hadn't jumped around a bit during his ninety seconds of ring time.

On either side of that, Andre basically walked back and forth around the ring with King Kong Bundy. It wasn't very interesting, but let's be honest, this was never going to be a classic.

After about four minutes, the lack of action came to an unspectacular finish with a disqualification win for the babyfaces.
Your Winners: Andre The Giant and Tony Atlas

The heels continued to attack the victors after the bell, prompting a Hulk Hogan To the Rescue run in.

George of the Jungle

After a brief in-ring promo from Hogan in which he said nothing of note, we went to a pre-recorded clip in which Mean Gene Okerlund arrived at a zoo in a tiger-print jeep that even Joe Exotic would find embarrassing.

Okerlund's mission was to find George 'The Animal' Steele who, he told us, 'the whole world had been looking for.'

If you recall, Steele had been turned on by his partners Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff at the first Saturday Night's Main Event and ended up reconciling with Captain Lou Albano.

The reconciliation led to that Wrestlecap-worthy episode of Tuesday Night Titans where Lou tried to cure Steele of his mental difficulties by having him hypnotized by 'Dr. Sigmund Zif.'

IT even worked, temporarily, but an overload of the funky brain thing they stuck on Steele's head overloaded, causing The Animal to be crazier than ever. Since then, he'd been hiding out in this zoo pointing at camels, and Mean Gene had come to find him.

Nothing happened here. They walked around looking at animals. Gene said the name of them and then George said which WWF performer they reminded him of. (Hippo = King Kong Bundy, weasel = Heenan, obviously). It was relatively entertaining, sure, but nowhere near on the level of that insane Sigmund Zif angle.

World Wrestling Federation World Tag Team Championship
WWF Tag Team Champions The Dream Team Brutus Beefcake & Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. Lanny Poffo & Tony Garea

Before the match, we were reminded of the time the Dream Team stole a victory over the U.S Express. Mike Rotunda and Barry Windham would be out on the front row to watch this match, presumedly to size up Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake for an upcoming title match, but in a fun pre-match promo, the champs insisted that they didn't care one way or another.

They were the true champions and, to them, that was all that mattered.

The match itself was about as fun as a three-and-a-half-minute match could get in the 1980s, with Lanny Poffo and Tony Garea jumping about the place to make the champs look impressive.

Unfortunately, no amount of leaping for Lanny and his partner would help the challengers on this night. Valentine locked Garea in his patented figure-four, and that was all she wrote.
Your Winners and Still Tag Team Champions: the Dream team

Finally, we went to the wedding reception for Uncle Elmer which was an interesting experience to say the least.

Still wearing his wrestling attire (seriously, imagine being at a wedding reception in your undies), Lanny Poffo read a poem dedicated to the happy couple before singer Tiny Tim randomly turned up and gave Elmer one of his famous ukeleles.

Next, Jesse Ventura decided that he was going to read a poem too though, naturally, his was all about how terrible an idea it was to mix wrestling and romance.

Never one to let anybody else have the spotlight for too long, Hulk Hogan was the focus for the final part of tonight's show. Still sitting at Uncle Elmer & Joyce's wedding reception, he told Vince McMahon that he accepted the challenge laid down by Bobby Heenan.

At the next Saturday Night's Main Event, he would team up with Andre The Giant to face King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd.

I wonder how that turned out.

Never one to let anyone else take the spotlight for too long, Hulk Hogan was the focus of the penultimate spot of Uncle Elmer's wedding reception. He told Vince McMahon that he accepted the challenge laid down by Bobby Heenan and at the next Saturday Night's Main Event, he would team with Andre The Giant to take on King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd.

Finally, Uncle Elmer and his beautiful bride Joyce had their first dance as the credits rolled, and Saturday Night's Main Event 2 came to an end.

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If you're a wrestling purist only interested in five-star matches and lashings of #WORKRATE,  then you probably won't find much to enjoy by diving back to the second Saturday Night's Main Event special. 

Sure, the main event tag team title match was fun, but this wasn't really a wrestling show as much as it was a show about wrestlers. In particular, it was a show about a hillbilly wrestler getting married, with a B-story that would prove to set up Wrestlemania 2's main event.

By rescuing Andre The Giant and Tony Atlas from the clutches of Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy, Hulk Hogan would establish himself a rivalry with Bundy and the two would go onto to have a cage match at the aforementioned 'Mania.

If you're interested in checking out the review of that show, you can do so here. Otherwise, thanks for reading.

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For other 1985 pro wrestling reviews see:

• WWF Wrestlemania 1 
• WWF - The Wrestling Album (Track-by-Track review)

For other Saturday Night's Main Event reviews, see:

• Saturday Night's Main Event 1 

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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