PPV REVIEW: WWF Fully Loaded 1999

July 25, 1999
Marine Midland Arena, Buffalo, New York

This is the point in our retro pro wrestling reviews that I try to set the scene for you, placing the show we're about to review within the context of the wider pro wrestling landscape as it was at the time or, at the very least, give you a little background about the event at hand.

Today, I'm not going to do that.

Today, I'm just going to tell you this:

I'm really really glad to be reviewing a World Wrestling Federation show again.

After sitting through some of World Championship Wrestling's efforts from the summer of 1999, I was all but ready to give up on this blog and never watch any wrestling ever again.

That's how bad those shows were.

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Not just bad, but frustrating, confusing, and nonsensical.

It's no wonder that, by this point in the legendary saga of the Monday Night Wars, Vince McMahon's WWF were firmly back in charge.

Would Fully Loaded 1999 prove once and for all why the WWF were bound to win the war? Or would they suffer an epic fail of WCW proportions?

Let's head to Buffalo, New York to find out.

I Miss You...Or Something

We began tonight with our usual video package. This one juxtaposed scenes of returning World War II soldiers kissing their loved ones with clips of Steve Austin flipping off Vince McMahon, all while a crackly old song played with a woman singing about how much she missed her sweetheart.

This then cut to a more vivid account of tonight's main event, in which Steve Austin would face The Undertaker in a last blood match. If Austin won tonight, McMahon would no longer be allowed to appear on WWF TV.

Meanwhile, out in the arena, Jim Ross welcomed us to the show before taking us back to the episode of Sunday Night Heat which aired before tonight's PPV. On that show, Ross attempted to interview Stone Cold, only for The Rattlesnake to be beaten up by The Undertaker and busted wide open.

McMahon Makes a Guarantee

Live in the arena, Austin received stitches from medical personnel. Elsewhere in the arena, Michael Cole interviewed Vince and Shane McMahon.

Cole accused the McMahons of being behind The Undertaker's attack. Shane refuted such allegations before his dad guaranteed that Austin would never be the WWF Champion ever again.

If you were ever going to open a PPV with a strong, suspenseful story, this was the way to do it.

Austin being busted open once made him much more vulnerable for tonight's First Blood match.

Could he avoid letting The Undertaker reopen that wound to win their main event match?

We'd have to find out later because, for now, it was time for our opening contest.

World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Championship
WWF Intercontinental Champion Edge vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ Debra)

24 hours earlier, the WWF had been in Toronto where, in front of his hometown crowd, Edge had beaten defending champion Jeff Jarrett to win the title.

The move had obviously been done to create a feel-good moment for the Toronto show, but now they needed the Intercontinental Championship back on Jarrett.

To get it there, both Double J and Edge locked up in what was a tremendous opening match, combining great wrestling with typical Attitude Era fun and games.

At one point, Jim Ross told us that Gangrel had left The Brood due to a falling out with Edge. Anyone would think Ross knew what was about to happen or something because, a few moments later, the lights went out and Gangrel attempted to give Edge a bloodbath. Yet the future Rated-R Superstar beat up his former stablemate instead.

The champion returned to the ring and looked to have the thing won, but Gangrel recovered and attacked Edge. That gave Jarrett the opening he needed to win the title for what was, I think, the fourth time.
Your Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Jeff Jarrett

Post-match, Jarrett celebrated with his new title for an unusually long time before Austin stormed from the back and planted him with a stunner.

Austin then took to the mic to promise Undertaker that he would bust his 'big dead ass' wide open.

It was kind of a pointless segment, but at least the crowd loved it.

The Hardyz No Longer Jerk Curtains

Out in the back, Michael Cole interviewed tag team champions, Matt and Jeff Hardy, with their manager, Michael Hayes.

Hayes took credit for taking The Hardyz from 'curtain jerkers' (his words, not mine) to the titles and promised to lead by example when he teamed up with them to face The Acolytes in a three-versus-two tag team title match.

World Wrestling Federation World Tag Team Championship No Disqualification Handicap Match
WWF Tag Team Champions The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff Hardy) and Michael Hayes vs. The Acolytes (Farooq & Bradshaw)

The Hardy Boyz had indeed benefitted greatly from their association with former Freebird Hayes and were currently riding high as an increasingly popular team.

So, you'd think it would make little sense to have Matt and Jeff temporarily resume their jobber role and look like a couple of chumps in a match where they actually had a third man to help them.

Still, that's exactly what the WWF brain trust did here, and it wasn't pretty.

An unnecessary mess of a match, this one saw Matt, Jeff, and a ridiculous-looking Michael Hayes take a pounding from Farooq and Bradshaw before Hayes finally succumbed to a double powerbomb to cost his team the gold.
Your Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: The Acolytes

Out in the back, Steve Austin walked around in search of The Undertaker.

Show Some Respect for the European Title

Elsewhere in the arena, D'Lo Brown told Kevin Kelly that it had been nine long months since he'd last been the Europen Champion. Tonight, said D'Lo, he was going to take the title back from Mideon and show his opponent that the title deserved more respect than to be held by a man who 'won' it simply by finding it in a bag and claiming himself the champion.

D'Lo was very convincing in his role as the babyface here, though you couldn't help but miss the brash, cocky swagger of heel D'Lo.

World Wrestling Federation European Championship
WWF European Champion Mideon vs. D'Lo Brown

If you've forgotten what D'Lo was talking about, Mideon had become our European Champion not by winning a match but simply by finding the title in Shane McMahon's bag.

McMahon had been the last European Champion but had retired the title so that he could claim to have retired as an undefeated champion. Despite this, McMahon apparently still carried the belt around with him for two months, and when Mideon found it, he simply anointed the former Godwin as our new champion.

Tonight, Mideon defended his ill-gotten gold in an underwhelming match against D'Lo Brown. It was disappointing that the match failed to hit the mark because you could tell that both men were trying to do the best they could with what they had.

Despite this, the crowd were just not interested, and it made the whole thing seem rather dull and uninspired.

After a few minutes of rather lacklustre action, D'Lo got the pin to give us our third title change of the evening.
Your Winner and NEW European Champion: D'Lo Brown

Out in the back, Austin kept up his search for The Undertaker while Michael Cole interviewed Hardcore Champion Al Snow.

Snow was apparently even more deranged than normal because all that he could hear was Head permanently screaming. Head, you see, was in pain because somebody -Cole never told us who- had driven a spike through him.

Rather than just pull the spike out, Snow wanted the Big Boss Man to beat him up just to make the screaming stop.

As a thank you, I suppose, Snow was putting the title on the line against Boss Man in our next match.

World Wrestling Federation Hardcore Championship
WWF Hardcore Champion Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Though you will have undoubtedly seen better hardcore matches, this one was still pretty entertaining.

The two combatants never made it to the ring, instead meeting in the entrance way before brawling through the backstage area, to the outside and across the street from the arena, where Boss Man handcuffed snow to some railings and pinned him with a simple foot across the chest.

It was typical of the over-the-top, cartoonish violence that made hardcore matches such a fun part of the Attitude Era, and though nobody would ever vote this the best match on the card, it was enjoyable for what it was.
Your Winner and New Hardcore Champion: The Big Boss Man

Up next, we were reminded of how much Big Show and Kane hated each other, and how much they'd beaten each other up back at King of the Ring 1999.

The two would meet in our next match with Hardcore Holly as our special referee. Why Holly? Because apparently he had some kind of loose association and/or issue with The Big Show which nobody explained and even fewer people cared about.

Prior to the match, Kevin Kelly interviewed Holly who, in a sure case of gimmick infringement, declared himself to be the law and order. He probably stopped himself from saying "and justice in the World Wrestling Federation" just so Boss Man wouldn't beat him up.

The Big Show vs. Kane

Special Guest Referee: Hardcore Holly

This was a long and tedious match with only one redeeming quality:

The fact that it was eventually over.

It came to a head when Kane looked to have Big Show beat, only for Holly to give his buddy Big Show the assist and help him win the match.

All the while, Ross and Lawler and spent the majority of the match trying to get over Holly's new nickname 'The Big Shot.'

They must have said it a hundred times, and every single time they tried to differentiate between The Big Shot and The Big Show, it just sounded awkward.
Your Winner: The Big Show

Afterwards, Kane's tag team partner X-Pac ran in to help him even the score, taking out Holly with a roundhouse kick.

The Undertaker -who had also had issues with Kane and X-Pac- then stormed to the ring and teamed up with Big Show to help him destroy both men. This would be the start of that Undertaker/Big Show tag team which stunk up arenas throughout the summer of 1999.

Having done all the damage he wanted to do, 'Taker made his way backstage, where Austin was waiting to catch up with him. Stone Cold beat up on The Dead Man and busted him wide open, evening the score in the run-up to tonight's main event.

This whole segment was way more fun than anything that had happened in the match itself.

Iron Circle Match
Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

At Bash at the Beach 1999, WCW held a 'Junkyard Hardcore Invitational' match, which sounded good on paper but was terribly executed because it was too dark to see anything that was going on.

But hey, that was WCW. Surely the WWF would never do anything so stupid, right?

Wrong.

Because that's exactly what they did here with this 'Iron Circle' match.

Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman duked it out in a dimly lit parking garage, surrounded by an 'iron circle' of cars as random wrestlers like Viscera, The Godfather and Droz cheered them on.

Though they get 10/10 for creativity, the poor lighting really took the edge off this one.

After a bunch of brawling, Shamrock took a chain, choked Blackman out with it, then simply walked away.

For undisclosed reasons, that was apparently enough to win the match.
Your Winner: Ken Shamrock

Out in the back, The Undertaker beat up Terry Taylor for daring to try and interview him. Michael Cole fared a little better at his interview when he asked Chyna and Mr Ass about their upcoming tag match against X-Pac and Road Dogg.

The two said nothing of interest, but at least they didn't beat up Cole.

D-Generation-X (X-Pac and Road Dogg) vs. Chyna & Mr Ass

This one, as they say, was for all the marbles, or at least for all the DX-branded marbles.

JR told us that the winners of this match would get exclusive ownership of all the D-Generation-X trademarks. So, with everything at stake, both teams went at it in a fun, by-the-numbers tag match which saw babyfaces Road Dogg and X-Pac absorb most of the punishment.

Not that they were going to roll over and just hand their former stablemates the match.

After a really enjoyable outing, Road Dogg made an epic comeback, hit Mr Ass with a pump-handle slam and picked up the three count.
Your Winners: Road Dogg and X-Pac

Prior to our next match, we were shown a recap of the intense rivalry between Triple H and The Rock, including clips of their incredible ladder match back at Summerslam 1998.

Triple H then made his way to the ring to once again go one-on-one with his old adversary before The Great One himself was interviewed by Michael Cole.

"Triple H, you weren't held at the bottom of the barrel because you wanted to say goodbye to your roody poo friends in Madison Square Garden," said Rock, referencing a recent Triple H promo in which he'd made such claims. "You were held at the bottom of the barrel because you absolutely suck!"

Fully Loaded Strap Match
Triple H vs. The Rock

(Winner receives a WWF title shot at Summerslam)
At Fully Loaded 1998, Rock and Hunter had practically stolen the show in a terrific two-out-of-three falls match. One year later, their Fully Loaded Strap Match wasn't quite on a par with that one -or with a few of their other high-profile contests- but it was still very good indeed.

Unlike most strap matches in which the idea is to touch all four corners of the ring before your opponent does, this one was a No DQ, falls-count-anywhere match which could only be won by pinfall.

The whole reason for the strap being there was..well, your guess is probably as good as mine.

So, though the match was solid, the strap was rather unnecessary. Triple H even took it off towards the end of the match, by which time Chyna and Billy Gunn had made their way to ringside.

At the end, The Rock hit Gunn with a Rock Bottom, but that allowed Triple H to kick him and pedigree his way into a Summerslam title shot.
Your Winner: Triple H

Before our main event, we got another look back at the rivalry between Stone Cold Steve Austin and his rivals The Undertaker and Vince McMahon.

Cleverly, this included a clip of Austin telling The Undertaker that he was out for revenge. If you recall, the last time Austin had competed in a First Blood match -at King of the Ring 1998- 'Taker had cost him the title.

It also included a reminder that if Austin won, we'd never see Vince McMahon again, but if The Dead Man won, Austin would never be allowed to compete for the WWF title ever again.

After the video package, McMahon came out to join JR and King on commentary. It's a shame this was a First Blood match, I was rather looking forward to hearing "One, two he got him! No, he didn't!" and "what a manoeuvre!" again.

First Blood Match for the World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker

To be honest, your writer has never really been a big fan of Austin and The Undertaker working together, but even I have to admit this one was much better than some of their previous outings.

That's not to say it was a masterpiece, because it wasn't. The two still had better matches against other people than they did against each other, but at least they put on a solid effort here.

Towards the finish, X-Pac ran out to get revenge for The Undertaker's earlier attack, kicking The Dead Man square in the face. That gave Stone Cold the chance to recover from a beat down, pick up a TV camera and smash it into his opponent's skull.

Eventually, Earl Hebner got up from the predictable ref bump he took, saw the blood, and called for the bell.
Your Winner and Still WWF Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin 

Afterwards, Triple H ran in to attack Austin but was seen off by The Rock, leaving the champ to engage in a wild and bloody post-match brawl with The Undertaker before finally nailing Vince McMahon with a farewell stunner.

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So, was Fully Loaded 1999 proof that the company were doing far better than WCW?

Despite emulating one of their worst ideas in the dark, dim-lit Iron Circle match, yes, yes it was.

OK, so that Shamrock/Blackman contest was weird, and the Big Show/Kane match was the dirt worst, but for the most part, this was a pretty fun show.

Was it must-see, essential stuff?

No, and I don't think anyone match on its own was either. Still, if you're working your way through 1999 pro wrestling PPVs like I am, you'll be grateful for a show like this just to break up the sheer chore of going through all the crap that was put out that year.

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1999 events reviewed so far

• WCW Souled Out 1999
• WWF Royal Rumble 1999
• WWF St. Valentine's Day Massacre - In Your House 27
• WCW Superbrawl IX
• WCW Uncensored 1999
• WWF Wrestlemania 15
• WWF Backlash 1999
• WWF No Mercy UK 1999
• WWF Over the Edge 1999
• King of the Ring 1999
• WCW Great American Bash 1999
• WCW Bash at the Beach 1999

Other WWF Fully Loaded event reviews:

• WWF Fully Loaded 1998

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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WCW Christmas Brawl (1996) Album - A Track by Track Review

In 1996, the superstars of WCW went to Germany for their Christmas Brawl 1996 tour. The four-date jaunt was almost entirely devoid of star power, featuring matches like Public Enemy vs. American Males (more of whom later) and Glacier vs. Mortis.

From an in-ring standpoint, the sole highlight looks to have been an Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit match, though for fans of Germany's own Alex Wright, perhaps the real highlight was seeing their fellow countryman in the main event, tagging with Lex Luger to face Harlem Heat.

Make no mistake about it, Das Wunderkind was sold as the star attraction of this tour, which explains why he not only headlined but also took pride of place on the cover of Christmas Brawl Theme Songs.

For the unfamiliar, Christmas Brawl was a collection of ten WCW themes penned by Jimmy Hart and JJ McGuire, the same virtuosos responsible for Hulk Hogan's Wrestling Boot Band.

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The CD was only available on the tour itself or via mail order from Germany's World of Wrestling fan club, making it a pretty rare item back in the day.

Today, however, we have YouTube, which means copyright laws be damned, we get to go on a track-by-track treck through this forgotten treasure.

1: American Males 

"American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, "

If there's one theme on this album which really needs no introduction, it's this one.

The theme music for Scotty Riggs & Marcus Bagwell is as famous in the pro wrestling community as the It's Still Real to Me guy or El Dandy being a jam up guy.

And so it deserves to be.

OK, so American Males isn't exactly Stairway to Heaven, but it's a damn catchy song by all accounts and one of the most fun things to come out of the Hart/McGuire hit factory.

Sing it with me now!

American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males....

2: Disco Inferno - Disco Fever 

"Disco Fever, Disco Fever, Disco Fever, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah"

Hart & McGuire really didn't hold back when it came to showing off their lyrical prowess, did they?

Not unlike American Males, this one may not have been a masterpiece but was still a fun little number and did at least add a major component to the character of Disco Inferno.

Sure, the dancing fool was never positioned as a major star in World Championship Wrestling, but he was vastly underrated in the ring and even more underrated as an entertaining character.

His matches against Juventud Guerrera and Billy Kidman back at Halloween Havoc 1998 were some of his finest moments, and there were few people better at playing the deluded coward.

As for this track, it's every bit as enjoyable as Disco himself.

3: The Public Enemy - We Like to Party

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, rock it like hell make it sound like heaven. // Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, come on everybody, let's have some fun!"

We Like to Party can't decide whether it wants to be Ini Kamoze's Here Comes the Hotstepper or Tag Team's Whoomp There it Is. It ends up being a hot mess of both, which might have worked if this were 1992 but otherwise just sounds dated and kind of cheesy.

This is especially true when you consider that The Public Enemy famously came from ECW. We Like to Party basically strips them of anything that might have been cool about TPE and turns them into the white version of Men on a Mission.

4: Jimmy Hart - We're Still Rocking

"We love those oldies but goodies"



To be honest, I'm not sure if The Mouth of the South ever actually used this as a theme song or if he just included it here as an exercise in self-indulgence.

This is basically an old-school rock 'n' roll song in which Hart pays tribute to the stars of the 1960s, including his own group, The Gentrys.

As songs go this one is fairly inoffensive, but it has that patented Jimmy Hart cheese about it that means you just know you're never going to hear it anywhere outside of the world of professional wrestling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of The Colonel, but this rockin' little ode to the past does nothing for me.

5: Alex Wright - A Heartbeat Away 

Pull yourself together, girl // it's time to step up in the world, I'll help you get on your feet / and something something feel the heat!

American Males may be the most famous WCW theme to appear on this album, but it's arguable that Heartbeat Away is the one thing the album itself is best known for.

An effort to make Alex Wright a mainstream star, this bizarre track sees him rapping -badly- over the kind of Europop that had been popular in the region about five years earlier.

Honestly, it sounds a lot like Ace of Base, which would be fine in itself if the terrible production values didn't make it sound less like an Ace of Base hit single and more like something they left on their demo tape.

That's the weirdest thing about Heartbeat Away. Though some of the writing may be questionable, the production quality of Christmas Brawl has so far been incredibly high. Most of these songs sound very well produced, but this one sounds like Wright recorded his vocals on a Dictaphone and simply played them over the top of the music.

6: Nasty Boys - We're The Boys 

"Everybody talks but we know talk is cheap // If you mess with the boys we'll rearrange your teeth!"

OK, so it's a corny, mid-90s pro wrestling theme that you'd never admit to having on your Spotify playlist in a million years, but despite that, We're the Boys is a very fun song and actually one of the best things on the album.

Much like they did with almost every track on Hulk Rules, Hart & McGuire rework the basic structure they had for Owen Hart's WWF theme, adding a simple guitar riff while Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags rant and rave about how nasty they are.

 It's a joy to listen to... in private...without telling anybody ever.

7: Chris Jericho / Brian Pillman - California sun

"I like 'em hot, I like 'em cold // I like 'em young, I like 'em old // Blondes have more fun"



Speaking of recycled ideas from Hulk Rules. This song appeared on that album as Bad to the Bone, albeit with different lyrics.

Here, it crops up as a song called California Sun attributed to Chris Jericho, even though we all know it better as Blondes Have More Fun, Brian Pillman's song.

Pillman had already left WCW by this stage, so either there were plans for Jericho to use it, or Hart just wanted to get this song on the album and had to give it to a then-current WCW wrestler.

The song itself is, you know, OK, but it kind of sounds like the sort of thing that should be used for an early 90s sitcom about high school students, like if they did a Zach Morris spin-off, you could imagine this being the theme to it.

8: Diamond Dallas Page - Self High-Five 

"Load up on guns, bring your friends, it's fun to lose and to pretend "  "DDP, Tooo cool, etc, etc" 



Whether it was Rick Steiner's Welcome to the Jungle or Raven's Come As You Are, WCW were never shy about ever-so-slightly tweaking famous rock songs and passing them off as their own themes.

The most popular example of this, of course, is Diamond Dallas Page's version of the Nirvana classic, Smells Like Teen Spirit. 

In the age of the WWE Network, when Self High-Five has been dubbed over with something far more generic, there's a danger that this track will one day be forgotten about altogether.

Yet for those of us who lived through The Monday Night Wars this remains one of the most memorable themes of that era.

Hard, edgy and full of energy, there was nothing better for getting you absolutely fired up and ready to see DDP in action.

9: Konan - Konan's Theme 

"Aw yeah, and ya don't stop!"

Poor Konan. Whereas everyone else got a cool title for their theme song, he just got plain old Konan's Theme.

Still, there's nothing plain or old about this, it's actually a pretty good track and a surprise highlight of the album, featuring K-Dogg spitting his self-penned lyrics over a fairly solid hip hop number.

Like Heartbeat Away, the production values leave a lot to be desired here, but if you can overlook that, Konan's theme is good stuff.

10: Taskmaster - Taskmaster 

"haha! haha! mwahahaha! mwahahahahahahah!"

And so it finally comes down to this - two and a half minutes of maniacal laughter and creepy sounds that comes across like something you'd find playing in the background at a haunted house attraction.

It's an odd choice of track to include on this album since most of the others are actual songs whereas this is more atmospheric noise.

It's not bad, and it's perfectly suited for Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan and his Dungeon of Doom stable, but it's no American Males, that's for sure.

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For a promotional merchandise item tied into a four-day tour headlined by Alex Wright, Christmas Brawl 1996 is a surprisingly good little release. OK, so a lot of the songs are kind of cheesy by today's standards, but this is an album that is was definitely of its time, and though it may not have aged well, it's still a lot of fun to listen to. 

I'm sorry, what I mean to say is...American Males, American Males, American...ah, you get it.

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Thanks for reading. If you're looking for more pro wrestling album reviews, you might enjoy: 

• WWF The Wrestling Album (1985)
• WWF Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2 (1987)
• WCW Slam Jam Vol 1 (1992)
• WWF Wrestlemania - The Album (1993)
• Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band - Hulk Rules (1995)
• WWF Full Metal - The Album (1996)

Don't miss our other Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following @Retropwrestling on Twitter or liking the Facebook page. 

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PPV REVIEW: WCW Bash at the Beach 1999

July 11, 1999
National Car Rental Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

WCW's Bash at the Beach pay per view is always considered as something of a milestone here at Retro Pro Wrestling.

We didn't start covering WCW shows properly until Bash at the Beach 1996, the event made famous by Hulk Hogan turning heel to form the nWo.

That event kicked off the company's most successful run ever. It was a run that saw them dominate the competition. It was a run that saw them hold a legitimate claim to the title of 'Hottest Pro Wrestling Company in the World.'

It was a run that, by the time Bash at the Beach 1999 came around, was basically over.

By this point, the nWo was essentially nothing more than a jobber gang, the World Wrestling Federation had reclaimed their position atop the pro wrestling mountain, and Hogan himself was nowhere in sight.

What made things worse, is that recent shows like The Great American Bash 1999 had bombed, at least from a quality standpoint, thanks to questionable decisions like having a match ending by pre-recorded dog attack.

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Still, there was always a chance that the company could at least put on a decent show every once in a while.

Was tonight's event one such show?

Let's head down to Florida to find out.

Separating the Men from The Boys

Tonight's show began with one of WCW's typically terrible opening video packages. This one highlighted the four men in tonight's main event; Macho Man Randy Savage, Sid Vicious, Sting, and WCW Champion Kevin Nash.

Savage and Sid would be teaming up to take on Sting and Nash in a tag team match. The video merely showed each man looking dangerous and dominant in clips that were quickly spliced together to the sound of some generic heavy metal music.

Honestly, the whole thing looked like some fan-made video a 14-year-old might post on YouTube.

With that out of the way, we went, as always, to the announce table where Tony Schiavone and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan were waiting to welcome us.

Schiavone told us that a new twist had been added to tonight's tag team match.

If either Savage, Sid, or even Nash's own tag team partner Sting, could pin Nash tonight, they'd become the new champion. Trust WCW to make even a simple tag team match complicated and dumb.

If you're wondering why Iron Mike Tenay wasn't at the announce table, that's because he was down at the junkyard. We even got a handy graphic to tell us that's where he was in case the mountain of scrap cars just in case Schiavone saying "Mike Tenay is at the junkyard" didn't give it away.

We went to Tenay -via a quick hotline shill from Mean Gene Okerlund- next, and he told us all about tonight's upcoming Junkyard Hardcore Invitational Match in which a bunch of wrestlers would fight it out, with the winner being the first man to escape the junkyard.

I know this match has been largely derided online, but as someone who has never actually seen it, your writer is quite looking forward to that one.

Alas, we'll have to wait for that one as up first came Ernest 'The Cat' Miller and that ridiculous theme music he has on the WWE Network.

Ernest 'The Cat' Miller (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. Disco Inferno

We normally cut Disco Inferno some slack around these parts. Though not the greatest wrestler in the world, he knew how to play the cowardly, deluded heel better than many, and it was usually this well-performed character that elevated his matches to some degree.

Here, however, he was playing the babyface against an Ernest Miller whose character sadly wasn't enough to hide his abysmal ring work.

As such, this one pretty much sucked.

Things started with Miller threatening to "whoop everybody" about fifty times and challenging Disco a dance contest before attacking the 70 throwbacks as he shook his booty.

From there, we got an uninspired match that had only one redeeming quality:

The fact that it eventually ended.

That ending came when The Cat put on his loaded red dancing shoe and kicked Disco upside the head while Sonny Onoo distracted the referee.
Your Winner: Ernest Miller

Out in the WCW Internet Location, boxing referee and Celebrity Death Match star Judge Mills Lane told Mark Madden that, as special guest referee, he would cut Rowdy Roddy Piper and Buff Bagwell some slack -but not a lot of slack- when the two met in a boxing match later on tonight.

World Championship Wrestling World Television Championship
WCW Television Champion Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

Prior to this one getting started, we were shown a video package which told us how Van Hammer got his title shot. Basically, he won a bunch of matches then asked WCW President Ric Flair for a title shot. Flair gave him a shot at Rick Steiner, and here we were.

For Steiner's part, he began the match by cutting a promo reminding us that he and brother Scott Steiner had reunited and claimed that the two were "running the show."

Once the bell rang, the whole thing turned into a hot pile of garbage. Steiner hit Van Hammer with such brutal offence that you actually felt bad for the challenger, especially when The Dog Faced Gremlin refused to sell any of his opponent's offence, including a chair to the face.

At one point, long-time veteran Ric Steiner apparently forgot how the rules of pro wrestling had worked for decades and tried to pin Hammer on the outside. It looked stupid and made everybody involved look stupid too.

When the referee refused to count the pin, Steiner simply no sold more offence and bullied his way to a win courtesy of a top rope bulldog.

Man, that was bad.
Your Winner and Still TV Champion: Rick Steiner

Before the next match, we went back to the hardcore junkyard, where Mike Tenay told us that they had no idea about who would be competing in tonight's match besides Hardcore Hak and Brian Knobs.

While I get that this was probably a kayfabe way of hyping the 'invitational' aspect of the match, it wouldn't surprise me at all if WCW legitimately had no idea who would be competing in one of the show's biggest matches.

Up next, David Flair: US Champion

World Championship Wrestling United States Championship
WCW United States Champion David Flair (w/ Tori Wilson, Ric Flair, Charles Robinson, Arn Anderson & Aysa) vs. Dean Malenko

Flair had been handed the title by his father, Ric, and was defending it here against Dean Malenko in what was barely even a match.

Malenko basically wrestled himself for a minute before his entourage stormed the ring. Arn Anderson hit the spinebuster on the referee, Robinson donned a referees shirt, and Flair hit Malenko with the title belt as The Man of 1,000 Holds held Aysa in the Texas Cloverleaf.

One three count later and David Flair retained the title.

I've often said that I've never seen a bad Dean Malenko match, but this was about as close as you'll ever get to such a thing. Still, nobody could blame Malenko here. The booking and execution of this thing was utter garbage.
Your Winner and Still US Champion: David Flair

Afterwards, Anderson beat up on Malenko some more.

Eight Man Elimination Tag Team Match
West Texas Rednecks (Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, Bobby Duncum Jr., Kendal Windham) vs. No Limit Soldiers (WCW Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan,  SWOL and BA w/ Chase & 4x4)

Curt Hennig and the West Texas Rednecks were booked to be the heels here, even though half the crowd were singing along to their theme song, Rap is Crap.

Can you blame them, though? That tune was catchy.

Here, the group looked to settle their country vs. rap feud once and for all by locking up with Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan, Brad 'BA' Armstrong, and Master P's bodyguard, SWOL in an eight-man elimination match.

The weird role reversal thing continued once the match got underway as the heels were constantly booked to look like the underdogs, forever outnumbered by their opponents and almost constantly on the defence.

Still, the illogical booking aside, this turned out to be by far the best match on the show so far.

OK, so that's not exactly saying much given what we've already seen, but hey, at this point, I'll take whatever I can get.

Of course, the highlights all came courtesy of Rey Jr, who was undoubtedly the workhorse of his team and got all the biggest pops of the night by trading offence with Hennig, Barry Windham, Kendal Windham and Bobby Dunacum Jr.

He was also one of the last two men standing for his team, along with SWOL, finally eliminating sole-surviving West Texas Redneck Curt Hennig to win the match for the soldiers.
Your Winners: No Limit Soldiers (Rey Mysterio and SWOL remain as sole survivors)

Up next, ladies and gentlemen, we'd finally get to our junkyard match, but not before taking a breather so that Schiavone and Heenan could run down the rest of the card.

We also got a quick look back at how Hardcore Hak invited everyone to compete in his junkyard match.

Junkyard Hardcore Invitational Match
Featuring: Hardcore Hak, Brian Knobbs, Fit Finlay, Jerry Flynn, Public Enemy, Steven Regal, La Parka, Horace Hogan and others.

Remember earlier, when I said I was actually looking forward to watching this one?

Yeah, man, was I ever disappointed.

Like almost everything on this show so far, the whole thing was terrible.

The action itself wasn't necessarily bad, although saying that, it might well have been. The match was so dark and poorly lit that you couldn't really see what was going on, or even who was involved.

It was like trying to watch the Doomsday Cage Match at Uncensored 1996 all over again, spending most of the time just trying to figure out what was happening.

Despite being Hak's match, he was shown on camera for all of a nanosecond, doing nothing more than staggering around on top of a car.

The rest of the wrestlers, including a returning Public Enemy, just kind of wandered around in the dark hitting each other with stuff for what seemed like an eternity until Fit Finlay finally escaped the junkyard to win the match.
Your Winner: Fit Finlay

"Man, what a great match," lied Bobby Heenan afterwards.

Up next, we got a look back at how the build-up to the upcoming tag team match pitting tag team champions The Jersey Triad against Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn.

World Championship Wrestling World Tag Team Champions
WCW Tag Team Champions The Jersey Triad (Chris Kanyon and Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Diamond Dallas Page) vs. Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn

Throughout this match I went back and forth on listing who the official participants were for The Jersey Triad until I realised that all three men were swapping in and out, basically making this a handicap match.

Despite the odds being against the challengers Benoit and Saturn held their own against Diamond Dallas Page, Kayon, and Bam Bam Bigelow in the early going before finally succumbing to the number's game.

The result was the best match on the card by a thousand miles, though to be honest, your writer was so burned out from all the garbage that went before it that I actually found myself less enthusiastic about this one as I'd like to be.

still, even with all your energy drained, there's no denying that the five men worked incredibly well together to produce a solid effort which ended with a win for the champions.
Your Winners and Still WCW Tag Team Champions: The Jersey Triad

Up next, we were taken back to Nitro, where Judge Mills Lane announced that he would be the special referee for the Piper/Bagwell boxing match.

"Next Sunday, let's get it on in California in Florida!" yelled Lane.

10-Round Boxing Match
Rowdy Roddy Piper (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Buff Bagwell (w/ Judy Bagwell)

Special referee: Judge Mills Lane

In The Great American Bash 1999 review, I said that Buff Bagwell was so popular that he could have easily enjoyed a solid main event run.

Then, he brought his mum out to be his second in this boxing match and all but killed any momentum he might have had.

The match itself was a far cry from Piper's boxing match with Mr T back at Wrestlemania 2. To be fair, I don't remember that being very good either, but at least it was more than a non-descript five minutes of nothing.

The end came when, in true WCW fashion, Buff Bagwell won a boxing match by pinfall.

Honestly, this f'n show.
Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

Finally, we got a look at the convoluted build-up to tonight's main event.

World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Sid Vicious & Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ Gorgeous George, Miss Madness, and Madusa)

As Randy Savage and Sid Vicious made their way to the ring, Michael Buffer told us that the two cared little about title belts, which kind of made you wonder why they'd bother fighting for one in the first place.

Whether they wanted the title or not, Savage and Sid certainly battled like they did, taking the fight to Nash and Sting in a relatively average main event.

In the early going, Gorgeous George defected to the champion's corner, then stood by with Nash as Sting did most of the work for his team.

Predictably, George eventually turned on Nash, helping Savage to pin him and become our new WCW Champion.
Your Winner and NEW WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Macho Man Randy Savage

Savage celebrated his big win as this absolutely awful show went off the air.

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You know, I've reviewed around 15 years' worth of pro wrestling shows on this blog so far, and I don't remember the last time I was more disappointed, frustrated, and downright miserable watching anything as much as I was watching Bash at the Beach 1999.

Though I'm sure I've reviewed worse shows in the past, I honestly can't think of any off the top of my head.

Only the tag team title match was any good on this one, but if you're anything like me, you might be so fed up by everything else on the card that you don't enjoy it as much as you otherwise could.

My advice? Go straight to that one match and avoid everything else that came before and after it.

Thank goodness there are only another 18 months or so worth of WCW pay per views to watch. I'm not sure I can take much more of this.

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1999 events reviewed so far

• WCW Souled Out 1999
• WWF Royal Rumble 1999
• WWF St. Valentine's Day Massacre - In Your House 27
• WCW Superbrawl IX
• WCW Uncensored 1999
• WWF Wrestlemania 15
• WWF Backlash 1999
• WWF No Mercy UK 1999
• WWF Over the Edge 1999
• King of the Ring 1999
• WCW Great American Bash 1999

Other WCW Bash at the Beach reviews

• WCW Bash at the Beach 1996
• WCW Bash at the Beach 1997
• WCW Bash at the Beach 1998

Be the first to catch the latest Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following on Facebook or Twitter @RetroPWrestling.

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WWF Full Metal - The Album (1996) A Track by Track Review

If there was any proof that the landscape of the World Wrestling Federation had changed a great deal from the early-mid 1990s, you only had to look at WWF Full Metal - The Album. 

Three years earlier, the company had released Wrestlemania: The Album, an album full of the cheesiest poptastic crap you can imagine.

Looking for an Undertaker dance track (seriously) or Bret Hart mumbling his way through a romantic, spoken-word ballad? That album right there was your jam.

Three short years later, and the company returned to the musical world with Full Metal, featuring musicians from Anthrax and Type O Negative tearing it up on some seriously brutal metal tracks along with a couple of themes that were much darker and more aggressive than anything you'd find on Wrestlemania.

Don't believe me?

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Let's dive head-long into this track by track review of Full Metal - The Album and see what's in store.

1: WWF Superstars and Slam Jam - We're All Together Now

Back in the 1990s, pro wrestling companies loved the fact that the words 'Slam' and 'Jam' rhyme. The World Wrestling Federation themselves took advantage of the fact by using those two words as the title for the lead single from the aforementioned Wrestlemania album while -at almost exactly the same time- WCW had used Slam Jam as the name of an entire album. 

In 1996, the WWF returned to the well, using the Slam Jam name for a group of 90s musicians including:

• Scott Ian of Anthrax on guitar
• Kenny Hickey of Type O Negative, also on guitar
• Jon Oliva of Savatage and Trans-Siberian Orchestra on vocals (for We're All Together Now)
• Michel Begeame and Olli Schneider of German nu-metal band Such a Surge on vocals (for Thorn in Your Eye)
• Gary Meskil of Pro-Pain on bass and
• Tim Mallare of Overkill on drums.

Here, this metal supergroup teamed up with three-fifths of The Clique (Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Razor Ramon), Bret Hart, The Undertaker and Paul Bearer to give us a track that should be familiar to every wrestling fan who was around back in the late 90s.

The song featured heavily on Raw is War for the duration of the Attitude Era, with that beast of a riff still conjuring up images of Stone Cold Steve Austin, D-Generation-X and Sable even to this day.

It's also fair to say that We're All Together Now is by far the catchier of the two Slam Jam songs featured on this album. More so than Thorn in Your Eye, you can imagine having this on your music device and rocking out to it, making it one of those rare 1990s wrestling songs that actually transcends wrestling and works in its own right.

2: WWF Superstars and Slam Jam - Thorn in Your Eye

Over twenty years later, I'm still not sure anybody really knows what the actual lyrics to this song are.

In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if there aren't any lyrics at all, and the guys from Such a Surge were yelling random garbage down the microphone that vaguely sounded like English.

"Too much sun and not enough sky, I lost again, but I gotta make change? Too much sun and not enough sky, war is like a thorn in your eye?"

I mean, that's the best I can come up with.

The unintelligible lyrics aside, there's no getting away from the fact that the main Raw is War theme was another beast of a track, the kind of beast that grabs you by the neck and punches your teeth down your throat so hard you end up peeing them out.

Yeah I know, ouch, but look:

This ain't The Nasty Boy Stomp, this is pure violent musical aggression of the very best kind and it is -as a metal fan- absolutely awesome.

3: Diesel - Diesel Blues 

Say what you will about Kevin Nash's run as The Leader of The New Generation, his theme was pretty bad ass.

Like Big Daddy Cool himself, Diesel Blues is at once bold, powerful and unrelenting, with a certain charasmatic swagger laid over a deep, pounding beat.

This may not be the greatest theme of all time, but I dare you to take one look at Diesel - WWF Champion, then listen to this track and tell me it isn't absolutely perfect for him.

4: Mabel - The Lyin' King 

Up next, it's Diesel's Summerslam 1995 opponent, King Mabel.

If Diesel Blues was the perfect theme for the powerful and charasmatic Diesel, then it's probably fair to say that The Lyin' King was perfect for Mabel too:

It's slow, plodding, and incredibly boring.

I mean, honestly, there's absolutely nothing exciting, or even interesting, about this one. Let's move on quickly, shall we.

5: 123 Kid - 1,2,3

From the porno-swagger of the nWo theme to the balls-out rebellion of DX's music, all the way to whatever the heck that Uncle Cracker thing was supposed to be, Sean Waltman's theme music history has been hit and miss to say the least.

Yet his first theme in a mainstream promotion is an underrated gem; not necessarily the first thing you'd think of when you think 'great wrestling themes'  but insatiably catchy nonetheless.

Its rough-and-ready guitar riff bounces around over a solid beat, creating a kind of driving, high-energy vibe that is totally befitting the 123 Kid character as it was at the time.

Ignoring that King Mabel debacle, I think it's fair to say that Full Metal is shaping up to be one of the best wrestling albums that had ever been released by that point in history.

6: Goldust - Golden 

By now, I think we're all in agreement that Goldust was a game-changing character when he first burst onto the scene back in 1995.

Following a series of vignettes shot -supposedly- in the Hollywood Hills, The Bizarre One made his in-ring debut against Marty Jannetty back at In Your House 4: Great White North. His very look, his mannerisms and, yes, his entrance, were unlike anything we'd really seen before.

Make no mistake about it, this theme played a big part in that entrance, and in making the Goldust character what it was.

Like the original heel character himself, Golden is dark and dramatic with a certain twisted flamboyance and flair for the spectacular.

It's the kind of theme that still sends a shiver up your spine when you hear it, and I think it might just be one of Jim Johnson's greatest creations.

7: Smoking Gunns - Smoking 

I have to believe that, at the time he created them, Johnson had no idea these tracks would end up on a publically available music album.

Had he known, I like to think he would have given them more interesting titles than 123, Golden, and Smoking.

I mention this here because, well, Smoking is about as interesting as its title. Sure, it was a good fit for Billy and Bart Gunn, but here it comes across as rather generic and uninspired.

It's funny to think that The Smoking Gunns were basically the WWF's top tag team for a couple of years, and that they managed to stay in that position despite a really boring theme song.

8: Psycho Sid - Psycho Dance

It's creepy, it's sinister, it's menacing. In a word, it's a great fit for The Master....and The Ruler...of the World.

Inspired by Bernard Herrmann's legendary score to Alfred Hitchock's film Psycho, this track did what all good themes should do:

It enhanced the entrance, and therefore the entire character, of the wrestler it was meant for.

For a period in the mid-1990s, the colossal skyscraper of a man known as Sid would slowly stalk his way to ringside, sweat literally dripping from his body, soaking his ever-present leather waistcoat, teeth gritted, an intense, almost deranged look in his eye, all while this chilling theme played throughout the arena.

It's only when you think about it like that that you start to miss the kind of entrances we used to get on wrestling shows back in the day. The theme songs of today may have more commercial appeal, but they really don't do anything for the character in the way that themes like Psycho Dance used to do.

You could swap Seth Rollins theme or The Miz theme or Roman Reigns theme with just about anybody on the current roster and it wouldn't make too much of a difference, but there was only one man befitting a song as terrifying as Psycho Dance, and that man's name was Sid.

9: Razor Ramon - Bad Guy

The screeching guitars, the slow, confident swagger of the bassline, enough cowbell to keep Christopher Walken happy for years, few WWF themes were quite as iconic as Bad Guy.

You hear this one and you still see Razor Ramon sauntering to ringside, draped in gold chains, holding a toothpick between the kind of cocky grin that said "I can't wait to beat the piss out of my opponent."

The theme was so iconic in fact, that Johnson would later decide to reuse for none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin.

By now, it's well known that Austin's best-known theme sounds more than a little similar to Bad Guy, though what's perhaps not as well known is that Razor's theme itself is a rehash of another more famous song, Those Shoes by The Eagles.

10: Bret 'The Hitman' Hart - Hart Attack 

Can I just tell you at this stage how much fun I've had doing this album review? Reliving
 classic themes like those belonging to Sid, Goldust and Razor Ramon really takes me back to childhood in a way that even the old WWF shows themselves don't always manage.

Hart Attack is an updated reworking of Jimmy Hart's original composition for the Hart Foundation. While that theme certainly had the driving guitars and sense of energy, it pales in comparison to Hart Attack, a hard rocking tour-de-force of massive riffage and wailing synth.

Bret Hart's track isn't just a good pro wrestling theme, it's an exciting piece of music to listen to in its own right, never failing to get the blood pumping and the heart racing.

11: Hakushi - Angel 

It's a shame that Hakushi didn't stick around in the World Wrestling Federation for longer. He had something different to offer than anybody else on the roster at that time and could have produced a quality body of work given enough time.

Instead, we had to settle for a couple of matches with Bret Hart and -if I remember rightly- an outing with 123 Kid. While those were excellent in their own right, they also left you clamouring for more.

His theme music was pretty good too. Slow, dramatic and at times eerily haunting, I dare you to listen to this and not pine for the fact that we never got a Hakushi vs. Undertaker feud.

12: The Undertaker - Graveyard Symphony 

Speaking of The Dead Man, we next come to what was perhaps his most famous and recognisable theme.

Indeed, while this fan personally prefers the awesome theme he had during the Attitude Era, Graveyard Symphony is really the one that he's best known for.

As it is, Graveyard Symphony is basically a reworked version of the third movement of Chopin's Piano Sonata No. 2, better known to you and me as The funeral march.

Take that, throw in some haunting strings and scary cymbal crashes and you've got yourself one of the most memorable pro wrestling themes in history.

13: Shawn Michaels - Sexy Boy 

 

He thinks he's cute, he knows he's sexy, he's got the...ah you know the rest, right?

We've talked a lot about iconic themes in this review, but I'm not sure they come any more iconic than Sexy Boy. 

A rehash of the original theme with Sensational Sherri on vocals, Shawn Michaels would use this theme for the better part of two decades and, despite being in his 50s, continues to strut out to this one whenever he makes a post-retirement cameo.

As themes go, it's kind of corny and easily cheesy enough to fit right alongside anything on Slam Jam Vol 1, but hey, it's one of the most famous themes of all time, right, so we'll let it slide.

14: Jeff Jarrett - With My Baby Tonight 

Yes, we all know by now that it was Brian 'The Roadie/Road Dogg' James doing vocal duties on this storming country track, but at the time Full Metal was released, the WWF were still trying to convince us that it was Jeff Jarrett on the mic.

That's especially interesting as I'm fairly certain Jarrett had already jumped to WCW by the time this CD was released.

Whoever got the credit for it, it's fair to say that With My Baby Tonight is a terrific track. I'm usually more of a metal/hard rock guy, but damnit if I can't help singing along to this one every time I hear it.

Whereas Full Metal began with the hostility and aggression of the Slam Jam band, it ends on a high note with this absolute barnburner of a track.

A fitting end to what was -at that time at least- the best pro wrestling album ever produced.

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I mean that seriously. The likes of Piledriver and the original Wrestling Album may have had their own fair share of iconic songs, but they also had plenty of cringe too.
Apart from the tracks for King Mabel and The Smoking Gunns, however, Full Metal hits the mark every single time.

Even now, over 20 years later, it's an absolute joy to listen to and leaves this fan in particular with just one thought:

Man, they just don't do wrestling themes like this any more.

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Thanks for reading. If you're looking for more pro wrestling album reviews, you might enjoy: 

• WWF Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2 (1987)
• WWF The Wrestling Album (1985)
• WCW Slam Jam Vol 1 (1992)
• Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band - Hulk Rules (1995)
• WWF Wrestlemania - The Album (1993)

Don't miss our other Retro Pro Wrestling reviews by following @Retropwrestling on Twitter or liking the Facebook page. 

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