Mega Powers Running Wild!

The legendary 'Macho man' Randy Savage teams up with 'The Immortal' Hulk Hogan to take on Ted Dibiase and Andre The Giant in the first ever WWF Summerslam!

Shawn Micahels vs. Mankind

The Heartbreak Kid defends the WWF Championship against Mankind in a thrilling main event at WWF In Your House: Mind Games.

The Birth of the nWo

From Hulk Hogan's shocking turn at WCW Bash at the Beach 1996 to the addition of Ted Dibiase, THe Giant Syxx and more, relive the very beginning of the New World Order.

Austin 3:16 Says I Just Kicked Your Ass

It's one of the most famous promos of all time; Stone Cold Steve Austin wins the 1996 King of The Ring and serves notice on all the WWF superstars. Check it out in our complete review

Wrestlemania 12 Review

The boyhood dream comes true as Shawn Michaels battles champion Bret 'The Hitman' Hart in a classic 1-hour iron man match. Plus, Diesel vs. Undertaker and more.

WCW Fall Brawl 1996 Review

Was Sting in cahoots with the New World Order? Would Lex Luger be able to get along with the Four Horsemen as they faced the nWo in War Games? Find out in this review

Thursday, 1 August 2019

PPV REVIEW: WCW Road Wild 1999

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Event poster
August 14, 1999
Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota.

To be fair to World Championship Wrestling, the company had managed to get quite a lot of mileage (literally and figuratively) out of what had started as an excuse for Eric Bischoff to ride his motorbike for a bit.

From the inaugural Hog Wild event in 1996 which saw a newly-heel Hollywood Hogan defeat The Giant and bring the World Championship into the nWo, to the highly criticised in-ring debut of TV host Jay Leno at the 1998 event (via a forced name change to Road Wild courtesy of Harley Davidson's lawyers), the company's annual visit to Sturgis may not have delivered many five-star classics, but certainly created many a memorable moment.

Now, however, Bischoff's Road Wild creation was soon to be put to bed for good.

With his time at the top reaching an end, the mastermind of World Championship Wrestling's most successful period in history once again saddled up and rode into South Dakota for what proved to be the final Road Wild PPV in history.

Let's head to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally to see what went down.

Hulk Hogan is Back!

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Tony Schiavone, Iron Mike Tenay and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan
We started our show tonight with a confusing video which basically told us that tonight we would see Kevin Nash challenging Hulk Hogan for the World Heavyweight Championship.

In the few short weeks since Bash at the Beach 1999, Hogan had not only returned to the company after a lengthy absence, not only beat Nash for the title but also ditched the Hollywood gimmick and returned back to the traditional red and yellow.

This video glossed over all of that and focused primarily on Nash and Hogan hitting each other with chairs.

None of it made any sense. Then again, this was 1999 WCW, so you could probably say that about anything.

Heading live to Sturgis, cameras panned the sea of fans before got to the annual embarrassment of seeing Tony Schiavone doing his best impression of a biker he once saw on an early-90s sitcom.

Joined, as ever, by Iron Mike Tenay and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Schiavone put over tonight's main event. Again, all three announcers totally overlooked the fact that Hogan was back to being a babyface, which was a pretty big deal at the time.

They also sent us to a second video package, this one even more confusing than the first one.

You sort of got the idea that The Filthy Animals didn't like Vampiro (and that the feeling was mutual), but the whole thing looked as though it had been edited by a 12-year-old with ADHD, so you really couldn't tell why, or what Eddie Guerrero, Raven and the Insane Clown Posse had to do with it.

Hopefully, we'd get some answers in our next match, as it looked to be the culmination of whatever bewildering story WCW had just tried to tell us.

Six Man Tag
The Dead Pool (Vampiro, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J w/ Raven) vs. Eddie Guerrero, Kidman, and WCW Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr.

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Tony Schiavone, Iron Mike Tenay and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan
You know, this is the first WCW PPV featuring an Eddie Guerrero match since Bash at the Beach 1998 and man, what a comeback it was for the former leader of the Latino World Order.

If you're anything like me, your first instinct may have been to let out an audible groan at the mere mention of the Insane Clown Posse. Thankfully, the contributions of Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J were kept to a minimum here and, when they did get involved, they -surprisingly- didn't suck.

OK, so those contributions were really only suplexes, punches and kicks, but the rappers played their parts well and left Vampiro to do the bulk of the work.

That work saw him mostly interact with Eddie and Rey Mysterio Jr., both of whom took turns at playing the face-in-peril and who, along with Kidman, shone brightly throughout the match.

All of this combined to make a really enjoyable opening contest with nary a dull moment in sight.

The end came when Vampiro accidentally kicked Violent J, then was pulled into a brawl on the outside. That gave Kidman the chance to hit the Shooting Star Press and pick up the win for his team.
Your Winners: Eddie Guerrero, Kidman and Rey Mysterio Jr.

Up next, a recap from recent Nitros told us that Harlem Heat had reformed and were now feuding with The Jersey Triad for the tag team titles. The two teams would face off next.

World Championship Wrestling World Tag Team Championship
WCW Tag Team Champions The Jersey Triad (Bam Bam Bigelow & Kanyon) vs. Harlem Heat (Stevie Ray and Booker T)

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Chris Kanyon and Bam Bam Bigelow of The Jersey Triad
Funny lols to start with as Bam Bam Bigelow's tag team title fell off his waist and dropped to the floor. Kanyon then took to the mic and vowed that he wasn't going to do his usual 'Who's better than Kanyon?' routine because the Sturgis crowd couldn't possibly be as dumb as they looked. I wasn't sure as to the logic on that one, but there you go.

Pre-match shenanigans aside, once Booker T and Stevie Ray got in the ring, they ended up having a good, solid match with the champions.

Somewhat surprisingly, given that he was the biggest man in the match, Stevie Ray played the face-in-peril as Kanyon and Bigelow proved themselves to be a capable team which this fan would have liked to have seen enjoy a longer run.

Naturally, Booker popped the crowd huge when he finally got the hot tag and cleaned house, a moment which proved to be the highlight of a pretty entertaining contest.

Towards the finish, Diamond Dallas Page ran out to help his teammates but Harlem Heat sent Bam Bam crashing into him. Booker then hit Bigelow with a top rope dropkick, Stevie made the three count, and we had new, eight-time tag team champions.
Your Winners and NEW tag team champions: Harlem Heat

Between the matches, we got a recap of the rivalry between Saturn and Curt Hennig which, on a larger scale, extended to a feud between The West Texas Rednecks and The Revolution.

We weren't actually told why the two sides disliked each other, jus that they did and would face off next.

Six Man Tag
The West Texas Rednecks (Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, and Bobby Duncum Jr. w/ Kendal Windham) vs. The Revolution (Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, and Shane Douglas)

WCW Road Wild 1999 - West Texas Rednecks
This was an interesting one to watch because it actually started out pretty good, but then got sloppier, and increasingly more tedious the longer it went on.

Although not the longest match on the card, you got the idea that if they'd shaved a few minutes off it, they could have tightened things up and kept it as fun to watch as it was in the opening moments.

Instead, things gradually disintegrated into a clusterf**k finish in the midst of which Saturn was able to hit a Death Valley Driver and pick up the three count.
Your Winners: The Revolution

Post-match, The West Texas Rednecks tried to beat up their opponents some more, but Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko and Saturn saw them off.

Ernest 'The Cat' Miller (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. Buff Bagwell

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Ernest 'The Cat' Miller and Sonny Onoo
The only thing more ridiculous than the sight of Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo dressed in biker gear is The Cat's WWE Network theme which, as I never fail to mention, sounds terrible.

Once he got in the ring, Miller attempted to goad the crowd but was quickly and loudly drowned out by the sound of that same crowd revving the engines of their motorcycles.

Buff Bagwell eventually made his way out and spent the first minute or so of this match going back and forth on the microphone with his opponent to really get the fans fired up.

When Bagwell took the mic, the crowd cheered then hushed to let him speak. Whenever Miller took it, the crowd turned up the noise to drown him out, prompting the karate champion to take a walk around ringside and yell at them.

That was the best thing about this match. The actual wrestling may not have been much to write home about, but both men proved themselves to be experts in getting a strong reaction from the live audience. That in itself, more than any of the actual moves that they did, made this one worth watching.

After a passable contest, they pretty much repeated the ending from the earlier tag team title match. Sonny Onoo got up on the apron, Buff reversed an Irish whip and sent Miller crashing into him, then rolled up his opponent and got the pin.
Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

Afterwards, Onoo and The Cat beat up -and then mocked- Buff.

We then got a recap of the rivalry between Chris Benoit and Diamond Dallas Page

World Championship Wrestling United States Heavyweight Championship No Disqualification Match
WCW United States Champion Chris Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Diamond Dallas Page faced Chris Benoit for the US title
Prior to the bell, two-time, two-time, two-time world champion DDP promised to become a three-time, three-time, three-time US champion. He then apologised to Chris Benoit for talking trash about Benoit's mother before doing it again anyway, implying that Mrs Benoit was a phone sex worker.

Page was compelling on the mic, but you got the distinct feeling that the crowd were paying no attention to him whatsoever.

What they were paying attention to was the match itself, which was almost as good as you could expect from Page and Benoit. I say almost because the two had put on a superior match -which also involved Raven- back at Uncensored 1998. Yet while this failed to match the quality of that one, it was still the best match on the card so far.

As the final minutes began ticking down, Kanyon and Bigelow ran in to help DDP, but since they were the good guys, Benoit's teammates in The Revolution hung back, watching the match on a monitor and letting Chris deal with things himself.

Deal with them he did, somehow managing to take out all three men before retaining his title thanks to his top rope headbutt.
Your Winner and Still United States Champion: Chris Benoit

Post-match, The Revolution ran down to congratulate the champ. Benoit, Douglas, and Saturn all tried talking to the camera at the same time which was awkward and messy.

Let's Give Away a Bike

Speaking of awkward...

The show's sponsor, American Iron Horse were giving away a custom WCW motorcycle in a prize draw. Some guy who apparently worked for WCW but who nobody had ever heard of tried to host the segment but did a terrible job of it, at one point asking for "the envelope, please" after it had already been given to him.

Some guy called Darnell from Cleveland, Ohio won it, which Bobby Heenan thought was the funniest thing in the world. You could clearly hear The Brain laughing his arse off most of the way through the segment and afterwards.

Though I'm not sure what was so funny about it, I'd love to find out what happened to that bike.

Sid Vicious vs. Sting

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Sid Vicious faced Sting
Before this match, we got another one of WCW's strange video packages that gave no context whatsoever. Sure, we learned that Sting and Sid Vicious had beef, but we never really understood why.

The match itself wasn't the worst thing ever, but it was certainly the worst thing on the card up to this point. Some people were able to get a really good match out of Sid but, as talented as he might have been, Sting was sadly not one of those people.

As such, we got a match that seemed clumsy and half-arsed.

At one point, Sting went to throw Sid into the crowd, but because there was barely any room and the bikers were trying to keep Sid's big legs from kicking their bikes, it just looked terrible.

Later, Sid was down and Sting went to run the ropes, only for Sid to trip him up. It was a simple move that didn't even look like it was entirely on purpose, but the announcers sold it like Vicious had just busted out a Canadian Destroyer.

It was dumb.

After a bunch of minutes of lacklustre action, 'Millenium Man' Sid Vicious struck a chokeslam to keep his recent undefeated streak alive.
Your Winner: Sid Vicious

As the sun set over Sturgis, we were taken back to Nitro to learn that Rick Steiner and Goldberg hated each other and would be competing next.

Rick Steiner vs. Goldberg

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Rick Steiner vs. Bill Goldberg
There's no way of getting around it:

This was horrible.

If you ever wanted to see five minutes of Rick Steiner lazily hitting Goldberg with Goldberg's own knee brace, followed by Goldberg himself making a miracle comeback, hitting a spear and a jackhammer then getting the fall, then this is the match for you.

Otherwise, just trust me that this was absolutely awful and let's move on with our lives, shall we?
Your Winner: Goldberg.

Ah, Goldberg. Remember when you were the hottest thing in wrestling?

Dennis Rodman vs. Macho Man Randy Savage

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Macho Man Randy Savage faced Dennis Rodman
It's been a good five minutes since I finished watching this match and I've still no idea how to adequately describe the absolute nonsensical mess that I've just seen.

Prior to the match, we were shown a clip from Nitro in which Dennis Rodman basically kidnapped Savage's valet, Gorgeous George. In an in-ring promo, Savage then said he was bringing someone to Sturgis to protect her, insisting that not only was this protector the baddest man on the planet but that he was also the mystery man who drove the hummer in Savage's recent feud with Kevin Nash.

If you were expecting a surprise appearance from someone here, forget about it. This mystery man was never mentioned again for the whole match.

Instead, Rodman staggered to ringside looking stoned out of his mind and wanted to know where "his bitch" (Gorgeous George) was at.

"You're MY bitch tonight," replied Savage, inviting the Sturgis crowd to take 'sloppy seconds' afterwards.

Rodman then demanded that Savage meet him outside the ring because "I DO ALL MY SHIT OUTSIDE", but immediately contradicted himself by rolling into the ring.

After about a minute of sloppy action, Rodman beat up the referee. In any other match, that would be a DQ, but this was WCW, so another referee came out and acted as nothing had happened. Savage beat that guy up, putting us on referee number three, before going outside and beating up a cameraman. He then took the camera and waffled Rodman with it.

"This is horrible," said Schiavone. He was absolutely right.

The match then went outside and into the backstage area despite not being a Falls Count Anywhere match. The referee decided to ignore the count-out rule that had been a part of pro wrestling since time immemorial and simply followed the two combatants.

Out in the back, Savage dumped Rodman into a porta potty then tipped it over. All kinds of crap leaked out, which was probably a perfect metaphor for this match.

Eventually, they made it back into the ring for another ref bump and a short nap for Savage and Rodman. At this point, Gorgeous George ran out, handed Savage a chain to wrap around his fist and then hit Dennis with a low blow. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Savage pummelled Rodman with a chain-wrapped fist and won this utter abomination.
Your Winner: Randy Savage

Macho Man is one of my favourite wrestlers of all time but, my God, that was embarrassing. I almost want to recommend you watch that match just to see how truly atrocious it really was.

Finally, it was time for our main event.

Retirement Match for the World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash

Winner becomes champion, loser retires from pro wrestling.

WCW Road Wild 1999 - Hulk Hogan defended the WCW title against Kevin Nash
I get that there will be people who hate this match, but personally, I thought it was a lot of fun to see old-school '80s Hogan doing his stuff at the turn of the millennium.

Though it was very slow in parts, you got the feeling that Hogan was trying at times to replicate his classic Wrestlemania 3 battle with Andre and, for the most part, it worked.

Towards the finish, Nash was in control and hit Hogan with his jackknife. Hogan kicked out, hulked up, and one big leg later, ended Kevin Nash's career...kinda.
Your Winner and Still WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Hulk Hogan

Nash would take the rest of summer off and return in October of that year, but for now, he simply lay around while the red and yellow rode high in Sturgis and Hogan celebrated his big victory.

And so, the Road Wild chapter of WCW's turbulent history ended on a bit of a whimper. As I said at the beginning, this show never had a history of producing really good matches, so at least you can say that it lived up to its reputation here, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

Save for the novelty factor of seeing old-school Hogan in the main event, this show really did get worse as it went on.

Honestly, you won't be missing much if you give this one a miss, though I am still tempted to suggest that you check out Savage/Rodman because I don't believe that I've been able to do justice to just what a farcical mess that whole thing was.

1999 events reviewed so far
Other WCW Road Wild events

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Thursday, 25 July 2019

PPV REVIEW: WWF Fully Loaded 1999

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Event poster
July 25, 1999
Marine Midland Arena, Buffalo, New York

This is the point in our retro pro wrestling reviews that I try to set the scene for you, placing the show we're about to review within the context of the wider pro wrestling landscape as it was at the time or, at the very least, give you a little background about the event at hand.

Today, I'm not going to do that.

Today, I'm just going to tell you this:

I'm really really glad to be reviewing a World Wrestling Federation show again.

After sitting through some of World Championship Wrestling's efforts from the summer of 1999, I was all but ready to give up on this blog and never watch any wrestling ever again.

That's how bad those shows were.

Not just bad, but frustrating, confusing, and nonsensical.

It's no wonder that, by this point in the legendary saga of the Monday Night Wars, Vince McMahon's WWF were firmly back in charge.

Would Fully Loaded 1999 prove once and for all why the WWF were bound to win the war? Or would they suffer an epic fail of WCW proportions?

Let's head to Buffalo, New York to find out.

I Miss You...Or Something

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Jim Ross & Jerry 'The King' Lawler called the action
We began tonight with our usual video package. This one juxtaposed scenes of returning World War II soldiers kissing their loved ones with clips of Steve Austin flipping off Vince McMahon, all while a crackly old song played with a woman singing about how much she missed her sweetheart.

This then cut to a more vivid account of tonight's main event, in which Steve Austin would face The Undertaker in a last blood match. If Austin won tonight, McMahon would no longer be allowed to appear on WWF TV.

Meanwhile, out in the arena, Jim Ross welcomed us to the show before taking us back to the episode of Sunday Night Heat which aired before tonight's PPV. On that show, Ross attempted to interview Stone Cold, only for The Rattlesnake to be beaten up by The Undertaker and busted wide open.

McMahon Makes a Guarantee

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Michael Cole confronts Vince & Shane McMahon about tonight's show
Live in the arena, Austin received stitches from medical personnel. Elsewhere in the arena, Michael Cole interviewed Vince and Shane McMahon.

Cole accused the McMahons of being behind The Undertaker's attack. Shane refuted such allegations before his dad guaranteed that Austin would never be the WWF Champion ever again.

If you were ever going to open a PPV with a strong, suspenseful story, this was the way to do it.

Austin being busted open once made him much more vulnerable for tonight's First Blood match.

Could he avoid letting The Undertaker reopen that wound to win their main event match?

We'd have to find out later because, for now, it was time for our opening contest.

World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Championship
WWF Intercontinental Champion Edge vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ Debra)

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Edge lost the Intercontinental Championship to Jeff Jarrett
24 hours earlier, the WWF had been in Toronto where, in front of his hometown crowd, Edge had beaten defending champion Jeff Jarrett to win the title.

The move had obviously been done to create a feel-good moment for the Toronto show, but now they needed the Intercontinental Championship back on Jarrett.

To get it there, both Double J and Edge locked up in what was a tremendous opening match, combining great wrestling with typical Attitude Era fun and games.

At one point, Jim Ross told us that Gangrel had left The Brood due to a falling out with Edge. Anyone would think Ross knew what was about to happen or something because, a few moments later, the lights went out and Gangrel attempted to give Edge a bloodbath. Yet the future Rated-R Superstar beat up his former stablemate instead.

The champion returned to the ring and looked to have the thing won, but Gangrel recovered and attacked Edge. That gave Jarrett the opening he needed to win the title for what was, I think, the fourth time.
Your Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Jeff Jarrett

Post-match, Jarrett celebrated with his new title for an unusually long time before Austin stormed from the back and planted him with a stunner.

Austin then took to the mic to promise Undertaker that he would bust his 'big dead ass' wide open.

It was kind of a pointless segment, but at least the crowd loved it.

The Hardyz No Longer Jerk Curtains

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Michael Hayes w/ The Hardy Boys
Out in the back, Michael Cole interviewed tag team champions, Matt and Jeff Hardy, with their manager, Michael Hayes.

Hayes took credit for taking The Hardyz from 'curtain jerkers' (his words, not mine) to the titles and promised to lead by example when he teamed up with them to face The Acolytes in a three-versus-two tag team title match.

World Wrestling Federation World Tag Team Championship No Disqualification Handicap Match
WWF Tag Team Champions The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff Hardy) and Michael Hayes vs. The Acolytes (Farooq & Bradshaw)

The Hardy Boyz had indeed benefitted greatly from their association with former Freebird Hayes and were currently riding high as an increasingly popular team.

So, you'd think it would make little sense to have Matt and Jeff temporarily resume their jobber role and look like a couple of chumps in a match where they actually had a third man to help them.

Still, that's exactly what the WWF brain trust did here, and it wasn't pretty.

An unnecessary mess of a match, this one saw Matt, Jeff, and a ridiculous-looking Michael Hayes take a pounding from Farooq and Bradshaw before Hayes finally succumbed to a double powerbomb to cost his team the gold.
Your Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: The Acolytes

Out in the back, Steve Austin walked around in search of The Undertaker.

Show Some Respect for the European Title

Elsewhere in the arena, D'Lo Brown told Kevin Kelly that it had been nine long months since he'd last been the Europen Champion. Tonight, said D'Lo, he was going to take the title back from Mideon and show his opponent that the title deserved more respect than to be held by a man who 'won' it simply by finding it in a bag and claiming himself the champion.

D'Lo was very convincing in his role as the babyface here, though you couldn't help but miss the brash, cocky swagger of heel D'Lo.

World Wrestling Federation European Championship
WWF European Champion Mideon vs. D'Lo Brown

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Mideon defended the European Championship against D'Lo Brown
If you've forgotten what D'Lo was talking about, Mideon had become our European Champion not by winning a match but simply by finding the title in Shane McMahon's bag.

McMahon had been the last European Champion but had retired the title so that he could claim to have retired as an undefeated champion. Despite this, McMahon apparently still carried the belt around with him for two months, and when Mideon found it, he simply anointed the former Godwin as our new champion.

Tonight, Mideon defended his ill-gotten gold in an underwhelming match against D'Lo Brown. It was disappointing that the match failed to hit the mark because you could tell that both men were trying to do the best they could with what they had.

Despite this, the crowd were just not interested, and it made the whole thing seem rather dull and uninspired.

After a few minutes of rather lacklustre action, D'Lo got the pin to give us our third title change of the evening.
Your Winner and NEW European Champion: D'Lo Brown

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Al Snow was crazier than usual
Out in the back, Austin kept up his search for The Undertaker while Michael Cole interviewed Hardcore Champion Al Snow.

Snow was apparently even more deranged than normal because all that he could hear was Head permanently screaming. Head, you see, was in pain because somebody -Cole never told us who- had driven a spike through him.

Rather than just pull the spike out, Snow wanted the Big Boss Man to beat him up just to make the screaming stop.

As a thank you, I suppose, Snow was putting the title on the line against Boss Man in our next match.

World Wrestling Federation Hardcore Championship
WWF Hardcore Champion Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Big Boss Man tries to run down Al Snow
Though you will have undoubtedly seen better hardcore matches, this one was still pretty entertaining.

The two combatants never made it to the ring, instead meeting in the entrance way before brawling through the backstage area, to the outside and across the street from the arena, where Boss Man handcuffed snow to some railings and pinned him with a simple foot across the chest.

It was typical of the over-the-top, cartoonish violence that made hardcore matches such a fun part of the Attitude Era, and though nobody would ever vote this the best match on the card, it was enjoyable for what it was.
Your Winner and New Hardcore Champion: The Big Boss Man

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Kevin Kelly interviews special referee Hardcore Holly
Up next, we were reminded of how much Big Show and Kane hated each other, and how much they'd beaten each other up back at King of the Ring 1999.

The two would meet in our next match with Hardcore Holly as our special referee. Why Holly? Because apparently he had some kind of loose association and/or issue with The Big Show which nobody explained and even fewer people cared about.

Prior to the match, Kevin Kelly interviewed Holly who, in a sure case of gimmick infringement, declared himself to be the law and order. He probably stopped himself from saying "and justice in the World Wrestling Federation" just so Boss Man wouldn't beat him up.

The Big Show vs. Kane

Special Guest Referee: Hardcore Holly

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Big Show vs. Kane w/  referee Hardcore Holly
This was a long and tedious match with only one redeeming quality:

The fact that it was eventually over.

It came to a head when Kane looked to have Big Show beat, only for Holly to give his buddy Big Show the assist and help him win the match.

All the while, Ross and Lawler and spent the majority of the match trying to get over Holly's new nickname 'The Big Shot.'

They must have said it a hundred times, and every single time they tried to differentiate between The Big Shot and The Big Show, it just sounded awkward.
Your Winner: The Big Show

Afterwards, Kane's tag team partner X-Pac ran in to help him even the score, taking out Holly with a roundhouse kick.

The Undertaker -who had also had issues with Kane and X-Pac- then stormed to the ring and teamed up with Big Show to help him destroy both men. This would be the start of that Undertaker/Big Show tag team which stunk up arenas throughout the summer of 1999.

Having done all the damage he wanted to do, 'Taker made his way backstage, where Austin was waiting to catch up with him. Stone Cold beat up on The Dead Man and busted him wide open, evening the score in the run-up to tonight's main event.

This whole segment was way more fun than anything that had happened in the match itself.

Iron Circle Match
Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Steve Blackman got laid out by Ken Shamrock
At Bash at the Beach 1999, WCW held a 'Junkyard Hardcore Invitational' match, which sounded good on paper but was terribly executed because it was too dark to see anything that was going on.

But hey, that was WCW. Surely the WWF would never do anything so stupid, right?


Because that's exactly what they did here with this 'Iron Circle' match.

Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman duked it out in a dimly lit parking garage, surrounded by an 'iron circle' of cars as random wrestlers like Viscera, The Godfather and Droz cheered them on.

Though they get 10/10 for creativity, the poor lighting really took the edge off this one.

After a bunch of brawling, Shamrock took a chain, choked Blackman out with it, then simply walked away.

For undisclosed reasons, that was apparently enough to win the match.
Your Winner: Ken Shamrock

Out in the back, The Undertaker beat up Terry Taylor for daring to try and interview him. Michael Cole fared a little better at his interview when he asked Chyna and Mr Ass about their upcoming tag match against X-Pac and Road Dogg.

The two said nothing of interest, but at least they didn't beat up Cole.

D-Generation-X (X-Pac and Road Dogg) vs. Chyna & Mr Ass

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - Michael Cole interviews Chyna and Billy Gunn
This one, as they say, was for all the marbles, or at least for all the DX-branded marbles.

JR told us that the winners of this match would get exclusive ownership of all the D-Generation-X trademarks. So, with everything at stake, both teams went at it in a fun, by-the-numbers tag match which saw babyfaces Road Dogg and X-Pac absorb most of the punishment.

Not that they were going to roll over and just hand their former stablemates the match.

After a really enjoyable outing, Road Dogg made an epic comeback, hit Mr Ass with a pump-handle slam and picked up the three count.
Your Winners: Road Dogg and X-Pac

Prior to our next match, we were shown a recap of the intense rivalry between Triple H and The Rock, including clips of their incredible ladder match back at Summerslam 1998.

Triple H then made his way to the ring to once again go one-on-one with his old adversary before The Great One himself was interviewed by Michael Cole.

"Triple H, you weren't held at the bottom of the barrel because you wanted to say goodbye to your roody poo friends in Madison Square Garden," said Rock, referencing a recent Triple H promo in which he'd made such claims. "You were held at the bottom of the barrel because you absolutely suck!"

Fully Loaded Strap Match
Triple H vs. The Rock

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - The Rock confronts Triple H before their match
(Winner receives a WWF title shot at Summerslam)
At Fully Loaded 1998, Rock and Hunter had practically stolen the show in a terrific two-out-of-three falls match. One year later, their Fully Loaded Strap Match wasn't quite on a par with that one -or with a few of their other high-profile contests- but it was still very good indeed.

Unlike most strap matches in which the idea is to touch all four corners of the ring before your opponent does, this one was a No DQ, falls-count-anywhere match which could only be won by pinfall.

The whole reason for the strap being there was..well, your guess is probably as good as mine.

So, though the match was solid, the strap was rather unnecessary. Triple H even took it off towards the end of the match, by which time Chyna and Billy Gunn had made their way to ringside.

At the end, The Rock hit Gunn with a Rock Bottom, but that allowed Triple H to kick him and pedigree his way into a Summerslam title shot.
Your Winner: Triple H

Before our main event, we got another look back at the rivalry between Stone Cold Steve Austin and his rivals The Undertaker and Vince McMahon.

Cleverly, this included a clip of Austin telling The Undertaker that he was out for revenge. If you recall, the last time Austin had competed in a First Blood match -at King of the Ring 1998- 'Taker had cost him the title.

It also included a reminder that if Austin won, we'd never see Vince McMahon again, but if The Dead Man won, Austin would never be allowed to compete for the WWF title ever again.

After the video package, McMahon came out to join JR and King on commentary. It's a shame this was a First Blood match, I was rather looking forward to hearing "One, two he got him! No, he didn't!" and "what a manoeuvre!" again.

First Blood Match for the World Wrestling Federation Championship
WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker

WWE / WWF Fully Loaded 1999 - The Undertaker faced Steve Austin in a first blood match
To be honest, your writer has never really been a big fan of Austin and The Undertaker working together, but even I have to admit this one was much better than some of their previous outings.

That's not to say it was a masterpiece, because it wasn't. The two still had better matches against other people than they did against each other, but at least they put on a solid effort here.

Towards the finish, X-Pac ran out to get revenge for The Undertaker's earlier attack, kicking The Dead Man square in the face. That gave Stone Cold the chance to recover from a beat down, pick up a TV camera and smash it into his opponent's skull.

Eventually, Earl Hebner got up from the predictable ref bump he took, saw the blood, and called for the bell.
Your Winner and Still WWF Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin 

Afterwards, Triple H ran in to attack Austin but was seen off by The Rock, leaving the champ to engage in a wild and bloody post-match brawl with The Undertaker before finally nailing Vince McMahon with a farewell stunner.

So, was Fully Loaded 1999 proof that the company were doing far better than WCW?

Despite emulating one of their worst ideas in the dark, dim-lit Iron Circle match, yes, yes it was.

OK, so that Shamrock/Blackman contest was weird, and the Big Show/Kane match was the dirt worst, but for the most part, this was a pretty fun show.

Was it must-see, essential stuff?

No, and I don't think anyone match on its own was either. Still, if you're working your way through 1999 pro wrestling PPVs like I am, you'll be grateful for a show like this just to break up the sheer chore of going through all the crap that was put out that year.

1999 events reviewed so far
Other WWF Fully Loaded event reviews:
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Thursday, 18 July 2019

WCW Christmas Brawl (1996) Album - A Track by Track Review

WCW Christmas Brawl 1996 CD album review - track by track

In 1996, the superstars of WCW went to Germany for their Christmas Brawl 1996 tour. The four-date jaunt was almost entirely devoid of star power, featuring matches like Public Enemy vs. American Males (more of whom later) and Glacier vs. Mortis.

From an in-ring standpoint, the sole highlight looks to have been an Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit match, though for fans of Germany's own Alex Wright, perhaps the real highlight was seeing their fellow countryman in the main event, tagging with Lex Luger to face Harlem Heat.

Make no mistake about it, Das Wunderkind was sold as the star attraction of this tour, which explains why he not only headlined but also took pride of place on the cover of Christmas Brawl Theme Songs.

For the unfamiliar, Christmas Brawl was a collection of ten WCW themes penned by Jimmy Hart and JJ McGuire, the same virtuosos responsible for Hulk Hogan's Wrestling Boot Band.

The CD was only available on the tour itself or via mail order from Germany's World of Wrestling fan club, making it a pretty rare item back in the day.

Today, however, we have YouTube, which means copyright laws be damned, we get to go on a track-by-track treck through this forgotten treasure.

1: American Males 

"American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, "

If there's one theme on this album which really needs no introduction, it's this one.

The theme music for Scotty Riggs & Marcus Bagwell is as famous in the pro wrestling community as the It's Still Real to Me guy or El Dandy being a jam up guy.

And so it deserves to be.

OK, so American Males isn't exactly Stairway to Heaven, but it's a damn catchy song by all accounts and one of the most fun things to come out of the Hart/McGuire hit factory.

Sing it with me now!

American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males, American Males....

2: Disco Inferno - Disco Fever 

"Disco Fever, Disco Fever, Disco Fever, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah"

Hart & McGuire really didn't hold back when it came to showing off their lyrical prowess, did they?

Not unlike American Males, this one may not have been a masterpiece but was still a fun little number and did at least add a major component to the character of Disco Inferno.

Sure, the dancing fool was never positioned as a major star in World Championship Wrestling, but he was vastly underrated in the ring and even more underrated as an entertaining character.

His matches against Juventud Guerrera and Billy Kidman back at Halloween Havoc 1998 were some of his finest moments, and there were few people better at playing the deluded coward.

As for this track, it's every bit as enjoyable as Disco himself.

3: The Public Enemy - We Like to Party

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, rock it like hell make it sound like heaven. // Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, come on everybody, let's have some fun!"

We Like to Party can't decide whether it wants to be Ini Kamoze's Here Comes the Hotstepper or Tag Team's Whoomp There it Is. It ends up being a hot mess of both, which might have worked if this were 1992 but otherwise just sounds dated and kind of cheesy.

This is especially true when you consider that The Public Enemy famously came from ECW. We Like to Party basically strips them of anything that might have been cool about TPE and turns them into the white version of Men on a Mission.

4: Jimmy Hart - We're Still Rocking

"We love those oldies but goodies"

To be honest, I'm not sure if The Mouth of the South ever actually used this as a theme song or if he just included it here as an exercise in self-indulgence.

This is basically an old-school rock 'n' roll song in which Hart pays tribute to the stars of the 1960s, including his own group, The Gentrys.

As songs go this one is fairly inoffensive, but it has that patented Jimmy Hart cheese about it that means you just know you're never going to hear it anywhere outside of the world of professional wrestling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of The Colonel, but this rockin' little ode to the past does nothing for me.

5: Alex Wright - A Heartbeat Away 

Pull yourself together, girl // it's time to step up in the world, I'll help you get on your feet / and something something feel the heat!

American Males may be the most famous WCW theme to appear on this album, but it's arguable that Heartbeat Away is the one thing the album itself is best known for.

An effort to make Alex Wright a mainstream star, this bizarre track sees him rapping -badly- over the kind of Europop that had been popular in the region about five years earlier.

Honestly, it sounds a lot like Ace of Base, which would be fine in itself if the terrible production values didn't make it sound less like an Ace of Base hit single and more like something they left on their demo tape.

That's the weirdest thing about Heartbeat Away. Though some of the writing may be questionable, the production quality of Christmas Brawl has so far been incredibly high. Most of these songs sound very well produced, but this one sounds like Wright recorded his vocals on a Dictaphone and simply played them over the top of the music.

6: Nasty Boys - We're The Boys 

"Everybody talks but we know talk is cheap // If you mess with the boys we'll rearrange your teeth!"

OK, so it's a corny, mid-90s pro wrestling theme that you'd never admit to having on your Spotify playlist in a million years, but despite that, We're the Boys is a very fun song and actually one of the best things on the album.

Much like they did with almost every track on Hulk Rules, Hart & McGuire rework the basic structure they had for Owen Hart's WWF theme, adding a simple guitar riff while Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags rant and rave about how nasty they are.

 It's a joy to listen to... in private...without telling anybody ever.

7: Chris Jericho / Brian Pillman - California sun

"I like 'em hot, I like 'em cold // I like 'em young, I like 'em old // Blondes have more fun"

Speaking of recycled ideas from Hulk Rules. This song appeared on that album as Bad to the Bone, albeit with different lyrics.

Here, it crops up as a song called California Sun attributed to Chris Jericho, even though we all know it better as Blondes Have More Fun, Brian Pillman's song.

Pillman had already left WCW by this stage, so either there were plans for Jericho to use it, or Hart just wanted to get this song on the album and had to give it to a then-current WCW wrestler.

The song itself is, you know, OK, but it kind of sounds like the sort of thing that should be used for an early 90s sitcom about high school students, like if they did a Zach Morris spin-off, you could imagine this being the theme to it.

8: Diamond Dallas Page - Self High-Five 

"Load up on guns, bring your friends, it's fun to lose and to pretend "  "DDP, Tooo cool, etc, etc" 

Whether it was Rick Steiner's Welcome to the Jungle or Raven's Come As You Are, WCW were never shy about ever-so-slightly tweaking famous rock songs and passing them off as their own themes.

The most popular example of this, of course, is Diamond Dallas Page's version of the Nirvana classic, Smells Like Teen Spirit. 

In the age of the WWE Network, when Self High-Five has been dubbed over with something far more generic, there's a danger that this track will one day be forgotten about altogether.

Yet for those of us who lived through The Monday Night Wars this remains one of the most memorable themes of that era.

Hard, edgy and full of energy, there was nothing better for getting you absolutely fired up and ready to see DDP in action.

9: Konan - Konan's Theme 

"Aw yeah, and ya don't stop!"

Poor Konan. Whereas everyone else got a cool title for their theme song, he just got plain old Konan's Theme.

Still, there's nothing plain or old about this, it's actually a pretty good track and a surprise highlight of the album, featuring K-Dogg spitting his self-penned lyrics over a fairly solid hip hop number.

Like Heartbeat Away, the production values leave a lot to be desired here, but if you can overlook that, Konan's theme is good stuff.

10: Taskmaster - Taskmaster 

"haha! haha! mwahahaha! mwahahahahahahah!"

And so it finally comes down to this - two and a half minutes of maniacal laughter and creepy sounds that comes across like something you'd find playing in the background at a haunted house attraction.

It's an odd choice of track to include on this album since most of the others are actual songs whereas this is more atmospheric noise.

It's not bad, and it's perfectly suited for Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan and his Dungeon of Doom stable, but it's no American Males, that's for sure.

For a promotional merchandise item tied into a four-day tour headlined by Alex Wright, Christmas Brawl 1996 is a surprisingly good little release. OK, so a lot of the songs are kind of cheesy by today's standards, but this is an album that is was definitely of its time, and though it may not have aged well, it's still a lot of fun to listen to. 

I'm sorry, what I mean to say is...American Males, American Males, American...ah, you get it.

Thanks for reading. If you're looking for more pro wrestling album reviews, you might enjoy: 
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Thursday, 11 July 2019

PPV REVIEW: WCW Bash at the Beach 1999

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Event poster
July 11, 1999
National Car Rental Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

WCW's Bash at the Beach pay per view is always considered as something of a milestone here at Retro Pro Wrestling.

We didn't start covering WCW shows properly until Bash at the Beach 1996, the event made famous by Hulk Hogan turning heel to form the nWo.

That event kicked off the company's most successful run ever. It was a run that saw them dominate the competition. It was a run that saw them hold a legitimate claim to the title of 'Hottest Pro Wrestling Company in the World.'

It was a run that, by the time Bash at the Beach 1999 came around, was basically over.

By this point, the nWo was essentially nothing more than a jobber gang, the World Wrestling Federation had reclaimed their position atop the pro wrestling mountain, and Hogan himself was nowhere in sight.

What made things worse, is that recent shows like The Great American Bash 1999 had bombed, at least from a quality standpoint, thanks to questionable decisions like having a match ending by pre-recorded dog attack.

Still, there was always a chance that the company could at least put on a decent show every once in a while.

Was tonight's event one such show?

Let's head down to Florida to find out.

Separating the Men from The Boys

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Tony Schiavone & Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan
Tonight's show began with one of WCW's typically terrible opening video packages. This one highlighted the four men in tonight's main event; Macho Man Randy Savage, Sid Vicious, Sting, and WCW Champion Kevin Nash.

Savage and Sid would be teaming up to take on Sting and Nash in a tag team match. The video merely showed each man looking dangerous and dominant in clips that were quickly spliced together to the sound of some generic heavy metal music.

Honestly, the whole thing looked like some fan-made video a 14-year-old might post on YouTube.

With that out of the way, we went, as always, to the announce table where Tony Schiavone and Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan were waiting to welcome us.

Schiavone told us that a new twist had been added to tonight's tag team match.

If either Savage, Sid, or even Nash's own tag team partner Sting, could pin Nash tonight, they'd become the new champion. Trust WCW to make even a simple tag team match complicated and dumb.

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Mike Tenay ready for the Junkyard Battle Royal
If you're wondering why Iron Mike Tenay wasn't at the announce table, that's because he was down at the junkyard. We even got a handy graphic to tell us that's where he was in case the mountain of scrap cars just in case Schiavone saying "Mike Tenay is at the junkyard" didn't give it away.

We went to Tenay -via a quick hotline shill from Mean Gene Okerlund- next, and he told us all about tonight's upcoming Junkyard Hardcore Invitational Match in which a bunch of wrestlers would fight it out, with the winner being the first man to escape the junkyard.

I know this match has been largely derided online, but as someone who has never actually seen it, your writer is quite looking forward to that one.

Alas, we'll have to wait for that one as up first came Ernest 'The Cat' Miller and that ridiculous theme music he has on the WWE Network.

Ernest 'The Cat' Miller (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. Disco Inferno

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Ernest 'The Cat' Miller faced Disco Inferno
We normally cut Disco Inferno some slack around these parts. Though not the greatest wrestler in the world, he knew how to play the cowardly, deluded heel better than many, and it was usually this well-performed character that elevated his matches to some degree.

Here, however, he was playing the babyface against an Ernest Miller whose character sadly wasn't enough to hide his abysmal ring work.

As such, this one pretty much sucked.

Things started with Miller threatening to "whoop everybody" about fifty times and challenging Disco a dance contest before attacking the 70 throwbacks as he shook his booty.

From there, we got an uninspired match that had only one redeeming quality:

The fact that it eventually ended.

That ending came when The Cat put on his loaded red dancing shoe and kicked Disco upside the head while Sonny Onoo distracted the referee.
Your Winner: Ernest Miller

Out in the WCW Internet Location, boxing referee and Celebrity Death Match star Judge Mills Lane told Mark Madden that, as special guest referee, he would cut Rowdy Roddy Piper and Buff Bagwell some slack -but not a lot of slack- when the two met in a boxing match later on tonight.

World Championship Wrestling World Television Championship
WCW Television Champion Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Rick Steiner defended the TV title against Van Hammer
Prior to this one getting started, we were shown a video package which told us how Van Hammer got his title shot. Basically, he won a bunch of matches then asked WCW President Ric Flair for a title shot. Flair gave him a shot at Rick Steiner, and here we were.

For Steiner's part, he began the match by cutting a promo reminding us that he and brother Scott Steiner had reunited and claimed that the two were "running the show."

Once the bell rang, the whole thing turned into a hot pile of garbage. Steiner hit Van Hammer with such brutal offence that you actually felt bad for the challenger, especially when The Dog Faced Gremlin refused to sell any of his opponent's offence, including a chair to the face.

At one point, long-time veteran Ric Steiner apparently forgot how the rules of pro wrestling had worked for decades and tried to pin Hammer on the outside. It looked stupid and made everybody involved look stupid too.

When the referee refused to count the pin, Steiner simply no sold more offence and bullied his way to a win courtesy of a top rope bulldog.

Man, that was bad.
Your Winner and Still TV Champion: Rick Steiner

Before the next match, we went back to the hardcore junkyard, where Mike Tenay told us that they had no idea about who would be competing in tonight's match besides Hardcore Hak and Brian Knobs.

While I get that this was probably a kayfabe way of hyping the 'invitational' aspect of the match, it wouldn't surprise me at all if WCW legitimately had no idea who would be competing in one of the show's biggest matches.

Up next, David Flair: US Champion

World Championship Wrestling United States Championship
WCW United States Champion David Flair (w/ Tori Wilson, Ric Flair, Charles Robinson, Arn Anderson & Aysa) vs. Dean Malenko

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - United States Champion David Flair w/ Torrie Wilson
Flair had been handed the title by his father, Ric, and was defending it here against Dean Malenko in what was barely even a match.

Malenko basically wrestled himself for a minute before his entourage stormed the ring. Arn Anderson hit the spinebuster on the referee, Robinson donned a referees shirt, and Flair hit Malenko with the title belt as The Man of 1,000 Holds held Aysa in the Texas Cloverleaf.

One three count later and David Flair retained the title.

I've often said that I've never seen a bad Dean Malenko match, but this was about as close as you'll ever get to such a thing. Still, nobody could blame Malenko here. The booking and execution of this thing was utter garbage.
Your Winner and Still US Champion: David Flair

Afterwards, Anderson beat up on Malenko some more.

Eight Man Elimination Tag Team Match
West Texas Rednecks (Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, Bobby Duncum Jr., Kendal Windham) vs. No Limit Soldiers (WCW Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan,  SWOL and BA w/ Chase & 4x4)

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Curt Hennig of the West Texas Rednecks
Curt Hennig and the West Texas Rednecks were booked to be the heels here, even though half the crowd were singing along to their theme song, Rap is Crap.

Can you blame them, though? That tune was catchy.

Here, the group looked to settle their country vs. rap feud once and for all by locking up with Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan, Brad 'BA' Armstrong, and Master P's bodyguard, SWOL in an eight-man elimination match.

The weird role reversal thing continued once the match got underway as the heels were constantly booked to look like the underdogs, forever outnumbered by their opponents and almost constantly on the defence.

Still, the illogical booking aside, this turned out to be by far the best match on the show so far.

OK, so that's not exactly saying much given what we've already seen, but hey, at this point, I'll take whatever I can get.

Of course, the highlights all came courtesy of Rey Jr, who was undoubtedly the workhorse of his team and got all the biggest pops of the night by trading offence with Hennig, Barry Windham, Kendal Windham and Bobby Dunacum Jr.

He was also one of the last two men standing for his team, along with SWOL, finally eliminating sole-surviving West Texas Redneck Curt Hennig to win the match for the soldiers.
Your Winners: No Limit Soldiers (Rey Mysterio and SWOL remain as sole survivors)

Up next, ladies and gentlemen, we'd finally get to our junkyard match, but not before taking a breather so that Schiavone and Heenan could run down the rest of the card.

We also got a quick look back at how Hardcore Hak invited everyone to compete in his junkyard match.

Junkyard Hardcore Invitational Match
Featuring: Hardcore Hak, Brian Knobbs, Fit Finlay, Jerry Flynn, Public Enemy, Steven Regal, La Parka, Horace Hogan and others.

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Junkyard Battle Royal
Remember earlier, when I said I was actually looking forward to watching this one?

Yeah, man, was I ever disappointed.

Like almost everything on this show so far, the whole thing was terrible.

The action itself wasn't necessarily bad, although saying that, it might well have been. The match was so dark and poorly lit that you couldn't really see what was going on, or even who was involved.

It was like trying to watch the Doomsday Cage Match at Uncensored 1996 all over again, spending most of the time just trying to figure out what was happening.

Despite being Hak's match, he was shown on camera for all of a nanosecond, doing nothing more than staggering around on top of a car.

The rest of the wrestlers, including a returning Public Enemy, just kind of wandered around in the dark hitting each other with stuff for what seemed like an eternity until Fit Finlay finally escaped the junkyard to win the match.
Your Winner: Fit Finlay

"Man, what a great match," lied Bobby Heenan afterwards.

Up next, we got a look back at how the build-up to the upcoming tag team match pitting tag team champions The Jersey Triad against Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn.

World Championship Wrestling World Tag Team Champions
WCW Tag Team Champions The Jersey Triad (Chris Kanyon and Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Diamond Dallas Page) vs. Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Bam Bam Bigelow puts a hurtin' on Perry Saturn
Throughout this match I went back and forth on listing who the official participants were for The Jersey Triad until I realised that all three men were swapping in and out, basically making this a handicap match.

Despite the odds being against the challengers Benoit and Saturn held their own against Diamond Dallas Page, Kayon, and Bam Bam Bigelow in the early going before finally succumbing to the number's game.

The result was the best match on the card by a thousand miles, though to be honest, your writer was so burned out from all the garbage that went before it that I actually found myself less enthusiastic about this one as I'd like to be.

still, even with all your energy drained, there's no denying that the five men worked incredibly well together to produce a solid effort which ended with a win for the champions.
Your Winners and Still WCW Tag Team Champions: The Jersey Triad

Up next, we were taken back to Nitro, where Judge Mills Lane announced that he would be the special referee for the Piper/Bagwell boxing match.

"Next Sunday, let's get it on in California in Florida!" yelled Lane.

10-Round Boxing Match
Rowdy Roddy Piper (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Buff Bagwell (w/ Judy Bagwell)

Special referee: Judge Mills Lane

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Judy Bagwell accompanied her son Buff in a boxing match agianst Booker T
In The Great American Bash 1999 review, I said that Buff Bagwell was so popular that he could have easily enjoyed a solid main event run.

Then, he brought his mum out to be his second in this boxing match and all but killed any momentum he might have had.

The match itself was a far cry from Piper's boxing match with Mr T back at Wrestlemania 2. To be fair, I don't remember that being very good either, but at least it was more than a non-descript five minutes of nothing.

The end came when, in true WCW fashion, Buff Bagwell won a boxing match by pinfall.

Honestly, this f'n show.
Your Winner: Buff Bagwell

Finally, we got a look at the convoluted build-up to tonight's main event.

World Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Sid Vicious & Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ Gorgeous George, Miss Madness, and Madusa)

WCW Bash at the Beach 1999 - Macho Man Randy Savage, Gorgeous George, Sid Vicious
As Randy Savage and Sid Vicious made their way to the ring, Michael Buffer told us that the two cared little about title belts, which kind of made you wonder why they'd bother fighting for one in the first place.

Whether they wanted the title or not, Savage and Sid certainly battled like they did, taking the fight to Nash and Sting in a relatively average main event.

In the early going, Gorgeous George defected to the champion's corner, then stood by with Nash as Sting did most of the work for his team.

Predictably, George eventually turned on Nash, helping Savage to pin him and become our new WCW Champion.
Your Winner and NEW WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Macho Man Randy Savage

Savage celebrated his big win as this absolutely awful show went off the air.

You know, I've reviewed around 15 years' worth of pro wrestling shows on this blog so far, and I don't remember the last time I was more disappointed, frustrated, and downright miserable watching anything as much as I was watching Bash at the Beach 1999.

Though I'm sure I've reviewed worse shows in the past, I honestly can't think of any off the top of my head.

Only the tag team title match was any good on this one, but if you're anything like me, you might be so fed up by everything else on the card that you don't enjoy it as much as you otherwise could.

My advice? Go straight to that one match and avoid everything else that came before and after it.

Thank goodness there are only another 18 months or so worth of WCW pay per views to watch. I'm not sure I can take much more of this.

1999 events reviewed so far
Other WCW Bash at the Beach reviews
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Retro Pro Wrestling

New reviews of classic WWF/WWE events recalling every moment from Wrestlemania 1 - 30. You'll also find reviews of WCW, ECW, TNA and the occasional indie event, along with a look at old school magazines, merchandise and more.