TV REVIEW: WWE RAW - October 5th, 2009

WWE Raw 2009 logo
Wachovia Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania

On the back of an impressive Hell in a Cell pay per view, Raw returns with a new WWE champion in Randy Orton, a beaten-up yet victorious DX and some football player called Ben as your guest host of the evening.

Introducing your guest host

Football star Ben Roethlisberger (yeah right, like I’m gonna type that out all night) is tonight’s guest host and despite the mixed reaction from the crowd looks to be in a great mood.

Wasting no time in getting down to business, Ben announces that tonight’s first match will be a Diva Bowl. Strange coincidence, as your writer sat down to watch Raw this morning, he ate porridge from a diva bowl; it had a picture of Beth Phoenix on it and everything.

Ahem…no more bad jokes, I promise.

Diva Bowl: WWE Divas Champion Mickie James, The Bella Twins, Melina, Maria, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Women’s champion Michelle McCool, Rosa Mendes, Beth Phoenix, Layla, Jillian, Alicia Fox & Natalya

Calling it a Diva Bowl, dressing all the girls up in American Football gear and getting Gail Kim out as the referee does little to disguise the fact that, when all is said and done, this is just your typical Raw diva match, albeit one that starts with what can only be described as the wrestling equivalent of a multi-car pile-up.

As Diva matches go, this one isn’t to bad, nor is it anything particularly special, and after just three short minutes, Mickie James rolls up Alicia Fox to bag the win for her team.
Your Winners: Mickie James, The Bella Twins, Melina, Maria, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres

As the divas celebrate in the ring, Randy Orton’s music hits as the new WWE Champion slowly makes his way to the ring.

Let’s go round again

Picking up a microphone, Randy Orton talks about his win at Hell in a Cell; reminding us all that he didn’t need to cheat or take shortcuts to get the job done. Furthermore, says the champion, he won’t be giving John Cena, the man he beat for the title. a rematch tonight.

Naturally, Cena himself has something to say on the matter and, after reminiscing on their memorable performance from twenty four hours ago, challenges Orton to face him one more time.

Both champion and challenger debate the terms and conditions on such a match, and finally agree to face each other in a sixty-minute, no holds barred Iron Man match with both Orton’s title, and Cena’s status as a Raw superstar, on the line.

A tense handshake seals the deal.

Swagger Speaks

Prior to taking on Primo, Jack Swagger reminds the Raw audience that he wasn’t pinned in last night’s Triple Threat match against The Miz and United States Champion Kofi Kingston. With that in mind, The All-American American vows to remain undefeated for the remainder of the year.

Jack Swagger vs. Primo Colon

Due to their short nature, it’s very rare that a squash match is able to be boring, but somehow this one manages to be just that.

Swagger looks impressive, if not particularly exciting, as he kicks off his undefeated streak with a four-minute pasting of poor primo.
Your Winner: Jack Swagger

In the back, Santino Marella finds himself caught up in the midst of a heated argument between the divas. Marella, dressed in referee’s attire, urges them to break it up and implores Mickie James and Alicia Fox to quite literally kiss and make up. Fox slaps the Italian in the chops and he scurries off down the hall as the girls continue to scrap.

Bragging Rights

Raw commentators Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole announce that the aforementioned Iron Man Match between Randy Orton and John Cena will take place at the next pay per view, Bragging Rights. Not only that, but the event will see the winners of all the Smackdown matches team up to take on all the winners of the Raw matches 'for,' announces Cole with a huge smile on his face like he just got the punchline, “bragging rights.”

He’s The Miz and he is…awful?

Backstage, The Miz implores tonight’s host ‘Big Ben’ to give him another shot at Kofi Kingston’s United States championship. Ben complies with the request, but adds the stipulation that, should The Miz loose, he must take to the microphone and announce the world that he is awful.

MVP & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters

It takes less than three minutes for MVP and Mark Henry to roll over their opponents in a reasonably entertaining fashion, thanks in large part to some miscommunication on the part of Guerrero and Masters.
Your Winners: Mark Henry and Chavo Guerrero

In the post match, Masters, unhappy with the loss, lays into Chavo and applies the Master Lock. Repaying the favour from last week, Hornswoggle runs out, making the save by biting Masters on the leg.

Chavo and Hornswoggle see to it that Masters leaves the ring, only for the little leprechaun to taunt Guerrero with some DX-like chops leaving Chavo, this writer, and everybody else, utterly confused.

Big Ben’s back, and this time, he’s got company 

Tonight’s host returns to the ring, yet before he an utter a word, Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho and The Big Show arrive on the scene.

With Jericho displaying his always-brilliant comic timing, Big Show plays the straight man as he mocks Big Ben’s size and insists that Ben’s offensive line can’t possibly be as big as The World’s Largest Athlete.

Hoping to find out for sure, the host calls out his buddies. They’re not as big as ‘Show, but come to the ring anyway and threaten to charge into the champions.

Smarter than your average couple of bears, Jerishow bail, only to be confronted by DX, who waste no time in challenging the champs to match.

Ben makes it official and celebrates with Michaels and Triple H, as his teammates bounce around the ring like little kids on Christmas morning.

WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston defends against The Miz

In a very enjoyable contest packed with near-falls, Kingston and Miz display great chemistry together as they compete for the US title.

Kingston takes it to his opponent, seemingly knocking him out cold with a huge kick that sends the challenger flailing to the outside. Unwilling to take the count-out victory, the champion rolls his opponent back inside the ring where, after several more explosive near-falls, this thrilling match culminates with The Miz rolling up Kingston for the three count.
Your Winner and new United States Championship: The Miz

Revelling in his victory, Miz takes to the microphone with a reminder that he is The Miz and he is awesome. This writer is inclined to agree.


Cameras head to the back, where Hornswoggle is excited to meet Big Ben, and seems to be suggesting that the host pick him up and hurl him like a football (or something). Santino Marella interrupts, urging Ben to do something about the earlier fracas amongst the divas which resulted in the Italian taking a slap to the chops.

Since no Santino segment would be complete without a bit of comedy, he then proceeds to mispronounce Ben Surf ‘n’ Turf/Rottenburger/Rock ‘n’ Roller’s last name several times, followed by an apology that his Italian accent makes it difficult to pronounce names.

Some how, all it takes is a swift slap to the chops from Hornswoggle, for Marella to get it right and promptly wonder off.

“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” cries Michael Cole, apparently forgetting all about his embarrassing show at Friday’s Smackdown party.

Next week’s hosts

Will be Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell and Maria Menounos.

Non-title match: Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H)

Showing little sign of the beating they took twenty four hours ago at the hands of Legacy, Triple H and Shawn Michaels enter into a spirited performance against the tag team champions in an exciting main event.

Both teams work well together to create a fun, nineteen minute bout which comes to an end when HBK hits the Sweet Chin Music on Jericho for the win, no doubt setting up a title match come Bragging Rights.
Your Winners: DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H)

Afterwards, Big Ben and his buddies head to the ring to celebrate as Raw draws to a close.

Final Thoughts:

Despite the less-than-stellar start, this week’s edition of WWE Raw gradually evolved into a good show.

Miz taking the title from Kofi in an a great bout and DX picking up the win over Jerishow in an enthralling main event more than made up for weaker moments such as the Diva Bowl and the Swagger/Primo snorefest.

Yet the big news coming from tonight’s show was the announcement of a sixty man Iron Man match at upcoming pay per view, Bragging Rights. For new fans not familiar with the concept, an Iron Man match sees two men compete for a set period of time (in this case, an hour) and whoever picks up the most falls wins the bout. Cena and Orton have battled each other on three consecutive pay per views over the last several months, and whilst a fourth, hour-long, bout could be seen as overkill, it does seem that Bragging Rights will finally put an end to their rivalry once and for all. What’s more, providing Triple H stays tied up with the DX thing until at least Christmas time, it will be interesting to see who steps up to the plate in the weeks leading up to Survivor Series to challenge the winner of Orton/Cena for the title.

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