Thursday, 28 September 2017

PPV REVIEW: TNA Destination-X 2009

TNA Destination X 2009
Sunday March 15th, 2009
Orlando, Florida.

This TNA review is from my archives. I'd found a bunch of old posts recently and decided to share them here on Retro Pro wrestling. 

By 2009, I had largely abandoned writing about TNA because their weekly Impact shows were becoming so infuriatingly awful. Yet where the company did usually come into their own was on PPV. As such, I decided to give them one more shot with Destination-X.

Man, was that ever a mistake.

Here’s what happened.

Six Woman Tag Match: Madison Rayne, Angelina Love & Velvet Sky vs. Roxxi, Taylor Wilde and The Governor.

The girls go at it in your straightforward women’s match which doesn’t take too long to get started, nor to finish.

Before your writer has time to stop wondering if there could possibly be a worse name for a female wrestler than The Governor, Taylor Wilde has a bridging German suplex on Madison Rayne and ultimately gets the win.
Your Winners: Roxxi, Taylor Wilde & The Governor.

There may be a lot wrong with TNA’s Knockouts division right now but, thankfully, that match isn’t one of them.

There is, however, a lot wrong with this next unsanctioned match.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young

Young answers and does his best to save a pretty sloppy match against that bloke off Gladiators.

Unfortunately for all of us, EY ain’t no miracle worker, and despite his best efforts, he still can’t help Magnus looking as though he’s completely lost out there.

In the end, Bruti hits Tormentum (which is still the worst-looking finisher in all of pro wrestling in this writer’s opinion!) for the three count.
Your Winner: Brutus Magnus

As we set up for the upcoming Match of 10,000 tags, Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out to provide a bit of a distraction.

To wrap up a segment which achieves absolute zilch, Jim Cornette appears, tells Bashir that nobody likes him and we’re done.

Match of 10,000 Tacks: ‘The Monster’ Abyss vs. ‘The Blueprint’ Matt Morgan

Despite the terrible moniker, this could have been a very good, brutal and bloody brawl. Instead, it was a standard big-man bout with the added ‘on a pole’ stipulation and some drawing pins.

Not surprisingly, Abyss absorbs the inevitable tack-bump and thus loses the bout.
Your Winner: ‘The Blueprint’ Matt Morgan

As a fan, no matter how much you defend pro wrestling, you’ll always have moments when pro wrestling will repay you by providing something so bad that you’re embarrassed to sit and watch it. And if you haven’t had one yet, you sure will if you watch this next segment.


One night With ODB Finals

It’s hard to explain this one properly without an abundance of cursing, but let’s try. Basically, ODB has been holding a contest in which one lucky-fan gets to spend the night with her.

The three finalists are TNA wrestler, Shark Boy (and yes, watching somebody called Shark Boy is usually embarrassing enough!), some old bloke and Cody Deaner, who’s actually signed a contract with TNA, so you know who’s won this one.

Jeremy Borash hams it up as a host of a ‘Blind Date’ like segment. In the end, the whole thing is decided by the most cringe-worthy dance contest ever. Deaner wins. End of.

And yeah, that was bad, but things don’t get any better just yet.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (champion) vs. Sojourner Bolt.

This is a disaster. OK, there have been worse matches, but it’s still pretty bad. Sojo comes across like she hasn’t a clue what she’s supposed to be doing when going on the offence, and even Kong isn’t all that on form.

Kong kills Sojo. Kong wins.
Your Winner and Still TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong. 

Hopefully, the in-ring return of Samoa Joe can pick things up a bit next.

Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner

TNA Destination X 2009: Samoa Joe faced Scott Steiner
Nope, it can’t.

Good Lord, Joe looks like some fat extra from a cruddy straight-to-DVD film about cannibals.

 It’s a far cry from the days when Joe was going to Kill you. Though, to be fair, in his new ‘look at me, I’m crazy violent’ gimmick, he is actually more likely to, you know, literally kill you.

For all intents and purposes, Scott Steiner is pretty much an after-thought in this match. He gets busted open in the early going then cracked with a lead pipe to win via disqualification.
Your Winner by disqualification: Scott Steiner.

In the post-match, Samoa Joe beats on Scott Steiner some more as they go into the crowd to finish a pretty naff match.

Then, after a quick promo from ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles, it’s on with his match.

TNA Legends Championship: Booker T (champion) vs. AJ Styles

TNA Destination X 2009: AJ Styles faced Booker T for the Legends Title
Hurrah! Finally, we get a quality match! Booker T stops being a lazy so-and-so and actually puts some effort in here, though it’s still AJ Styles who really makes this one stand out.

After all the pap on this card, Styles and Booker deliver the goods, and this one wraps up with a great finish culminating in AJ hitting the Styles Clash for the pin.
Your Winner and new TNA Legends Champion: AJ Styles

Before we get to the next match, we get the most ridiculous thing ever.

Backstage, Samoa Joe has gone banana. He’s got his big knife, and it’s got Scott Steiner’s blood on it. Next, he says, he’s going to go slice and dice the rest of the Main Event Mafia.

There’s so many things wrong with this that it would take an age to talk about, so let’s just shake our heads in disapproval and move on, shall we?

TNA Tag Team Title Off The Wagon Challenge Match: Beer Money Inc. (champions) vs. Team 3D

This could be a very good match were it not for the silly ‘Off the Wagon’ stipulation (which essentially means that should the challengers lose cleanly, they’re out of a job) and pointless, over-complicated booking.

All four men do what they do and do it well. The cowardly James Storm gets his team disqualified but Jim Cornette re-starts it, only for Beer Money Inc. to then get counted out.

Why bother?
Your Winners by Count-Out: Team 3D (Beer Money retain the titles)

If you were thinking of tuning out and this point and doing something productive instead, nobody could blame you.

That said, you would be missing out on one cracking match that comes next.

   

TNA X-Division Ultimate X Match: Alex Shelley (champion) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Suicide vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed

Now, this is what it’s all about! This is by far the best match of the night; a supreme spot-fest of the finest calibre.

It matches like these for which the chant That was Awesome! was coined.

If you want to see a match steeped in storytelling and that all-important ring psychology, there are better matches out there for you, but if you want to see a bunch of talented chaps doing some pretty cool stuff, check this one out.

This isn’t the best X-Division match ever, and there’s certainly room for improvement, but after such a shoddy show so far, it’s a much welcome relief.

In the end, Suicide performs a mad leap off the scaffold, grabs the X belt and is your new champ’.
Your Winner and New X-Division Champion: Suicide

That match was a lot of fun. Shame it resulted in a guy who looks like a wanker bagging the X strap.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (champion) vs. Kurt Angle

TNA Destination X 2009: Kurt Angle faced Sting for the TNA Title
This being TNA, we, of course, can’t have a straightforward singles match. Instead, we’ve got Jeff Jarrett as your Special Guest Referee and Mick Foley assuming his usual Special Guest Enforcer role (which means he’ll basically hang around until the ref’ gets taken out then make the final three count).

All the same, this transpires into a decent, if not superb, match with the usual shenanigans in the finish leading to Sting retaining.
Your Winner and Still TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Sting

No! No! No! Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling’s 2009 Destination X pay per view was bad. It was wrong, it was rubbish and, if I dare say it, it was crap.

The bulk of the undercard was littered with subpar performances made all the more unwatchable thanks to illogical booking and nonsensical gimmicks. When you’ve got a guy running around with a knife and expect people to cheer for him, you know you’ve got problems.

And trust me, TNA have got a lot of problems.

I'm slowly working my way through re-publishing all of my old TNA reviews from 2008 - 2009. For now, you can also read:
For more TNA, WCW, and WWE/WWF reviews follow Retro Pro Wrestling on Twitter or hit 'like' on the brand new Facebook page.

Thanks for reading.

   

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Retro Pro Wrestling

New reviews of classic WWF/WWE events recalling every moment from Wrestlemania 1 - 30. You'll also find reviews of WCW, ECW, TNA and the occasional indie event, along with a look at old school magazines, merchandise and more.