PPV REVIEW: WWF Summerslam 1988

August 29th, 1988
Madison Square Garden, New York

Fueled by success of the almighty Wrestlemania, Vince McMahon and his Titan Sports empire looked to further capitalize on the appeal of Pay Per View TV by throwing another colossal event in to the World Wrestling Federation's calendar. 

Though you may not have been able to tell at the time, Summerslam would go on to be the WWF/WWE's second biggest event after Mania itself.

Yet, much like McMahon's flagship show itself, the legend of Summerslam got off to a less than perfect start.

Here's what went down.

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Things began with some fantastic opening credits introducing the ppv audience to the participants in tonight's main event. Even now, your writer has to imagine that modern day WWE events could benefit from such credits.

With that out of the way, it was on to our hosts for the evening, Gorilla Monsoon and 'Superstar' Billy Graham to welcome us to the show. Monsoon wasted no time in informing us that tonight would be 'a happening' (a phrase he would repeat at least every five or ten minutes throughout the show) whilst Graham revealed himself to a have the kind of voice which reminded this fan of Dusty Rhodes with even less bass in his voice.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (Jacques and Raymond) VS. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid w/ Matilida) 

With the recently-turned Rougeaus already in the ring, Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid and their dog made their way to the ring to a large cheer from a crowd already looking forward to a great opening contest.

Luckily, they weren't disappointed. 

Putting away their real-life animosity aside for the most part, both teams brawled, battled and grappled for a full twenty minutes in a text book tag match.

The Bulldogs took the advantage in the early going, thwarting their opponent's every move with a combination of speed and strength before the dastardly Rougeaus found away to turn the tide in their favor.  

As the clock ticked, all four men took turns to swap offence before the final bell rang, signalling the end on as good an opening match as you could hope to witness.

Time Limit Draw

At a certain point in time, Brutus Beefcake was in line for an Intercontinental Championship shot against long-reigning champion The Honky Tonk Man. The match, originally scheduled for tonight's show, would not take place after an episode of WWF Superstars of Wrestling  in which Bruti, about to send his latest victim to sleep, was brutally mauled by Outlaw Ron Bass, putting Beefcake out of action.

Before any further Summerslam action took place, Gorilla Monsoon promised us that we would 'see some exciting action' before we were shown footage of Bass attacking Beefcake.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera

Meandering in the lower echelons of the roster following his return from serving jail time, Ken Patera, squat little body and silly afro in tow, made his way to Summerslam as fodder for the rising star of Bad News Brown.

A fairly recent acquisition from Stampede Wrestling, Brown jumped his foe from the opening bell and, some short offence from Patera aside, dominated throughout this sluggish squash-fest.

Given the era at the time, it's surprising that Bad News didn't make it higher up the card during his time at Titan. Then again, if all his matches were as dull and uninspired, it's maybe little wonder he didn't/

Following several minutes of boredom, Bad News put Patera, and the audience, out of their collective misery with his Ghetto Blaster enzeguri finisher.
Your Winner: Bad News Brown

Following a brief moment of hype for the upcoming Titan-sports backed boxing match between Sugar Ray Leonard and Don Lalonde (more of which later), we were taken to the back where Mean Gene Okerlund caught up with The Mega Powers. 

In the mostly-nonsensical style which was apparently in vogue at the time, Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage talked about madness, mania, and using Miss Elizabeth as their secret weapon in their upcoming clash against The Mega Bucks. 

For the first time ever, Miss Elizabeth actually looked fairly happy.

'Ravishing' Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) VS. Junk Yard Dog

Squash bouts were apparently the order of the day on this show as Ravishing Rick Rude continued his ascent to stardom by beating Junkyard Dog around the ring in a passable contest.

As Rude punished his foe, Billy Graham raved about the JYD's head.

 'He'll headbutt a truck, he'll headbutt a Rolls Royce, he'll headbutt the side of a building my man Gorilla Monsoon brother my man!' enthused the former WWF Champion, oblivious to the fact that not once in this contest did the Dog even attempt a headbutt. 

Instead, he absorbed a bunch of punishment from the Ravishing one and lay out on the canvas as Rude scaled the ropes and pulled down his tights, only to reveal a second pair underneath bearing the face of one Cheryl Roberts. 

Naturally, this raised the ire of one Jake 'The Snake' Roberts who, after Rude had delivered a ridiculous-looking top-rope fistdrop to his opponent, raced to the ring and battered arch-rival Rude. Unsurprisingly, this cost JYD the match.

Your winner via disqualification: Ravishing Rick Rude

Though Roberts was miffed that Rude had managed to escape, a perplexed JYD didn't seem to mind to much that The Snake had cost him the match. Bizare.

Out in the back, Mean Gene Okerlund caught up with The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.

After claiming that he knew Brutus Beefcake wouldn't have been up to challenging him for the title, the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion in the history of the world insisted that he would still defend his title tonight and, what's more, he couldn't care less who his opponent would turn out to be.

Mean Gene did try to reveal that opponent, but the ever-cocky Honky Tonk Man would hear none of it. It was an entertaining segment which served its purpose well in building the excitement for the upcoming IC title clash.

The Bolsheviks (Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov w/ Slick) VS. The Powers of Pain (Warlord and Barbarian w/ The Baron)

Led to the ring by Baron von Raschke in a druid-like hood, The Powers of Pain once again proved why they should have been a much more successful tag team as they successfully took the battle to their Russian adversaries.

In full-on babyface mode, Warlord and Barbarian were a delight to watch, combining a speed an agility which belied their large frames with a power and strength which suited them perfectly. Though hardly the greatest tag team match in the world, this was nonetheless an entertaining affair.

Your winners: The Powers of Pain

Offering a respite from the in-ring action, Brother Love made his way to the ring to interview, or rather, provoke Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Slowly beginning his transition from general tough-guy to Stars and Stripes waiving tough-guy, Duggan entertained the crowd before sending Love packing. 

Despite what you may read elsewhere, it was at least an entertaining segment, eliciting more than a brief flicker or a giggle from your easily-amused reviewer. 

Intercontinental Championship Match:
Intercontinental Champion The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart) VS. The Ultimate Warrior

Still oblivous as to the identity of his opponent, The Honky Tonk Man made his way to the ring gushing with confidence. Shaking, rattling and rolling in the ring, Honky took to the mic to demand somebody to wrestle.

Unfortunately for Honky, he got his wish.

A hush fell over Madison Square Garden, building the tension before the familiar chords of The Ultimate Warrior's music rang out through the arena and The Warrior charged to ringside.

Several clotheslines and a big splash later, and Honky's memorable reign as Intercontinental Champion came to an end.

OK, so it wasn't a match, but it was certainly  an incredible scene. With the crowd as wild as the Warrior himself, it was one of those moments that always serves to make wrestling worth watching.

Your Winner and NEW intercontinental champion: The Ultimate Warrior

Following The Warrior's epic win, we were subject to a lengthy intermission. 

First, Monsoon shilled the upcoming Survivor Series for all his worth, promising us 'exciting action like this...' whilst showing us the dullest moments of Survivor Series 1987.

Then came the boxing.

Remember earlier I said there'd be more on the Leonard/Lalonde PPV bout? Well there was, about 20 minutes more.

Since the match was promoted by Titan Sports, we were given lengthy interviews and clips of both men to try and encourage us to buy it. 

Sitting here now, I'm grateful for the fast-foward button, and can only feel sorry for fans who were watching live at the time without that option.

Heading back to the action at last, Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan interupted Monsoon and Graham to tell us that, whilst Andre the Giant was reading The Wallstreet Journal, The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase was counting his money and Virgil was, well, just kinda standing there, their opponents The Mega Powers were hiding scared in their dressing room.

Heenan then stuck around for the next match.

Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchie Martin) vs. Don 'The Rock' Murraco 

As it turned out, Heenan's involvement in the match turned out to be one of the best things about it.

Not that the in-ring action itself was particularly atrocious or anything. The Rock and Bravo did at least engage in some decent action, but for the most part, their short battle was entirely forgettable.

Thankfully, Heenan's banter with Graham made up for the lack of excitement, whilst Gorilla Monsoon's insistence that Frenchie Martin should go back to France and that a particularly irate member of the audience would 'give him half the fare to get there' was especially funny.

Alas, by the time Dino Bravo walked away with the win, your life was really no better nor any worse than it was before.
Your winner: Dino Bravo

In a pre-recorded segment, Sean Mooney quizzed Jesse 'The Body' Ventura on his role as the special guest referee in the upcoming fight betwen The Mega Bucks and The Mega Powers, particularly his acceptance of several hundred dollars slipped into his pocket by The Million Dollar Man.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: 
WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition (Ax and Smash, w/ Mr. Fuji and Jimmy Hart) VS. The Hart Foundation (Bret 'The Hitman' Hart and Jim 'The Anvil' Neidhart)
It's no secret that the World Wrestling Federation's tag team scene was thriving in the 1980s. That said, it always comes as a nice surprise that a show like Summerslam 1988 can feature four completely different tag team matches and have each one entertain in its own way.

This tag team championship clash was no exception.

With former manager Jimmy Hart routing for their opponents, The Hart Foundation took the fight to the champions in a dramatic match.

Before long, Ax and Smash took charge, pummeling The Hitman around the ring and controlling the contest. Eventually, The Anvil made the inevitable hot tag and cleaned house.

Yet just when it looked like the titles would change hands, Mr. Fuji distracted the referee, allowing Demoltion to take out Bret with Jimmy Hart's megaphone and ultimately steal a win.
Your winners: Demoltion

Backstage, a crowd of heels tried in vain to console an irate Honky Tonk Man. Sending them packing, Honky vowed to Mean Gene Okerlund that he would, come hell or highwater, get his belt back.

The Big Boss Man (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware
Looking younger than this writer ever recalls, The Big Boss Man went toe-to-toe with a nimble Koko B. Ware in another decent yet ultimately forgettable contest.

Indeed, whilst this one was certainly watchable, you can't help but think that, had Sunday Night Heat been around at the time, this is exactly the kind of match that would make filler content for that show.

The end came when Bossman picked up the three count, and we all moved on with our lives.
Your winner: The Big Boss Man

Out in the back, new Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior, flanked by the British Bulldogs and a throng of babyfaces, was interviewed by Sean Mooney.

In typical fashion, Warrior spoke mostly about flying spaceships from Parts Unknown and insisted he wouldn't back down from a challenge from the Honky Tonk Man.



Hercules vs. Jake 'The Snake' Roberts
With his manager Bobby Heenan conspicuous by his absence, the mighty Hercules wrestled Jake 'The Snake' Roberts in yet another filler-bout.

I'd go in to detail about this match, but absolutely nothing happened beyond a couple of prolonged chin-locks and some punches for what seemed like several millenia.

The end of this massively dull affair saw a win for Roberts with a DDT.
Your winner: Jake 'The Snake' Roberts

Finally, it was on to our main event.

First, we were given a decent recap of the story that brought Dibiase, Andre, Virgil, Heenan, Hogan, WWF Champion Randy Savage and Elizabeth together in a tag team match with Jesse 'The Body' Ventura as the special guest referee.

It was a story which went something like this:

The Mega Bucks ('The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase and Andre The Giant w/ Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan' and Virgil) VS. The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan and World Wrestling Federation Champion 'Macho Man' Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth) with special guest referee Jesse 'The Body' Ventura

Donned in jeans, sneakers and a white shirt and looking entirely unlike referee in the history of wrestling, special guest referee Jesse Ventura asserted his authority in the early going. Ordering managers and seconds to the apron and switching the tag ropes (remember them?) to neutral corners, Ventura looked to be playing things firm but fair.

It was an approach he took as the action finally began before a New York crowd who were hot for every blow.

As both teams traded the advantage under the watchful eye of a referee who seemed content to let both teams do whatever they liked, an MSG audience who had already been into most of the matches, were even louder than ever.

They ate up everything the two teams could give them, and they gave them plenty.

Once again proving that, when they wanted to, the WWF could do tag team wrestling incredibly well, this was a wildly entertaining match made all the more exciting by the sheer star power involved.

The end came when Elizabeth, who had been hyped by the Mega Powers as their 'secret weapon' hopped up onto the apron and pulled away her dress, revealing shapely pins which distracted the heels long enough for her men to get the win.

It says something about the innocence of the time that the sight of Elizabeth, wearing the top half of her dress over a swimsuit, should elicit such a response. In the modern era, most women would have worn less clothes to begin with and nobody would have battered an eyelid.
Your winners: The Mega Powers

Predictably, Savage, Hogan and Elizabeth celebrated before the crowds to bring the first annual Summerslam to a close.

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And that was that. Though hardly the greatest professional wrestling event of all time, the first annual Summerslam at least saw signs of promise for things to come. If you take away the filler bouts and concentrate purely on the tag team action and the IC title change, this was a fun show that did exactly what it was supposed to; entertain. Shame about all the boxing though. 

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PPV REVIEW: WWF Survivor Series 1993

November 24th, 1993
Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts

By late 1993, the World Wrestling Federation was hanging on for dear life. 

Rocked by the steroid scandal, failed drug tests, injuries, and that thing with Jerry Lawler, a series of events outside the ring rendered the seventh annual Survivor Series show a show barely worthy of pay per view status.

Prior to kick off, everyone’s favourite perma-grinned host, Todd Pettengill brought us the Survivor Series Countdown, introducing us to the Boston Garden, its fans (who he comically referred to as “the fans of the world,”) and tonight’s matches.

It was Pettingill’s job to explain to us why The Undertaker had replaced Tatanka in the All Americans  team, Crush had replaced Piere on the opposing Foreign Fanatics squad, and why Shawn Michaels had returned from suspension to fill in for Jerry Lawler in a battle against The Hart Family.

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It was also up to our mate Todd to pay a visit to Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan at the commentary booth, and to Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon, doing play-by-play duties for the short-lived WWF Radio.

As Pettingill stirred yet more drama between Monsoon and Heenan (the former would later go on to eject the latter from the building, and the WWF as a whole, a month down the line), all five men completely ignored the dark match between Brooklyn Brawler and one of the Smoking Guns taking place in the ring.

Come to think of it, so did the majority of the audience.

With such a waste of time masquerading as excitement out of the way, it was on to a night of traditional Survivor Series matches.

Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick ‘The Model’ Martel and Adam Bomb

VS.

Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty and ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage

Mr. Perfect was originally scheduled to tag with Razor Ramon and his buddies, yet depending on who you believe he fell victim either to injuries or Titan Sports’ ongoing drugs and steroid problems and had left the organisation a week or two earlier.

Thus, before the match began, we had The Bad Guy inform us that Hennig was ‘such a perfect partner, he chose to tag out before the match,’ prompting a replacement in the form of Randy Savage. As the story had it, Macho would have done anything to get in the same building as arch-rival Crush, meaning his last-minute addition to this match at least made some semblance of sense.

As for the match itself, well, it was pretty good.

OK, not five-star classic good, but for a match featuring a an assorted collection of mid-carders with little else to do, it was a surprisingly entertaining affair.

There was plenty of drama and action to keep this one interesting thanks to Razor seeing off threats from potential Intercontinental challengers Rick Martel and IRS, dissension in the ranks of the heel squad (mostly caused by Martel’s squabbles with Adam Bomb’s manager, Harvey Wippleman), and of course, Crush sticking his nose in, causing Savage to get counted out.

Naturally, Savage proceeded to storm backstage and was shown storming about the place in an awkward search for his rival. For reasons which still elude this writer, the entire segment came across as entirely uncomfortable.

Still, back in the ring, things were much better.

An exchange between Clique buddies Diesel and 1-2-3 Kid (probably over who had the best mullet) provided one of the bout’s more memorable moments, as the mammoth Diesel tossed his smaller foe about the ring like the proverbial ragdoll.

Still, it was Diesel who would be sent to the showers before the end of the match, and with everyone else gone, the unlikely tandem of the ‘Kid and Marty Jannetty triumphed as sole survivors after Jannetty stole a pin from Adam Bomb.
Your winners and sole survivors: Marty Jannetty and 1-2-3 Kid

Backstage, Todd Pettingill caught up with a recently reinstated Shawn Michaels.

Despite being stripped of the Intercontinental championship some months ago (the fictional excuse being his lack of title defences over a thirty day period, the actual excuse being a drug test dispute), Michaels bore the title around his waist and claimed to still be the undisputed champion.

Yet that was simply a precursor to the main subject at hand; trying to justify Michaels' last-minute gig as Jerry Lawler's replacement in a battle against the Hart Family.

(Lawler, in case you hadn't heard, had taken time off to deal with an accusation that he raped a teenage girl).

Drawing loosely on the Michaels/Hart WWF Championship bout from the previous year's Survivor Series, we were first provided with some pre-recorded comments from theHart Family.

As Bruce Hart stood in the background, adorned in sunglasses he stole from a blind man and exuding all the charisma of a constipated teapot, Bret and his other brothers Owen and Keith pretended like all the troubles they'd been having with Jerry Lawler over the last few months, they'd actually been having with Michaels.

Cutting back to the future Hall of Famer, Michaels played up to the rivalry to such an extent that, by the time the whole thing was over, you were convinced Shawn had been feuding with the Hart family the whole time, and that Jerry Lawler had never once entered the equation.

Still somewhere in the backstage area, Razor Ramon heaped congratulations on surviving team members Jannetty and 1-2-3 Kid before insisting that Savage had gone loco and leading his men off on a search party.

Back in the ring, Family Feud host wasted everybody's time by telling a series of awful jokes about Shawn Michaels family before finally, and in the most long-winded fashion possible, introduced the man himself to the ring.

Shawn Michaels and The Knights (or Barry Horrowitz, Greg Valentine and Jeff Gaylord in crap masks)

VS.

Bret, Bruce, Owen and Keith Hart (w/ Stu Hart)

By most existing reports, the first part of this year's 'double main event' was a dismal affair.

At first glance, it's easy to see why.

The pairing of Shawn Michaels and four 'knights' made little sense despite the WWF's best pre-match efforts, nor did the former Intercontinental champion particularly mesh all that well with his squad.

Add to the damage the fact that the Boston crowd could not have cared less about the match unless Shawn, Bret or Owen were involved, and what you were left with was barely worth getting excited about.

Yet what on the surface looked like a sure-fire fail played out rather well in the ring.

Bret and Owen were on usual form, whilst Keith, and even Mr. Charisma himself, Bruce showed flashes of, if not quite brilliance, then at least a decent amount of skill.

Besides, could you ever possible fathom a match featuring The Hitman, The Rocket and the future Heartbreak Kid that wasn't at least  mildly entertaining?

The highlights of the lengthy battle included the Black Knight being surrounded by Harts before Owen put him out of his misery thanks to a swift missile dropkick,

Shawn Michaels taking a suckerpunch from Stu Hart and selling it like he'd just been stabbed, and both the Red and Blue knights succumbing to sharpshooters courtesy of Bret and Owen respectively.

Yet the climax ultimately came as Michaels, left without teammates, battled Owen in the ring. An irish whip caused the younger Hart to collide with Bret, who had been nursing his wounds on the apron, with the distraction enough to allow Michaels to score a pinfall on the Rocket.

Enraged, Owen blasted his older, clearly hurting brother, before storming off to the locker room, only to return after Bret finally put his rival to pasture.
Your winners and sole survivors: Bret, Bruce and Keith Hart.

The celebrations among the three remaining Harts was short lived. A bitter Owen took out his frustrations on his siblings, claiming that he didn't need them and was sick and fed up of not getting any recognition.

All the while, Hart family matriarch, Helen, sat at ringside and feigned tears with a face which more suggested she was desperate for the toilet.

Thus began the transformation of 'The Rocket' into 'The King of Harts' and the start of one of the most memorable feuds of the 1990s.

As Owen made his way backstage, the ever-persistent Pettingill tried to bag a few words with the family traitor, yet Owen insisted he didn't want to talk about it, leaving the show to focus instead on banter between McMahon, Heenan, Monsoon and Ross.

In a sign of things to come on WWF TV, Monsoon threatened to knock Heenan's block off, only to decide it really wasn't worth the effort, and instead joining Ross to do PPV commentary for the upcoming Smokey Mountain Wrestling contest.

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Team Championship

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Team Champions The Rock 'n' Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson)

VS.

The Heavenly Bodies (Dr. Tom Prichard and 'Gigolo' Jimmy Del Ray w/ Jim Cornette)

It comes to something when arguably the best match on your show comes courtesy of four men who don't even work for you.

Alas, such was the case with this interpromotional feature match as aging veterans Morton and Gibson defended both Smokey Mountain Wrestling's gold and it's reputation as purveyors of excellent wrestling, in a match against the Heavenly Bodies.

Coming as part of the deal which saw Jim Cornette take up managerial duties in Titan land, the match was classic tag team wrestling at its finest.

From unique spots, compelling action and enough flips, dives and moonsaults as anyone could ask for, this tag match stood out as being unlike anything else on the card, and benefited greatly for it.

At least it would have been, had anyone in the audience paying attention.

Suffering the same fate as the previous match, there was a real lack of star power in the contest which hurt it, though between the ropes, this was a flawless contest.

In the end, the Doc hit a moonsault to earn the win, and the titles, for his team.
Your winners and NEW Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Team Champions: The Heavenly Bodies

Watching this show back, you really have to feel for Bam Bam Bigelow. Undoubted star of the inaugural Survivor Series' main event, here he finds himself some years later stuck in an abysmal comedy match, and I use the term match loosely.

Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Luna Vachon), Bastion Booger and The Headshrinkers (w/ Afa)

VS:

The Bushwhackers (Luke 'Doink' and Butch 'Doink') and Men on a Mission (Mo 'Doink', Mabel 'Doink' and yes, Oscar 'Doink')

'I thought this was supposed to be four Doinks, not the Bushwhackers and Men on a Mission,' said Bobby Heenan as this travesty got underway, echoing the sentiments of everyone in the Gardens and no doubt the pay per view audience.

Indeed, this one was originally billed as Bam Bam and his buddies against Doink and Three Other Doinks until the original wrestling clown, Matt Borne wound up on the wrong side of a drug test.

Instead, what we were left with was this, perhaps the only time in history that a wrestling audience (or any audience for that matter), had felt compelled to shout

'We! Want! Doink!'

As if this show wasn't in enough trouble already, chants for Doink the Clown certainly didn't do it any favours.

What also didn't help was...well...everything else.

From a Bushwhacker distracting his opponent by riding around the ring on a scooter, Bastion Booger distracting *himself* with a banana, and a Headshrinker succumbing to a three count after slipping on the peel of said banana.

The latter of which caused Bobby Heenan to claim that it gave 'whole new meaning to the term 'slipping on a banana peel,' which in turn caused this writer to wonder what other meanings beyond, you know, actually slipping on a banana peel, Heenan knew of.

Anyway, none of that, nor anything else, mattered in what was essentially a bad slap-stick comedy routine complete with Nelson Fraizier looking horrific in a clown mask (honestly, if you thought the man was scary as Big Daddy V, wait until you seem him complete with clown make-up)

In the end, Bam Bam fell victim to one of the faux-Doinks after which he and 'main squeeze' Luna Vachon were mocked by the 'actual' Doink on the video screen.
Your Winners: Mo, Mabel, Luke and Butch

Backstage, Doink joined his hired men in a a rendition of Men on a Mission's favourite tune, Whoomp, there it is.

From there it was back to Pettingill and a pre-match promo from the Foreign Fanatics.

More accurately, it was a promo from Jim Cornette, who explained the strategy his men would employ to defeat the All Americans in a fashion that was a gripping and compelling as this writer has ever heard. Sure, Cornette delivered better speeches before and after this one, but raging on the mic on Thanksgiving Eve, ol' James E. was on fire.

Finally, we were treated to a cringe-worthy video package in which Vince McMahon compared The All Americans' upcoming wrestling match to the Boston Tea Party, complete with nonsensical lines from each member of said team.

After what seemed like an eternity then, it was on to our main event of the evening:

The Foriegn Fanatics

World Wrestling Federation Champion Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush and Jacques (w/ Johnny Polo, Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette)

VS:

The All Americans

Lex Luger, The Undertaker and The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott Steiner)

Given who was involved, there was absolutely no need for our main event contest to last as long as it did.

Alas, it did, and for nigh on thirty minutes we were subject to long moments of tedium interspersed with the occasional flash of something mildly interesting.

At least the match had this going for it; almost all the interesting things that happened did so to create or develop feuds which would take us on to better contests by the time 1994 rolled around.

Among them, Randy Savage finally caught up with Crush (sort of) by rushing down the ilse only to be stopped by a host of officials and, curiously, The Smoking Guns. By the time Savage finally got his hands on the Hawaiian, it was enough to make Crush miss his ten count and be eliminated from the match.

Further count-outs followed when WWF Champion Yokozuna and The Undertaker were having so much fun brawling on the outside that they too failed to heed to the referees count and joined Crush, Jacques and The Steiners in the locker room.

Ultimately, and rather predictably, it was Lex Luger who emerged as the sole survivor after taking out Ludvig Borga with an elbow smash.
Your winner and sole survivor: Lex Luger

As the show came to a close, Luger was left to celebrate with none other than Santa Claus himself.

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And so ended the WWF's final pay per view of 1993. Without the benefit of hindsight, it would have been hard to fathom Vince McMahon and his clan ever bouncing back from such a dire state of affairs. Yet we all know they did, and what started tonight would carry on into the new year with memorable clashes between Bret and Owen, Yoko and Undertaker and Crush and Savage. That however, is another story for another time.

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