Mega Powers Running Wild!

The legendary 'Macho man' Randy Savage teams up with 'The Immortal' Hulk Hogan to take on Ted Dibiase and Andre The Giant in the first ever WWF Summerslam!

Shawn Micahels vs. Mankind

The Heartbreak Kid defends the WWF Championship against Mankind in a thrilling main event at WWF In Your House: Mind Games.

The Birth of the nWo

From Hulk Hogan's shocking turn at WCW Bash at the Beach 1996 to the addition of Ted Dibiase, THe Giant Syxx and more, relive the very beginning of the New World Order.

Austin 3:16 Says I Just Kicked Your Ass

It's one of the most famous promos of all time; Stone Cold Steve Austin wins the 1996 King of The Ring and serves notice on all the WWF superstars. Check it out in our complete review

Wrestlemania 12 Review

The boyhood dream comes true as Shawn Michaels battles champion Bret 'The Hitman' Hart in a classic 1-hour iron man match. Plus, Diesel vs. Undertaker and more.

WCW Fall Brawl 1996 Review

Was Sting in cahoots with the New World Order? Would Lex Luger be able to get along with the Four Horsemen as they faced the nWo in War Games? Find out in this review

Thursday, 31 October 2019

Movie Review: Monster Brawl (2011)

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Movie Poster
If you take your pro wrestling seriously, you may hate Monster Brawl. If you take your horror seriously, you may hate it even more. 

If, on the other hand, you've got a good sense of humour and can laugh at some of the more ridiculous things that pass for entertainment, then you may just find this 2011 horror comedy starring Kevin Nash and Jimmy Hart to be a great deal of fun.

Like Celebrity Deathmatch combined with the goofiest parts of the Evil Dead franchise and the most over-the-top elements of pro wrestling, Monster Brawl is ridiculous, far-fetched and at times, quite terrible.

However, it's terrible in a kind of so-bad-it's-good way, which already makes it way better than last week's movie, Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies, which was just terrible in a so-bad-it's-awful way.

The most interesting thing about this movie is that it's hardly a movie at all.

There's no real plot to speak of and certainly no character dedevelopment, but that isn't really the criticism it would be if it were applied to a different film.

You see, rather than being a traditional movie, Monster Brawl is basically a fictionalized pro wrestling show. albeit with monsters, ghouls and The Mouth of South as a hyperactive ring announcer.






As such, it's probably best if we review it just like any other pro wrestling event...

*This review contains spoilers*

Monsters Shall Shape the Fortune of All Mankind

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Buzz Chambers (Dave Foley) and Sasquatch Sid (Art Hindle)
All good pro wrestling shows begin with an opening video package, and Monster Brawl is certainly no different.

With eerie music playing, our event gets underway by giving us a quick glimpse at the various competitors as an ominous voice tells us that these ghosts, goblins, and ghouls have been summoned to fight and that somehow, this means that monsters shall shape our future.

Yeah, I don't get that either, nor is it explained by our announce team Buzz Chambers (Dave Foley) and 'former champion' Sasquatch Sid (Art hindle).

Introducing Your Competitors 

What the duo do tell us is that tonight we'll see eight fiendish foes battle it out in two distinct 'conferences.'


Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Witch Bitch played by Holly Letkeman (Rosemary)
With such imaginatively creative names as Zombie Man, Lady Vampire, Mummy and Frankenstein, it's probably fair to say that the writers of this low-rent monster mash probably weren't at their peak when they came up with characters for the Undead Conference.

The addition of Werewolf, Cyclops, and Swamp Gut in the Creatures Conference isn't much better, though to be fair, this group does give us the wonderfully named Witch Bitch. 

Honestly, that maybe my favourite wrestling name since Razor Ramon Hard Gay.

I love it because it leaves absolutely no doubt as to what her character is supposed to be. She's a witch, right? But not just any witch. She's also -get this- a bitch!

I'm already rooting for her to win the whole thing, and we haven't even gotten to the ring yet.

Nor will we for some time.

Introducing The Mouth of the South 

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Jimmy Hart arrives on the scene
Of course, you can't have a pro wrestling show without a ring announcer, which is apparently why Jimmy Hart was hired.

In fairness to Hart, he's hilarious here, arriving into the graveyard arena on a cart being pulled by some kind of hunchback troll.

"Come on baby, step on it. I'm gonna be late for the Monster Brawl!" he cries in a way that manages to effortlessly blend The Mouth of the South character you know from TV into a cornball horror setting.

Finally arriving on the scene, Hart can barely contain his excitement about what we're about to witness.

"Tonight, we're gonn have a blistering, bickering brawl, a devastating, disgusting donnybrook, and a freakish, full-on FRACKAS!" he shrieks with such unabashed enthusiasm that you can't help but smile.

God bless Jimmy Hart, this is great.

The Genesis of Monster Brawl

What's not so great is Jimmy's first assignment of the evening, a sitdown interview with 'unemployed, small-town wrestling promoter' Jacob Blackburn (Jason Deline) who tells us that he put together tonight's event because he loves wrestling and monsters.

I get it, this is supposed to give you some backstory to the event, but there's two problems with it:

1: It's so boring that even Jimmy Hart visibly yawns on camera.

2: It kind of takes away from the idea that this is some kind of mystical, supernatural gathering of creatures summoned by a higher power.

Still, this is a movie featuring an obese swamp creature and a werewolf, so maybe I shouldn't read too much into things.

We also get a minute of Sasquatch Sid interviewing our referee for the evening, legit UFC official, Herb Dean.

Dean tells us that there are basically no rules tonight. His job is to 'cut down on groin shots' and stop managers from interfering.

Finally, we get down to our opening contest.

Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch 

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch


Well, I mean, we kind of do.

Before the bell, Monster Brawl sets up the format that will run throughout the show:

Backstories for each combatant, a promo from each combatant, and finally, some in-ring action.

In this universe, Cyclops is apparently a Scottish blacksmith who traded his eyes to Hades for the ability to see the future and has regretted it ever since. Meanwhile, Witch Bitch comes from a small town in Massachusetts yet for some reason speaks with a cockney accent.

She agrees to join the tournament after being called -and I quote- "The worst witch ever!" by the local townsfolk. 

I mean as if it wasn't bad enough being a witch, now you're the worst witch ever? No wonder she was pissed off and looking to fight something.
Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Cyclops cuts a promo on Witch Bitch
Admittedly, the promos are pretty great.

"Normally, I would not fight woman," admits Cyclops, who apparently did a Kofi Kingston and dropped his accent for no reason..."But this witch....IS A BITCH!"

Yeah! Right on!

Eventually, we get to the ring for our opening match 17 minutes into the show.

Honestly, it's like watching a mid-90sWCW show all over again. 

Both fiends come out swinging before Witch Bitch hits her foe with what Sasquatch Sid brilliantly calls 'a dirty kick to the dick.'

True to his word, Herb Dean tells her off. So, after getting her face pummelled in by a hammer-wielding Cyclops, she pulls out a rusty meat cleaver and slits the official's throat.

Alas, even a murder weapon can't save the Bitch. A few moments later, Cyclops blasts her in the face with a frickin laser beam from his eye, setting a record for Most Bullshit Match Finish that wouldn't be broken until Hell in a Cell 2019.
Your Winner: Cyclops

It's at this point that I should probably point out that Witch Bitch is played by Holly Letkeman, better known to you and me as former Impact Knockouts Champion Rosemary.

The Mummy vs. Lady Vampire


Monster Brawl (2011) Review - MILF Alert (Mummy I'd Like to Find)

Lady Vampire's backstory is that, well, she's a lady vampire who sounds a bit like the late, great Luna Vachon. Meanwhile, the Mummy (rumored to be that of King Khafre) manages to escape from a museum, prompting the local news to issue a MILF alert.

No, you misunderstand. That stands for Mummy I'd Like to Find.

Genius.

Speaking of genius, if this were an actual pro wrestling show, Lady Vampire vs. The Mummy would probably pick up match of the night honours, not because it was a five-star classic or anything, but just because it contains some honest-to-goodness wrestling moves.

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Lady Vampire (Kelly Couture)You ever wanted to see a mummy bodyslam a vampire, or a vampire hit a mummy with a running bulldog, man, this is the show for you!

Ultimately, however, it wasn't pro wrestling that wins the match for the femme fatale. Instead, she reaches into the Mummy's body and pulled out his black heart.
Your Winner: Lady Vampire

"Your Winner, black heart removal, Lady Vampire,"  says an ominious voice, the same ominous voice that would occasionally chime in throughout the matches with words like 'Majestic' or 'Brutal' like something out of Mortal Kombat.

The Action Continues...

Moving into the heavyweight division, Werewolf defeats the comically named Swamp Gut.

Imagine if comic book character Swamp Thing stopped caring and gained like 200 lbs. That's pretty much what Swamp Gut is.

Here, he gets his ass kicked by a charismatic wolf-man character who ultimately goes on to the final to face the winner of our last first-round contest:

Zombie Man vs. Frankenstein.

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Kevin Nash as Captain Crookshank with Zombie Man (Rico Montana)

It's here where things get interesting...

...Or at least as interesting as Monster Brawl ever gets.

Zombie Man, you see, is the result of a government experiment overseen by a seven-foot tall army major who once answered to the name of Big Daddy Cool Diesel.

Tonight, Zombie Man locks up with Frankenstein, played by Robert Mallet. If that name doesn't sound familiar to you, you probably know him better as Kurrgan, a member of The Oddities who last appeared here on Retro Pro Wrestling in our Summerslam 1998 review.

Anyway, espite the best efforts of Nash's Colonel Crookshank, his Zombie Man is overthrown by FrankenKurgan, who heads into a final showdown with Werewolf.

To his credit, Nash really gets into the character and delivers one of the best performances of the whole non-movie, but even the man who once played Super Shredder is outperformed in this movie by Jimmy Hart.

I'm serious.

Monster Brawl (2011) Review - Jimmy Hart with his ring girls


With two scantily-clad ring girls by his side the whole time, Hart's unbridled enthusiasm and energy are a joy to behold, yet it's the announcers who really steal the show.

As Buzz and Sasquatch, Foley and Hindle are frequently hysterical, with their commentary more than making up for most of Monster Brawl's glaring flaws.

And trust me, this movie has more than its fair share of those.






Despite only clocking in at an hour and twenty minutes, the terribly slow pace of this film make it seem as though it just drags on forever.

Add in some questionable writing, distinct lack of narrative and the fact you can clearly tell Swamp Gut is just some guy in an ill-fitting mask, and it's easy to write off Monster Brawl as a really bad movie.

Yet to do so would be to miss the point.

No, Monster Brawl is never going to be regarded as a classic movie. Hell, it's barely even a movie, but it is ridiculously entertaining, often hilarious, and probably the most fun you'll ever have watching a Kurrgan match.



Other pro wrestling movies you might like:
Enjoyed today's review? Get more Retro Pro Wrestling on Facebook and Twitter

Thursday, 24 October 2019

Movie Review: Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2013)

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review - movie poster
It can't have escaped your attention that it's Halloween next week, which means that if there was ever a good time to review 2013's Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies, this was it. 

For the unfamiliar, Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies is an indie horror film written and directed by Cody Knotts and starring, of all people, The Franchise Shane Douglas in a lead role.

If that choice of casting doesn't tell you everything you need to know about this 80s zombie flick throwback, hopefully, this review will.

Of course, despite the fact the whole movie basically revolves around the former ECW Champion, he doesn't even get top billing on the movie poster.

That honour goes to Rowdy Roddy Piper. and quite rightly too.

God Rest his soul, Hot Rod tried his hardest to make this movie into something credible by delivering just about the only decent performance in the entire thing.






Yet even the guy who started in They Live couldn't rescue what ultimately turned out to be a complete mess of a movie.

*This review contains spoilers*

That's a shame too because, in theory, the over-the-top nature of pro wrestling and zombie movies should have worked well together.

Combining the slapstick dramatics of 'sports entertainment' with the guts and gore of your favourite slasher flicks could have been a riot.

We could have had the likes of Douglas, Piper, and their co-stars (including Matt Hardy, Reby Sky and Hacksaw Jim Duggan, with a brief cameo from Kurt Angle) playing up to their larger-than-life characters, powerbombing zombies into oblivion and engaging in all kinds of hardcore shenanigans with the undead.

It could have been hilarious in the kind of dark, twisted and gory way that some horror movies intentionally are.

Alas, Cody Knotts decided not to go for gross-out humour.

With Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies, he and a supporting cast of indie jobbers created a movie which  tries to be scary, disgusting, dramatic and emotionally poignant all at the same time but which ultimately fails to be any of those things at all.

The ring is the only place you can kill a man and get away with it 

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review - The film featured lots of unnecessary shots of SoCal Val's feet
Totally giving away the first plot point, our movie begins with a screen which informs us that if you want to commit murder, a pro wrestling show is the best place to do it.

Cut to our star, Shane Douglas, backstage at some low-rent indie show.

There, he discovers his girlfriend, Taya Parker, making out with his upcoming opponent, the terribly named Battling Billy.

I'm not certain, but I think this is the same Battling Billy who formed that famous Freebirds-style tag team with Fighting Frankie and Kick Your Ass Kevin.

As The Franchise rages about his partner's betrayal, SoCal Val is seen out in the ring, getting the thinly-sparsed crowd ready for tonight's big match between Douglas and Mr Battling.

Now, I'm not suggesting Knotts has a foot fetish or anything, but there are way too many shots of Val's feet in this opening scene and it's anything but subtle.

In between looking at her feet, we're shown lots of clips of some really fat indie jobbers while the opening credits play.

Eventually, Battling Billy battles Duelling Douglas, with Shane hitting a tombstone on his opponent and actually killing him dead.

Man, even The Undertaker didn't take the gimmick that far.

Cody Knotts - The Worst Business Man in History

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review - Battling Billy vs. Shane Douglas
Later, Billy's brother Angus (played by indie wrestler Ashton Amherst) visits Cody Knotts himself. Knotts, it seems, isn't only a director, he's also a pro wrestling promoter.

Anyway, Angus hands Cody a big wad of cash and asks to select a couple of wrestlers for a private show.

Cody hands him an envelope with pictures of his roster. From this, Angus picks Taya and a picture of Shane Douglas that looks to be about twenty years old.

"I just want these two," said Angus who, it has to be said, has the worst Scottish accent in history.

Now, if I were Mr Knotts, I'd be thinking I'd gotten a pretty sweet deal here. A guy hands me a huge wad of cash and from this I only have to pay two wrestlers?

Great. More money for me.

Except I'm not Mr Knotts, and I'm glad too, because the real one (or at least the fictional version of the real one) apparently has no business sense whatsoever.

Instead of taking the really sweet deal, he says "I tell you what, you can also take Piper, Hardy, Reby Sky, and a bunch of jobbers so insignificant that the guy from Retro Pro Wrestling won't even bother looking up their names."

I know you're supposed to find yourself shouting at the screen during horror movies, but that's usually when the girl is running through the dark woods to get away from the evil monster, not when a pro wrestling promoter is screwing himself over with terrible business deals.

They're Coming to Get You, Barbara

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review -  They're coming to get you, BarbaraThat isn't the only deal that's made either.

Knotts, revealing himself to be some kind of sex pest, interviews some woman called Sarah for a vague and unspecified job and spends most of the time rubbing up against her. Meanwhile, Angus makes a deal of his own with some demonic figure:

Gain the power to summon hordes of demons at will by killing a woman and eating her heart. To do so, Angus finds a woman at the local hospital by the name of Barbara, fulfilling the legal obligation that every indie horror film has to reference.

Welcome to the Uh-oh Penitentiary

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review -  Sarah and Rowdy Roddy Piper
With his new demonic superpowers intact, Angus drives the group of pro wrestlers out to an abandoned prison under the guise of having them take part in a pro wrestling show, only to reveal that it was a rouse the whole time:

He's going to set the zombies on all of them, all because Shane Douglas killed his brother.

It's at this point that the film stops being interesting.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't stop being bad, but it does stop being interesting.

Once inside the abandoned prison, all of the wrestlers basically spend the rest of the movie running away from the zombies, stopping to fight them for a bit, and then running away again.

I say all of them, Matt Hardy spends most of the time making out wife Reby Sky until he too gets attacked and ends up having what is admittedly the best fight scene in the whole movie.

At first, I wondered why anybody would agree to make this film, then I realised that Matt Hardy got paid to basically make softcore porn with his wife and I suppose that at least makes sense.

At one point, Kurt Angle pops up. He thinks he's been booked to do a surprise run-in at the non-existent wrestling show but like Hardy, Sky, and later Hacksaw Jim Duggan, he too gets devoured and transformed into a zombie.

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies Movie Review -  Zombie Jim Duggan
Speaking of Duggan, it's him you have to feel sorry for the most.

As they're doing the running away part of the run-chase-run thing, Douglas stops and has a heart to heart with Hacksaw, thanking him for his help when he (Douglas) broke into the business 30 years ago.

Then, in the ultimate act of heel-dickery, The Franchise then turns on his friend, running away and locking the door on him, leaving the man and his 2x4 to the mercy of the zombies.

Seriously, what a dick.

Other than that, most of the actual wrestlers vs. zombies part of the movie is all kind of samey. Piper and Sarah get close and tease at a romance despite the fact that he's old enough to be her dad, some spot monkey indie kid does a bunch of flippy stuff, but after you've seen the wrestlers run, then fight, then run away again once, you've basically seen the entire second half of the movie and there's really no reason to keep watching them do it over and over again, especially when Knotts keeps using the same small group of extras as the zombies.

It's all a bit samey and more than a bit terrible which is a shame, because, as I say, Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies could have been a really fun movie.






In fact, it even started out fun in a Wrestlecrappy this-is-terrible-lets-laugh-at-it kind of way, but after a while, this just became a chore of a film with almost no redeeming qualities outside of one really hysterical line when Reby Sky suddenly shouts "I WANT YOUR BRAINS!"

If you like your really horrible Halloween films with a touch of pro wrestling, you might enjoy this in a so-bad-its-good way, but otherwise, save yourself an hour and a half of your life.

Otherwise, you'll find yourself sitting there, as I'm sitting here now, hours after the movie is over pondering one serious question:

Was all that worth it just for Shane Douglas?

Other pro wrestling movies you might like:
Enjoyed today's review? Get more Retro Pro Wrestling on Facebook and Twitter

Thursday, 17 October 2019

PPV REVIEW: WWF Armageddon 1999

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Event Poster
December 12, 1999
National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Since they first launched them back in 1995, The World Wrestling Federation had never really seemed to care too much about their December pay per views.

Whether it was the Bulldog/Diesel fiasco back at In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings or Shawn Michaels taking on Ken Shamrock back at In Your House 19: D-Generation-X, the company's end-of-year offerings always gave you the impression that they'd turned on the autopilot button for the winter and were taking some well-earned downtime before the Royal Rumble.

While you can hardly blame them, that doesn't exactly fill this writer with a lot of confidence going into tonight's show.

Still, at least this one had some historical significance to it.

Apart from a year off in 2001 when in the wake of September 11th, it was changed to Vengence, Armageddon would go onto become the WWF's annual December PPV all the way until 2008.

But did this long-running PPV series get off to a good start?





Let's head to Sunrise, Florida to find out.

Triple H and Vince McMahon hate each other

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Jim Ross & Jerry 'The King' Lawler called the action
The show opened with an eerie video package in which a falsetto choir boy sang over shots of Vince McMahon and Triple H pulling faces to demonstrate the intensity of their various emotions.

This was all put together to remind us, in a somewhat subtle way, that Triple H had drugged Stephanie McMahon and married her - a somewhat dubious start to WWE's longest running partnership to say the least.

Clearly angry that Andrew 'Test' Martin wasn't going to be the man to eventually launch NXT and have five-hour long epic matches at Wrestlemania every year, Vince McMahon had begun a war with Hunter which would hopefully be settled tonight when the two met in no holds barred match.

From there, the cameras panned the arena as a very excited Jim Ross and Jerry 'The King' Lawler welcomed us to the show and took us straight into our first match.

Sixteen Man Tag Team Battle Royal
The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Bubba Ray Dudley) vs. Edge & Christian vs. The Headbangers (Mosh & Thrasher) vs. The Hardys (Matt & Jeff Hardy) vs. The Mean Street Possee (Pete Gas & Rodney) vs. The Acolytes (Farooq & Bradshaw) vs. Too Cool (Scotty Too Hotty & Grandmaster Sexay) vs. The Godfather & 'Sexual Chocolate' Mark Henry

The winner receives a tag team title shot at the Royal Rumble
When one member of a team is eliminated, both have to leave the ring.


WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Bubba Ray Dudley
Battle royals are rarely all that exciting to watch until the finish, and this one was no exception.

Yes, there's always the novelty of seeing the ring entirely filled with people, but nothing much exciting happens until you get down to the final.

In this instance, it came down to The Hardys vs. The Acolytes who managed to put together a very entertaining finish. At one point, both Bradshaw and Matt Hardy went over the ropes at the same time, leaving Jeff Hardy to battle it out with Farooq.

Hardy sent Farooq sailing over the ropes with a flying headscissors, but the referee was too busy tending to Matt Hardy to see it.

All four men returned to the ring until both Matt and Bradshaw ended up on the apron, at which point Farooq sent Jeff flying through the air to the outside in order to win the match.
Your Winners: The Acolytes

Out in the back, Kurt Angle bragged to Lillian Garcia about still being undefeated in the World Wrestling Federation despite losing a tag team match to The Dudleys on Smackdown.

According to Angle, the loss was all Steve Blackman's fault, and since it was The Lethal Weapon who ate the pin, Kurt's record stayed unblemished.

Kurt Angle vs. Steve Blackman

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Kurt Angle faced Steve Blackman
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, one month after debuting at the 1999 Survivor Series, Kurt Angle, Olympic Hero, future WWF Hall of Famer and one of the greatest of all time found himself in a feud with...Steve Blackman.

Talk about an underwhelming start.

Here, the two locked up in what was a pretty mediocre match that elicited a 'boring' chant from the Florida faithful.

Though I wouldn't go quite as far as to call it boring, I will admit that this one was pretty forgettable.

In fact, the best part of the whole thing was Kurt Angle's over-the-top celebration, acting like he'd just won another gold medal when all he'd done was pin Blackman with a German suplex.
Your Winner: Kurt Angle

Post-match, The Lethal Weapon blasted Angle with a pair of nun-chucks, much to the crowd's delight.

Cole has a crush on B.B

Meanwhile, out in the back, Michael Cole got all tongue-tied and flabberghasted while trying to interview B.B about her upcoming evening gown match.

At one point, she asked him for help with fastening up her dress and poor ol' Cole turned into a gibbering goofball.

World Wrestling Federation Women's Championship Evening Gown Pool Match
WWF Women's Champion Ivory vs. Miss Kitty vs. Jacqueline vs. B.B

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Miss KittySpecial referees: Mae Young & Fabulous Moolah

#WomensRevolution

Honestly, Ivory and Jacqueline probably deserve their Hall of Fame inductions on the basis of having to suffer the indignity of this match.

That's if you can even call it a match. The four women basically chased each other around a giant paddling pool for three minutes then stripped each other to their bra and panties.

Eventually, Miss Kitty pulled off Ivory's dress to be crowned our new women's champion.

There was nothing sexy, or even entertaining, about it.
Your Winner and NEW WWF Women's Champion: Miss Kitty

Post-match, the new champion celebrated by reminding us that she had promised to get naked. She then proceeded to strip and flash us her boobs, only for Sgt. Slaughter to cover her up with a towel and whisk her backstage.

Not to be outdone, Mae Young claimed that we all wanted to see her naked and started to undress, only for Slaughter to carry her away too.

Admittedly, this fan laughed out loud at the Mae Young bit, but that was only because she played her part with such conviction that you couldn't help but laugh.

He did it for The Rock the fat people

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Kevin Kelly interviews Rikishi Phatu
Out in the back, Kevin Kelly interviewed a stern-faced Rikishi Fatu.

Kelly asked Rikishi why he thought The Hollys had developed such a problem with him since his recent arrival in the WWF. The big man reminded us that Bob and Crash had been mouthing off about his size, and the size of his upcoming tag team partner, Viscera, then claimed to represent "all the fat, healthy people."

Rikishi was pretty compelling here, even if his storyline with Viscera and The Hollys was completely uninteresting.

The Holly Cousins (Bob & Crash Holly) vs. Viscera & Rikishi Fatu

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Rikishi and Viscera faced The Hollys
There are some matches which sound pretty dull on paper but then actually surprise you.

This wasn't one of those matches.

The story was that Viscera and Rikishi didn't really get along, but were teaming up because they were both fat. That's literally the whole point of their union.

They tried their best to take out The Holly cousins in what was yet another very mediocre battle, with Rikishi even pulling out his Rikishi Drop. Sadly, it wasn't enough for the win as straight after he hit the move, the Hollys pulled out a fluke pinfall.
Your Winners: The Hollys

Afterwards, Rikishi and Viscera predictably came to blows, with 'Kish kicking Vis out of the ring.

Pretty sure there wasn't a single person in the world who cared about this.

Val seduces Lillian

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Val Venis seduced Lillian Garcia
Out in the back, Lillian Garcia reminded Val Vanis that he had once been the Intercontinental Champion and that tonight, he had the opportunity to become the European Champion.

Val responded by promising to win the title then head over to Europe and seduce all of the continent's most beautiful women.

Proving the bilingual prowess that should serve him well when he went to Spain, The Big Valbowski began speaking Spanish to Lillian and managed to seduce her.

She wrapped her arm around Val's and off they went together. To give Venis his credit, he was very charismatic here and delivered an entertaining segment.

World Wrestling Federation European Championship Triple Threat
WWF European Champion The British Bulldog (w/ The Mean Street Posse) vs. D'Lo Brown vs. Val Venis

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - European Champion British Bulldog w/ The Mean Street Posse
Prior to the bell, Jim Ross told us that D'Lo Brown was the only person to hold both the European and Intercontinental Championships at the same time, proving that Jeff Jarrett (who also held that honour) was persona non grata within the WWF.

Since he didn't yet have the authority to book tag team matches, referee Teddy Long sent The Mean Street Posse to the back as soon as they arrived, leaving The British Bulldog to defend his title by himself.

The resulting match was the best thing on the card so far, but that really isn't saying much of anything.

It had some fun spots, like D'Lo Brown's super plancha to the outside and the finish, in which D'Lo hit Bulldog with his frog splash, only for Val to Money Shot them both and win the match.

It was kind of entertaining, but the more I think about it, anything was going to look entertaining compared to the snoozefest the entire undercard had been so far.
Your Winner and NEW WWF European Champion: Val Venis

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Michael Cole interviews X-Pac
Out in the back, X-Pac told Kevin Kelly that since Kane had demanded a cage match against him, he (Pac) had a demand of his own.

He demanded that while he could win via pinfall or cage escape, Kane was only allowed to win via pinfall. Apparently, that demand had been accepted by The Big Red Machine.

You know, I'm a huge fan of Sean Waltman, but most of his promos were terrible, this one included.


Steel Cage Match
Kane (w/ Tori) vs. X-Pac

This was the first truly good match on the card and very enjoyable performance from start to finish.

X-Pac was the consummate heel here, getting his DX buddies The New Age Outlaws to break into the cage and hand him a steel chair. He used that before drilling Tori with the X-Factor when she tried to stop him escaping the cage.

Pac then tried escaping again, only this time, Kane left the cage via the door (which had been busted open by The Outlaws), caught his opponent on his shoulders and carried him back into the ring.

Then, he climbed all the way to the top of the cage and came crashing down on X-Pac with a wicked looking clothesline that got the live crowd more excited than they'd been all evening.

One tombstone later and this very fun match was at its end.
Your Winner: Kane

Up next, we got a look at the rivalry between Chris Jericho and Chyna. Those two would duke it out next.

World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Championship
WWF Intercontinental Champion Chyna (w/ Miss Kitty) vs. Chris Jericho

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Chyna defended the Intercontinental Championship against Chris Jericho
Though this match will have its detractors (as all matches do),  it was actually a very good outing for Jericho and Chyna.

The former worked hard to be a complete and utter bastard, at one point snogging Miss Kitty before turning his attention to Chyna's injured thumb and just destroying it.

Meanwhile, the valiant champion fought back with all that she had, resulting in a dramatic and thoroughly engaging contest.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be Chyna's night and she eventually surrendered to the Walls of Jericho.
Your Winner and NEW WWF Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

Out in the back, Jericho bragged to Michael Cole about his new title, only to be interrupted by Chyna.

In a display of true sportswomanship, The Ninth Wonder of the World extended her hand as a mark of respect to Jericho. Y2J accepted it and was baffled when Chyna simply walked away rather than wanting to fight some more.

World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship
WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg Jesse James & Bad Ass Billy Gunn) vs. The Rock & Sock Connection (Mankind & The Rock)

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - The Rock & Sock Connection faced The New Age Outlaws
Nobody involved in this one had the best match of their career here, but it was still a pretty decent effort for what it was.

Not that it started off that way. The only thing that garnered any reaction from the crowd at all was The Rock tagging in, after which it went back to being a generic tag team match for a bit.

Then, Al Snow ran in and things started to pick up. No, I'm not saying Al Snow was the reason things started to get good, more than his arrival was the cue for the wrestlers to start working towards the finish.

Snow was jealous of Mankind's success and partnership with The Rock. He attacked him here but got his ass handed to him by The Rock instead.

Back in the ring, Mankind barely escaped a couple of near falls then, just when it looked like Rock & Sock had won the thing, Al Snow returned to cause the DQ.

It was a smart move. Nobody would have believed The Outlaws getting a clean win over The Rock while nobody wanted to see The Great One saddled with the tag team titles either.

Not the best match ever, but it could have been worse.
Your Winners via DQ: The Rock & Sock Connection

Up next, we got a look back at that terrible feud between The Big Show and The Big Boss Man. You remember the one, right? Where Big Boss Man revealed that Big Boss Man was a "nasty bastard" whose "fake daddy" had died?

Yeah. That would all come to an end tonight.

World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion The Big Show vs. The Big Boss Man (w/ Prince Albert)

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - WWF Champion The Big Show defended his title against Big Boss Man
It's only when you watch this back that you realise how badly the WWF screwed up Big Show.

He looked to be in the best shape of his life here, was the WWF Champion, and yet his first PPV title defence was basically a three-minute squash match to end a really terrible feud.

Big Show won with a chokeslam.

Nothing about this was good.
Your Winner and Still WWF champion.

Up next, we took a look at the hatred that had been building between Vince McMahon and his new son-in-law, Triple H.

No Holds Barred Match
Triple H vs. Vince McMahon

WWE / WWF Armageddon 1999 - Triple H and Stephanie McMahon join forces for the first time
If Vince wins, Triple H's marriage to Stephanie is annulled. If Hunter wins, he gets a WWF title shot.

With his daughter's freedom on the line, Vince McMahon really went for Triple H, but was no match for his powerful opponent, even when he started to use the trolly full of weapons that Mankind helpfully brought to the ring in the early going.

Watching this, you got what they were going for:

A dramatic, epic battle for the ages that tugged at the emotions and had you on the edge of your seat, rooting for Vince to give Triple H what was coming to him.

Instead, all that you got was 30 minutes of Hunter beating McMahon to a pulp and Vince occasionally getting a shot or two in.

At one point, they left the arena and Triple H tried to run his opponent over with a car. Vince escaped with his life, then the two climbed all the way to to the top of some big tower by the entrance and HHH knocked Vince off it. Those were the only two high points of the match, and even they couldn't stop the majority of this match from boring the arse off everyone who would ever watch it until the end of time.

At the finish, Triple H looked to finish off Vince with his sledgehammer but McMahon countered with a low blow, grabbed the sledgehammer and looked to seal Helmsley's fate.

Instead, Stephanie Mcmahon -who had been watching from the front row- stepped into the ring and begged her Dad to let her to the honours. Yet alas, the younger McMahon couldn't bring herself to do it. HHH snatched the hammer from her and laid out Vince for the win.
Your Winner: Triple H

Post-match, Helmsley lifted the sledgehammer aloft as though to bring it crashing down on Stephanie's skull. The heiress to the WWF empire stared down The Game then smiled a wicked, evil smile and embraced him, celebrating with her husband, the once and future King of Kings, as Armageddon 1999 went off the air.





And so it turned out that tonight wasn't important just because it was the start of a PPV series that would run for nigh on a decade, but because it marked the start of The McMahon-Helmsley Era, the reign of WWE's power couple that is still wielding control over their empire some 20 years later.

Not that such historical events make up for Armageddon being a pretty lousy show.

Yes, there were some great moments in the cage match, the Intercontinental match and, to a lesser extent, the tag team title match, but there was far too much stuff here that just bored your writer -and the Florida crowd- to tears. If that's not proof that the company were still in the habit of going on autopilot in December, I don't know what is.



1999 events reviewed so far
    Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

    Thursday, 10 October 2019

    PPV REVIEW: WCW Mayhem 1999

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Event poster
    November 21, 1999
    Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

    To give WCW credit, when they went with an idea, they really, really went all the way with it.

    When they created the nWo, they recruited half the roster to the black & white army and even ran their own nWo PPV.

    When they wanted to truly compete with the World Wrestling Federation, they brought in most of that company's biggest stars and most recognizable faces, hiring everyone from Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage to Mean Gene Okerlund and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan.

    And when they needed a babyface to save Sting from the clutches of the evil Four Horsemen? They didn't just send in any babyface, they sent in freakin' Robocop!

    And so it was that when the company teamed up with Electronic Arts to produce a new video game called WCW Mayhem, they once again proved just how much they loved going all the way with things.





    Not only did we get the video game, but we also got a music album which combined a small number of wrestlers' entrance themes with a random selection of pop, hip-hop, and metal.

    As if that wasn't enough, the company decided to take the Mayhem brand to the next logical level:

    Creating an entire PPV designed to promote the video game, and generate interest in the absolute musical weirdness that was  WCW Mayhem: The Album.

    Was it any good? Let's head to WCW's first ever PPV from Canada to find out.

    The tournament finals are tonight!

    After the bizarre, confusing, and annoying finish to last month's Halloween Havoc 1999, Sting had been stripped of the WCW title for attacking an official. As a result, the WCW brain trust had created a 32-person tournament for the vacant title.

    At the start of tonight's show, Tony Schiavone talked us through clips from Nitro which showed the first few rounds of the competition.

    In notable highlights, Madusa persuaded the Powers That Be to let her enter the competition, only to lose her match to none other than Meng.

    Madusa then got re-added to the competition for no apparent reason, but then lost her second attempt to Chris Benoit, who made it all the way the semi-finals after also beating arch-rival Dean Malenko in a steel cage match.

    Jeff Jarrett had also made it to the finals by virtue of being 'The Chosen One,' as had Sting -who got in by hitting Brian Knobbs with a baseball bat and pinning him in about five seconds.

    Finally, Bret Hart had also made it through despite being injured.

    After this lengthy opening video, we then got a second opening video which told us pretty much the same thing as the first, albeit with more soundbites from the various wrestlers promising to become our new champion.

    With that, we got the usual introduction from Schiavone and Heenan (I miss Mike Tenay being part of the announce booth), and it was onto our first semi-final match.

    World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Semi-Final 1:
    Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Jeff Jarrett battled Chris Benoit
    Easily one of the best opening PPV matches of that year, if not of the past several years, Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett was absolutely tremendous.

    Holding nothing back, both went at it full-tilt in a fast-paced, hard-hitting contest with nary a dull moment in sight.

    After trading the advantage several times, The Crippler looked to have things sewn up thanks to his patented top rope headbutt, only for Creative Control (Ron & Don Harris) to save Jarrett from defeat.

    At that point, Dustin Rhodes ran in to fight with the Harris boys which distracted referee Charles Robinson.

    With Lil Naitch's back turned, Benoit was able to wallop Jarrett with Double J's own guitar and score the fall.
    Your Winner: Chris Benoit

    Afterwards, a blood Jeff Jarrett joined Creative Control in laying waste to Benoit until Doug Dillinger and a gaggle of nobodies ran in to break things up.

    Disco is all about the mon-ay

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Mike Tenay interviews Cruiserweight Champion Disco Inferno
    Out in the back, Mike Tenay reminded Disco Inferno that as well as putting his cruiserweight title on the line against Evan Karagious, he was also putting up $25,000 of his own money.

    Tenay questioned whether Disco cared more about the money than the title, but before the champ could really explain how insulted he was by that remark, he was attacked by Jeff Jarett for no reason.

    Jarrett laid into Disco and was eventually pulled off him by an odd assortment of characters including Konnan and Jerry Only from The Misfits.

    World Championship Wrestling World Cruiserweight Championship
    WCW Cruiserweight Champion Disco Inferno (w/ Tony Marinara) vs. Evan Karagious (w/ Madusa)

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Evan Karagious (w/ Madusa) faced Disco Inferno for the cruiserweight title
    The actual match here was pretty good - not flashy, not out of the ordinary, but a relatively decent cruiserweight title match.

    The only problem was that you couldn't really pay any attention to it because some annoying little kid called Tony Marinara was doing color commentary.

    The story was that Marinara was the son of some kind of New York Italian mobster, who had been sent by his dad to collect a $25,000 debt owed by the Disco Inferno. Disco, it seemed, had been spending beyond his means, which made the whole concept of him putting $25K on the line seem like absolute nonsense.

    Doing his best (worst) imitation of a character he once saw in a Godfather movie, Mariana spent the whole match talking about himself which was completely off-putting.

    In the end, he got involved in the finish, which saw him accidentally take a chair shot from Disco Inferno.

    Seizing the opportunity, Karagious got Disco in the ring and rolled him up for a three count.

    The weird thing was that despite winning the title, Karagious appeared like an afterthought in this match. Even his girlfriend, Madusa, played a more important role.
    Your Winner and NEW WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Evan Karagious

    Backstage, Bret Hart was shown entering the arena and sipping on a Starbucks.

    Elsewhere, an off-camera Vince Russo was heard yelling at Jeff Jarrett for screwing up his match with Benoit. Russo warned Jarrett that he had until the end of tonight's show to prove himself.

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Screamin' Norman Smiley Screamin' Norman Screams as Normal

    Out in the back, Screamin' Norman Smiley was all decked out in full Toronto Maple Leafs hockey gear to protect him in his upcoming hardcore title match against Brian Knobs.

    Smiley told Mean Gene Okerlund that he was more than ready for Knobs, but then panicked and screamed like a girl when he heard someone doing construction work off camera.

    It was supposed to be funny.

    It wasn't.

    World Championship Wrestling Hardcore Championship
    Brian Knobs (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Screamin' Norman Smiley

    What was funnier was this: a kind of slapstick comedy hardcore match in which Knobs and Smiley battered each other with a thousand trashcan shots before wandering off backstage for a brawl through the food storage area.

    There, Jimmy Hart climbed a ladder and hilariously began throwing food at Norman from a self.

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Nasty Boy Brian Knobs faced Norman Smiley for the WCW Hardcore titleNext, they brawled into an elevator, but when they came to get out, Hart accidentally struck his own man, allowing Norman to get the win and become the company's first ever hardcore champion.

    Though this may not have been a classic match, it was certainly a lot of fun in a goofy, comedic kind of way.
    Your Winner and NEW WCW Hardcore Champion: Norman Smiley

    Post-match, Knobs hit Smiley with yet another garbage can then beat up on Hart for costing him the match.

    You say you want a revolution...

    Up next, we got a video package highlighting the feud between The Revolution and The Filthy Animals.

    Out in the back, Revolution hinted to Mike Tenay that they would be gunning for Torrie Wilson. Now the oddball of the group, Perry Saturn then appeared to randomly take credit for wiping out the dinosaurs before storming off.

    Across the way, The Filthy Animals offered a retort to Mean Gene, basically cutting a generic promo in which they vowed to end Revolution.

    In other backstage shenanigans, Tony Marinara promised that he was showing up to Nitro the following night and bringing 'The Boys' (The Mamalukes) which left Disco rocking back and forth and referring to himself as a dead man.

    Elsewhere, Jeff Jarrett stormed down a corridor having apparently stolen a 2x4 from Jim Duggan.

    Six-Person Inter-Gender Elimination Match
    The Revolution (Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn & Aysa w/ Shane Douglas) vs. The Filthy Animals (Eddie Guerrero, Torrie Wilson & WCW Tag Team Champion Billy Kidman w/ WCW Tag Team Champion Konnan)

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Torrie Wilson
    For saying there was so much incredible talent involved, this proved to be a seriously sloppy mess of a match.

    At various times it looked as though the wrestlers had all had some big falling out backstage and refused to sell to each other. Eddie Guerrero dropkicked Dean Malenko in the back, but the Iceman just turned around and acted as nothing happened.

    Later, Eddie put Saturn down then climbed the ropes, only for Saturn to pop back again as if he'd just had a really refreshing nap.

    When the wrestlers did lock up, most of the actual action looked disjointed and horrible.

    There have been worse matches than this in pro wrestling history, but probably none as overwhelmingly disappointing as this one.

    In the end, Torrie Wilson was the sole survivor for her team but she got beat when Perry Saturn hit her with a low blow.

    Yes, you read that correctly. A woman lost to a low blow.
    Your Winner: Perry Saturn

    Out in the back, Jef Jarrett was seen beating up Buff Bagwell in the locker room.

    Loser Retires Match
    Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Curt Hennig lost his 'retirement match' to Buff Bagwell
    The announcers kept referring to this as a "loser must hang up his boots" match, but I'm pretty sure they meant it was a retirement match and not that the loser had to tidy his clothes away.

    Curt Hennig was no longer a West Texas Redneck and was back to being just a straight-up pro wrestling legend, though I believe his feelings about the quality of rap music remained unchanged.

    Here, he too got beat up by Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control before entering into a passable contest with Buff Bagwell.

    Though neither man's finest hour,  it's was perfectly acceptable as mid-card filler which would have been Ok if this weren't, for all intents and purposes, Hennig's retirement match.

    After a strong performance, he lost the bout to Buff Bagwell, who then walked off as though retiring a legend was no big deal.
    Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

    Post-match, Hennig got a standing ovation from the Canadian crowd.

    Sting's formula for success

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Mike Tenay interviews Sting
    Out in the back, Mike Tenay told Sting that his formula for success was "beat Bret Hart."

    I'm not sure if Tenay knew that this wasn't actually a formula.

    Sting replied by asking Tenay to relay a message to The Hitman:

    He didn't care if they were in Canada, he was still going to beat him.

    Alas, Tenay wouldn't get to relay that message as the match was next, meaning Sting would see Bret before Tenay did.

    World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Semi-Final
    Bret 'The Hitman' Hart vs. Sting

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Sting and Bret Hart faced off in the World title tournament
    The last time these two fought on PPV was at Halloween Havoc 1998.

    This one was marginally better than that one, but only marginally. For the most part, the two veterans put on a solid show, but then it all came unraveling with the arrival of The Total Package Lex Luger.

    Luger took Sting's baseball bat and waffled Sting with it, but Bret wasn't happy, so he attacked Luger and put him in the sharpshooter.

    Referee Mickie Jay then decided that because Luger had struck Sting, Sting should be disqualified because who the hell cares about logic, right?

    The Hitman argued with Jay that he didn't want to win that way and encouraged the match to be restarted. When it did, things got much better and we actually got a pretty dramatic final sequence which saw The Hitman reverse the Scorpion Death Lock into a Sharpshooter for the Eins, Zwei, Drei.
    Your Winner: Bret Hart

    Afterwards, Sting called Bret back into the ring for a showdown but revealed that he actually just wanted to shake The Hitman's hand as a mark of respect.

    The Crippler is Ready for The Hitman

    Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed Chris Benoit about his world title tournament final match against The Hitman. Benoit, as charismatic and flamboyant as ever, promised to overcome Bret later on tonight.

    Man, talk about an over-the-top personality.

    Lex is Hurt

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Lex Luger feigned an injury
    I feel like this doesn't get said enough:

    In terms of character, few were better in the 80s and 90s than heel Lex Luger. Sure, he may not have been amazing in the ring, but his mannerisms were out of this world, and always made this writer in particular laugh out loud.

    Here, he was found backstage sporting a neck brace (sorry, 'cervical collar') and telling Mike Tenay that Bret Hart had injured him so much in that last match that there was just no way he could compete tonight.

    Ever the generous soul that he was, The Total Package promised to write a personal check to every fan who had hoped to see him wrestle tonight.

    His manager, Elizabeth, agreed that this was very generous, though you sort of got the feeling she was more than a little tired of Flexy Lexy ducking out of matches.

    Chain Match
    Vampiro (w/ Jerry Only) vs. Berlyn (w/ The Wall)

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Berlyn and Vampiro battled in a crappy dog collar match
    Though it was called a 'chain' match, this was supposed to be your standard dog collar match.

    I say supposed to be because what it actually turned out to be was a big pile of insulting garbage.

    Vampiro put the collar around his neck, but then Berlyn decided that he'd rather knock out Lil Naitch than put his collar on. What transpired next was that we got about five minutes of Vampiro brawling inside the ring with The Wall, and Berlyn duking it out with Jerry Only off camera.

    This was bad enough, but it was made worse by the arrival of Oklahoma and Steve Williams.

    You remember Oklahoma, right?

    Basically, it was Ed Ferrara doing a very distasteful parody of Jim Ross.

    It was awful, and it made the presentation of this whole terrible match even worse.

    In the end, The Wall stormed off after getting into an argument with Berlyn, leaving the former Alex Wright to take a pounding from Vampiro and Jerry Only.

    Naturally, Vampiro won the match.
    Your Winner: Vampiro

    Afterward, Dr. Death destroyed Vampiro.

    Scott Hall issues an Open Challenge

    Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund told us that since Rick Steiner was in the hospital after getting powerbombed through the stage by Sid, that somehow made Scott Hall the Television Champion.

    Carrying both the TV belt and the US belt, Hall told Mean Gene that he was issuing an open challenge for tonight. Hall looked a mess here.

    One in, one out

    Also in the back, Curt Hennig was shown leaving the arena, shaking hands with the likes of Konann on his way out. As he left, Kimberly Page arrived through another entrance, ready for her match against David Flair.

    Oh boy, can't wait for that one.

    Lex Luger (w/ Elizabeth) vs. Meng

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Lex Luger was an awesome heel
    Apparently, The Powers That Be had ordered Lex to compete despite his "injury," so he was forced to face Meng, who he had attacked with a crowbar in order to advance in the world title tournament.

    The match wasn't bad, but you know, it was Lex Luger vs. Meng, so it was never going to be a five-star classic.

    The sole highlight was when Meng had Luger down in the corner and stood on his neck brace, prompting the clearly terrified Luger to call out "help! help!"

    Didn't I tell you heel Lex was a riot?

    At the finish, Elizabeth spent about five hours trying to take the top off a can of mace while Luger and Meng hung around on the ropes waiting for, all but killing suspension of disbelief.

    Liz was then supposed to spray it at Meng, only for Meng to Meng to move and Lex to get a face full of it, but instead, she pointed the can directly and Lex and sprayed.

    It looked stupid.

    Finally, Meng tore off Luger's neck brace and slapped on the Tongan Death Grip for the win.
    Your Winner: Meng

    You know, when this show started I had really high hopes that it was going to be a great show, but the longer it goes on, the worse it seems to get.

    Putting friendship aside

    Out in the back, Bret 'The Hitman' Hart told Mean Gene Okerlund that he was going to put his friendship with Chris Benoit aside in order to beat him for the WCW title.

    World Championship Wrestling United States and Television Championship
    WCW US and TV Champion Scott Hall vs. Booker T

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Scott Hall defended the WCW and TV titles against Booker T
    It's honestly hard to tell if Hall was drunk or if he'd just stopped caring. Either way, he looked a mess here.

    The weirdest part was that despite this, he was able to have a pretty good with the man who answered his open challenge:

    Booker T.

    Though short, this double title match was pretty enjoyable, at least it was until Jeff Jarrett came down and helped Hall defeat Booker with the Outsider Edge.
    Your Winner and still US and TV Champion: Scott Hall

    Post-match, Jarrett and Creative Control beat up on Booker T. The lights went out, and when they came back on, a female bodybuilder called Midnight appeared and saved Booker.

    Meanwhile, behind the scenes, Lex Luger went looking for Elizabeth.

    From there, we got a look at the story behind our next match. That story was basically that David Flair was some kind of psycho stalker and potential rapist, with Kimberly as his victim.

    The two would face off next.

    Kimberly vs. David Flair

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - David Flair faced Kimberly Page
    Tony Schiavone called this "one of tonight's marquee matches," which should tell you everything you need to know about the state of WCW in 1999.

    This was less of a match and more of a crappy angle. Flair threatened to bash Kim's head in with a crowbar, so Kimberly kicked him in the nuts. Flair didn't flinch, giving us the idea that he was wearing a cup, so Kim pretended she was getting ready to go down on him, then whipped the cup out and blasted him in the balls anyway.

    She beat David up some, but he regained the upper hand and the damsel in distress had to be rescued by her husband's friend Chris Kanyon. Finally, DDP himself came out and was about to hit Flair with the crowbar when Arn Anderson came to David's rescue.

    The Pages walked off, and that was that.
    No contest

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - Mike Tenay interviews Sid Vicious Afterwards, Flair walloped Anderson in the back with a crowbar and Double-A had to be stretchered out, which seemed a little excessive.

    We then got a video for the upcoming Sid/Goldberg match, followed by Mike Tenay interviewing Mr. Vicious himself.

    Big Sid told Tenay that he would never say 'I Quit' to Bill Goldberg, but would instead beat on Bill until he admitted that Sid was the Master and the Ruler of the World.

    I don't care what you say, Sid was always great.

    I Quit Match
    Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious

    I say 'great,' I mean more in terms of his promos and character than anything he did in the ring.

    Of course, it didn't help that they made this an I Quit match, effectively taking away the only things that made Sid and Goldberg attractions and forcing them to wrestle a submission style match neither man was suited to.

    After a few minutes of nothingness, Goldberg made Sid pass out, and that was basically that.
    Your Winner: Goldberg

    Backstage, Lex Luger told Mean Gene that he was going to get even with Elizabeth for costing him the match with Meng.

    Finally, it was time for our main event.

    World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Final
    Chris Benoit vs. Bret 'The Hitman' Hart

    WCW Mayhem 1999 - The Best There is, The Best There was, and The Best There Ever Will BE
    This had the potential to be an all-time classic main event.

    Instead, run-ins from Dean Malenko, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Goldberg all diluted things to a large degree. The run-ins were all completely unnecessary, but even despite them, Hart and Benoit worked tirelessly to deliver the best main event they could given the circumstances.

    The only sad thing was that such circumstances dictated that this was only going to be a very good match rather an incredible one.

    Not that this is much of a complaint. This was still a great effort that ended with a win for The Hitman courtesy of the Sharpshooter.
    Your Winner and NEW WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Bret Hart

    Bringing his wife and kids into the ring, The Hitman hugged Benoit then celebrated with his new title and the Canadian flag as Mayhem went off the air.





    And so WCW's first PPV in Canada was headlined by a good main event between two of Canada's biggest stars, but was it any good?

    Yes and no.

    On the whole, this was far better than some of WCW's other PPVs from 1999. The opening Benoit/Jarrett match, the fun hardcore match and both of Bret Hart's two matches delivered to an extent, but again there was a lot of frustrating and confusing moments, dumb stuff like the Elizabeth botch, and The Filthy Animals vs. Revolution match in which everybody seemed to phone it in.

    With another thirteen or fourteen WCW PPVs to go, I'm hoping, praying, that we get at least one more good show from start to finish but to be honest, I won't hold my breath.



    1999 events reviewed so far
      Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

      Retro Pro Wrestling

      New reviews of classic WWF/WWE events recalling every moment from Wrestlemania 1 - 30. You'll also find reviews of WCW, ECW, TNA and the occasional indie event, along with a look at old school magazines, merchandise and more.