PPV REVIEW: WCW Superbrawl 2000

February 20, 2000
Cow Palace, San Francisco, California

In the year 2000, the annual WCW Superbrawl Pay Per View celebrated its tenth anniversary. Given how poorly some of the company's recent Pay Per View offerings had been, it's probably a miracle that they made it this far.

The year 1999 had been a lousy one for World Championship Wrestling, with most PPVs from that year (outside of the awesome Spring Stampede 1999) being an absolute chore to watch.

The company had started the new millennium with Souled Out 2000, and thought that was better than most of their 1999 shows, it was better in the way that standing in dog turd is better than face-planting said dog turd.

A mild improvement, but not by much.

Still, let's remain optimistic as we head to California for Superbrawl 2000.

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Tonight! Live! The Superstars of WCW!

By this point in the game, WCW had fully realised that the opening video packages they always put together for their PPVs were entirely terrible, and instead resorted to just running down the card.

Here, we were told about such matches as Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk, Lex Luger vs. Hulk Hogan, and a three-way dance between Jeff Jarrett, Sid Vicious and Scott Hall.

Jarrett is the Acting Commissioner, Slapnuts

After an insane amount of pyro, Tony Mark Madden and Iron Mike Tenay.
Schiavone welcomed us to the show and introduced us to his broadcast colleagues

Yes, this was the first WCW PPV in years not to feature Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan on commentary. The Brain had grown so tired and uninspired in his final year with the company that he was gradually being phased out altogether. He'd already been replaced by Madden on Nitro, and would soon lose his job on Thunder by the summer, appearing only on the little-seen WCW Worldwide until his contract ended in November.

That sad little note aside, Schiavone took us to Mean Gene Okerlund, who was standing by outside the office of WCW Commissioner, Kevin Nash.

Okerlund hoped to get an update from Nash about his (Nash's) physical health, as well as a word about tonight's main event.

Instead, a bevvy of beauties were seen leaving Nash's office, followed by a rather smug-looking Jeff Jarrett.

Double J told Okerlund that he had just 'rung Nash's bell' so bad that Big Sexy wouldn't be appearing tonight. Flanked by Ron and Don Harris, Jarrett then declared that, in his role as Acting Commissioner, he would be running things tonight.

His first act of business?

Remove the ban that prevented the Harris Boys from joining him at ringside.

Killing Time

It's at this point that most pro wrestling shows would give us, you know, some actual wrestling. However, this was WCW so that clearly didn't happen.

Instead, we got Schiavone, Madden and Tenay giving us another rundown of tonight's card, this time featuring all of the undercards matches too.

From there, they talked us through every match from a recent tournament to crown a new cruiserweight champion after Oklahoma vacated the belt.

By this point, we were over 10 minutes into the show without so much as a single collar-and-elbow tie-up.

Thankfully, at 10 minutes, 19 seconds, the first combatants began making their way to ringside.

World Championship Wrestling World Cruiserweight Championship Tournament Final
Lash LeRoux vs. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iuakea (w/ Paisley)

As he made his way to the ring, the announcers told us that Lash LeRoux had been calling himself 'Y2-Cajun' and 'The Ayatollah of Shrimpolla' (or something) because WCW apparently had no original ideas left.

Meanwhile, former TV champion Prince Iuakea was doing his Prince Rogers Nelson impression with Booker T's future wife, Sharmell, playing the role of Paisley.

Before the bell, Paisley took to the microphone to thank us for supporting The Artist's creative endeavours but got a slap on the butt from LeRoux.

Enraged, The Artist attacked his foe and held him in place so that his valet could draw back her boot and land it in LeRoux's ribs, right in front of referee Charles Robinson.

It wasn't a disqualification though because for some reason wrestlers could get away with that sort of thing back in the nineties.

At first, this one looked to have all the makings of a solid match but it quickly became so sloppy that it was almost embarrassing to watch.
After a few minutes of mess, TAFKAPI hit the worst diving DDT ever committed to win the vacant title.
Your Winner and NEW WCW Cruiserweight Champion: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iuakea

Out in the back, Norman Smiley was seen getting his ribs taped up in readiness for his match tonight. Smiley had suffered injured ribs at the hands of The Wall on Thunder, so it was important he get them bandaged up.

Elsewhere in the arena, Mean Gene stood by for an interview with Knobmaster Sexay, Brian Knobs.

That wasn't Knob's official name or anything, it's just that these WCW shows are getting so painful to review that I have to find a way to amuse myself.

Anyway, Knobs cut an admittedly engrossing promo in which he ranted and raved about being knocked down from the top of some metaphorical mountain. Tonight, however, 'Nasty Knobs' (that was a name he gave himself) vowed to climb back on top by dethroning Bam Bam Bigelow for the Hardcore Championship.

OK, so this was the sort of loud-and-angry promo that went out of style in the late 80s, but it somehow proved effective here.

Finally, we were shown a mysterious door labelled 'PRIVATE' which caused the announcers to speculate as to who or what it was for.

World Championship Wrestling Hardcore Championship
WCW Hardcore Champion Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobs

Despite the ever-diminishing quality of WCW shows, you could always count on their hardcore division to deliver something at least reasonably entertaining.

OK, so you were never going to get a five-star classic out of a division that featured Brian Knobs as one of its key players, but if you liked watching wrestlers beat each over the head with trash cans and throw each other through tables, you were in for a treat.

This match was no exception. It was a basic garbage brawl from the ring to the backstage area and back again, and though it paled in comparison to other hardcore matches, it was still pretty fun.

Early on, we learned that Knobs had lost the title to Bam Bam Bigelow after his mentor, Fit Finlay, drilled him over the head with a chair. Still, Knobs and Finlay were still somehow friends here, with the Fighting Irishman continually trying to get involved in the match. Knobs, however, demanded to do this one by himself and did so triumphantly by throwing a trash can lid at Bammer and pinning him on the outside.
Your Winner and NEW WCW Hardcore Champion: Brian Knobs

Out in the back, Nature Boy Ric Flair was seen getting overly excited about how good Lex Luger and Miss Elizabeth looked and declared 'Team Package' in control.

Elsewhere, we were shown the separate dressing room doors of Sid Vicious and Scott Hall. Security guards stood by both doors and discussed how nobody was allowed to go in or -oddly enough- out of either room.

Including the earlier Jeff Jarrett segment, that's four times we'd been shown a door tonight. Four shots of random doors and only two actual pro wrestling matches half an hour into a pro wrestling PPV.

I'll say no more about that one.

Handicap Match
Three Count (Shannon Moore, Shane Helms, Evan Karagious) vs. Norman Smiley

This is what pro wrestling was at the turn of the millennium.

Norman Smiley was one of the most entertaining acts in the company during this time period while Shannon Moore, Shane Helms and Evan Karagious were capable of some pretty exciting stuff. Unfortunately, they did not make for a winning combination when put together.

While there were some genuinely enjoyable moments here -Shane Helms practically stopping in mid-air, Matrix-style while hitting Big Flippy Move #838 and Smiley having an impromptu dance-off with Moore and Karagious among them- most of the match seemed rather quick and to the pointless.

After a valiant effort, Smiley ate Big Flippy Move #939 from Karagious and a frog splash from Helms before finally succumbing to a Liontamer from Moore.
Your Winners: Three Count

Post-match, Smiley refused assistance from a gaggle of referees and walked out under his own power.

Elsewhere, we got "Shot of a Door Number Five" before Jeff Jarrett ordered the Harris Boys to find out what was behind Super Secret Mystery Door.

Special Main Event
The Demon vs. The Wall

You remember this one, right? As part of their mission to put their branding on every single thing that could possibly exist, rock band KISS had signed a contract with World Championship Wrestling. The contact saw them play a much-criticised performance on WCW Nitro as well as introducing their own KISS-branded pro wrestler, The Demon. The contract also demanded that The Demon feature in at least one PPV main event.

That, of course, was a largely terrible idea, so WCW got around it by giving us this:

A 'special main event' in the first hour of the card in which The Demon would take on The Wall.

As The Demon made his way ringside, Mark Madden asked Mike Tenay whether he preferred Kiss or Three Count. An irate Mike Tenay verbally tore Madden a new one and sounded genuinely appalled that Madden would even dare mention Gene Simmons et al in the same breath as Helms, Moore and Karagious.

While we're on the subject of Mark Madden, I'd like to take a moment to point out how awful he was at trying to play a heel commentator.

I'd also like to point out that The Demon's entrance was kind of awesome. It was also the only thing about this entire match that was.

Though it wasn't necessarily terrible, it was the kind of throw-away nothingness that would have been best left for Bobby Heenan to comment on over on Worldwide.

After less than four minutes of blandness, The Wall pinned The Demon and that was the end of the whole KISS/WCW Experiment.
Your Winner: The Wall

Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund quizzed Ernest 'The Cat' Miller about the whereabouts of soul singer James Brown.

This wasn't as random as it seemed. Miller had been promising us that Brown would appear tonight, but so far he was nowhere to be seen.

Laughing his head off and clearly in a great mood, The Cat told Okerlund that instead of looking for Brown, he should have been looking for a breath mint and promised that the singer would be there.

Next, Okerlund informed The Cat that his upcoming opponent, The Maestro, had said that Miller should listen to classical music like Beethoven.

"Beethoven?" quipped The Cat. "Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard and Little Richard stole his stuff from James Brown!"

You know, I'm not normally a fan of Ernest Miller but this promo was joyful.

Miller looked like he was having the time of his life and was hysterical in the best possible sense of the word.

Meanwhile, Ron and Don Harris tried to get into the private room, only to find that the door was locked. They went off in search of a key, guaranteeing us all the fun of seeing many more shots of said door throughout the program.

Tank Abbott is a Bad Man

Elsewhere in the arena, Tank Abbot was seen pacing back and forth in an empty room. Next, we cut to a shot of some bald guy who looked like a skinnier Harris Brother also gearing up for war. Clearly, these two men were going to compete next though why they were going to do so, or who the bald guy even was, remained a mystery.

Thankfully, we had a WCW video package to clear things up...kind of.

The video showed us various shots of Tank Abbott beating various people into a pulp and occasionally getting into a confrontation with the bald guy who always seemed to be in the audience for every Abbott match.

These shots were interspersed with shots of Abbott talking about how "he" (the bald guy) didn't know what he (Abbott) was trying to do in WCW and that the two would have a "skins match" tonight at Superbrawl.

OK, I lied. That video package didn't clear anything up at all, it only gave us more questions.

WTF is a 'skins match?"
Who is the bald guy?
What does any of this even mean?

Skins Match (Leather Jacket on a Pole Match)
Big Al vs. Tank Abbott

Prior to the bell, Mike Tenay informed us that the bald guy was Tank Abbott's former bodyguard, Big Al and that the match would actually see them competing for a UFC-branded leather jacket.

For his contribution, terrible announcer Mark Madden told us that he thought a 'skins match' meant the two were going to hit each other with golf clubs.

It's at this point in the show that your writer is really, really f'n confused.

Things didn't make any more sense once the match started. For unknown reasons, Big Al produced a leather belt and insisted that the two of them should be bound by the hands. So it was that they clasped hands had them wrapped together with the leather belt, leaving them with just one hand each with which to punch one another repeatedly.

After a few back-and-forths blows, Al smashed Abbott so hard with a forearm that Abbott was out cold for what felt like an eternity. During this time, Al threatened to do the old "grab an opponent's legs from the outside and smash his nuts against the ring post" thing but then decided not to bother.

Instead, he returned to the ring and stood on his opponent's face. This finally revived Abbott after about five minutes of him taking a nap. The enraged UFC fighter then battered Big Al, carried him up to the top rope and dumped him on the outside like a sack of crap.

Finally, he grabbed the leather jacket and this horrendous piece of whatever it was (I refuse to call it a match) was over.
Your Winner: Tank Abbott

Except, it wasn't.

Abbot next grabbed a knife -yes, an honest to goodness knife- from the pocket of his leather jacket, held it to Big Al's throat and yelled 'I should f***ing kill you!"

Yes, on a pro wrestling show, we got a guy threatening to stab another guy in the throat. Mike Tenay tried to cover for the incident by telling us that Abbott had a pair of scissors and was threatening to cut Big Al's beard off.

Big Al did not have a beard.

Can You Dig It, Sucka?

Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed Harlem Heat. No, not Stevie Ray and Booker T, but Stevie Ray and Big T, the man better known as Fat Ahmed Johnson.

The two were joined by J. Biggs, the former Clarence Mason. As the two former Nation of Domination members stood on, Stevie Ray declared that Big T had been watching his back for years, and issued an ominous and confusing warning to Booker T about tonight's match.

This was followed by a video package recounting the recent rivalry between Booker and Stevie.

If you recall, Big T had debuted last month at Souled Out and joined forces with Stevie Ray.

The two had then hired lawyer J. Biggs to tell Booker T that he couldn't use his music, the flames on his tights, or even the letter 'T' after his name, as these were all property of Harlem Heat Incorporated.

Booker would face Big T tonight to decide once and for all who got the rights to Harlem Heat Inc.'s intellectual property, though not before we got a response from Booker himself.

Continually referring to himself as 'B', the future King decreed that he had never crossed anybody who didn't deserve it and that tonight, he would put an end to all of this once and for all.

Big T (w/ J. Biggs & Stevie Ray) vs. Booker

Winner gets the rights to Harlem Heat

Since he couldn't wear his Harlem Heat tights or use the Harlem Heat music, Booker came down wearing standard wrestling trunks and boots, a look that would actually suit him as he set off on his road to the main event. Music-wise, he got landed with some light and chirpy theme that sounded like it was pilfered from a ride at Disneyland.

It was a move meant to embarrass Booker, though it certainly wasn't any more embarrassing than the match itself. This was basically Booker trying to hold his own against Big T, Stevie Ray and J. Biggs yet continually coming up short.

Just when it looked like he might have the match won, the arena went dark and the bell tolled for Midnight. Yet when the lights came back on, it wasn't Booker's manager/valet/musclewoman who was stood there, but rather some big dude in a leather jacket.

The distraction allowed Big T to hit Booker with the Pearl River Plunge and this one was over.
Your Winner: Big T

Post-match, J. Biggs took to the mic to tell us that we were now looking at the new Harlem Heat Incorporated. He, Ray and T then embraced the big dude without ever once telling us who he was.

Maestro Wants The Cat to Be His Slave

Out in the back, Mean Gene stood by with The Maestro and Symphony (Alicia Webb/Ryan Shamrock). In an awful, cringe-worthy promo, The 'Stro declared that he was so sick of Ernest Miller that he wanted to place a wager on their match tonight.

If The Cat won, then The Maestro promised to only listen to whatever kind of music Ernest Miller decided. Yet if Maestro won, then he wanted Miller to be his 'personal lackey' or you know, slave.

Yuck.

Across the arena, Ron and Don Harris had found somebody with a key to the mystery door but apparently, the locks had been changed so that was no good.

Billy Kidman (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Vampiro

These two had a thing going on where they respected one another but didn't really get along. They'd been adversaries, they'd been tag team partners, and now they were adversaries once again.

As two of the more talented performers competing in WCW back in 2000, it's no surprise that Billy Kidman and Vampiro delivered what was -by far- the best match of the night so far.

It could have been a  lot better too if the crowd had actually thought to care. Unfortunately, they were so bummed out from an hour's worth of crap that they failed to respond to anything Kidman and Vampiro did, which was a shame.

Alas, the two gave it a good effort and finally brought this one to a close when Kidman reversed a Nail in the Coffin with a neckbraker for the one, two, three.
Your Winner: Billy Kidman

On a somewhat related note, future WWE Hall of Famer Tori Wilson looked gorgeous here.

Interview Time

Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed Terry Funk. With Dustin Rhodes standing behind him, The Funker vowed to kick Ric Flair's ass in their upcoming match.

We then got a short video package looking at the rivalry between David Flair, Crowbar and The Mamalukes. The video package was apparently long enough for Okerlund to get rid of Funk and Rhodes and bring in Big Vito and Johnny The Bull.

The two claimed that Flair, Crowbar and Daffney had made them so upset that Johnny The Bull couldn't finish his cheese sandwich, which was apparently a crime worse than death.

As such, the tag team champions promised to destroy their upcoming opponents in a Sicilian Stretcher Match.

Mean Gene was high in demand tonight. Before these two promos, we also saw Sid Vicious leave his dressing room and demand that one of his security guards bring Okerlund to him.

Sicilian Stretcher Match for the World Championship Wrestling World Tag Team Championship
WCW Tag Team Champions The Mamalukes (Johnny The Bull & Big Vito w/ Disco Inferno) vs. David Flair & Crowbar (w/ Daffney)

For the uninitiated, a Sicilian Stretcher Match was basically the same as a regular stretcher match except that the person on the stretcher had to be wheeled all the way to the back.

Sicilian or not, this one was actually a lot of fun, and was probably one of the best things you'll ever see with David Flair in it.

I grant you, that's not exactly a huge compliment, but I stand firm in my resolve that this was a fun match with lots of brawling and a few high spots, most of which involved Crowbar crashing through tables.

In the end, the champions strapped Flair and Crowbar to stretchers and sent them backstage before also strapping Daffney to a wheelchair and sending her out.

Speaking of Daffney, the Scream Queen was a riot here and actually made the whole thing way more entertaining than it would have been otherwise.
Your Winners and Still WCW Tag Team Champions: The Mamalukes

Out in the back, the security guard had tracked down Okerlund and brought him to Sid's locker room. Sid stepped out and proceeded to cut a hushed, psychotic promo in which he promised to take out Jarrett and Hall, and vowed that he would powerbomb anyone who got in his way straight to hell.

How can you not love Sid? The Master and Ruler of The World was amazing.

James Brown is Here

Looking to make good on his promise, Ernest 'The Cat' Miller came down and introduced a James Brown impersonator, claiming him to be the real deal.

This brought out The Maestro and Symphony. The 'Stro demanded that Miller stop messing around and go carry his bags, to which Miller responded by bringing out the real James Brown.

Yes, the genuine Godfather of Soul came to the ring with a huge entourage and joined The Cat in a dance-off.

This didn't really contribute anything to the show, but it was kind of fun to see a genuine legend like Brown show up, and it was clear The Cat was having the best day of his life, which made it all the more enjoyable.

Scott Hall Can Go

Out in the back, a weary-looking Scott Hall told Mean Gene that when he broke into the business you didn't have to schmooze up to the bookers if you could still go and he, Hall could still go.

According to the nWo founder, Jarrett and Sid would find that out later tonight.

Up next, we got a video package for Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair.

This was followed by a Ric Flair promo in which he told Mean Gene that even though he didn't like Texas Deathmatches or 'any of that dirty stuff,' he was still The Dirtiest Player in the Game and would kick Funk's ass tonight.

Flair got himself worked up into a right state here and was, as always, incredibly compelling on the microphone.

Texas Deathmatch
Terry Funk (w/ Dustin Rhodes) vs. Nature Boy Ric Flair

Back at Wrestlewar 1989, Terry Funk had turned on Ric Flair, starting a rivalry which apparently was still going on to this day.

Eleven years later, Funk and Flair worked terribly, terribly hard to try and recapture some of the magic they'd had back in that 1989 rivalry but sadly it didn't quite hit the mark.

Flair got the win after a lengthy battle that failed to live up to the expectations you have to believe both men had.
Your Winner: Ric Flair

Backstage, an angry Hulk Hogan talked to Mean Gene about how his rival Lex Luger had broken both his (Hogan's) and Jimmy Hart's arms.

Promising to draw upon the nasty evilness of his former Hollywood persona, the man in Red and Yellow vowed to break Luger's arm in retaliation and then claimed that he would break Miss Elizabeth in half and feed her to The Total Package.

This was a classic, old-school Hogan promo with an extra touch of viciousness and it was highly effective.

The Total Package Lex Luger (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Hulk Hogan (w/ Jimmy Hart)

This was exactly what you'd imagine a Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger match would be like.

Hogan clobbered Total Package for a bit. Luger clobbered Hogan for a bit. Hogan Hulked-Up and hit the big boot, yet rather than dropping the leg, he asked for his weight belt from Jimmy Hart. Luger hit a low blow, but Hogan bounced back, dropped the leg anyway and won.

This wasn't the worst thing in history but it was, you know, Hogan vs. Luger, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
Your Winner: Hulk Hogan

Post-match, Ric Flair ran in and he and Luger attacked Hogan and Hart until Sting ran down to the rescue.

Prior to the main event, we were shown that the Super Secret Mystery Private Door had been opened and whoever had been inside it had now left, but we had no idea who that person actually was.

No Disqualification Match World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall vs. WCW United States Champion Jeff Jarrett (w/ The Harris Boys)

You know, it was only a month earlier that Sid had battled Chris Benoit for the vacant WCW title. Benoit had won that match, claimed the title and then immediately dropped it and absconded to the WWF.

As such, Sid had found his way to the championship and was back tonight to defend it in a three-way against Jarrett and Hall. The latter did the bulk of the work here while Sid spent most of his time brawling with The Harris brothers on the outside.

It was a strategy that proved effective in keeping this main event short and sweet.

At one point, Jarrett beat up four successive referees before a fifth, Slick Johnson came to the ring. Apparently, Jarrett and Johnson were in cahoots, which explains why the crooked official refused to count to three after  Hall hit Jarrett with an Outsiders Edge.

Ensuring foul refereeing wouldn't ruin the match, Rowdy Roddy Piper came down in a referee's top, with Tony Schiavone insisting that Piper had been behind the door all along.

Returning to the ring, Sid turned the match into a chokeslam party and retained his title in a match that was far more enjoyable than it looks on paper.
Your Winner and Still WCW Champion: Sid

Sid celebrated with his title as the show went off the air, but the real story here was Scott Hall.

After returning to WCW back in 1996, Hall had played a pivotal role in the company becoming the hottest thing in pro wrestling thanks to the New World Order but now his time with the company had come to an end. After tonight, The Bad Guy would be ceremoniously dumped from the company within a few weeks and would never appear on WCW television again.

For fans of Hall, that meant we'd have to wait another two years for him to reappear in the WWF.

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I tried really, really, really hard to like this show. I'm not a masochist. I'm not the sort of person who feels better about themselves by criticising others. If I can praise something, I genuinely will, but my goodness World Championship Wrestling made it so very, very incredibly hard to say anything nice about them.

There was some decent stuff here. The main event, the stretcher match and Kidman/Vampiro were the highlights, but even those matches only really looked good compared to all the crap that surrounded them.

Overall, a decent effort, but not a show I'll be in any hurry to watch ever again for the rest of my life.

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For other 2000 pro wrestling reviews see:

• WWF Royal Rumble 2000
• WCW Souled Out 2000

For more WCW Superbrawl events see:

WCW Superbrawl VI (1996)

WCW Superbrawl VII (1997)

WCW Superbrawl VIII (1998)

WCW Superbrawl IX (1999)

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PPV REVIEW: WCW Souled Out 2000

January 16, 2000
Firstar Center, Cincinnati, Ohio.

Anyone who regularly follows Retro Pro Wrestling will know that reviewing World Championship Wrestling's 1999 PPVs just about killed me off.

The company had started the last year of the decade pretty well but, by December, they were in a creative mess. One by one, each successive pay per view somehow got worse and worse.

Throughout the year, most of the company's top stars mentally checked out. The majority of the matches ranged from mediocre to atrocious, and many of the booking decisions were either dumb, nonsensical, or completely frustrating.

Honestly, watching them was just a trying experience that I almost gave up on this blog altogether.

Still, it's the start of a new year, so maybe, just maybe, the company could turn it around for one last creative hoorah before they shut up shop a year or so later.

Of course, we all know that they didn't.

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WCW's last full calendar year of shows has been universally panned as one of their worst ever.

Still, if I'm ever going to survive, I need simply to live in denial about this and hold on to the hope that somewhere, among all the garbage, there's a few gems.

Off to a good start

Even at their creative peak, WCW's opening video packages had always been pretty terrible, so it was a good sign that Souled Out 2000 didn't have one. Instead, we got a cold open that took us straight to the announce table.

Even more good news came in the form of Mike Tenay, who was back where he should have been, taking his rightful place next to Tony Schiavone and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan after being replaced by the mediocre Scott Hudson at last month's Starrcade 1999.

The trio told us that the card had changed slightly due to injuries to Bret 'The Hitman' Hart and Jeff Jarrett. Those two had been taken off the card and their respective opponents, Sid Vicious and Chris Benoit would now face each other for the vacant WCW title.

The injury to The Hitman, was, of course, the one that would bring his career to an end that year, though for now, even news that The Best There Is... was hurt couldn't ruin the optimism that this just might be a good show.

Sadly, there was one thing that could:

A look at the card.

With each match represented by a crappy graphic that looked like your technology-illiterate grandma had knocked it up on Microsoft Paint, we were told to look forward to such highlights as Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn, Madusa vs. Oklahoma and Kevin Nash vs. Terry Funk.

Still, at least the opening match looked promising:

Triple Threat Theatre: Match 1 - Catch-as-Catch-Can
Billy Kidman vs. Dean Malenko

Triple Threat Theatre basically meant that Billy Kidman had three separate matches tonight. However, these weren't one after the other, gauntlet style, because that would make too much sense.

Instead, they would be split up throughout the show, with a different stipulation for each one.

The stipulation here was 'catch-as-catch-can,' or in Plain English - actual wrestling.

As part of catch-as-catch-can rules, one stipulation was that you couldn't leave the ring. If both feet touched the floor, you lost the match. The announcers told us that this was to stop Kidman running away, even though he was the babyface.

At any other time in the company's history,  Dean Malenko vs. Kidman could have been a classic, but in January 2000, it was barely a match at all.

After about a minute and a half of action, Billy caught Dean with a flurry of offence. Reacting on instinct, The Man of 1,000 Holds obviously forgot the entire concept of the match and bailed to the outside.

When he returned, referee Charles Robison called for the bell.
Your Winner via Disqualification: Billy Kidman

Post-match, both Kidman and Malenko looked furious and stormed off backstage. I'm normally a believer that everything I see on a pro wrestling show is a work, but this was clearly two men who were irate that the finish of their match had been screwed up.

Vampiro hates David Flair

Prior to the next bout, we were shown a video package which recapped Vampiro's feud with David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney. The video package was supposed to help us understand the story between them, but alas, it made about as much sense as, well, as anything else in WCW at the time.

Out in the back, Scott Hudson tried to interview Vampiro about the rivalry, but instead Masahiro Chono, of all people, randomly arrived on the scene and began ranting in Japanese to the camera.

Vamp confronted Chono, but before the two could come to blows, we cut to another part of the arena where Mean Gene Okerlund was standing by with David Flair, Crowbar, and Daffney.

Say what you want about Flair, he had his whole 'sick and demented' thing down to a tee here as he vowed to break Vampiro's bones. Crowbar added that he would then tear Vampiro's flesh and Daffney, that crazy little goth princess, vowed that she would simply pick apart what's left.

That match was next

Three-Way Dance
WCW Tag Team Champion David Flair (w/ Daffney) vs. Crowbar (also w/ Daffney) vs. Vampiro

It would have made more sense to call this a handicap match, which is probably the exact reason why WCW didn't do it.

Regardless as to what you call it, this was at least a pretty entertaining contest that worked by keeping Flair's contributions to a minimum and having the talented Crowbar (Devon Storm) tear it up with Vampiro.

At one point, Flair did get involved to slap the figure four on Vampiro while his partner catapulted over the ropes and splashed him (Vampiro), but a jealous David prevented Crowbar from getting the fall.

The two almost came to blows, but instead, Flair proved himself to be his father's son by stopping for kisses with Daffney.

Not long after, he succumbed to Vampiro's Nail in the Coffin and this one was over.
Your Winner: Vampiro

Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund was standing by for an interview with The Mamalukes, although apparently they didn't like that name and it wasn't officially what they were called.

Anyway, Tony Marinara said he had better things to do, and so simply left it up to Big Vito to generally talk up the team ahead of their next match. In a fairly average segment, Vito claimed that, with Disco Inferno in their corner, he and Johnny The Bull had nothing to worry about in their match with The Harris Boys.

Disco, however, wasn't so sure he could help.

The Harris Boys (Ron & Don Harris) vs. Big Vito & Johnny The Bull (w/ Disco Inferno)

The story here was that Disco was a reluctant member of WCW's resident Italian mobster family and didn't really want to help out at all.

So he simply stood by and watched as Big Vito and Johnny The Bull engaged in a respectably decent tag team contest. This one was never going to set the world on fire, but it did at least hold it's own as a serviceable mid-card bout.

In the end, Vito climbed to the top rope and Disco pushed him off, hoping to cost The Mamalukes the match. Instead, he pushed Vito right onto Ron or Don Harris. A three count later, and Vito genuinely believed Disco had helped him win the match.
Your Winners: Big Vito & Johnny The Bull

Afterwards, Vito embraced a dumbfounded Disco Inferno and claimed to have a new member of the family.

Out in the back, Madusa talked to her new valet/friend/random person Nitro Girl Spice about how badly she was going to beat Oklahoma for the Cruiserweight Championship.

World Championship Wrestling World Cruiserweight Championship
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Madusa (w/ Spice) vs. Oklahoma

Over the years, the Cruiserweight Championship had given us many an epic battle. Dean Malenko, Rey Mysterio Jr., Ultimo Dragon, Juventud Guerrera, Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero and others had all given us so many incredible matches for the title but now, now the Cruiserweight Championship had been reduced to playing an unnecessary role in a joke that nobody found funny.

Madusa had beaten her ex-lover Evan Karagious for the title last month at Starrcade and was still technically the champion, but Oklahoma had the belt because if history has taught us anything, it's that WCW couldn't go more than 90 days without repeating the "heel steals the face's title belt" story.

Prior to the bell, Oki got on the microphone for some cheap heel heat by declaring that even though he wasn't an athlete, he was a man, and since males were the superior and dominant species, he would easily whoop Madusa.

If they'd just had Madusa come out and quickly destroy the challenger for a big pop, this could have been tremendous. Instead, they tried to work a competitive match which wasn't offensively bad or anything but was more than anybody wanted to see.

At one point, Aysa came down to exact some revenge on Oklahoma for an incident that had occurred on Nitro. Yet just when it looked like the challenger was outnumbered by three women, he managed to tug on the weird skirt thing Madusa was wearing and roll her up for the pin.
Your Winner and NEW WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Oklahoma.

Yes, you really did just read that.

Afterwards, Spice and Aysa both held the new champion in place while Madusa poured barbeque sauce over his face and down his singlet, leaving Oklahoma and battered and messy disgrace.

The Student Has Become The Master

Out in the back, new WCW Hardcore Champion Brian Knobs gave credit to Fit Finlay for his recent career resurgence but also promised to destroy Finlay in the upcoming Four the Hard Way match because the student, according to Knobs, had now become the master.

This promo was about a thousand times better than hearing Knobs talk about how nasty he is.

Four the Hard Way match for the World Championship Wrestling World Hardcore Championship
WCW Hardcore Champion Brian Knobs vs. Screamin' Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay vs. Meng

'Four The Hard Way' was basically a cute-but-dumb name for a fatal four-way hardcore match. Get it? Because there was four of them and 'four' sounds like 'for' and 'for the hard way,' is erm...something, I guess?

Hilariously, Screamin' Norman Smiley -always a highlight of the Hardcore Division- came out in full police riot gear. Unfortunately, his choice of attire would prove to be the former's champion's downfall.

After a fairly average match devoid of any real high spots, Meng was dragged out of the ring after knocking Knobs out. That left the champion as easy pickings for Screamin' Norman. He hit Brian with a low blow then scaled the top, only Knobbs to recover and meet Smiley coming off the top with a full riot shield square in the face.

One three count later and it was all over.

This match was proof that more isn't always better. Quite often, one-on-one hardcore matches in WCW were a lot of fun because the combatants could go walking around the arena looking for creative ways to beat each other up. Here, we essentially had five minutes of four men aimlessly wandering around ringside and hitting each other with a trash can.

the results left a lot to be desired.
Your Winner and Still WCW Hardcore Champion: Brian Knobs

Afterwards, Meng embraced Screamin' Norman then threw him out of the ring.

Triple Threat Theatre: Match 2 - Bunhouse Brawl
Billy Kidman vs. Perry Saturn

Up to this point, this was the best match on the card by a mile.

Heading into his second match of the evening, Kidman tore it up with Perry Saturn in a thrilling contest that delivered from bell-to-bell.

It was well-paced, it was exciting, it was captivating...

But it wasn't a Bunkhouse Brawl.

Apart from one single spot in which Saturn sent Kidman sailing over the top rope through a table, nothing about this match would have you believe that it was anything more than a standard singles contest.

Not that I'm complaining. This was still a tremendous effort and probably better than it would have been had the two tried to have an actual Bunkhouse Brawl.
Your Winner: Billy Kidman

Up next, we were shown a video of Stevie Ray wandering through the ghetto, pointing at a homeless person's makeshift shelter and hugging random people who all wanted to know where Booker T was.

This was all to help Stevie drive home his point that Booker T wanted to forget where he was coming from and wasn't proud of his roots, which was apparently enough for Harlem Heat to break up and the two brothers to have a match tonight.

Back in the arena, Stevie told Mean Gene that Booker would always be his little brother, but that tonight, he had to go beat him up.

Booker T (w/ Midnight) vs. Stevie Ray

Prior to the bell, Booker T took to the microphone to claim that it was actually Stevie Ray who had forgotten where he'd come from. Not that it mattered to Booker. According to him, he was done with his brother and ready to get it on.

When they did get it on, the resulting match was...well, it was about as good as you might expect a match between Booker T and Stevie Ray to be.

In other words, it wasn't awful or anything, but it wasn't exactly setting the world on fire either.

Just when it looked like Booker had put his brother away, an out-of-shape Ahmed Johnson arrived on the scene, making his WCW debut by jumping the rail and helping Stevie Ray attack Brother T.
Your Winner via Disqualification: Booker T

With Midnight seemingly too cautious to get back in the ring and help Booker out, Stevie and Fat Ahmed Johnson hit Booker with their finishing moves before Stevie took to the microphone to tell us that the man last seen on a PPV back at WWF No Way Out of Texas 1998 was actually called Big T and that the two were now the new and improved Harlem Heat.

Ever the eloquent articulator, Johnson Big T took to the microphone to garble some gibberish about fish and how Booker T was going to get fried.

It was kind of dumb.

Sid Vicious is Ready for War

Out in the back, Sid Vicious told Mean Gene that despite Bret Hart and his version of the nWo doing all the could tarnish the World Heavyweight Championship, he and Chris Benoit were going to have "a hell of a war" for the vacant title.

To do that, Sid insisted that he and Benoit would have to temporarily throw their friendship out of the window because apparently, the two were friends now.

Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn

Jerry Flynn had been in WCW for a couple of years now but this was only his second ever PPV match. Last time we saw him on a PPV, he was facing Ernest Miller back at Uncensored 1999.

Here, he went up against former UFC star Tank Abbott in what would be Abbot's first WCW PPV.

I mention that because it's more interesting than anything that happened in this short, shoot-style match.

After about a minute of grappling, Abbot punched Flynn a bunch of times then knocked him out with a punch and simply walked off, not even bothering to wait until the referee had declared him the winner via knockout.

Kudos for doing something different, but this wasn't very interesting.
Your Winner: Tank Abbott

Up next, we were shown a recap of the recent Diamond Dallas Page/Buff Bagwell feud.

This had started over rumours that Kimberly Page was having an affair with Buff, but had disintegrated to Bagwell and Page quite literally having a "my d*ck's bigger than yours" argument in the middle of the ring.

The two would square off here at Souled Out 2000, supposedly to determine who had the bigger penis.

Last Man Standing
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell

This was billed as "no rules, no referee," although a referee would obviously have to be present to declare a winner.

I kid you not, this was probably the best match Buff Bagwell would have in his career. Though it wasn't the greatest Last Man Standing Match of all time, it was definitely the greatest match of any kind to include Bagwell, who lay it all on the line to go one-on-one with DDP in a tremendous contest.

The two wasted no time in taking the match to the outside, brawling through the crowd and to the entrance way, where they both tried to simultaneously destroy each other with monitors from the WCW.com 'Internet Location.'

Getting back to the ring, the two continued to lay each other out, allowing referee Slick Johnson the fun of getting the crowd involved for a few ten counts.

At this juncture, Bagwell gained the upper hand and eventually won what turned out to be a brilliantly fun match.
Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

Afterwards, Kimberly Page came down and just kind of looked at Buff Bagwell, allowing DDP to attack him from behind.

Triple Threat Theatre: Match 3 - Cage Match
Billy Kidman vs. The Wall

As Kidman stood in the shiny new roofed cage that made this look a bit Hell-in-Cellish, Shane Douglas came down to insult the crowd by calling them all welfare recipients before introducing Kidman's mystery opponent, The Wall.

Like the majority of this show, the resulting action wasn't exactly terrible, but it was far from gripping. The two worked as basic a big-man/little-man match as you could possibly find, with the cage structure playing so little a role that it might as well have not been there at all.

After a few minutes of pretty uneventful action, The Wall caught Kidman coming off the top, chokeslammed him and pinned him.

Yes, the big pay off to Kidman wrestling three times in one night was that he'd get beat in about five minutes.
Your Winner: The Wall

Prior to the upcoming Terry Funk vs. Kevin Nash match, we got a brief video package recapping the rivalry between the two.

No Disqualification Match
Kevin Nash vs. Terry Funk

If Funk wins, the New World Order is disbanded. If Nash wins, he comes WCW Commissioner.

Although it doesn't look like much on paper, this one was actually an incredibly fun match because both men played their roles perfectly.

Nash met Funk on his way to the ring and proceeded to destroy him, beating him to a pulp then powerbombing him through the announce table. At that point, Nash took to the mic and told a battered, bloody and beaten Funker that if he could crawl back in the ring, he could keep his commissioner's job.

Funk did indeed climb back in the ring, only for Nash to reveal that he was -and I quote- "a lying son of a bitch."

Mr Middle Aged and Crazy made a brief comeback, but this was basically the dominant Nash obliterating his smaller, older opponent before powerbombing him through two chairs to become our new commissioner.
Your Winner: Kevin Nash

Out in the back, Chris Benoit and Sid Vicious were seen warming up for tonight's main event in separate locations.

Elsewhere in the arena, Scott Hudson interviewed special guest referee, Arn Anderson. Anderson beautifully sold Kevin Nash becoming Commissioner as though it were the worst rise to power since Hitler, speaking in a sombre tone as he told us that WCW would change forever with Nash in charge.

He then turned his attention to tonight's main event, telling us that there would be no losers even though that blatantly wasn't true.

World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Match to determine the vacant title
Special guest referee: Arn Anderson

You know how WWE Network avoids mentioning Chris Benoit for obvious reasons? Well on this show they tell us that this is "Arn Anderson in a WCW World Title Match," which is pretty funny.

To give WCW their credit, they made this one seem like a huge deal with super special Michael Buffer introductions and the entire WCW locker room coming out to watch the match from the entrance way.

Benoit and Sid gave them one heck of a show too, the latter man having his best performance ever outside of his Survivor Series 1996 effort against Shawn Michaels.

It was a long, valiant effort that would have been the perfect main event if it weren't for the finish.

Sid got a cover on Benoit, but Anderson rightly pointed out that The Crippler's foot was underneath the rope, breaking the fall.

Benoit then turned around and slapped on The Crippler Crossface. A second later, Double-A called for the bell despite the fact that Sid's foot was underneath the bottom rope even further than Benoit's had been.

It was a screwy finish, but at least it would come in handy when the title would once again be declared vacant the following evening.
Your Winner and NEW WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Benoit

Out in the back, Benoit gave a heartfelt promo to Mean Gene Okerlund, first putting over Sid as a tremendous competitor before talking about how a childhood trip to see Dynamite Kid compete in Edmonton had inspired his life-long passion for pro wrestling.

The Crippler was congratulated by Anderson before being interrupted by Kevin Nash.

Big Sexy told the new champion that he was going to make his life hell and referred to Benoit as "a little turd."

"Yeah?" quipped Benoit. "Well from a little turd to the big turd...Best of luck."

With that, Chris Benoit walked out of a WCW show, never to return.

In his final WCW appearance, The Crippler had finally smashed through the glass ceiling to become the new World Heavyweight Champion, but it was too little, too late if WCW had wanted to keep him among their ranks.

After tonight, he'd be gone from the company and would join Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero in the World Wrestling Federation just a few weeks later.

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So, were WCW able to put their terrible 1999 behind them and start 2000 with a better show?

Kind of.

The truth is that Souled Out 2000 was better than at least the last six months of 1999, but not by a great deal.

Most of the roster looked unmotivated to deliver anything of substance, and out of 12 matches, only three Kidman/Saturn, Bagwell/Page and Benoit/Vicious were actually watching.

The rest of the card, while not exactly terrible, was mediocre at best.

Not a great start then for what would prove to be World Championship Wrestling's last full year of existence.

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For other 2000 pro wrestling reviews see:

• WWF Royal Rumble 2000

For more WCW Souled Out Reviews see: 

• NWO Souled Out 1997
• WCW Souled Out 1998

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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PPV REVIEW: WWF Royal Rumble 2000

January 23, 2000
Madison Square Garden, New York

It's interesting that while 1999 was among one of the financially successful in the World Wrestling Federation's history, it was also, from a creative standpoint, one of its absolute dirt worst.

We've just covered every WWF and WCW PPV from 1999 here on Retro Pro Wrestling and believe me when I tell you, there were times when shows from both companies were so bad that your reviewer seriously considered abandoning this blog altogether.

Still, here we are.

A new year had dawned in the World Wrestling Federation, and as the company marched headlong into a brand new millennium, there came a new sense of hope that things could get better.

With that in mind, let's head to Madison Square Garden for the Royal Rumble 2000 to see whether they actually did or not.

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No remorse

Our show tonight began with a fantastic promo video for the upcoming Cactus Jack vs. Triple H street fight. Splicing together footage of the two at their most violent and sadistic (including shots of Cactus competing in the IWA King of Death Match 1995 tournament) with a captivating voiceover in which both men talked about how good they were and how much they were going to destroy the other, this was a great way to get you hyped up for the show.

From there, we panned the New York City faithful as Jim Ross and Jerry 'The King' Lawler welcomed us to the show. The iconic Attitude Era duo talked up not only tonight's main event but also the Rumble match itself before sending us down to our opening contest.

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Heading to the ring first, Kurt Angle took to the microphone and proved why everybody says he was such a natural at pro wrestling by cutting a very entertaining heel promo that really got the crowd fired up.

Angle then made out like the man he'd be facing tonight was supposed to be a surprise by addressing his "unnamed opponent." However, at that moment, the crowd immediately began chanting "We want Tazz!"

Eventually, the former ECW star himself appeared and went to war with Angle in a short, explosive opening bout.

Trading suplexes galore, the two ensured that the WWF's first PPV of the new millennium got underway in terrific fashion with a hugely enjoyable performance that saw Angle pass out to the Tazzmission, suffering his first WWF loss.
Your Winner: Tazz

His job done, the victor simply marched off backstage as Angle sold the devastating effects of the Tazmission by being stretchered off and given an oxygen mask.

It was a brilliant way to get the newcomer over which makes it all the more of a shame that they never really did much with him.

The Hardys are Ready for Action

Out in the back, Michael Cole interviewed Terri Runnels and The Hardy Boyz about Matt & Jeff's upcoming tables match with The Dudley Boyz.

Terri was just telling Cole how they were going to go out and kick ass when Jeff interrupted, letting her know that it was too dangerous for her to be out there.

For his part, Matt told Cole that even though The Dudleys were 'the masters of putting people through tables' (as if it were a specialist skill), he and Jeff were going to win the match or die trying.

Bless 'em, the Hardys really didn't have much charisma here. This whole promo was seriously cringe-worthy, but at least the two would get better over the next two decades.

Tables Match
The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley) vs. The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff Hardy)

Having dropped the whole stuttering gimmick, Bubba Ray Dudley joined his brother D-Von Dudley in getting some early heel heat by talking smack about some New York baseball star.

Being British and having no interest in sports outside of pro wrestling, your writer never has any idea what's going on when wrestlers use the local sports team for heat. What I do know, however, is that this the exact same tactic that Kurt Angle used in the first match, making The Dudleyz' tactic a little repetitive.

The match itself, however, was highly original, at least for the time.

Both teams traded some pretty innovative offence, building the match into a captivating stunt-fest in which you had to put both of your opponents through the wood in order to win.

Bubba Ray and Matt Hardy were both planted through tables, after which the match developed to a jaw-dropping finish in which Jeff Hardy hit a Swanton bomb off the balcony crashing through two tables with D-Von sandwiched in between them.

That, my friends, was a really good match.
Your Winners: The Hardy Boyz

Out in the back, a groggy and confused Kurt Angle was seen getting checked over by EMTs. As out of it as he might have been, Angle still had the wherewithal to claim that he was still technically undefeated since Tazz had choked him out.

Miss Rumble 2000 Contest
WWF Women's Champion The Kat vs. Ivory vs. Terri Runnels vs. Jacqueline vs. Barbara Bush vs. Luna Vachon vs. Mae Young

With Jerry Lawler on compere duties, a group of sexy young women in their twenties and thirties sauntered to ringside to judged by a panel of old men (and one old woman) which included legends Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, The Fabulous Moolah, Johnny V and Classy Freddie Blassie, the latter of whom received a huge ovation from the New York crowd. Joining them on the panel was Conan O'Brien co-host Andy Richter, who was also somehow qualified for the gig.

One by one, the ladies took turns to reveal their bathing suits, with prudish heel Ivory reluctant to do so but still looking remarkably hot anyway.

Terri and Jacqueline also looked particularly stunning, while Barbara Bush was naturally a thing of beauty too. The Kat, however, wore a bathing suit made out of bubble wrap which was supposed to be sexy but which actually made her look like she was wearing a diaper and was all kinds of odd.

Luna Vachon refused to participate at all, which was just as well as they needed the extra time for Mae Young. Young arrived on the scene as a last-minute surprise and claimed that everybody wanted to see her puppies, much to the shock and horror of just about everyone.

She then began to strip to her bathing suit and strut around the place, which was pretty funny until she literally exposed her bare breasts to Madison Square Garden at which point, the joke had clearly been pushed too far. With the producers doing their best to censor the saggy boobs, Mark Henry came in to protect her modesty.

Finally, Young was declared the winner, bringing to an end a segment that started off sexy, got funny, and ended with more cringe than that earlier Hardy Boyz promo.
Your Winner: Mae Young

Cutting across to the company's new 'entertainment complex' WWF New York, newcomer The Coach made his WWF PPV debut getting mobbed by a bunch of rabid fans while saying nothing of note other than letting us know that WWF New York existed.

Chris Jericho is not a Gentleman

Meanwhile, back in the arena, co-Intercontinental Champions Chris Jericho and Chyna were seen arguing over which one of them got to wear the belt to the ring for their upcoming match.

Chyna, whose theme song literally started with the words "don't treat me like a woman," claimed that Jericho should be chivalrous and let her wear it.

"Chivalrous?" exclaimed Jericho. "What do you think this is, the middle ages?"

Before the argument could get any more heated, Dave Hebner came and snatched the title from them, claiming he'd be the one to take it to ringside.

Amusingly, Jericho first referred Dave as Earl before correcting himself.

Triple Threat match for the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Championship
Co-WWF Intercontinental Champion Chyna vs. Co-WWF Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho vs. Hardcore Holly

Though you might question why Hardcore Holly needed to be involved in this one, it was nonetheless a solid mid-card triple threat match that entertained from bell-to-bell.

Prior to the match, Chris Jericho took to the microphone to promise that the celebration after he won would be the biggest thing ever. He then proceeded to deliver a perfectly acceptable performance against Chyna and Holly before making good on his word and picking up the three thanks to an Asai Moonsault.
Your Winner and New Undisputed Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

I say 'true to his word,' his post-match celebration was really nothing special.

Finally...The Rock has come back to New York City

Out in the back, Michael Cole asked The Rock if there were any superstars he was worried about facing in tonight's Royal Rumble match.

Hilariously, The Great One told us that he had his concerns about Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh, but that if he could get past them, he might have a chance of winning.

Cole, of course, was thinking that The Rock might have a bigger problem with The Big Show, to which Rocky responded by sending Cole away to fix himself a glass of Shut Up Juice then laying the verbal smackdown on Paul Wight.

Finally, The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment wrapped up this awesome promo by guaran-damn-teeing that he would win tonight's Royal Rumble and go on to become our new WWF Champion at Wrestlemania 16.

Though it should go without saying, this was amazing stuff from The People's Champion.

We got two words for ya...

Prior to our final undercard match of the evening, we were reminded that The Acolytes had earned a tag team title shot tonight by winning a battle royal back at Armageddon 1999.

Farooq and Bradshaw had then spent the rest of the past few weeks feuding with Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, with both teams beating the heck out of each other on multiple occasions, and if you weren't down with that, Farooq had two words for ya...

...Ass Kicking.

World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship
WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg Jesse James & Bad Ass Billy Gunn) vs. The Acolytes (Farooq & Bradshaw)

This was the worst match on the card, but that's not to say that it was actually bad.

It was a short and sweet affair in which The Acolytes used their brute power to just absolutely demolish the New Age Outlaws.

A minute or two in, Farooq looked to get the win on Road Dogg, only for Billy Gunn to yank the referee out of the ring, only for Bradshaw to charge at him, knocking both Gunn and the referee flying.

That presented an opportunity for X-Pac to run in, and in the resulting confusion, Billy was able to hit Bradshaw with a Fame Asser for the fall.
Your Winners and Still WWF Tag Team Champions: The New Age Outlaws

Up next, we got another look back at the intense rivalry between Triple H and Cactus Jack.

Street Fight for the World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion Triple H (w/ Stephanie McMahon) vs. Cactus Jack

We'd seen Hunter and Mick Foley have enjoyable matches before, such as their brawl at Canadian Stampede: In Your House 16, their cage match at Summerslam 1997 and, to a lesser extent, their opening bout at One Night Only 1997 in England.

Yet none of those matches could hold a candle to the sheer brutality of this no-holds-barred street fight.

Though it may not be quite as memorable as Foley's show-stealing performance against The Rock at Royal Rumble 1999, this was still nonetheless a fantastic title match that got better and better the longer it went.

Despite a slow start, both champ and challenger worked hard to turn this into a violent, bloody massacre of a match. They used fists, they used steel chairs, they used 2x4s wrapped in barbed wire and they absolutely destroyed not only each other but everything in their path.

Google usually gives me grief for posting shots of wrestlers sporting the crimson mask, so here's a link to the shot of a bloody and broken Triple H.

Yet The Game wasn't the only one to take a beating. In a callback to the aforementioned Mankind/Rock I Quit match, Cactus Jack had his hands handcuffed behind his back and had the crap kicked out of him all the way to the entrance way.

Undeterred, Jack begged for more, but before Hunter could strike, The Rock arrived and smashed his old nemesis with a steel chair, after which a New York City cop unhandcuffed the challenger.

The two then brawled back to the ring where Foley took a vicious back body drop and a pedigree onto some thumbtacks to end the match.
Your Winner and Still WWF Champion: Triple H


All told, including entrances, that whole match lasted over half an hour and you know what? I enjoyed every minute of it.

Afterwards, a battered and bloody champion was stretchered off while the defeated Cactus, being the Hardcore Legend that he was, simply got up and dragged Triple H back for another ass whooping.

To be honest, one of the best parts of the post-match antics was seeing JR & King at their announce table, which had been destroyed and was covered in the spilt blood of Triple H.

Talk about a warzone.

A Word with the CEO

Prior to our main event, we went back to WWF New York where Jonathan Coachman tried to interview a sour-faced Linda McMahon about her daughter Stephanie's nefarious heel turn.

Linda refused to comment on Steph's actions but promised that things would be handled 'The McMahon Way' from there on in.

2000 Royal Rumble Match
Featuring: The Rock, Big Show, D'Lo Brown, Grandmaster Sexay, Scotty 2 Hotty, Edge, Christian, Val Venis, Big Boss Man, Chris Jericho, Chyna, X-Pac, Kane, The Godfather, Rikishi, Bob Backlund and more

And so the Royal Rumble match got underway with a somewhat uninspired effort between entrants 1 & 2, D'Lo Brown and Grandmaster Sexay. Entrant number three was The Rock's worse nightmare, Headbanger Mosh, who sported some rather interested fur cones on his chest. That was the most interesting thing that happened for a few minutes until Rikishi came in at the number five spot (Christian was number four).

The big man cleaned house, eliminating everyone in the ring and even taking out his Too Cool buddies Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty Too Hotty, though not without the obligatory dance break.

'Kishi stayed on a roll, further eliminating Steve Blackman and Viscera before Big Boss Man and Test arrived, at which point the match settled into a fairly basic yet still pretty entertaining Rumble.

Other highlights included:

• Bob Backlund appearing as a surprise entrant
• Mean Street Posse running into attack Farooq and later Bradshaw for seemingly no reason
• Kai En Tai hilariously making multiple run-ins, only to be immediately thrown over the top. At one point, Taka Michinoku got injured, so Funaki continued to do run-ins on his own for the rest of the match, it was pretty funny.

In the end, it all came down to X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and The Rock. X-Pac got eliminated but the referee didn't see it, so he was able to come back and hang out for a while before taking Kane out of the mix. Naturally, 'Pac was the next man to go, leaving the predictable showdown between Rock and Big Show.

After an enjoyable bit of back-and-forth, both men toppled over the top, but Rock was able to hold on while Big Show crashed to the outside.

Not the best Rumble match in history then, but still decent enough.
Your Winner: The Rock

Afterwards, The Rock took to the microphone to declare that he was on his way to Wrestlemania, only for The Big Show to return and beat him up. The two had an intense staredown and trash-talked each other as Royal Rumble 2000 went off the air.

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While the actual Rumble match may not have been the greatest in history, it's fair to say that this was the most fun I've had writing a Retro Pro Wrestling review for a long time.

After the long, hard slog of crash-course TV and sub-par matches that was 1999, Royal Rumble 2000 made for a refreshing change.

There really wasn't a bad match on the card and, overall, this one was a lot of fun from start to finish.

One I do recommend checking out.

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For more Royal Rumble reviews see:

• Royal Rumble 1988
• Royal Rumble 1989
• Royal Rumble 1990
• Royal Rumble 1991
• Royal Rumble 1992
• Royal Rumble 1993
• Royal Rumble 1994
• Royal Rumble 1995
• Royal Rumble 1996
• Royal Rumble 1997
• Royal Rumble 1998
• Royal Rumble 1999

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